Tweet Of The Month

...and a very appropriate one for Hallowe'en!

Post Title Of The Month

Longrider on the latest purity test for aspiring film & TV show producers:

Quote Of The Month

Fahrenheit211 on yet more whinging from the usual suspects:

"Only six letter boxes. This sounds like the work of an excessively lazy Christian evangelist to me. Most of the Christian Evangelists I’ve ever come across who poke stuff through letterboxes can normally achieve a much higher strike rate than six. I had a look at the tract in question (this looks, going by the cover, like the ‘Allah has no son’ one) and yes it is anti-Islamic as one would expect a fundamentalist Christian tract to be when it comes to Islam. As for slurs I have to ask: Are these ‘vile slurs’ any worse than the words that can be found in the Koran about non-Muslims? I doubt it. In any event the level of criticism aimed at Islam in Chick Tracts is no different from the from the criticism that Chick Tracts aim at other religions and lifestyles. Chick Tracts and items like them are I’m afraid are just part and parcel of living in a society that has freedom of religion, unlike places like Pakistan for instance where there is none."

Post Of The Month

Hector Drummond on the once-respectable 'Telegraph'...

It's Madness, I Tell You!

The Drawing Board in New Street advertised its Halloween event - Return To The Asylum - on Facebook...

In the online advert, the bar said: “The deranged doctors and nurses have lost control of the mental Asylum AGAIN and all the killers and psychopaths are running free.

"Enter at your own risk.... Don’t forget to have your medicine on arrival!”

Well, the snowflakes aren't going to take that lying down!

Amanda Griffiths, from York Mental Health Peer Support Group, said the way the party had been advertised was “ill thought out and irresponsible”.

Amanda said: “We would like business owners in York to be a little more responsible about how they promote the events and how they learn about mental health.

“It’s about recognising that a lot of people who are receiving mental health care and treatment, or suffering from difficulties, might have experienced traumatic life changing events in the past.”

*sighs*

This Actually Explains A Lot Of Social Work Failures...

A mother-of-one asked a friend if she had ever held on to an automatic garage door as it opened moments before she was dragged into its rollers and died, an inquest heard.

Social worker Heidi Chalkley, 40, was pulled into the mechanism of the metal shutters in an underground car park in Ruth Bagnall Court, Cambridge after she took hold of it with her arms.

*boggle*

Ms Chalkley was described as a 'beautiful, successful and accomplished young woman', who was 'highly intelligent and driven'.

Objection, your honour!

It added: 'Without her this world is a much colder place.'

But the average IQ went up. So it's all good.

Even The Keystone Kops Look Askance At Essex Police Farce..

The first letter warning the pensioner of her court case had been sent to the same street name in the wrong town, making her unaware she had been charged.

By the time it finally arrived at her home in Wivenhoe, Essex, the original court date had passed.

Mrs Harvey was then told to hand herself in at Colchester police station, but due to more blunders officers were still sent to arrest her at her home on Monday night.

And what was this 78 year old miscreant's crime?

Beryl Harvey's beloved Labrador-Collie cross Marley bit fellow dog walker Fiona O'Brien-Smith on a playing field near her home. The incident left her with a light scratch and bruising and police went on to interview Mrs Harvey, 78, after the incident, which occurred almost seven months ago.

Despite hearing nothing after her interview, the grandmother-of-five was stunned last week when she received a letter telling her she had missed a court hearing.

And despite the fact they never seem to be in much of a hurry to get into a ruck with knife-wielding traveller youths, the prospect of arresting a 78 year old woman must have stiffened the sinews of the brave boys of the Essex farce:

The pensioner, who has no previous convictions, was then forced to spend a terrifying night in police cells ahead of her hearing before magistrates in Colchester.

She was taken from the police station to the court and when she finally appeared before magistrates 21 hours after her arrest she admitted a charge of being in charge of a dog which was dangerously out of control.

/golfclap

Well done, lads!

Church volunteer Mrs Harvey did not hit out at the police for their actions, kindly saying she had just been very unfortunate.

'The police will just say they are doing their job. It was just error after error with ghastly jail cell food in-between.'

You're too kind.

Magistrates handed her a 12-month conditional discharge, meaning there will be no further punishment against her if she does not re-offend.

And the farce?

An Essex Police spokeswoman said: 'The letters were sent to the address we had on our records. If Miss Harvey is unhappy with how the matter has been dealt with, she can contact us and we will look into her concerns.'

