Post Title Of The Month

Al Jahom knows his Calendar well...

Quote Of The Month

Bill Sticker on dietary fads:

"As for Kale, it’s one of those things I was once persuaded, much against my good judgement, to eat. But honestly after one prickly mouthful found wasn’t worth the effort. I’d class it as one of those foods you only need to eat if there’s nothing else in the larder and every shop within a fifty mile radius has sold out and shut down for the next forty eight hours. Yes, it’s got minerals and vitamins, but so has a brick."

Post Of The Month

Tim Newman asks a very pertinent question....

She's Sorry She Got Caught...

Fiona Taylor, defending, told the court Peacock had been distressed during the birth and after the vet refused to put the puppies down she felt the only solution was to take matters into her own hands to prevent the mum becoming emotionally attached to her pups.

Miss Taylor said her client had an excellent record of caring for and training dogs, which included her winning awards at the world’s largest dog show, Crufts.

She added: ‘My client accepts that her actions were not the right actions that day and she is sorry.’

Sure, she's sorry now. They all are.

She wasn't sorry when she was harassing the vet surgery with phone calls giving them a blow by blow account of what she was doing, was she?

Sentencing her to two concurrent 12 week jail terms, suspended for 12 months, magistrate Dr Susan Dadlani said her previous good record of keeping animals meant they would not be disqualifying her from continuing to do so, despite what she had done.

Dr Dadlani said: ‘Over a number of years you have had many animals that you have looked after well. We are not going to disqualify you from keeping animals in the future.’

Ummm, what? I'm sure Peter Sutcliffe met a lot of prostitutes he didn't bludgeon to death before his murder spree too!

Peacock, who now has to use crutches to walk due to having multiple sclerosis, wept as she was ordered to pay £750 costs and an £80 victim surcharge.

She's not capable of keeping animals by reason of disability, surely?

How Did I Know It'd Be A Staffie..?

Assistant fair manager Luke Thurston, 22, found himself in hot water when he sold his girlfriend Rosie's dog without her permission.

Mr Thurston attempted to get the Staffordshire Terrier back 24 hours after the sale - only to be accused of robbery after getting into a struggle with Bella's new owners in the living room of their home.

New owner Katrell Lovick received a cut to the arm and accused Mr Thurston of stabbing her.

But Mr Thurston insisted it was done by her own boyfriend as he struggle over the dog and Ms Lovick grabbed her back.

 *totally unshocked face*

Mr Thurston denies charges of robbery and causing grievous bodily harm. The trial continues.

The only one I feel sorry for is the puppy...

Protected Species...

A group has recently moved on from St Nicholas Mews, close to where Redrow are building a new housing development.

Sadly, the group left behind a lot of rubbish which taxpayers will now have to pay to clear up as the land is owned by the council.

*sighs*

Ukip councillor Stephen Hodge said: “The travellers moved off land next to St Nicholas Mews new housing development, leaving their mark behind them.

“Council staff have moved gas cannisters and the clear-up will begin again.

“I inspected the site where there was rubbish, nappies and excrement strewn about.

“Local residents are appalled how this can happen on such a regular basis.”

I'll just bet. 'Because no-one marches on the Town Hall with pitchforks', is my best guess...

A Basildon Council spokesman said: “The council is aware of the encampment and has referred the matter to the Essex Countywide Traveller Unit to take appropriate action.”

Meanwhile, elsewhere...

Dave Sperring, councillor responsible for environment in the Rochford, spoke out after more than 600 incidents of flytipping were cleared from the district in the 2015/16 financial year.

The majority DIY and house clearance waste.

Legally, householders must take reasonable precautions to ensure that unscrupulous builders don’t dump their waste.

Mr Sperring said: “It is truly disgusting that people would choose to dump their waste in our streets, as it looks so unsightly and in some cases could even pose a health risk.

“I’m calling on all residents to be vigilant, if you’re having some building work done please check the credentials of the workmen to ensure they are following the proper procedures.

“I’m sure the last thing you would want is to see your waste dumped in your street, local park, or at the road-side.”

That joined up government, eh?

The More Things Change....

The accused appeared at South Tyneside Magistrates’ Court in April last year – under the name Gavin Brannen and dressed as a woman – after racking up a £27 taxi bill on a trip from Newcastle to South Shields before fleeing the vehicle.

The court heard on that occasion that he was going through gender reassignment and wanted to be known as Katie.

...the more they clearly stay the same:

The 22-year-old was back at the court yesterday, under the name of Katie Brannen, after dashing off at the end of another taxi ride from Sunderland to her home in Frederick Street, South Shields, without paying a £20 bill.

Seems to be a habit!

Laura Johnson, defending, said: “She didn’t have enough money for the taxi and has made a bad decision.”

As does that...

H/T: WoaR in comments

Moving Pictures...

Laureen Shaw, councillor for Roche North and Rural, asked whether members of the Rayleigh speedwatch group could pass on details of motorists using their mobile phones so police could send out a warning letter.

Well, why not? It does seem as though it's considered useful in other initiatives.

She said: “I have been advised that we can’t take the registration numbers because there is no video to prove it. Is there any way you could send a letter to say ‘stop it’?”

Wait, what? Not because of privacy and data protection, then?

Mr Westley said he would look into whether the force would be allowed to send the letters.

Shouldn't he know?

Making It Up…

During the trial, the court heard the boy, now 15, had an alibi for the dates the girl initially gave to the police.

Phone records show he had called police following a row with his parents. He claimed his dad has assaulted him at the family home on Canvey - an accusation which was disputed by his mother as she gave evidence during the trial.

The teenager then stole his dad’s bank cards and used them to spend almost £600 on a trip to London - buying alcohol from a pub and a hotel room for him and a friend.

Whoops! Another case scuppered by...

But wait!

Despite his alibi, district Judge John Woollard ruled that the traumatised victim could have got the dates of the offences mixed up.

She reported the incidents to the police “much later” after they took place.

*blinks*

He said: “The victim strikes me as an honest, trustworthy and reliable witness.

“She has not changed her story throughout the trial (Ed: Did she need to, with you helping her out on this..?) and even corrected the prosecution when they got information incorrect.”

He added that there was no motive for her to lie.

Does there have to be?

