Tweet Of The Month

Ouch!

Post Title Of The Month

Longrider shoots, he scores:

Quote Of The Month

Bill Sticker's wife sums up our current predicament: 

"Mrs S has also been deriving great amusement of late from the old one liner; “What lasts longer? A gobstopper or a UK Prime Minister?” My money is on the gobstopper whilst Blue Labour, let’s face it, they’re not proper Tories, tie themselves in knots following the external intervention that sent the bond market into a tailspin."

Post Of The Month

Bucko analyses the 'Guardian' take on the political situation... 

And Wasn't He Entitled To..?

The sitting judge said he doubted Kerrie's version of events, however, noting that he 'armed himself quickly'.

As would I under the circumstances: 

Power had been drinking when he returned home at around 3am to discover his car had been damaged. He believed Kerrie had wrecked the car, and went to confront the teenager, according to The Mirror.The fisherman smashed the front window of the Kerrie home with a rock before entering through the front door. Kerrie told the police that he found a knife by the side of the bed and stabbed Power after his mother was attacked.

He defends himself from an intruder and yet is the one sent to jail..? 

After a four year trial nightmare where two murder trials failed to reach a verdict..?

Wow! And I thought the English justice system was poor...

Boo! Two!

Don't have nightmares... 😉

Boo!

*GROANS*

H/T: Jeremy Starmouse via Twitter

Sunday Funnies...

Well, 'tis the season, and all that! Don't have nightmares...

See? It Can Be Done...

A police chief who took a 'back to basics' approach with the failing Greater Manchester Police force has helped the organisation out of special measures after 18 months at the helm.

Impressive! 

Stephen Watson, regarded as an 'old school' chief who pitched himself as 'anti-woke' when he joined GMP, had blamed a 'failure of senior leadership' for its problems and promised a 'dialled up muscularity' in his approach to crime.

Since Mr Watson's takeover, 999 call answer times have been cut from an average of one minute 22 seconds to seven seconds, response times have been reduced and arrests have increased by 60 per cent.

And he's not resting on his laurels, either... 

'I look forward to sustaining GMP's march forward and for us to continue to make our region a safer place to live, work and visit.' The force will be inspected again during 2023.

Something other forces need to look to. And the Home Office needs to back them to do so.  

His Own Mother Couldn't Recognise Him From That...

British Transport Police have released an image of the man who is wanted in connection with two assaults that happened on the London Underground today. The man was first seen assaulting another man at Baker Street Station around 11.50am.He was then seen shortly after midday at Finchley Road station where he pushed another man onto the tracks.

Neither of the victims were seriously injured from the attacks. Detectives believe the suspect was not known to either victim.

 What was it filmed on, a potato?

Detective Inspector Paul Watts, said: 'If you see someone matching this image...'

If I see someone 'matching this image', it'll be because my glasses have steamed up, Paul... 

Liars Love New Opportunities...

...and the grooming scandals have provided just that, haven't they?

She alleged in 2018 Mr Ramzan suggested she travel to Amsterdam, where he put her to work in a brothel and then sold her at auction for €25,000, although she was allowed to come home when the buyer could not make the payment. The court heard that when police made inquiries into Mr Ramzan's whereabouts at the time of the alleged trip, they discovered a 'more mundane' story.

Mr Sandiford said: 'They found his phone did not leave Barrow on those few days. 'They looked at his bank cards and in fact, instead of acting as an international human trafficker in Amsterdam, he was buying things in B&Q Barrow and filling his car with petrol in Asda.'

Amazingly, the police appear to have done actual investigative work in this case, rather than simply arresting the accused entirely on her say-so and retiring to the canteen for breakfast... 

Williams denies seven counts of doing acts tending and intended to pervert the course of justice. Her trial, which opened on Tuesday, is expected to last up to 10 weeks.

Why? Why must we spend yet more money on this? 

10 whole weeks of taxpayer expense that could be avoided if the police just told these women to do one when they waltzed in the station?

Is That Supposed To Be Reassuring?

A 46-year-old man is believed to have picked up a knife from the shelves in the supermarket and then started randomly stabbing people. He has been arrested and taken into police custody. The motive for the attacks was unknown.

Italian authorities said there were no elements to suggest terrorism, LaPresse reported.

"It's ok, folks, it's probably just mental illness. Everyone go about your business...except the dead and hospitalised, of course." 

Would it have even made headlines over here, if a footballer hadn't been one of the victims?

One To Watch...

Asked if he felt it was a good outcome from the court case, he said: “To be honest, I would have liked the dog to be put down, it’s a dangerous dog and it’s going to kill someone at some point, so that’s my feeling on it.

“But that’s not what happened and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

It seems there's nothing the justice system can do about it, either. Despite the fact it's already had its 'one bite':  

It wasn’t the first time the dog had attacked Mr Thompson's pet as Jabba had allegedly attacked his pet a month before.

What more can he do?  

Sam Scully was charged with being in the care of a dog that was dangerously out of control and was fined £200. The pet has been issued a delayed destruction order.

That delay could cost a pet - or a person - its life.  

Suddenly, Labour Know What A Woman Is After All...

Well done, Anneliese! Now there's no excuse when one of your MPs is asked to define one, eh?

Another Case Of 'No Humans Involved'...

Police confirmed one man, a musician of Somali heritage known by his street name 'Giddy' and who boasted of killing members of a rival gang, was found dead inside a property in Henley Road, Ilford at midnight on Tuesday.

Music videos shared by the rapper on his social media pages and across YouTube detail ferocious attacks on members of Manor Park - a separate Newham-based gang that has been embroiled in turf wars for many years.

Also another case of 'live by the sword...'. 