What do you mean, 'if'?

Crying Wolf At A Chihuahua...

Matt Dent, Labour councillor for Kursaal took to Twitter to voice his concerns.

He said on Twitter: “I've received alarming reports of posters for a far-right political group cropping up in locations around Southend, particularly on the Woodgrange Estate in Kursaal ward.”

*gasps*

“The emergence of divisive, hate-fuelled far-right politics in our communities is something we have to be eternally vigilant against. We need unity, not division, and cannot allow one group to be played against another, along fictitious and imaginary lines.”

So what's on these horrible, awful, no good posters?

"Bring the dog and kids build a kite and play games with the team"

*squints*

"We have far too many crimes not being investigated while the police chase hate crime."

Ummm....

"We give away billions in foreign aid to other countries while our's fall apart"

Apart from the grocer's apostrophe, it's, well, not exactly rabble-rousing material, is it?

A For Britain Movement spokesman said: "It is a shame that this Councillor, like so many, chooses to make wild statements without any basis in fact.

"For Britain was founded by an ex Labour Party member that worked for the NHS, and even a cursory glance at the party manifesto would see policies that in the majority are left leaning. As a party we typically appeal to traditional Labour voters.”

Ah. The sort that might decide to switch allegiance from Corbyn's Labour, in other words.

And after all, that's a fear of the very man now denouncing them. What changed his mind, I wonder?

Shock! Not Saint Stephen!

A wannabe Tory councillor has defended “offensive” social media comments where she called murdered Stephen Lawrence a violent drug dealer.

'Wannabe'...? What's up, Newsshopper? Can't spell 'prospective'?

“All this Stephen Lawrence stuff gets on my tits,” Ms Sillick wrote in the comments of a Facebook group thread. She added: “He was a drug dealer who used violence to get what he wanted. My own father witnessed him going into a shop and demanding cigarettes he used a knife to threaten the member of staff behind the counter and ordered her to hand over hundred or pounds worth of cigarettes.”

The potential councillor claims Stephen also threatened a young girl with a knife at the shop where her dad worked.

Oh dear! Predictably, the media & opposition party is now whipping up a storm.

Ms Sillick defended the comments when approached by News Shopper.

She said: “I stand by them. Not that anyone deserved to be killed. My dad was working at the Co-op in Eltham when this happened.”

I suspect that won't last. How long before she apologises, withdraws & deletes her social media account, I wonder?

Close, 'Mail', But...

...no cheroot!

Our Criminal Classes Are Not What They Once Were...

...surely, someone in the London underworld could lay their hands on a mongoose?

Sunday Funnies...

A bit more serious than 'Oops, we cut off the wrong leg'...

And I Thought The Women Who Wrote To Jailed Serial Killers Were Crazy..!

The owner of a sanctuary for dangerous dogs destined to be put down aims to expand its services because there is no room for any more animals.

*blinks*

Founder Karen Fairclough started the organisation after gaining training qualifications following years of experience as a dog walker. She currently has 15 dogs in her care and has the heartbreaking task of turning away dozens more every day due to a lack of space and time.

Miss Fairclough hopes to turn this around by expanding the service.

So this woman has 15 certified dangerous dogs? And wants more? And wants strangers to pay for this?

She said: “When Charlie first got here, you could be 100 metres from his kennel and he would be going mad, throwing himself at the walls – if he got a hold of someone he probably would have killed them.

“After a year of building trust, he’s happy to be around people, take treats and has really come a long way.

“If we tried to rehome him it could have crippling consequences so it’s better for his welfare that he stays.”

It'd be better for his welfare and everybody else's safety if the damn thing was shot!

Charlie, although still aggressive if something spooks him, is now able to be taken out on the premises for walks.

*boggle*

Miss Fairclough said: “We gained his trust and taught him to walk on a catch pole so that if he gets scared he can’t attack me and we can get him safely home.

“He’s still a dog able to do what dogs love to do and one day I hope he can go out walking in quiet public places.”

You can't walk this thing on a lead, you have to use a catch pole to prevent an 'accidental mauling'..? FFS!

Once Again, The Modern 'Tory Party' In Action...

The Basildon Labour group had tabled an emergency motion following the announcement that taxpayers are being asked to foot the bill for the clearance of the camp.

Basildon Council has admitted £4m is still owed to it for the 2011 eviction, but gave up chasing the debt from the travellers after it became clear it would be too difficult.