The boy will return to court to be sentenced on Friday, April 28.

I hope he gets a better lawyer for the appeal.

Sympathy Well Runs Dry

A young mum whose children witnessed a man injecting drugs on a stair well outside her front door has called on the council to make her block of flats safer.

How?

Alice Steadman was on her way to the job centre with her 19-month-old son Matthew when they saw a man inject himself in the arm in the communal stairway leading to their first floor flat in Dagenham on Tuesday afternoon.

And it was not the first time the mum of two had been disturbed by drug users outside her home in Stansgate Road, with her four-year-old daughter Holly-May having seen a man injecting himself too.

Well, maybe that Job Centre visit should have been priority number one before getting pregnant twice?

Then you wouldn't find yourself at the mercy of wherever Dagenham council ratepayers are prepared to fund you to live?

Confronting the addicts on one occasion, a concerned Alice and her partner Dennis Law, 40, warned them CCTV cameras were in the building, but they replied that they didn’t care.

And...you know what? Nor do I.

Nick Cohen Knows Who The Real Enemy Is...

Writing in the 'Observer':

The power of the conspiratorial right is creating a new world and to fight it you must understand it as well as expose it.

Yes, it's 'the right', despite their total lack of bleeding and dying victims lying in the streets of our capital.

...the alt-right is not saying that human rights are universal or they are nothing. It damns human rights, however they are applied. It doesn’t want a multiculturalism that does not use fake accusations of racism and Islamophobia as a cover for the abuse of religious power. It wants a white monoculture. It maintains that hundreds of millions of people with wildly variant beliefs can be lumped together as “the Muslims”.

Those 'wildly variant' beliefs that all seem to stem from the one 'holy' book, you mean?

The feminist fighting sharia councils is no different from the apologist for Iran.

The feminist he links to isn't, of course, Ayaan Hirsi Ali, who the right have been protecting from liberals since she had to flee Holland. It's someone I've never heard of.

And probably no-one outside Cohen's purse-lipped circle of self-fellating 'intellectuals' has heard of her, either.

If all Muslims in the west are the same, what should happen to Muslim citizens in the west? Should there be a Muslim register, as Trump has suggested? Should they be deported? If converts to Islam can turn terrorist, should conversion to Islam be banned as conversion to Christianity is banned in Saudi Arabia? After men such as Farage stop blaming liberals, what are their plans for the immigrants who are now our fellow citizens?

Once, it would have been hysterical even to suggest such questions. Today, I wish our tame broadcasters would ask them.

Now you want the media to start 'asking questions'? Are you sure? You do realise you and your ilk don't get to set those questions?

Essex Police And Chocolate Teapots...

...just what is the difference?

Caspar Hobbs, chairman of England Boxing (EB), said in a statement: “The Junior Championships have been cancelled, by the police, not by England Boxing who spent the whole afternoon trying to convince them to let the championships go ahead.

“They disagreed. There was a specific threat to life made which caused the Police to enforce cancellation, despite us offering to double the security detail.

“It is disgraceful and disgusting that a few selfish and pathetic individuals can ruin the dreams of young boxers, and those who support them, for their own low and pathetic reasons - it is nothing short outrageous.

“The same happened last year, that may be co-incidental or it may not be.”

Can anyone imagine the police demanding the cancellation of any other event - say, the Notting Hill Carnival, or a 'march for Palestine' - because of some nebulous and recurring 'threat to life'?

Nope. Me neither.

I always thought the purpose of the police was to enable people to go about their lawful business without fear or hindrance. If that's no longer their purpose, why are we paying them?

When You're In Such A Hurry To Publish, The Sub Heading Makes No Sense...

Islington is in Essex? And you can be arrested for points? Damn, the Met are going to be after me, I've got lots of points, I've played PokemonGo for months!

Of course, if you click through, you find out they mean Essex Road in Islington. As for the 'points', that's still a mystery...

Homophones Strike Again!

*sighs*

H/T:Stephen Brown via email

Sunday Funnies...

I bet we could all have predicted these...

Invasive And Unwanted...

...the RSPCA has now called for the sale of tanukis - also known as raccoon dogs - to be banned.

Really? Aren't they already regulated? Don't you need a wild animal licence?

Well, no. DEFRA is unconcerned. So why are the RSPCA getting out of their box?

The charity has confirmed that the creatures, which are native to Japan, Siberia and China, have already escaped into the wild and are posing a threat to British wildlife.

And there are fears that tanukis, which harbour high levels of parasites, could also infect humans, in some cases with lethal results.

RUN! RUN! Godzilla was nothing, here comes the Terrible Tanuki!

Dr Ros Clubb, RSPCA wildlife and exotic specialist, said: “We know that some raccoon dogs are now living wild in Britain, and there is a risk that they could start to breed.

“We want the authorities to ban the sale of these animals as pets. They are simply not suitable, and they are escaping and getting out into the natural environment.”

Yes, not regulate them, ban them. No-one is allowed to have a pet that the RSPCA disapproves of. It's why little old ladies leave them bequests, clearly...

“People might think 'I could just keep them in my living room and keep them as a dog but they're wild animals and need large areas and people just don't know how to look after them,” said Dr Clubb.

“They can be aggressive, some don't like to be handled or touched. They may run away or escape. It's a nightmare trying to re-home them - when we hear one has come in we all just sigh.”

Before euthanizing it? Like you do with so many seized animals PETA is probably going to come to you for advice?

But maybe my dislike for this ghastly self-serving fakecharity is colouring my reaction. Maybe we are overrun with cute but deadly raccoon dogs?

The RSPCA last year received 15 complaints about raccoon dogs and rescued three, up from four complaints and two rescues in 2015.

Oh. OK. That's a 'no' then?

Let's cull another invasive & unwanted species, then: Rspca vulgaris.

Hard Cases, Bad Law...

A woman abused by the leader of a child grooming gang in Rotherham is pleading for a royal pardon.

Sammy Woodhouse has revealed her identity to call for a crime amnesty to encourage other grooming victims to come forward.

 Hmmm, why would this be needed?

She wants to see a ‘Sammy’s Law’ believing she could face years behind bars for crimes she was made to commit as a young teenager.

 Ah. Well, only someone with a heart of stone could possibly deny...

Wait!