Shouldn't His First Priority Be...

...the country for which he's now Prime Minister..?

Both of Sunak's predecessors Boris Johnson and Liz Truss had vocally promised full support to war-torn Ukraine and on Tuesday evening the new Prime Minister said the UK's support would be as 'strong as ever' under his leadership.

Calling it a 'privilege' to speak to Mr Zelensky, who had earlier sent him congratulations, Mr Sunak tweeted: 'Both he and the Ukrainian people can count on the UK's continued solidarity and support.

'We will always stand with Ukraine.'

How nice... 

Sounds Like A Great Idea...

Nicole Pisani, co-founder of Chefs in Schools, says that of the 58 schools working with the school food transformation charity, half joined in the last two years.

“Education around food is one of the most important things we can invest in and it’s quite incredible what schools are doing now,” she said.

“We have a broken food system but we can’t change what kids eat unless you educate them, and the dining hall is a classroom where children can be educated through being intrigued and excited.”

...and then, the bugs? 

It’s the squid and the vegetables that have most amazed and delighted pupils at Mandeville primary in east London. The squid because, well, it’s squid – and the vegetables because, as the headteacher, Louise Nichols, said: “Many of our families live on housing estates without any outside space, so they don’t see food being grown and have no idea how it happens or what healthy, natural food even is.

“But how can they grow to be healthy adults unless they’ve learned what vegetables look like in a natural state and how to turn them into soup?” she asked. “They need to handle fresh, raw fish then learn how to love eating it. They need to know how to bake their own bread.”

Oh, there'll be no squid for you, kiddiewinks! 

I Thought The 'SO' Bit Stood For 'Support Officer'...

...not 'Sex Offender':

A community police support officer asked a woman when she last had sex after she called up to complain about a noisy neighbour.

Kent PCSO Thomas Daley, 49, told the woman he was married but did not have sex with his wife after she made the routine call in 2020.

*sighs* 

‘You chose to do what you did because I was vulnerable. You don’t deserve to be in a position that is there to protect people.’

Daley has since resigned as a PCSO and now works as a security guard.

Who'd hire him?!? 

Daley was sentenced to eight months’ imprisonment suspended for two years, during which time he must carry out 150 hours unpaid work in the community. He must also attend 20 days of rehabilitation activity.

What a waste of money that will be... 

Oh, If Only That Were True..!

Just imagine if it really was like that - you'd get through straight away, no failed SS guards on the front desk to block you or try to tell you what vehicle you really needed. 

You'd be kept in touch up to the minute on when you'd be seen, and by whom. 

Your appointments would all be logged, every interaction would be available at the touch of a button, every GP would have full details, nothing would be lost.  

You'd pay only for what you use, not for all those others who don't pay into the health system, but take out in increasing amounts.

Seeing a GP should not be like booking an Uber with a driver you are unlikely to see again, the MPs said.

Who cares about that? The current issue is being able to see them at all...

 

Why On Earth Not..?

An XL Bully which mauled a professional dog walker after he was believed to have collapsed and died in a park has been destroyed by police, it was revealed today.

Ian 'Wiggy' Symes, 34, who is understood to have been walking the controversial breed himself at a recreation ground in Fareham, Hampshire, died at the scene following the horrific attack.

And the owner of this hellbeast could face 14 years in jail, right? 

Hampshire Police had previously arrested a 20 year-old man from Fareham on suspicion of being the owner of a dog dangerously out of control causing injury resulting in death. But the police, who put down the XL Bully today, revealed the 20-year-old had been released without charge. The force said that they had completed their investigation into his death and would not be pursuing a criminal case.

What, why not? A man's dead! FFS! Is it too much trouble? 

What's to stop him getting another one? And you having to send armed officers to another scene of horror? And what's the betting this latest hellbeast, which at the time of writing the police would not comment on breed, is yet another XL bully?

Ouch!

Matt does it again...

Even The Rain Has Had Enough!

And who could blame it?

H/T: Dave Ward via email

Sunday Funnies...

Yay, we're number one, thanks to mad medievalists!

"You just stand there looking cute, and when something moves, you shoot!"

A British woman has died after being fatally shot by her companion during a wild boar hunt in north-western France.

Was she excessively hairy? Very short and with a wicked temper?

Citing the release, Le Télégramme newspaper says the hunting party were crossing a cornfield when the woman was shot by her companion. The release added that a 69-year-old man, in "circumstances yet to be determined", fired his rifle "with the barrel pointing towards the back".

/facepalm

It's not exactly the first time, either, so perhaps Tom Lehrer was being a little unkind towards his countrymen there... 

The 'Woke Parents Of The Year' Award For 2022 Is In The Bag...

A 24-year-old woman from Algeria with a history of psychiatric disorders was last week charged with the rape and murder last week of the girl, identified only as “Lola”.

Investigators have learned that the woman had overstayed a student visa and in August had received notice to leave France within 30 days.

Conservative and far-right parties have accused President Emmanuel Macron’s government of failing to enforce immigration laws, saying strict application of deportation orders could have prevented the child’s death.

And are they wrong? Reader, no-one could possibly conclude that. Could they? 

But Lola’s parents, who met Macron this week, have pleaded with politicians to stop exploiting their daughter’s death, after her photo was displayed at a far-right demonstration in Paris on Thursday.

They asked that “any use of the name and image of their child for political ends immediately cease and be removed” from the internet and in protests, their lawyers said.

The request was made so they could “honour the memory of their child in peace, respect and dignity”.

I have no words... 

Now, That's A Community!

Omar Awada, 47, said: “He tried to run away but the local guys managed to catch him and they beat him until the police came.