What more evidence do you need for the complete destruction of the Tory Party..?

Welcome To Sharia Law, Thanks To The ECHR..

Defaming the Prophet Muhammed “goes beyond the permissible limits of an objective debate" and "could stir up prejudice and put at risk religious peace” and thus exceeds the permissible limits of freedom of expression, ruled the European Court of Human Rights (ECHR) on Thursday, upholding a lower court decision.

How can you 'defame' a historical figure? 

The decision by a seven-judge panel came after an Austrian national identified as Mrs. S. held two seminars in 2009, entitled “Basic Information on Islam,” in which she defamed the Prophet Muhammad’s marriage.

*blinks*

According to a statement released by the court on Thursday, the Vienna Regional Criminal Court found that these statements implied that Muhammad had pedophilic tendencies...

If there's a better name for a figure who marries an eight year old girl, I've yet to hear it...

H/T: OldHolborn via Twitter

Spot The Difference...

Dogs survived, owner prosecuted:

Dog died, 'owner' .... errrr.....

And it's not like it's the first time, either. Still, lessons will be learned. Apparently.

Wait, wasn't that what they said the last time..?

"We'd Better Call In Special Branch, Sarge!"

According to Devon and Cornwall Police, an 11-year-old girl is refusing to come down from three tree and is reportedly 'throwing things' at members of the public.

Eyewitnesses have reported seeing two fire engines and numerous police vehicles.

But remember, 'the terrible effects of Tory cuts on police efficiency'...

'The Slap', Updated For Wales...

Kyus Hannibal (Ed: !!!), of College Road, Pontypool pleaded guilty to assaulting a child under 10 at Newport Magistrates Court.

Hmmm, I've read this book.

The court heard that Hannibal and the boy were both at a pub when the incident happen. Prosecutor Christian Rose said that after getting drinks, 24-year-old Hannibal started to walk down steps to the beer garden.

"The boy's mother saw the defendant walking down the steps, carrying two drinks, and he slipped on the last few," he said. "But he managed to keep hold of them. He fell back again but managed to stand up.

"As a result, the boy and friends stood next to him and laughed."

Hannibal - who was intoxicated - then turned to the boy and threw vodka into his face.

"It hit his eyes," said Mr Rose.

Ah. Not quite the same!

District judge David Parsons gave him a 14-week suspended prison sentence and order him to carry out 100 hours unpaid work. He was also ordered to pay £250 in compensation and £85 costs.

Only in Wales...

Just Imagine What Goes On At The Illegal Ones..!

Eight people have been arrested after a legal traveller site in London was raided by police.

Two cannabis farms, a puppy farm, spent shell casings and cash were found by officers who stormed the 40 pitch Thistlebrook Estate in Greenwich, this week, according to a report from the Metropolitan Police.

Well, at least someone in the Essex Farce had the balls to finally...

Oh!

Detective Superintendent Jane Corrigan said: 'Today's operation highlights what can be achieved though partnership action.'

Or what can be achieved when you remember what that uniform used to stand for, anyway.

'Drugs and the associated crime that comes with them are a blight on the lives of the law abiding communities of London.

'The action we have taken this morning will significantly reduce the negative impact of the drug trade on local people in this area and disrupt the activities of both drug dealers and users alike.'

For a while, anyway.

Bet They'd Find That Manpower If She'd Complained About Something Other Than A Theft!

...despite getting his first name, an address and phone number, police refused to accompany her to the culprit’s home – forcing her to meet the thief alone and then ‘steal back’ her own bike by riding off on it.

And after she gave police a detailed description of the alleged criminal, they said there was ‘insufficient information to proceed with an investigation’ and closed the case.

/facepalm

...she took screenshots from the website, with a first name and phone number, to police.

She claims that after waiting for two hours at a police station the desk clerk told her: ‘We don’t have the manpower to look at these sorts of things.’

Well, that's where you went wrong! You should have told them you found something 'offensive' on the webpage!

Or better yet, racist, because as Tim Newman points out, that will bring Essex Police farce on the run liketty-split, even if it isn't actually their jurisdiction.

A furious Mrs Jenson, 44, said last night: ‘It has made me realise how bad the state of policing is here.

‘It’s unbelievable that victims of crimes are having to investigate and then collect their own stolen items. And then nothing is done still. It makes me so angry.

‘No wonder criminals think they can get away with it – because they can.