Mr Hampton also said Spencer played a key role in the abuse. She was jailed for 12 years in 2014 when she was found guilty of 16 counts of arranging and causing child prostitution in Sheffield.

As her guilty verdict was read out in court, Spencer shouted: 'I'm not f****** going back to the cells.'

Spencer played a key role in the abuse, the court heard.

The court heard she plied one girl with alcohol and threatened violence to force her to have sex.

Bring in this law, and I guarantee you Spencer's lawyers would be using it.

Should Have Gone To Specsavers....

On February 4, a dog veered from the footpath through Dunstable Downs Golf Club and was accidentally shot by a licensed firearms user hunting foxes.

Well, it's understandable, some popular breeds of dogs these days do look quite fox-like, especially in the dark so...

Oh, wait.

German Shepherd Bruno needed an operation to remove pellets from his face but has since recovered.

They must have some humoungous foxes in Dunstable! Or this guy's an idiot who should not have a gun licence.

Which is odd for professional vermin control folk.

Club manager Mr Mutton added: “The club did not employ anyone to shoot on the course, we’ve allowed the licenced firearms user to come and shoot vermin.”

Ah. So not a professional, more like an overly-enthusiastic amateur. That way disaster lies.

A Beds Police spokesman said: “We are investigating reports that a dog was shot and injured while in the grounds of the Dunstable Downs golf course on Saturday 4 February.

Investigations are on-going and anyone with information is asked to contact police on 101 quoting reference JD/5233/2017.”

What 'investigation'? You should have all the details you need!

Cougar On The Loose...

Police searched the premises and found Sam Chambers, 24, in the house he shared with Copperthwaite, 41, surrounded by drugs paraphernalia.

This included lottery slips for wrapping cocaine, scales, customer lists, mobile phones and 162 grams of bicarbonate of soda- a mixing agent.

The total amount of cocaine found was 13 grams.

Bang to rights!

Matthew Sorrell-Cameron, prosecuting, said the aggravating factor for all three was the fact Copperthwaite’s 16-year-old daughter also lived at the address.

He said: “She allowed these two men to use her premises as a base for drug dealing, whether to store the drugs, prepare the drugs or sell the drugs.”

Mother of the year, clearly.

Copperthwaite was found guilty of being concerned in the supply of a class drug.

She also admitted answering bail with an offensive weapon in July last year - namely a snooker ball in a sock.

/facepalm

Judge Samantha Leigh jailed Chambers for three years and nine months and Flynn for four years. She handed Copperthwaite a 24 month prison sentence, suspended for 24 months. She must complete 200 hours of unpaid work.

I guess we shouldn't be too surprised, when we see the name of the judge. She's got form, after all. More form than Shergar!

When Green Plans Run Up Against Reality...

Internet shopping vans could be banned from delivering to office staff in a bid to slash congestion on the capital’s streets.

The radical plan was outlined by Val Shawcross, London’s deputy mayor for transport, in a speech to MPs in which she revealed that light vans now account for a fifth of traffic in the city centre.

It's War on White Van Man!

Councillor Shawcross said that companies should consider banning workers from ordering goods direct to work, and instead promote click-and-collect facilities at transport hubs “so that people can collect their deliveries on the way home”.

I remember when Internet shopping would save us all. The desire to meddle with our lives never leaves these people, does it?

Community Cohesion vs Seperation

You are so right. But we have words too, provided by the usual suspects, as Fahrenheit211 points out.

It's at times like yesterday that people show their true selves, like MP Tobias Elwood who tried desperately to revive the stricken police officer.

And then you have this:

H/T: Pardus_UK via Twitter

You Couldn't Make It Up...

...but actually, she did:

Angela Smith, a teacher at the Federation of Greenways Schools, formerly Thorpe Greenways Infant School, in Southchurch, Southend, told bosses her husband had numerous problems- including suggesting that medical staff were considering switching off his life support machine.

They were, as you'd expect, sympathetic:

Compassionate managers reduced her working hours from 8.30am to 4.30pm to 9.30am to 2.30pm, with an agreement that she could leave school during the day if needed.

But not, unfortunately, very suspicious.

In March 2015, Mrs Smith said her husband had returned to work, but he had been suspended after getting into a fight with another member of staff.

That's a great recovery, I have to say!

Due to the nature of these statements and the potential outcome, the school informed the school her husband worked at.

They only checked this out because of the allegation, mind....

Contact was then made with the local authority to share the information. It then became apparent that Mrs Smith’s husband was in good health and was working without any problems.

Ooops!

She resigned on May 31 and admitted all the allegations. The panel found that although Mrs Smith was “dishonest” and guilty of “unacceptable professional conduct” further punishment was not necessary.

*rolls eyes*

It said: “The panel was reassured to hear and see evidence that Mrs Smith has taken active steps to remedy some of the health issues that she was facing.

“These are continuing and seem to be improving her condition.”

Improving it so she can find other employment?

The report then added Mrs Smith has since returned to a teaching role.

/facepalm

"Well, What Can We Say, We're Useless!"

A spokesman for the RSPCA said: “We share people’s concerns for a dog kept in a car in Thamesmead, London and would not recommend these as ideal conditions in which to keep any animal.

“However, while we agree that the situation is not ideal, we have no power to remove a dog.

“The police can only remove the dog once a vet confirms that the animal is suffering or is highly likely to suffer.

“We would like to reassure the public that we will continue to offer advice to the owner and monitor the situation to help ensure this dog’s welfare is not compromised.”

Hmmm, not your usual reticence there. I wonder why..?

How Do You Feel About Community Reporting Now, PC Gulati?

A group of residents living at Dashwood Court in Hounslow invited their local Safer Neighbourhoods Team, Police Community Support Officers PC Danny Duprey and PC Seni Gulati for a coffee and chat about some of their concerns about anti-social behaviour and petty crime in the local park and nearby roads.

The policing team listened to our tenants’ concerns and assured them that they would be increasing their patrols in the local vicinity especially as they now know what to look out for. PC Gulati said, ‘The more evidence of crime that is reported by the community, the better will be the outcome of policing efforts to help keep everyone safe.’

Sterling effort, I think you'll agree. Obviously a credit to the force, and a welcome advertisement for greater diversity in the ranks...