“It was like Tom And Jerry, they were on him right and left, the guys”, Mr Awada said.

A shoplifter? A phone thief? 

One man, said to have knocked the alleged attacker down with a bicycle, was described as a “hero” by a witness. The witness, who did not want to be identified, said: “We heard screaming, we came out, the guy had a knife, he was stabbing the woman repeatedly, maybe five or six times.

“They used anything in their hands to stop him.

“When people chased him he tried to escape and scare people with the knife, but we had one hero who put him down on the ground. He hit him with his bike.”

Good going! Finally, people are realising that 'leave it to the police' isn't a viable strategy anymore. 

I Guess It's A Start...

Four e-scooters have been seized near Great Yarmouth as part of an operation to tackle anti-social behaviour in the area.

Great Yarmouth Police tweeted just after 9pm on Thursday (October 6) that four e-scooters had been seized after riders were found without insurance and a driving licence.

The crackdown - which is named Operation Wiseman 22 - is part of a drive to solve anti-social behaviour, the use of e-scooters and drug usage in the Bradwell area.

Only a few hundred thousand to go... 

H/T: Dave Ward via email

You're Too Popular For Our Popularity Contest...

New Zealand’s annual bird of the year competition could usher in another round of controversy, with perennial favourite the kākāpō struck from the ballot after twice winning the competition.

Wait, what? I know New Zealand is fast becoming the most picturesque open air insane asylum, thanks to its bonkers premier, but c'mon!  

This year, however, it will be conspicuously absent, amid concerns that its continued dominance could divert the spotlight from less charismatic candidates.

 It's so popular, they want to ensure it doesn't win again. 

“No, not banned from entry. It’s a hiatus. It’s definitely not a lifetime ban,” Forest & Bird spokesperson Ellen Rykers said.

“You know, if the same bird keeps winning every year, that might make it not so interesting.”

Rykers said in an earlier statement that “Of course, the election remains fundamentally democratic”, adding that the competition was hoping “to channel … love to some of our feathered friends that may be overshadowed by their flashier, chonkier or louder cousins”.

I really think you need to look up the word 'democratic'. I don't think it means what you think it means... 

Organisers are attempting to boost the profile of less glamorous birds – dubbed “underbirds” – that usually get negligible votes. Candidates in this category, including the grey duck and shore plover will be highlighted on the online ballot, in an attempt to spark underdog sympathies among voters.

Who knew the modern mantra of 'prizes for all!' now extended to our feathered friends? 

"We Go Live Now To The Tory Chief Whip For A Statement..."

C'mon, someone needs to put a stake through the heart of this monster before Hallowe'en...

"...at that stage, we believed in the justice system and that somebody would be held responsible for supplying her.’"

Sandra now knew that her daughter had returned to the university halls with flatmate Kavir Kalliecharan to collect her ID, which she’d forgotten. Together, they took ketamine in his room. When police were called after her lifeless body was found at 5am, sniffer dogs discovered weighing scales, zip-lock bags, a vapouriser, cannabis grinder and three types of drug — ketamine, cannabis and MDMA — in his room.

The son of an associate professor in health policy at Leeds University, he was arrested and led from the block in handcuffs. Sandra thought they’d throw the book at him.

Reader, they did not:

But, as his trial approached last year, she learned he was pleading guilty to three counts of possession. He was not charged with supplying ketamine to Jeni or manslaughter. Instead, Sandra heard on a video link to his trial, he was accusing Jeni of providing the ketamine.

Because a naive girl from rural Northern Ireland would know where to score on her first night at university, wouldn't she? Did she supply all the paraphenalia too? 

Magistrates gave Kalliecharan a two-year conditional discharge in June last year and he was ordered to pay £85 costs and a paltry £21 victim surcharge.

Piling insult on top of heartbreak.  

The coroner’s ruling this week that the ketamine had been supplied by ‘another’ was a victory of sorts.

A hollow one. 

More Like Vultures...

One asylum seeker staying at a seafront hotel in Paignton claims they are “living like chickens” on meals of a “handful of rice” three times a day.

Oh, really? And why should anyone take any notice of criminals? Who are probably being fed better than other criminals in jails here: 

The operator of the hotel denies the claims...(and) said residents can get their evening meal outside the set time of 6pm to 8pm, and there is an unlimited supply of fruit and snacks, such as bread and jam, available all day.

There's pensioners freezing in cold homes who'd love to have unlimited free snacks all day. And of course, that's not all, is it?

The asylum seekers are entitled to healthcare and children can go to school or college.

Of course, if they hadn't paid people smugglers to get them here, they could eat pretty well in France... 

H/T: IanJ via email

'Eppur si muove...'

A retired biomedical scientist who posted 'only women have a cervix' has been booted from the profession after a tribunal ruled he was 'inflaming gender discrimination'.

Blood expert Malcolm Needs was accused of uploading a string of social media posts that a disciplinary panel found were ‘seriously offensive and discreditable’.

You've 'booted someone from a profession' that he no longer works in..? What uttely pointless grandstanding...

What did he say that so enraged you that you felt you needed to waste your own time like this? What awful, beyond-the-pale opinions did he hold that were so very different from the man on the Clapham omnibus, that made you decide to show yourselves up as irrelevant woke authoritarians??

One of the now-deleted posts he was punished for sharing said: 'Only women have a cervix. There, I said it, it’s not difficult. Women also have a right to women-only spaces. Speaking up in defence of women’s rights doesn’t mean we can’t respect how others wish to live their lives.'

Awful! 

While in another post, the pension targeted migrants crossing the Channel, tweeting: 'And make them pay, like they paid the people smugglers to come over in the first place, and give our own taxpayers a rest”

Heresey! 