‘I was nervous for weeks after I took it back. I didn’t sleep properly for days. I feel so angry and so helpless and feel like I am not safe.’

You aren't now. Especially if you park on a double yellow!

Absolute Scum...

Sentencing Owen, district judge Diane Baker said the defendant ‘showed no remorse at all during interview’ and ‘gave a lot of excuses’.

Well, his hired mouthpiece did, anyway:

Defending Owen, Neil Lewin said the defendant is still a young man who has had a troubled upbringing. He said: ‘He has a complex background and was in a long-term relationship for six years.

‘When the relationship broke down it caused a lot of emotional distress. He didn’t cope well whatsoever. ‘

Around the time of this breakdown he got Archie and it appears the time wasn’t right for him to have a pet.

‘Mr Owen has anger management problems and difficult dealing with traumatic experiences.’

Translation: He's an unrepentant, inadequate little manchild who can only get it up when he's abusing something that cam't fight back.

And already a criminal:

Owen had already been given a suspended sentence at Truro Crown Court for a separate offence so Judge Baker handed Owen an immediate custodial sentence.

Owen was then given an 18-week prison sentence and told that he must appear at Truro Crown Court for a judge to decide on the activation of the suspended sentence.

He must also pay £500 in costs and is now banned from keeping animals for life.

You'd hope that would be a straightforward decision to make.

"You never had control, that's the illusion!"

Frankly, I'd feel safer strolling down the road in Jurassic Park than in some parts of London...

Even Blanche Dubois Thinks You're Taking It A Bit Too Far...

Yesterday we reported how businesses are confused as to why a family-sized tent on their street has not been moved.

The tent in Duke Street is the abode of lovebirds Kieran Spiteri, 34, and Bernice Howley, 41, who have been living there for more than three months.

The couple rely on the generosity of shops in the street who provide them with hot chocolate, a place to wash, toilets, and electricity.

How nice. But, you say, why don't they work, like everyone else?

Kieran used to enjoy his job as a ground worker but had a psychotic episode in November last year and had to leave, he said.

Ah.

Bernice says they have been told they can stay if they keep their area clean, put their rubbish in the bin and are not rude to the locals.

In other words, behave like a normal member of society?

They have struggled to find a house for months and say they are “playing a waiting game”.

They do not have enough money to move into a house and are hoping the council will be able to provide them with a more permanent home.

'The council' doesn't have any money. It's the poor taxpayer of Brighton, working to keep a roof over his own head, that'll be stumping up. As always.

'Silly Season' Gets Later Every Year...

Police Scotland urged the public to be vigilant after a reputed sighting of the animal in fields near the B730 at 8.45 this morning.

Yeah, yeah. We've been here before.

Detectives were working with the Scottish Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SSPCA) to locate the animal, which may be injured.

But it seems that the SSPCA found a quick way out:

The SSPCA said it had liaised with the police but had since stood down since it was unable to deal with big cats.

Or vampires, werewolves, banshees....

A police spokeswoman said: "Officers who have been investigating a number of reports of a large black cat in fields near to the B730 have been liaising with a big cat expert who does not believe that it is a black panther, however cannot yet confirm what type of animal it is."

I'll help him out here. It's a cat. And those two things in the foreground aren't pterodactyls, they're magpies.

Oh. And you're a laughing stock. But then, you're used to that...

Seems A Bit Judgemental...

Doesn't it?

Laura McEwen, 26, was travelling back to the family home in Idle with her partner Ashley Baker, 28, and girls Niamh, three, and Isla, 18 months, when the horrific incident happened.

Ah!

In A Warm, Fuzzy Blanket...?

Those homonyms get them every time...

Sunday Funnies...

I'm fairly amazed they could limit themselves to just six...

Liverpool - Twinned With The Nearest Open Sewer...

Lewis Barkley, 11, suffered horrifying injuries when he and a friend, who cannot be named, were attacked in Speke on June 24 this year. Harrowing pictures of terrified Lewis, who suffered 17 bites requiring more than 300 stitches, were released by his family after his ordeal.

Fredrick Farnsworth, 73, of Stapleton Avenue, Speke, admitted two counts of being in charge of a dog which was dangerously out of control. But the two Staffordshire Bull Terriers - which he claims he was walking for a man called 'Mark' - still remain at large and could strike again.

Because he's refused to hand them over. Yes, you read that right.

Judge Gary Woodhall today said the grandad's stance showed "a complete lack of remorse" and told him: "You should hang your head in shame".