PC Seni Gulati, who was based in Hounslow borough, called for an ambulance after his fiancée had injured herself at a golf venue in Surrey in July last year. He was verbally abusive and used “racially motivated language” towards the call operator and staff at the venue who had assisted his injured wife, a police misconduct hearing heard.

A complaint was made to Surrey Police and Gulati pleaded guilty at Staines Magistrates' Court on Wednesday, January 11 to one count of Malicious Communication.

Oh! Oops.

His conviction was considered a breach of Standards of Professional Behaviour in respect of Discreditable Conduct and of Authority, Respect and Courtesy. The racially motivated language used in the 999 call on July 3 was considered to be a breach in respect of Equality and Diversity.

The hearing held, in public, on Friday, March 10 found the alleged breaches proven and PC Guliti was dismissed without notice.

Imagine my shocked face.

Ignorance Of The Law Is No Excuse

A spokesman for the business, who would only give his name as Mr Tak, said Ms McKenzie has been offered a free meal as an apology.

He said: “I genuinely did not know it was a rule with guide dogs and when she told me I offered her a table where there was space.

“It was an genuine, uneducated mistake that we will not make again.

“As we have only been here two years, we’re relatively new to the business and haven’t learnt everything yet but we do not discriminate against anybody.”

What else 'haven't they learned yet' (in the two years they've been there!)? Food safety regulations? VAT rulings?

Maybe the authorities would like to check?

Ding! Ding! Ding! Round Two!

The aerial and ground shots obtained by the Echo show a large section of a two-acre field in Hovefields, Wickford, has already been covered in asphalt.

Other parts of the field appear to have been dug up while huge piles of dry asphalt lie in wait ready to be laid down.

Our exclusive photos also show long fences have been installed - potentially to allow a number of pitches to be claimed by traveller families.

Yes, it's 'Dale Farm 2: The Return'...

The work is in clear breach of a High Court injunction obtained by Basildon Council last October after the authority spent millions evicting illegal settlers from the land and nearby Dale Farm in Crays Hill.

Residents fear dozens of families will soon move onto the site.

What, breaching a High Court injunction?! Why, it's almost as if they have no regard for the law of the land, or something...

Phil Turner, leader of Basildon Council, said the council is taking action.

Really? I asked a council official if action was actually being taken:

Thanks, council spokescat!

He said: “We are continuing our investigations with a view to taking further legal action.

Thanks for the clarification!

“We are pursuing all legal avenues currently available to us in an attempt to halt unauthorised development on the site.

Translation: "We're screwed, but we can have lots of meetings, with tea and biscuits on the ratepayer in the meantime.."

“However, we must emphasise that these powers are inadequate and cannot provide the sort of swift and decisive response residents would understandably like to see.

Yup, nothing will happen because they are a protected species.

“In recent years, Basildon Council has written to the Department for Communities and Local Government to call for meaningful changes to the law.

“We are repeating that call in the hope the law can be changed to give the council emergency powers to take immediate action in circumstances such as this.”

So how about it, May? You are a Tory Government, aren't you?

Hey, Some Of Our Potential Rent Payers Aren't Paying Rent!

Patrick Green, manager of the anti-knife crime charity The Ben Kinsella Trust, blames the rise in both possession and offences on the “Government dropping the ball” and wants the dangers of knives to be included in the national curriculum.

Yeah, sure, they've got time for that....when someone invents the 36 hour day!

Brooke Kinsella, the Eastenders actress who founded the Ben Kinsella Trust after her 16-year-old brother was stabbed to death in Islington in 2008, was commissioned by David Cameron to write a report on knife crime in 2011.

She found that prevention groups were finding it “extremely difficult” to get into schools to get their message across.

However Mr Green added: “There are still schools who are failing to engage with organisations who can help their pupils understand the risks associated with carrying knives.”

I wonder who he could be talking about..?

Wanted: Spellcheck App....

...if found, please return to 'Daily Mail' editorial staff.

When 'Science' Might Not Mean What It Once Did..

Animals can't actually 'murder' each other...

Sunday Funnies...

Ah, that reminds me, I'm out of teabags...

I Know The University Mobs Are Prone To Rioting, But I Don't Think We Should Pay For It…

Research by the Higher Education Funding Council for England (HEFCE) has exposed gaps in the higher education results between different student groups.

The project, Changing Mindsets: Reducing stereotype threat as a barrier to student success, funded from HEFCE’s Catalyst Fund, will benefit students likely to drop out or perform less well.

Hmmm....

The thinking behind the project is based on the belief that ability develops through effort and embracing challenge.

And thanks to David Thompson's Herculean efforts, we know how that's likely to turn out...

Cincinnati Zoo: 'My God, We'll Never Be Allowed To Forget What We Did To Harambe....'

Auckland Airport: 'Hold my beer, dude...'

Grizz broke loose from his handler just after 4.30 in the morning local time, disrupting a number of flights.

After airport and aviation security staff failed for three hours to find and catch the dog, police were called in to shoot him.

The airport has now launched its own review into the incident, after it faced a torrent of anger over the issue.

If anyone spots the Auckland Tourist Board staff headed to the airport with rifles, please don't bother to call the police.

On the other hand, though, if the penalty for delaying flights is now death...

"Lock and load, boys..."

Sure That's The Real Reason?

Yakubi arrived in Market Street, Wolverhampton, but when he realised Ms Nicholls had a guide dog, he told her there had been a mistake and he was there to collect someone else before driving off.

Ah, that old chestnut.

In interview Yakubi, of Hobgate Road, Heath Town, revealed the real reason he drove off was because he was worried the dog would urinate in his car and leave hair on its interior.

Yes. Yes, I'm certain that's the real reason.

Magistrates fined Yakubi £80 and ordered him to pay costs of £400 and a victim surcharge of £30 after he pleaded guilty to the offence.

Wolverhampton council will review his private hire licence which could lead to him being taken off the road.

Only 'could'..?

"We Can Only Afford The Most Vital Services..."

Southend Council has been criticised for its plans to spend £35,000 on park gates. The money will go towards refurbishing the Priory Park gates, as part of the council’s 125th birthday celebrations of the borough.

Oh, those savage, biting council cuts..!