Several social media posts disparaged the Black Lives Matter movement...

Someone stop him! 

Oh, wait. You can't.

But a defiant Needs refused to attend the Health and Care Professions Tribunal Service (HCPTS) disciplinary hearing. 

Needs, now of South Devon, ‘voluntarily absented himself’ from the disciplinary hearing by sending an email telling the tribunal that he was ‘happily retired’.

Well, quite. It's a wonder he didn't tell them where to shove their pointless Star Tribunal summons and exactly how far up they could shove it... 

The HCPTS hearing was told that a senior biomedical scientist at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine alerted regulators to Needs’ tweets.

And now every other biomedical scientist will be wondering who it is who thinks freedom of speech shouldn't exist for them... 

Have You Considered Snipers?

Dartford Bridge will stay closed during rush hour this morning, police say, more than 24 hours after two eco-zealots ascended two 275ft masts and dangled over the M25. No officers have been sent to get them down due to 'safety' concerns.

Why do they need to, just pick them off. It's what should always be done with terrorists... 

Furious drivers have blasted the police's response, saying they were 'playing into the hands' of eco activists by shutting the bridge - with Just Stop Oil claiming the bridge will be shut for 'at least 24 hours'.

When is the government going to get a gr... 

Oh. Right. I forgot. We don't have a government, do we?

If The Police Try This With Every Venue Where Crime Happens....

...cities will be empty:

Two men have been arrested on suspicion of rape at a top London restaurant that was a favourite of Prince Philip and has hosted celebrities and politicians for decades.

So far, so 'ho hum'. But wait! 

Police officers said ‘drugs were involved’ in the alleged incident and have made an application for Elysee Greek restaurant and nightclub to be shut down.

*blinks* 

A licensing committee heard that two members of the family that runs the venue have been ‘banned permanently from access to the premises’ but did not say why.

Curiouser and curiouser! 

Councillors decided to suspend Elysee’s licence for six weeks after an extraordinary four-hour hearing, mostly held in secret last Tuesday.

The committee panel heard evidence behind closed doors after the Metropolitan Police asked for it to be held in private. At the end of the meeting, committee chairman Gio Spinella said two members of the Karageorgis family that runs the venue were ‘banned permanently from access to the premises’. But he said the panel had decided against revoking the licence permanently to give the restaurant ‘one final chance’.

Wonder if this will stop the police from bringing such a ridiculous action next time?  

Should Have Been Like Caesar's Wife, Azeem...

The ECB are set to investigate allegations that Azeem Rafiq used anti-Semitic and homophobic language during his playing career, which could lead to the former Yorkshire spinner being put on another misconduct charge.

Sportsmail published explosive claims about Rafiq on Thursday from former team-mates and opponents, who claim the anti-racism campaigner abused players with the words 'Jew' and 'f****t', as well as fat-shaming children when coaching at Barnsley Cricket Club.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear...

The 31-year-old denies all the allegations and has claimed they are part of a smear campaign designed to undermine him.

Sure they are... 😏

And Headline Writers Should Check Spelling Before Hitting 'Publish'...

...shouldn't they, 'Mail'?

Well, Where Was It...?

London? Or Liverpool?

Sunday Funnies...

The military - endlessly inventive!

Mess With The Bull, And What Do You Get, Senor?

Terrifying video footage shows an avid Mexican hunter being gored by a buffalo before he died at a hospital during a hunting trip in the central Argentine city of Entre Ríos.

I was expecting this to be a water buffalo, but no, it's clearly an African cape buffalo. The animal known as a member of the big five of Africa, and with a legendary reputation as dangerous game.

Not something I'd expect to see in Argentina...    

The Entre Ríos prosecutor’s office opened an investigation into the incident and interviewed the three friends who traveled with Canales for the hunting excursion. While hunting is legal, it is against the law to kill a buffalo because it is a wildlife animal.

Wait, what..? 

Maybe They Should Have Got Behind Her Then...

...and not just to get a better aim at her back. I'm seeing the end of the 'Conservative' Party here, because it simply no longer contains any conservatives. Your political choice now seems to consist of two soft left parties, both in thrall to professional agitators and the media, and one lunatic fringe party. 

I've always voted, because I believe that not to vote is a waste of the sacrifice people made to give it me, but by God, I'm hard pushed to justify voting for any of these cretins the next time. 

Oh, Spare Us The Bullshit!

The dogs who mauled a five-month-old boy and a two-year-old girl to death and gravely injured their mother had never shown aggression before, according to the victim's best friend.

Oh, sure, it's an oft repeated refrain in these cases. 

It is unknown why the pets suddenly became aggressive.

Is it? Is it really? What were they, anyway? 

The Shelby County Sheriff's Office confirmed to DailyMail.com on Thursday that the pit bulls are currently in possession of animal control.

QED. 

It is unclear if any criminal charges will follow.

What would be the point? You can't educate the people that idolise these things.  

I Know We Have To Avoid Disability Discrimination In The Workplace...

...but surely we aren't hiring blind Border Force staff?

A migrant who came to the UK by boat....

Whoa, let me stop you there! 

'Migrants who arrive by boat' do so with passports and visas in hand, via Stena Lines or P&O. They don't come ashore in Kent via dinghy, having conveniently lost all their documentation. Start calling these what they are - illegal immigrants. 

....and claimed to be a child so he could stay is actually in his mid-20s, and even joined an over-30s dating group, before he was caught out by his grey hairs and stubble.

There is no way in hell anyone could claim to have thought this man was 16 years old. No way.  

Aria Ibrahimi, who is now believed to be 25, posed as a 16-year-old and got taken into care by Kent County Council as a minor before social workers' suspicions began to grow.