Shame is only felt by humans.

Liverpool Crown Court heard Farnsworth denied perverting the course of justice, by allegedly misleading police over the location of the dogs.

He was set to stand trial, but prosecutors were forced to drop the charge after conceding there was not a realistic prospect of a conviction.

Meaning that the jury selection process in Liverpool is incapable of picking those with an IQ over 45..? Or that even their normal human instincts of self-preservation are overrun by misplaced sympathy with the petty criminal?

Farnsworth said he took the dogs home and locked them in his garage before going back to the park, but when he returned with police, they had gone.

Yeah, sure.

He confessed that the dogs had earlier ripped apart a football belonging to some other boys and he had paid them £10, before the second attack.

/facepalm

Farnsworth's 12 previous convictions for 19 offences, the last in 1999, are mostly for dishonesty and driving matters, but also include assaults in the 1960s.

Fine, upstanding citizen, clearly.

He used two crutches in the dock, which Jeremy Rawson, defending, said was the result of a hip replacement in August, and also has arthritis.

Sure, that must be the reason.

Judge Woodhall noted in a pre-sentence report, Farnsworth said he would rather spend time in prison than place his grandson at risk by naming the dogs' owner.

He said: "It seems you're in effect condoning what happened - putting other members of the public at risk of serious injury."

The judge ordered the destruction of the dogs - which he said the owner was hiding from the authorities - and banned Farnsworth from keeping dogs indefinitely.

Unrepentant Farnsworth showed no emotion as he was jailed for 18 months.

If police turned up to these cases and shot the dogs then and there, we wouldn't have this expensive farce.

A Beta Male Speaks...

The words and wisdom of Carl Cederström, associate professor of organisation studies (Ed: nope, not a clue...) at Stockholm Business School, Stockholm University:

The journalist Richard Godwin has described in the Guardian how, in his quest to examine modern manhood, he found groups where men were doing “breathing exercises, talking about their fathers, pretending to be tigers, leaning in on one another, working out which Jungian archetype we vibed with, and trying to articulate why we all felt so defensive and angry and misunderstood so much of the time”.

Men were doing these things, were they? Ordinary, off-the-street, pint-in-the-pub-after-work, men..?

I'm sceptical.

I opted for a quieter approach, following the advice that, to show solidarity with the movement, you could begin by seriously listening to women.

Well, that's probably a better start than some men have managed. But did you plan to listen to ordinary women?

No. Of course not. They might say things you didn't want to hear.

So I decided to spend the month leading up to the first anniversary of the Weinstein revelations reading some feminist classics, which, for inexplicable reasons, I had never got round to.

Oh, I don't think that's so 'inexplicable', really...

...the experience of watching the evening news with my wife and eight-year-old daughter as the welter of #MeToo allegations began. The news anchor read out some of the testimonies that had been shared on social media. Usually, when horrible things are reported, we could, as a well-protected family, who previously lived in Wales, now in Sweden, calm my daughter down by saying that these things hardly ever happen in our neighbourhood. But we couldn’t do that now.

No, you couldn't. I wonder if you told her why...?

They Had Help In That, Didn't They, DCI Pasmore...?

Detective Chief Inspector Martin Pasmore, from Essex Police, said: "These men put an innocent family though a living hell and subjected them to violent threats in their own home - a place many of us consider as a place of safety.

"A woman and two children were forced to watch as a loved one had their hands bound by the men and what appeared to be a firearm put to his head.

"Fearing for his own safety and the safety of his family, he managed to challenge Robertson, who died of his injuries sustained during a struggle.

"Two of the victims have been forced to relive the ordeal in court and bravely gave evidence."

Yes, it must have been absolute hell. He must have thanked his lucky stars when the police arriv...

Oh.

Mr Wood was arrested on suspicion of murder but later released.

Yes, despite the witnesses and the clear evidence he was assaulted in his own home by thugs, no reason not to compound it by banging up the real victim, eh?

“The Truth? No! I Can’t Handle The Truth!”

Karen Kerridge, headteacher of Appleton School, slammed the ambulance service after Hannah Rowe, 13, was left waiting following a fall at the school during a break time.

Why was she 'left waiting'..?

Sharon Rowe, 47, from Pitsea, is upset the service said her daughter was not a priority as she was conscious and breathing despite the level of pain.

Yup, that's what 'emergency ambulance' means. A dislocated knee is painful, I'm sure, but she's unlikely to die.