One gate requires fixing and the lion statues that originally sat atop each gatepost which disappeared in the late 20th Century will also be replaced.

Disappeared, eh? Maybe don't make them from valuable metal this time...

Ann Holland, councillor responsible for culture, tourism and the economy, said: “As well as celebrating 125 years of Southend, it is also 100 years for Priory Park. I really don’t think it is too much to spend, the celebrations will be a real feelgood factor for the town.

They will...?

“When we had celebrations for 100 years of the borough a lot of money went into it and it was remembered by all who were involved. It’s really a worthwhile cause.

Ah. You mean 'We councillors had a great time, the canapes were lovely!'...

“The estimated cost of the work is up to £35,000 but we will be getting quotes to make sure we get best value. We are also actively seeking sponsorship for the 125 celebrations.”

 What a wonderful opportunity for an entrepreneur, I'm sure you'll agree?

Oh, Totally, Johanna, Totally!

Johanna Whitaker, 35, a communications consultant from West Hampstead, said: “I used the Tube at least twice a day during the trial, always in rush hour.

“Standing on the left broke London commuter etiquette.

There was always the danger of people thinking they could stand on the left at other tube stations - can you imagine?”

Why, indeed! What next, cats and dogs living together?

The Seal Got Off Rather Lightly...

A young mother has described her shock after being punched in the face when she confronted a group teenagers who were tormenting a seal.

Sarah Tough was left with blood pouring down her face when she was hit in the nose by the ringleader of the youths who were worrying the animal as it tried to head to the sea at Crimdon beach, in east Durham, on Monday.

Isn't that near Hartlepool?

Mrs Tough said the RSPCA came out and checked on it and said it was fine and would go back in with the tide.

She added: “I’m not angry. I’m just glad the seal is ok. I am just confused. I don’t understand why they would do that.”

Because it's near Hartlepool, love.

"I'm Sorry, Your Pussy Pass Has Expired..."

Solicitor General Robert Buckland QC MP referred the three to the Court of Appeal under the unduly lenient sentence scheme to ask for their sentences to be reviewed in order to ensure they reflected the seriousness of their conduct.

Three men, two women. Someone hadn't read the 'Guardian' that morning, clearly:

Following the referral to the Court of Appeal, two of the offenders have had their sentences increased.

Mills, 52, had her eight year sentence increased to ten years in prison.

Lawrence, 22, who was originally sentenced to four years in prison, will now serve seven.

Heh!

Marty McFly Never Had This Problem...

Yes, it's incendiary hoverboards again:

Sue Ivatt, a watch manager at East Sussex Fire and Rescue Service, bought one of the gadgets for her son.

The 45-year-old, from Saltdean, said she took time to research the product choice and ensured they followed all the safety advice given.

But one day, while her son was using it in his bedroom, it overheated and started to smoke.

Oh noes! Luckily, mum's a fire, errrr, person...

“We were aware that there had been some fires involving hoverboards so we have a small fire extinguisher which was kept wherever the hoverboard was. We taught my son how to use it just in case.

“My son was on the hoverboard in his bedroom when he shouted for help. My husband ran upstairs just as my son pulled the pin on the extinguisher.

“Smoke was coming out of the wheel of the hoverboard.”

She carried the gadget from the house and put it in the garden...

 Hurrah for sensible, sort-it-out people who don't bother the emergency services unduly!

...before calling the fire service.

Wait, what? What on earth for..?

An East Sussex Fire and Rescue spokesman said: “The fire service were quickly called.

“However, this incident could all too easily have been so much more serious if, for example, this had happened at night when the family were asleep.”

Would they be using a hoverboard in their sleep, then?

Errr, Yeah, Thanks For Clearing That Up, Mom…

New video footage has emerged of Ferguson teenager Michael Brown, which appears to question the claim by police that he had robbed a convenience store shortly before he was shot dead by a white officer.

Oh oh! This could be explosive!

Filmmaker Jason Pollock, who obtained the footage, claims that it shows that the 18-year-old’s altercation with store employees in a later visit to the shop, was tied to a suspected drug transaction with staff in the store.

...

...

Wait, what?

“There was an understanding, and that’s what you are going to see in that video,” the teenager’s mother, Lezley McSpadden says in a new documentary by Mr Pollock. “There was some type of exchange for one thing, for another.”

Blue Black And Brown On Blue!

“The stolen vehicle was spotted by patrolling officers and a pursuit began.

“The officers remained in contact with the vehicle until it suddenly stopped in Bancroft Road, Burnley, and the two occupants quickly de-camped and fled on foot.

“The shift inspector had reacted to the pursuit and was there when the vehicle was abandoned.

“Wanting to show his officers how it is done, the inspector ran after the thieves but unfortunately ran past the back of the police dog van just as the dog was being released and he received a nip from one of them.”

 Bad dog!

The inspector, who has not been named, did not suffer serious injuries. Mr Ford added: “It was a painful lesson for him and a source of amusement for his staff."

I'll just bet...

Benin Sorcerers Got Nothin' On The British Judiciary...

Wait, I thought women couldn't...? I thought because they didn't have..?

Nor was I the only person baffled! But all is now revealed:

Brannen was born male – but we readers weren’t allowed to know that. It’s not that this detail wasn’t important (and as I will argue, m’Lud, it’s crucial) or forgotten. It was omitted in the moral panic around both privacy and ‘misgendering’, the progressive cause de nos jours.

To call someone by the wrong title is considered verbal assault and even bigotry.

Chief Sorcerer Obungo Mfasa from Cotonou, when asked to comment, said 'White man magic plenty strong!'

H/T: WoaR in comments

If Only He'd Driven A Bin Lorry....

The court heard Thompson was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes in 1999 and suffered deteriorating health problems, including with his eyes and feet. Mr Bagnall said he was prescribed medication “at various stages” but repeatedly failed to take it or attend appointments.

He also failed to tell bosses about his health problems on annual self-declaration forms.

Judge John Lodge said Thompson’s undisclosed health problems were an “aggravating factor”.

 ...or maybe it's being in Scotland rather than England that's the charm?

Thompson was jailed for eight months for causing death by careless driving and four months for fraud, making a total of 12 months.

Nowhere near enough, but at least the authorities in England take some action.

Well, It Is The 'Mail'...