/facepalm 

Questions For Merseyside Police, Or Not..?

The tragedy comes after Ms Dunn required hospital treatment in August last year after suffering a number of bites from a large dog, resulting in non-life-threatening injuries, The Liverpool Echo reported.

It is unclear if the dog that attacked her last summer was involved in her death.

So, it was known that dangerous dogs were kept at the premises? 

A spokeswoman for Merseyside Police said the investigation team could not comment on whether the August 2021 attack is part of their enquiries.

Why? Are they too busy wiping any evidence of a previous incident from their databases? 

Great, Well Done, Now Give Them The Will To Use Them...

After ambulances and fire engines struggled to get through, Number 10 said any disruption to the emergency services' work is 'unacceptable'.

The Prime Minister's official spokesman said: 'These sorts of protests that disrupt peoples' daily lives or, indeed, can stop our emergency services from potentially saving lives are unacceptable.

'That's why we've already toughened powers for the police, we've given them new powers to act and we are also taking further powers through the House at the moment to ensure they can go even further in preventing these individuals from disrupting peoples' lives.'

Fantastic news, but as we've seen with the Dangerous Dogs Act, beefing up the powers available is worthless when they lack the work ethic to actually use them...

...commissioner Sir Mark Rowley told the London Assembly Police and Crime Committee that officers have to wait until protests are deemed to meet a legal threshold of causing major disruption before they can be shut down.

His officers are in touch with Transport for London, local councils and the emergency services several times per day to check the level of disruption caused. Sir Mark said: 'Over the last 11 days, all of those partners have been of a view that it doesn't cause serious disruption.'

Said, no doubt, by people sitting in cozy air-conditioned offices, and not out on the streets trying to get a fire engine, ambulance or delivery vehicle through traffic... 

Maybe The 'NIMBYs' Have A Point..?

Residents have branded a decision to green-light plans for a 78-home estate “ridiculous” - amid fears Herne Bay will be flooded with new developments.

Authority officials say the scheme “would not have an adverse impact on the living conditions of neighbouring properties”. But local Billie Moore is concerned the town’s infrastructure will be put under strain by it and the 1,000 other homes earmarked for land nearby.

“It’s unbelievable,” she said.“Herne Bay has grown a lot already, but there are no more schools, doctors, dentists.” Labelling the decision shocking, resident Nicky Biggs predicts “we do not have the infrastructure to cope with these additional houses”.

The same situation is replicated everywhere - houses and flats crammed onto every available space, and no uplift in the infrastructure needed to support such a massive influx...

And it shows no sign of stopping: 

Stonebond also wants to build 160 properties on a 14-acre field called Northwood, while 572 will eventually be erected on Redrow’s former golf course development. And 800 more will be sited at Strode Farm.

How can this possibly be sustainable? What's the point in continual housebuilding with no thought to what will sustain this population growth? Has no-one ever played 'Sim City'? 

Bosses from Stonebond insist they are “meeting the authority’s expectations” on contributions to infrastructure in the wider area. And city council officers stress Kent County Council has requested “financial contributions towards secondary education, community learning, youth service, libraries and social care” in the town.

'Financial contributions' won't make schools and hospitals bigger and able to cope with demand, will they? What does the council say? 

Responding to concerns surrounding the project, a spokesman for Stonebond said: “We engaged with local stakeholders and the community throughout the planning process, addressing specific concerns they had,” a spokesman said. “As a result of those conversations, we’re improving the existing pedestrian walking route along Bullockstone Road.

“Additionally, sustainable drainage measures will be used to mitigate any potential increase of flood risk.”

*sighs* 

All The Technology In The World Won't Help...

Police took three days to find the missing body of an 85-year-old man in his car​...

Yeah, Police Scotland does have a reputation for this, after all. 

...that had automatically called 999 when he crashed.

Wait, what? You couldn't make it up, could you?

Why Not? Isn't It Your Actual JOB?!?

He said: “They held us all in bed and shouted ‘show us your hands, show us your hands’ and that was when they asked us how long we’d lived there. “I told them we’d only moved in three weeks ago and very quickly they were like ‘oh…have you got any ID?’

“We all showed them our IDs and then they realised they had the wrong people, they started sort of chuckling about it.”

You'd think they'd be embarrased and apologetic, wouldn't you? If you were living in a cave watching only reruns of 'Dixon Of Dock Green', that is... 

Ollie was then asked if he had any drugs in his room, to which he replied yes, his privately prescribed cannabis for mental health purposes. He said the officer questioned whether his prescription was legitimate. Ollie lodged a formal complaint to Sussex Police about the raid and the querying over his medical cannabis.

So having bust in to the wrong address, they decided to compound that by going on a fishing expedition?!? 

The force sent a formal letter to Ollie confirming they were not pursuing the issue due to the small amount found.

Oh, not because they screwed up again and it was legal. Say, why didn't they know that, anyway? 

The letter also said: “I am afraid that police officers cannot be expected to know about every aspect of every law which affects UK citizens.”

*blinks* 

Easy to See Where She Gets Them From...

Pattyson and his partner were called to collect the student due to behavioural problems.

And they apologised to the headmaster and took their errant child home for a stern talking to, yes? 

Well...

Shaun Pattyson, 27, knocked victim Robert Swindells to the ground at Chesterton Community Sports College before the prosecution allege he punched and kicked him.

Magistrates adjourned the case and next month Pattyson will learn his fate at North Staffordshire Justice Centre.

It shouldn't take them long... 

Emma Thompson, prosecuting, said the headteacher had worked at the school for 25 years and has been head for ten years, StokeonTrentLive reports. She said Chesterton Community Sports College had been experiencing issues with the girl for some time, including swearing at teachers.