Here's a nice man from the emergency services to explain it to you and the headmistress (who should have known better):

A spokesman from the ambulance service said: “We always regret any distress caused when patients have to wait to be assessed and treated.

“At the time of this incident, we were experiencing a very high level of calls.

“More than half of the incidents we respond to every day are to people with serious or life-threatening conditions. We focus on our sickest patients first, and unfortunately at times of high demand that means that people with non-life threatening injuries can experience longer waits for an ambulance.

“When we have high numbers of calls, we will call patients back to check on their welfare and if their condition has changed. We understand that at this incident a nurse was at the scene with the patient who was able to advise us.”

Clear now?

"Overreach? What Overreach?"

Why not go the whole hog and demand radios are taken out of cars (including police and other emergency vehicles)?

They Can Admit When They Got It Wrong...

It seems common sense has finally prevailed:

The judge who over ruled the original decision said: "It is important that this was not an uncontrolled dog, it was not a prohibited dog or a dog trained to be aggressive.

Precautions had been taken to reduce any potential risk the dog would cause. There's no suggestion the dog had attacked people before - it seems this was an isolated incident.

We do not think there is any evidence that Miss Fletcher is anything other than a fit and proper person to keep dogs and, after having heard the evidence of expert witnesses, we are satisfied the dog does not constitute a danger to public safety."

 Better send the cretins from the original case back to lawyer school, then...

Miss Fletcher must still keep Kye in the rear of her garden, make sure he is muzzled in public and when visitors are at the house, and have him neutered.

He's not the only thing that will soon lack balls.

"Let The State Do It..." Part 249358

Coroner Catharine Palmer said Miss McKay’s death was unascertained and called the community mental health team’s work “suboptimal”.

Hmmm....

That seems to be rather mild criticism, given the circumstances.

Miss McKay was found dead in a chair in her living room by police on January 11. Brighton Coroner’s Court was told she died in the first week of 2018 – though an exact date could not be ascertained.

David Manser, one of the nurses who visited Miss McKay, was asked if her behaviour on December 19 was a cause for concern, but he stood by his actions.

Claire Williams, the community mental health team’s service manager, said her team “should have done more”.

So, you'll be sacking them? No. Of course not.

You Will Be Lectured, Even If You Aren't Doing Anything To Deserve It!

The Essex Police Castle Point and Rochford Team went to Kingston Primary School, Thundersley for the event. The team worked with the school children educating drivers who found (sic) to be speeding outside the school.

During the event 29 vehicles in total were stopped, six for not wearing a seatbelt and two for obstructing police.

So, some people got a bit shirty when being stopped to be lectured by the little 'uns, did they?

Well, no. Actually, they didn't.

Commenters attempted to help PC Risden with his faulty logic, but he wasn't having any of it:

Translation: "How can we stand there in our uniform and hector them in front of the awed kiddiewinks if they obey the speed law, the rotten spoilsports!"

The Dark Side Of Positive Discrimination...

Chinyere Inyama, who was Britain’s first black coroner, was suspended on full pay from his £120,000 post as Senior West London Coroner in October 2016 following complaints about his behaviour.

After a 14-month inquiry, he was reinstated in December 2017 by the coroners’ watchdog, the Judicial Conduct Investigations Office (JCIO), and ordered to undergo retraining.

Which hasn't sat well with his colleagues. And seems odd to me too, particularly in light of some other cases where such leniency hasn't been forthcoming....

Five sitting coroners, none of whom are permitted to speak publicly, have told The Mail on Sunday that they believe Mr Inyama’s Nigerian heritage lies behind the decision not to dismiss him.

Well, why not? After all, it was what got him the job in the first place!

‘It’s no secret Inyama got the West London job because of positive discrimination. Others were better suited,’ claimed one.

‘But there was a feeling in the coronial service that more should be done to boost diversity ... Diversity now seems the reason it’s proving impossible to get rid of him.’

Sounds familiar, doesn't it?

Former chief coroner Sir Peter Thornton was said to have been an observer when Inyama was interviewed for the West London post.

‘He knew about Inyama’s past,’ said the source. ‘But neither he nor Inyama mentioned it. There was a reasonable expectation Thornton would be frank about Inyama’s history. He doesn’t seem to have been.’

 That 'past' referred to? Well, it's a murky one, all right.

A council source claimed the Inyama scandal has cost his employer, Hammersmith and Fulham Council, almost £500,000.