*sighs*

"Free at last, Free at last..."

"...Thank God almighty we are free at last."

Sunday Funnies...

Nice guys don't always come first....

Integration, Integration, Integration...?

The inquest became heated when the car driver and the two teenage passengers gave evidence, an observer in court told the Standard.

Tempers boiled over when the footage not previously seen by Mr Ebrahim’s family and friends was played, confirming what happened.

Isn't that what an inquest is for? To confirm what happened?

The friend who survived the crash — who was knocked unconscious temporarily and suffered a broken elbow — was said to have been particularly infuriated with the driver, who had moved from the witness box to avoid blocking the view of the TV screen.

“There was a mass brawl,” the court observer said, adding: “Mr Ebrahim’s family tried to separate them. The coroner adjourned proceedings.”

Lovely!

Police in court broke up the fight and extra officers and an ambulance were called. The Met said a man was arrested on suspicion of GBH and affray.

And he'll no doubt be let off.

Police had previously decided not to prosecute the driver for Mr Ebrahim’s death. According to the observer, this added to the tensions in the court. It is thought that Mr Ebrahim’s friends did not know the driver and car passengers would be there to give evidence.

Wait, what?

Are they completely clueless as to the point of an inquest? Does this maybe need to be added to the citizenship test?

The observer said: “There was extreme provocation — seeing the crash yourself for the first time, your friend being killed and sitting next to this guy who was driving. As the case was progressing, I thought it would turn out badly.”

It never has in the past. Has it?

Is This Really The Best You Can Do?

The progressives are unerringly picking excellent examples of the 'inhumane' State that insists on its immigration laws being followed:

Sophia told The Independent being away from her children was traumatic.

“As a mother, no words can describe how I feel being stuck in this prison as my kids need me more than ever," she said.

"Why are they punishing my family for something minor I did as a troubled kid? They are tearing families apart.”

Technically, aren't you the one punishing your family? After all, it was you that decided to embark on a life of crime in someone else's country...

Sophia’s indefinite leave to remain was revoked after she was entangled in a fraud case, which she says she knew nothing about and was tricked and manipulated into by her then partner.

She was initially sentenced to 21 months in prison because she already had a criminal record, having been convicted of several small shoplifting offences more than 10 years ago, when she was trying to support her three children as a single parent living below the poverty line.

Gosh, she sounds like a real asset to the country, doesn't she?

The Home Office has said Sophia can appeal to reverse their decision from outside the country under the recently expanded the "deport first appeal later" rule.

Now, I'm sure there are genuine cases of hardship - bureaucratic wheels do indeed tend to crush undeserving cases under them.

So why can't the open borders advocates ever find any that stand up to a moment's scrutiny?

59 People York Can Probably Do Without For A Day...

York Stand up to Racism will be taking a 59 seater coach to the capital on Saturday, March 18 March to join the National March Against Racism organised by Stand up to Racism.

They will join campaigners in saying EU workers are welcome and should not be used as a bargaining chip, and refugees and migrants are welcome and contribute much to the economy; and in rejecting anti-Semitism, Islamophobia and racism in all its forms.

I'm sure York will be happy to see the back of them. It must be a welcome relief, even if just for one day.

Oh, Those Savage Council Cuts...

The council has announced they will be hosting a series of events to celebrate Women’s Empowerment Month.  

The programme includes stories from women’s fight for rights at Fords to a special event celebrating the 100th birthday of singer song-writer Vera Lynn.

While, there will also be a local women in politics event, which looks at politics from a women’s perspective and how they are breaking the glass ceiling at the Barking Town Hall.

Terrible, they are. Swingeing.

What's The Point Any More?

Roy Hedges, 61, formerly of Claremont Road, Basildon, carried out two assaults within hours of each other on March 7 last year.

An ambulance crew was called to his home at about 5.30am with concerns for Hedge’s welfare.

Basildon Crown Court heard a female paramedic attended with a male colleague and found Hedges “glugging” from a bottle of cider.

David Baird, prosecuting, said at one stage the male left the house and “almost straight away” Hedges started to make “very unpleasant comments.”

He said: “The defendant told her: ‘You have got a body like my wife. Nice bum.’ He goes on to tell her what his wife enjoyed sexually.”

Hedges followed her into the living room, where he rubbed her breasts with the back of his forearm and said: “I’m going to get your knickers off you.”

The ambulance crew left and reported the incident to superiors.

So he took himself off to roam the streets in search of new victims,

However, just two hours later Hedges approached an 11-year-old girl at a bus stop while drinking from a can of beer.

Hedges, who now lives in Rayleigh with a friend, again started speaking about his wife, who died the previous year.

Mr Baird said the girl “started feeling uncomfortable” but he backed her into a corner and twice brushed her chest with the back of his arm.

During the incident he said: “Do you know what I like to do?” When the girl tried to run away he grabbed her dress.

She managed to break free and called her uncle, who detained Hedges at the scene.

 I hope, not gently. He was arrested, and then, of course, the justice system got to feel all magnanimous and progressive:

Judge John lodge handed him a 14 month prison sentence, suspended for 18 months, and with a rehabilitation activity requirement.

He said Hedges “took advantage” of the paramedic while she was in a “particularly vulnerable position” in his home. The judge said the assault on the child was “distressing and worrying”.

He added: “If he hits the drink and misbehaves in this way again then he will go inside.”

What's wrong with putting him inside now?

Tell Me Again How We Need 'Justice Equality'...

Pike was handed an eight month prison sentence, suspended for two years.

She must complete 150 hours of unpaid work and was ordered to pay an £80 victim surcharge, £85 costs and compensation of £7,650.

She stole £14,500...

Inexplicable Decisions

During a nine-day trial at Preston Crown Court a jury was told how Bamford had stabbed 42-year-old Mr Keen 15 times, including ten in the back, at the victim’s home in Darwen.

Well, that's clearly murd...

Oh.

The jury of nine men and three women took 14 and a half hours to convict him of manslaughter...

*baffled face*

The verdict was met with cries of joy from Bamford’s family who have been present throughout the trial.

What a lovely bunch they must be. And such lovely 'friends'.

Preston Crown Court heard how Paul Swift and Reece Hignett had been paid to pick up Daniel Bamford, knowing he had stabbed someone from Darwen.