The student's parents were called in on May 9. Miss Thompson added: "The headteacher had a conversation with the child's mum on the phone and she said she would come immediately to collect the child. The child went to the front entrance and began being rude. Within ten minutes the child's parents arrived.

"The mother approached the front entrance and shouted at the child to get a phone. The child went to collect the phone.

"The defendant appeared and squared up to the headteacher. The headteacher could not remember what he said to him but the defendant was swearing at him before head-butting him. It connected with the right side of his face just below his right eye. He immediately fell to the floor as a result of the headbutt. He felt the defendant kicked and punched him for approximately ten seconds."

The defendant made full admissions when interviewed by police. Miss Thompson said: "He said he headbutted the headteacher. He was shown the CCTV and admitted it was him head-butting, punching and kicking the victim. He said he believed the headteacher was a bully and that is why he assaulted him."

Open and shut, surely? 

Pattyson, of Brewester Road, Bucknall, admitted common assault. Representing himself, the defendant said: "I'll admit to head-butting him because I did. I admit to punching him. I did not kick him. If this is on CCTV, show it to prove I did not kick him."

Might as well take the kid out of school, anything bred by these two isn't going to learn anything anyway... 

Praise Where It's Due...

...something I never thought I'd say about Basildon Council!

Basildon Council has rejected a “ridiculous” language guide which calls for local authorities to not to call parents “mother” or “father” but “birthing parent”.

Hurrah!  

The 18-long page guide, which was sent to councils across the country by the Local Government Association (LGA) this week, urges councils to avoid terms such as “disabled”, “second generation”, “economic migrant”, and “homeless,” according to a report in The Sun. The Inclusive Language Guide aims to help councils identify and use language which demonstrates "equality, diversity, and inclusion".

The mayor was pretty forthright: 

Basildon councillor Luke Mackenzie labelled the guide “ridiculous” as he confirmed the authority would be ignoring its suggestions.

The Basildon mayor said: “It’s absurd to suggest the words mother and father can be offensive. Those are identities that most people identify with, and I think we need to stand up for traditional family values.

He added: “The LGA, which is taxpayer funded, has bigger and more important things to be focused on, particularly council budgets, energy bills, and such.

“Their time would be better spent on actual meaningful policy to help councils meet those challenges.”

Well, quite! If only other councils had as much gumption.  

Bosses at Southend Council shied away from declaring if they will follow the guidelines, but councillor Martin Terry, responsible for public protection, says it is a good thing to use “diverse and non-offensive” language.

Why? 

"Don't Blame Us, She Made Us Do It!"

An Essex woman made 10 false rape claims against two men leading to 60 police investigations - which eventually found that the men were not in the area at the time.

'Eventually..?

Cathy Richardson, 35, from Westcliff, made a series of allegations against two men between January and May 2021, and has now been sentenced to more than five years in prison.

Essex Police bosses have slammed her actions, which they say had a 'huge impact' on the lives of the men she accused and resulted in wasted police time and resources.

You caused that! You wasted your own time and resources, and why? Because no matter how many times this happens, you cleave to a discredited policy: 

Detective Inspector James Holmes, who led the investigation, said: 'Whenever an allegation of rape or sexual assault comes to us, our starting point is to believe the person making that claim.'

Still, you've learned your lesson now. Right? 

'I sincerely hope this case does not put off victims of rape and sexual assault, who really need our help, from reporting offences to us.

I want to reassure you that you will be believed, we will support you, and we will investigate what has happened.'

/facepalm 

Are We Sure She Didn't Have Them The Wrong Way Round?

Like the 'Mail' subeditor presumably wears his spellchecker....

A Bit Of A Sticky Situation, I Guess?

*sighs*

Sunday Funnies...

TV shows lie to us just like the movies? Whodathunkit?

"You couldn’t believe it was happening, it was like something from Line of Duty"

If so, it was the scriptwriter's day off:

A man armed with a ‘sword-like weapon’ was shot dead outside a police station yesterday.

He was gunned down after breaching a secure car park and smashing the windows of parked vehicles.

So much for 'secure car park'... 

Six shots were heard by Mark Baxter, who works at a nearby motor firm.

‘I was in reception with my colleague when there was suddenly a series of bangs,’ said the 59-year-old.

‘We looked at each other and knew instantly it wasn’t a car backfiring. There were two sharp blasts, two shots afterwards, a little delay and then two more shots.

‘We went outside and a lot of police officers were there. We saw there was someone on the ground with a guy stood over him with a gun, a police officer with a rifle and then they shut the road off.’

 So much for 'marksmen'...

Derbyshire Constabulary said armed officers were called to the scene after a man was seen ‘armed with a knife in the secure car park’ of the police station.

A spokesman added: ‘A police firearm was discharged. The man, whose identity is unknown, sustained a gunshot injury and East Midlands Ambulance Service were requested to attend.’

So much for accuracy... 

Oh, Suddenly, It's An Emergency..?

The mayor of New York, Eric Adams, on Friday declared a state of emergency...

Oh, weather related? They get some bad storms ov...

Wait! 

...amid an influx of migrants sent to the city by the Republican governor of Texas.

Ha ha ha ha ha! Wait, wait, I'm missing something.

 Ah, there it is!

“There was never any agreement to take on the job of supporting thousands of asylum seekers,” Adams said on Friday.

Yeah, there was - you just thought it would fall on your political enemies. 

“This responsibility was simply handed to us without warning as buses began showing up. There is no playbook for this, no precedent.”

Yeah, there is - Texas, where they stream over the border in their tens of thousands.  

In a New York Post column in August, Abbott accused Adams of hypocrisy over border policy.