Nope, not even close. It's cost the taxpayer. Just as it always does.

"When the early Jesuit fathers preached to Hurons and Choctaws.."

..."They prayed to be delivered from the vengeance of the squaws.":

Chyane Stephenson-Dielhenn (Ed: chavname alert!), 18, and a 16-year-old girl who cannot be named, held the victim hostage in a care home in Dagenham, Essex, for more than eight hours between 4 March and 5 March 2018.

The 16-year-old victim was forced to swallow her own vomit and snort a mixture of salt and tea. The pair also physically attacked the victim: pouring sugar in her ears, burning her with cigarettes, punching her and tying her up.

The horrific ordeal was filmed by the sadistic duo on Snapchat, with the ‘cruel and sickening attacks’ being shown to the jury at Snaresbrook Crown Court.

Whew! At least this enabled horrified readers to call the poli...

Oh.

Instead of raising the alarm, recipients of the videos sent suggestions about what the girls should do to their victim next.

Why are they not in the dock too?

Prosecutor James Thacker described it as a ‘wicked and despicable attack’, and revealed the 16-year-old perpetrator had eight previous convictions for crimes including criminal damage, battery, robbery and theft.

Well, of course. But remember, we can't know her name, because she's 'vulnerable'...

Stephenson-Dielhenn, of Islington, north London, denied false imprisonment and assault occasioning actual bodily harm but was found guilty following a trial last month. She was jailed for three years.

The 16-year-old admitted false imprisonment and assault occasioning actual bodily harm and was jailed for two-and-a-half years.

Nowhere near long enough. But something's puzzling me - why is a chav from Islington torturing another girl in Dagenham? Still, if she's learned her lesson...

Ah.

That Long March Through The Institutions Again...

Concluding the reply was this rather odd remark that while article polls were “good for engagement” they were not regarded as a “scientific barometer as evidence of how our audience feels about any particular topic.”

That's from Kipper Central, who wondered why 'Farmer's Weekly' didn't publish the results of a reader poll about non-stun slaughter. And so enquired about it.

But we all know why, don't we?

On the 27th September, 7,829 votes had been cast and 79% of those voted were against the practice.

If 'Farmer's Weekly' has fallen, what hope is there?

H/T: ProActivePatriots via Twitter

Another 'Terribly Rare Case*', Eh?

A mother-of-three has been jailed for falsely accusing a teenage boy of rape after she lured him into public toilets for sex.

Sophie Skinner, 25, was sentenced to 18 months after being found guilty of perverting the course of justice.

Twenty-five going on thirty-five, judging by her pictures...

Mr Osborne was arrested, spent 17 hours in a police cell and had to go through an 'embarrassing' medical examination.

Not as embarrassing as all your pals clocking the state of the older woman you pulled, I expect...

Newport Crown Court heard he was saved by the local council's CCTV system which caught Skinner preying on her young victim.

If not for that, I suspect the #IBelieveHer effect would have seen him sent down.

The court heard Mr Osborne lost his job and reputation while out on bail during the police investigation into Skinner's false claims.

And her excuse? Well, obviously, she doesn't have one.

The court heard 'vulnerable' Skinner, who was taken into care as a child, continued to protest her innocence.

And there's probably a lot of people who believe her. Even now.

H/T: Tim W

Attack Of The Homophones Pt 2

*sighs* Well, sunburn does hurt, I suppose...

H/T: Bucko via email

Attack Of The Homophones Pt 1

I...

I can't even....

Sunday Funnies...

Five things you never really thought about before (but won't be able to stop now)...

A Judge Says This Is 'Atrocious'...

Nine nurses and a security guard were injured during the incident, which resulted in six staff members having to take sick leave and another resigning.

No, no! Not that. That's just 'part of the job', I guess. No, this bewigged SJW knows what's really terrible:

The 15-year-old, identified as R, was said to have post-traumatic stress disorder from living in a war zone in Iraq for several years.

The girl had been at Alder Hey children’s hospital in Liverpool for several months while the city council tried to find her a long-term care placement.

Did they try looking for one in Iraq? No. Of course not.

The judge, Mr Justice Hayden, was told she came across a shrine to Alfie Evans – the toddler who died at the hospital from a brain disease in April – and it triggered a “breakdown and assault” of Alder Hey staff.

Hayden said the failure to find the girl an appropriate placement was causing her harm (Ed: yes, her!) and “actually preventing sick children from being treated”.