But the court heard neither man knew the 18-year-old had killed Michael Keen at his home in Hazel Avenue when they were dispatched to Darwen by the drugs gang Bamford was a part of at around 4pm on August 25.

 They should have the book thrown at them. But, of course....

Swift was jailed for 52 months and Hignett was sent to a young offender’s institution for 30 months.

*sighs*

Bamford, of Harvey Lane, Golborne, who was found guilty of the manslaughter of Mr Keen will be sentenced at a later date after the defence requested psychologist and pre-sentence reports.

 I can save you the trouble. He's a weasel-faced little scrote. Bang him up for life.

Next Up: A 'No Scrumping Apples' Edict...

The 14-year-old boy, who cannot be named for legal reasons, lives in Rochford and has a string of convictions.

He appeared at Basildon Youth Court to admit one charge of criminal damage and one charge of burglary and was immediately slapped with the criminal behaviour order (CBO).

Finally, the State is taking strong action!

He must remain indoors between the hours of 8pm and 7am daily, unless with a parent or family member over the age of 21 years old, for the next four months.

He must also not be disruptive, or “harass, intimidate or act in an anti-social behaviour way that causes harassment alarm and distress to members of the public and businesses in the Rochford area.”

The order goes on to state that he must not “throw or discharge” any stone, object, or any other missile or projectile by hand or catapult at any people, vehicles, buildings or shops.

Finally, the order bans him from causing “damage to property, vehicles and buildings belonging to others.”

WTAF..?

'Parent Of The Year 2007' Gets Off To An Early Start...

Mr Garside also said the woman has had two previous cases of child neglect in 2011 and she admitted it again in 2015 but went on a training course to avoid prosecution.

Maybe someone should ask for their money back?

Oh, wait. That's the taxpayer's money, isn't it?

Elizabeth Aisbitt, mitigating, asked for the case to be stood down for reports.

Reports about what? What more do you need to know? Can't you use the same reports they produced the last couple of times?

“She admits her house is a bit scruffy and there were seven years’ worth of empty alcohol bottles and cans in her kitchen but does not think this is would be detrimental to her son.”

What do you have to do to be considered an unfit mother these days?

It Doesn't Take Hercule Poirot, Does It?

RSPCA inspector Rebecca Benson said: “The heart-breaking sight of this mare was reported to us by concerned passers-by.

“All the evidence points to her being still alive when she was dumped, and in the process of giving birth, but although I got there as soon as I could after we were called - she was already dead.

“We think she was probably abandoned in this sensitive state overnight the night before, perhaps to avoid getting expensive veterinary treatment.

“The poor mare would have been alone, in pain, and frightened by the traffic passing on the road, so close to her face.

“We don’t know if it was complications with her pregnancy which killed her, but it is desperately sad that she was left without any veterinary care in such an exposed spot and when she was at her most vulnerable.

“We urge anyone with any information about this incident to call us, in strictest confidence, on 0300 123 8018.”

Yes, it's a mystery, isn't it? Almost as big a mystery as the mystery of how your hopeless organisation continues to receive donations from gullible idiots who believe your claims.

Wanted: Sense Of Perspective....

His mother Belinda Gillett said her son was “heartbroken” to have been allocated Longhill while his friends and older siblings all go to Dorothy Stringer.

The 54-year-old said she felt the same level of emotion at the death of her mother as she did learning the news this week.

...if found, please return to Mrs Gillett.

Well, It Is Essex....

Jill Collins, who taught at Castledon School, in Bromfords Drive, Wickford, blamed her slurred speech on migraine medication- but failed a police breath test after being escorted from the grounds.

A National College for Teaching and Leadership panel heard senior staff checked her emails after concerns and found several inappropriate messages sent to her partner, including links to the Ann Summers website.

 Charming! But not unusual in Essex.

Following her suspension, Collins continued to contact staff and parents on 12 occasions.

In one case, she left voicemails for a parent which were “annoyed and aggressive” in tone and delivered in a “high pitched and exaggerated voice”.

No doubt after she'd had another skinful. And without even the excuse of the kids driving her to drink.

Collins did not appear at the hearing and was banned from the profession at least until February 2019.

Probably working somewhere else under an assumed name.

It's True, You Really Can Bring A Knife To A Gunfight!

...only in Southend.

Synonyms Are Like Kryptonite

/facepalm

H/T: Dave Ward via email

Sunday Funnies...

When you hire a beta male to write no. 2...

“To fear is one thing. To let fear grab you by the tail and swing you around is another.”

Well, damn.

My blogroll is in 'Missing Man Dragon' formation today.

I Don't Suppose You've Thought About Getting A Job?

Samantha Morgan, 48, from Hove, and her two children are currently living in temporary accommodation but have been told by the council that they are not able to find them a permanent place of residence.

They are currently staying at The Wardley Hotel in Hove and their rent is being paid for by social services.

 No it isn't. We, the taxpayer, are paying.

Ms Morgan said: “I am on benefits so I had no way of getting a private house and the only reason I went private at first is because I had to leave London."

She said she had leave due to problems in her life there and for her own safety and had no choice but to rent privately.

And then not pay the rent. Of course.

“I then ended up with rent arrears from the private accommodation that I knew nothing about until an estate agent came to see me at the property, ending up with me being given an eviction notice.

You 'knew nothing about it', eh?

“This is what made me and my family homeless and I then took myself and my children to the Brighton and Hove City Council for help as I have no family or friends I can live with.

“They then put us all in temporary accommodation in Hove, saying it could take up to 18 months to re-house us and we have been here now for five months for them to tell me they cannot help or house me and my family because I made myself intentionally homeless.”

That cheer you hear is the long-suffering taxpayer...

Ms Morgan said she was told by the council to contact social services because her 16-year-old daughter, Brooke is still a dependent and also on a college course that has two years left before completion.

Her daughter was told by social services that she may now have to either go into foster care or live in a youth hostel called The Foyer.

Ms Morgan said: “It is completely wrong to make a child go and live on her own when she has a loving mother and a brother to help her grow and nourish her, which they are taking away.

“My 19-year-old son Callum and I will be on the streets because they will not pay for us to stay in temporary accommodation.”