“Adams talked the talk about being a sanctuary city – welcoming illegal immigrants into the Big Apple with warm hospitality,” the Republican wrote. “Talk is cheap. When pressed into fulfilling such ill-considered policies, he wants to condemn anyone who is pressing him to walk the walk.”

Delicious! 

How Many More Failures Of The Mental Health System Can We Stand?

A man has been jailed for life after carrying out a machete attack on a random commuter on a tube train in London.

No, not an incident of gang violence this time. The 'random commuter' tells us what we're dealing with here...

Morgan denied attempted murder on grounds of insanity but was found guilty by a jury at the Old Bailey in May.

It's now September. I guess the usual 'reports' had to be provided... 

Despite attending the trial, Porritt said he still had unanswered questions and was left feeling unsafe. As a result of his injuries, he can no longer sign his own name or do sports he used to enjoy.

“This is not fair; I do not deserve this,” he said. “This should not have happened to me.”

No, it shouldn't. But when someone snaps suddenly and without any warn... 

The court heard that Morgan had a history of low-level violence dating back to the age of 13.

*sighs* 

How 'low-level' are we talking about here...? 

He had 26 previous convictions for 58 offences, including discharging a sawn-off shotgun into a private house.

*blinks* 

Well, at least the defence can't make him out to be the victim here for o...

In mitigation, Warwick Aleeson acknowledged Porritt’s “deeply moving” statement and said the offences were likely to have come about as a result of Morgan’s “profound and serious undiagnosed schizophrenia”.

On Morgan’s willingness to seek treatment, the barrister said: “Ricky Morgan does not wish to be the terrified, deluded creature living in a room he had barricaded from the outside world, believing attackers were going to kill him.”

*throws hands in the air* 

Lessons In UK Justice, Perhaps?

A night porter smashed up the hotel where he worked causing damage of nearly £100,000 as he wanted to "teach the owners a lesson", a court heard.

And now the court will teach him one, right? Wrong:

The judge handed him a 16-month jail term, suspended for 18 months and ordered him to pay £250 in court costs.

So, there you are, folks, angry at your boss? Smash up the office! The so-called 'justice system' will just let you off... 

"Ah, Plucky Little Ukraine..!"

Wait, what..?

A list passed to this newspaper by a Kyiv government source identifies 29 such retribution killings, with 13 more assassination attempts that left some targets wounded.

Well, hopefully the Ukrainian government will get a grip on such war crimes. After all, they won't want to show they are just like their Russian enemy, will they? 

‘A hunt has been declared on collaborators and their life is not protected by law,’ said Anton Gerashchenko, an adviser to the interior ministry.

‘Our intelligence services are eliminating them, shooting them like pigs.’

Oh... 

Well, hopefully they won't do it with anything we've sent them? Because they would make us complicit, wouldn't it?

"And Now We Turn To Social Media For Clues..."

The devastated mother of a cyclist knocked off his bike and stabbed to death in a gangland chase has paid tribute to her 'beautiful handsome boy.'

Wait, what makes this a 'gangland chase' and not a simple road rage incident? 

  Oh. Right. The victim's flashing gang signs...

Rewatchable TV October: Babylon 5

The news that there's to be a reboot (maybe) of this amazing show did fill me with a bit of trepidation, it has to be said... it was truly a new sort of sci-fi saga when it launched in the early 90s, with a breadth and scope that was so very refreshing. 

The five-year plan drafted out by its creator,  J. Michael Straczynski, helped it quickly become one of my favourite shows. And did I think I'd ever say that about a show often described as 'The UN - but in space!'..? 

The Judge Is Doing Her Job, Why Aren't The Police..?

A pit bull is set to be destroyed after she attacked a woman outside her home. Missy the dog bit the woman's hand in the communal garden at her home in Gorton, causing 'a lot of bleeding'.

The dog's owner, Gary Boswell, has been jailed for 10 months after admitting being the owner of a dog which was dangerously out of control and causing injury. He has also been banned from keeping a dog for a decade.

Wow, some tough action for omce! I'm guessing this wasn't a first offence? 

Manchester Crown Court heard Missy was a 'banned breed' and had been seized by police in 2017, but Boswell had been allowed to keep her after gaining an 'exemption certificate', which included rules on how she should be kept.

Police seized the dog again the following year after reports that Missy had 'gone for' a woman and her elderly mother, knocking the older woman to the floor. No prosecution was brought and Missy returned to Boswell, prosecutor Robert Smith said.

Why not..? 

Defending, Natalie Goffe, said Missy had been let out by a friend of Boswell's. She said Missy provided 'protection' for Boswell.

From women and pensioners..? 

She said he has had 'long standing' drug issues but has been clean since last year. Ms Goffe had appealed for Boswell to be spared jail, noting the probation service believed he posed a 'low risk' of committing further offences.

*sighs* 

But Judge Suzanne Goddard KC locked him up. "You were fully aware of the dangerous potential nature of this dog," she told him. "It's clear to me you should have exercised more control over your dog. If you choose to have a dog like that, and you have a warning about the behaviour of that dog and that dog then injuries somebody, it becomes a very serious matter." The judge also ordered that the dog should be destroyed.

She said: "It seems to me that the necessary test is made out. There will be an order for the destruction of the dog Missy."

Pity she couldn't order an investigation into the obvious dereliction of duty of the police whose lack of action resulted in a career-ending injury to this third victim... 

Can We Have A Little Consistency?

The family of a schoolboy stabbed to death in Gateshead have been left 'devastated beyond belief', a police chief said today, as a teenager was arrested on suspicion of his murder.

Victim and suspect are both 14. So what makes one a 'schoolboy' and the other a 'teenager'..?