Get a job, leech.

And We Know Who Those 'Some People' Are...

An Australian school has adopted a policy allowing male Muslim students to refuse to shake hands with women.

Well, that's helping them contribute to society. But wait! It's not the school's fault!

A spokesman told the newspaper: “The Department of Education require­s its schools to recognise and respect the cultural, linguistic and religious backgrounds of all students, with the intent to promote an open and tolerant attitude towards a diverse Australian community."

You idiot! This is not doing that, is it? Even a top Muslim cleric thinks you've gone too far!

Former Islamic Council of Victoria secretary Kuranda Seyit said the hadith "shouldn't apply in a school context".

“Students should be able to shake hands with the teacher or the principal, or receive a greeting from a visitor to the school," he told the paper.

“Some people take it too seriously.”

And I'm beginning to wonder if they aren't the bigger enemy....

"She fall down, go boom!"

Eren Hussein, 53, blamed dim lighting at the world famous Soho club after breaking her wrist and elbow falling down stairs after a party in 2012.

She wanted thousands in damages, but after a civil trial this week, a judge threw out her claim, saying the fall wasn't the club's fault.

On what grounds?

Judge Heather Baucher QC said Mrs Hussein was intoxicated, obese, wearing shoes with high platform heels, and not taking care by holding the bannister as she descended.

"In her inebriated, obese state on three-inch platforms, that would be an obvious, simple step for anyone presented with what they saw as a hazard," she said.

/applause

H/T: wiggia via email

Just Another Day On Canvey...

Officers from the emergency response unit were called to reports of an ongoing domestic incident at a house in Point Road, Canvey,

A 25-year-old man had allegedly hit his 63-year-old dad before officers arrived.

 Lovely!

When police turned up to safeguard the people inside the property, the pair turned on them.

Which is why police hate domestics.

PC Alfie McPhilimey, from the Castle Point and Rochford local policing team, received minor injuries during the incident.

He Tweeted: “We arrested a violent male who decided to assault me and six other colleagues.”

Wait, what? Seven against two? FFS! What sort of police were they?

We Can But Hope...

West Yorkshire Police is today (20 February) hosting a conference focusing on Dangerous Dogs.

The event is being held at West Yorkshire Police's Carr Gate Complex at Wakefield to raise awareness about dog attacks and the impact upon victims as well as identifying opportunities for promoting responsible dog ownership and improved partnership working.　

Sounds important.

There are a number of key speakers throughout the day including Merseyside and Cheshire Constabularies, Royal Mail, the National Health Service and Guide Dogs and Sergeant Stewart Dunderdale, the West Yorkshire Police force lead on dangerous dogs.

Members of the audience include local authorities and groups from the charitable sector including the RSPCA and Dogs Trust.

Gosh, I wonder why they felt they needed this sort of....

Oh. Right.

Locals had expressed concern over the dog and yesterday West Yorkshire police confirmed they had seized the animal, a bitch called Alex, on June 22nd as a suspected banned pit bull terrier.

But a spokesman said: “It did not have enough pit bull characteristics to be held as a banned breed. It was returned.”

*sighs*

A Council Scheme, Not Properly Thought Through? The Devil You Say!

A cash-strapped council is set to start issuing on the spot fines to dog walkers who do not have a ‘poop scoop bag’.

To, one presumes, little old ladies. While scruffy yoof walk their pitbulls with impunity.

Members of the public are also being encouraged to take pictures of offenders using their smartphones and upload them to the council website.

That's going to fall foul of privacy and data protection laws so fast it'll make your head spin!

H/T: Alf Stone via email, who commented: "There's no truth in the rumour that the enforcers will be called Sh*t Trackers And Sh*t Inspectors - STASI for short." 

When Running To The Local Paper Backfires....

Sam Holland, of Elm Road, Leigh, was travelling home from London at about 9pm with his legs resting on the seat.

A man ordered the 31-year-old to take his feet off the seat, despite Mr Holland pointing out they were not touching the fabric.

Mr Holland said he was bemused by the man’s attitude because there were just seven other commuters on the carriage.

So..?

I'm unaware of any unwritten rule that says it's OK to put your dirty feet on the seats if there's below minimum people in the carriage?

He said: “A few minutes later he came back and pulled my legs off the seat.

“He was looming over me and I felt I needed to stand up. I didn’t feel I was doing anything wrong. I started to speak to another passenger about the situation and then I was hit.”

General disclaimer here, violence is - of course! - not the answer, and blah, blah, blah...

He said: “Since it happened I have read story after story about people dying from a single punch. I just want to use this opportunity to say: ‘I didn’t die but I could have.’”

What a terrible loss it would have been to the world, eh, Sam?

British Transport Police (BTP) investigated and seized CCTV footage. However, the footage did not work and officers then interviewed the man, who said he was acting in self-defence.

BTP told Mr Holland the man will face no further action because he claimed he had “reasonable excuse to act in the way he did.”

 *laughs*

Mr Holland said he wants witnesses to the November 15 incident to come forward.

He added: “I just want to highlight that this is just not a nice thing to do to somebody. I just see it too often- there are too many angry people on that line.”

Yes there are. Because of inbred scum like you.

At the time of writing, there are 161 comments. Virtually none have the least shred of sympathy.

And those that do...

And then a lot further down, we find that Sam's only recourse hasn't been the local paper. Like the ignorant self-absorbed little manchild he is, he's put his story on FaceBook. 

And it makes him look even more of a See You Next Tuesday, and I didn't think this was even possible!

Oh dear...

Oh! That Didn't Go As Planned!

Mosley was ordered to serve a minimum term of 30 years for the killing of Mr Smith, of Potton, Bedfordshire, but today took his bid to clear his name to the Court of Appeal.

His lawyers argued that violence between the families outside Cambridge Crown Court during the trial may have skewed the jury's view of the case.

Police had been unable to control those who congregated outside, resulting in what the trial judge described as "pandemonium".

John Black QC, for Mosley, today argued that the chaos in the street was enough to make the jury's verdict "unsafe".

Hmmm, a convincing argument?

But rejecting the appeal bid, Lord Justice Simon said, if anything, the jury were likely to have been prejudiced against the Smith family if they saw what happened.

LOL!

H/T: CJ Nerd via email