Chief Superintendent Helena Barron said today: 'A teenage boy has sadly died and his family have been left devastated beyond belief. '

The police don't seem to have such qualms, do they?

Here We Go Again...

A transgender prison officer who was caught with £3,500-worth of heroin in the car park of a Midlands jail has escaped a jail sentence.

Why was there a transgender prison officer in the first place? 

Prison bosses swooped in on Ollie Griffiths, 29, after a tip-off alleging he was smuggling in contraband for inmates at HMP Featherstone, Staffordshire. A court heard how multiple wraps of heroin were found in the footwell of his car, stuffed into a tube of Pringles crisps, on July 31.

Bang to rights! So how did she - for it is a she - escape with this? 

He was sentenced to a 12-month community order with 100 hours unpaid work and ordered to pay £280 in costs.

Well, would you believe, CPS incompetence? Or laziness? Or desperately helping the Prison Service cover up their mistake in hiring this person?  

Griffiths - formerly known as Holly Griffiths - was spared jail after prosecutors charged him with possession of drugs, and not the more serious charge of intent to supply.

Even the judge said 'WTAF, dude?': 

Asked to explain the 'astonishing' decision by district judge Marcus Waite, Ms Fraser said that reviewing lawyers had told her to proceed on the lesser charge.

Gosh! I wish I could avoid awkward questions by saying 'big boys did it and ran away' when confronted... 

Richard Davenport, defending, said: 'He is no longer employed in the prison service. He has left his parents' address.

'There have been various problems with the family because of his transitioning. He is living in shared accommodation and has got work as a chef.'

Great! Food preparation. That's safer, right? 

Sorry, Gavin, But Who Can Claimed To Be 'Shocked' At This Point?

After all, it's such a regular occurrence these days:

Detective Inspector Gavin Mulcahy said: 'We understand the shock that this incident will cause in the local community and beyond.'

It looks like quite a nice area, but then so have recent dog-related deaths occurred in what looked like nice areas. 

It only remains to be seen whether it was a pitbull, a 'Staffie-cross' (for which read 'pitbull 2.0'), an American Bully ("I Can't Believe It's Not A Pitbull!"™) or something more exotic...

Update: 

Nope, thanks to comments at the 'Liverpool Echo', it's looking like yet another breeder of these things:

I wonder if it'll be investigated as an industrial accident? 

Surely Not Salt-Of-The-Earth London Cabbies..?

Five London taxi drivers charged with people smuggling offences have appeared in court. The charges follow a National Crime Agency (NCA) probe, code-named Operation Symbolry, into a London-based gang involved in smuggling migrants in and out of the UK using lorries.

*gasps* No! I don't believe it! Not the guys who do this sort of thing?! 

Say it ain't so...!

Alauddin Ahmad, 49, of Shadwell, east London, is charged with five counts of conspiring to facilitate illegal immigration.

Ahknu Hussain, 48, of Spitalfields, east London, is charged with four counts of conspiring to facilitate illegal immigration.

Amran Hussain, 40, of Bromley-by-Bow, Fozol Miah, 41, of Ilford, and 52-year-old Kaysor Miah, of Poplar, all east London, are each charged with one count of conspiring to facilitate illegal immigration.

Ah.  

They were all bailed to appear before Snaresbrook Crown Court later this month.

Wonder if they'll turn up? 

Another Story Missing An Important Fact...

An 11-year-old girl has been left with life-changing injuries after she was attacked by a dog before being rescued by passers-by. Dramatic images captured from a video which was shot at the scene in East London yesterday, shows a taxi driver jumping out of his car with a bat to rescue the girl.

The early morning attack happened on Johnson Road, Tower Hamlets, yesterday, at around 8.30am.

And that fact is: where's the beast now?

A Met Police spokesman told The Sun: 'Police were called at 08:31hrs to Ben Johnson Road, E1 after an 11-year-old girl was attacked by a dog.

'A member of the public intervened to free the victim.

'The owner of the dog left the scene prior to police arrival.

'The girl was taken to hospital for treatment to her hand - her condition is not life-threatening but may be life changing.

'No arrests at this time. Enquiries are ongoing.'

It's not encouraging that the police don't tell us it's safely in kennels or a vet's freezer, is it?

To Help The Fish & Chip Sector..?

A career at the 'Daily Mail' beckons...

H/T: Dave Ward via email

Urgent, Please..!

Wait, what..?

H/T: Bucko via email

Sunday Funnies...

Yeah, the 80s was a crazy decade, but you know what? I'd watch these!

Clown World...

Indeed, while the court heard Dixon started to transition 18 years ago (and one source told me they believed might have undergone surgery), those living near him still assumed their neighbour be a man.

He is a man. He'll always be a man. He can get all the surgery he wants, paper his cell with worthless pieces of paper declaring him a legal woman. But it won't change one iota of what he is. 

So why is the 'Daily Mail' being so cagey? 

‘There was nothing to make us think he [as she referred to him] had become a woman,’ said Angela Spencer, 55, who lived two doors away from Dixon in Havant, Hampshire, where she moved into a council semi six years ago.

‘He never wore a dress, he always wore joggers or jeans, and he never carried a handbag or anything like that. Yes, he had his hair in a ponytail, but lots of men do that, don’t they? And he spoke in a man’s deep voice.’

Isn't it about time the media spoke in a truthful voice, instead of carrying on referring to Dixon as 'she' even in an article castigating the police for doing so...? 

Intriguing!

Got one of these yesterday: 

So I had a look at what five year old page they were hiding from eager searchers in Europe, and it turned out to be a 'Post Of The Month'. This one:

 *baffled face*