He said R had been subjected to “really profound physical and emotional harm” and “the state, from whom she was entitled to expect care and support, has caused her significant harm”.

“It is difficult to imagine a situation more horrific,” he said.

“The fact is what has been happening here is little short of atrocious. The public have an interest in knowing so and it must never happen again.”

This member of the public fully agrees. We must never again allow a 'child refugee' to assault staff and block beds needed for sick British children.

If she cannot be safely handled, she must be treated as we'd treat a dangerous wild animal. It's not as if the council wasn't doing it's level best to offload her.

A council spokesman said: “Intensive and specialised support and care is needed for this child and it has taken much longer than all parties would have wished to identify a suitable placement to meet her specific needs.

“There has been an extensive UK-wide search for a therapeutic placement, as all of those involved have been extremely concerned about the length of time the child has been in Alder Hey.

“A bespoke placement, which includes specialist training for those who will care for her, is in the process of being created.”

I suggest you'd best look to Chester Zoo to provide that 'specialist training'.

Wales - Where Sheep (And Small Dogs And Cats) Have Even More Reasons To Be Nervous...

Sally Ann Rudge, from Newport, was given an 18-week custodial sentence last month after her pets fatally attacked the other dog in the Bettws area of the city.

Newport magistrates had also ordered that the Staffordshire bull terriers, Ruby and Kia, be destroyed and disqualified her from owning a dog for five years.

You just know there's a 'But...' coming, don't you?

Appearing via video link from Eastwood Park Prison, Rudge, 42, of Lambourne Way, appealed against her sentence at Cardiff Crown Court.

Did she have any actual grounds..?

Prosecutor Leah Pollard said that the defendant had previously been subject to a community protection notice after dogs in her care had killed a number of cats.

I wonder how close Newport is to Merthyr Tydfil..? Perhaps pet owners should be granted the same rights to protect their livestock given to farmers?

She said that when her Staffordshire bull terriers killed Yorkshire terrier Titch while she was walking them on Lambourne Way on May 10, they were on leads but not muzzled – as they were supposed to be.

The court also heard that Rudge had a previous conviction under the Dangerous Dogs Act from 2012.

So, the appeal is bound to fail?

Eugene Egan, representing the defendant, said that his client had given Titch’s owner a “verbal warning” and asked him to pick up his dog.

Wait, what? That's the best thing you can offer? Doesn't that help the prosecution?

Well, clearly not.

The judge, Recorder Simon Foster, sitting with magistrates Christopher Dale and Stephen Withers, quashed the original sentence from last month.

They jailed Rudge for 12 weeks, suspended for one year, ordered that Ruby and Kia, currently under the care of her ex-partner pending the appeal, not be destroyed on condition that they be muzzled and on a lead at all times.

I hope the next pet (or toddler) they savage is one of the judge's or magistrate's.

But then, they don't mingle with people like this, do they? So they have no vested interest in ensuring that the neighbourhood is safe. It's never their neighbourhood.

And so vigilante justice is looking more and more likely.

'Whether these were decent people or criminals you just do not know.'

Oh, I think you do!

The passenger of a Mercedes in Hayes, WestLondon was found to have been killed, after suffering a gunshot wound. Police and paramedics rushed to West Drayton Road after the car he was travelling in swerved into people in the street, on Thursday.

When they arrived at the scene, between the junctions of Morello Avenue and Cherry Grove at around 2.43pm, they found a man had been shot dead.

However, it is believed the drive-by in which he was injured took place on Uxbridge Road around 3km away.

Anyone care to place a bet?

“The Readers Online Looked From Woman To Dog, And From Dog To Woman...”

"...and from woman to dog again; but already it was impossible to say which was which."

"And Now, A Word From The Famous Crisp Salesman..."

'Whatever the outcome...' *rolls eyes*

One critic named Eisha Action accused the club of "irresponsibly glazing over the situation in the most insensitive way possible."

While Zack Goldman tweeted: "This is very bad and you should delete it, apologise, apologise another time and try again."

Football writer Daniel Storey said: "Don't think it's helpful to offer opinions on serious allegations - particularly on social media - but that Juventus statement in (sic) abhorrent."

If the snowflakes are upset, it's a sign you're doing something right.

Ronaldo's sponsors Nike and video game maker EA Sports have both expressed concern about his alleged conduct.

Doesn't anyone believe in 'innocent until proven guilty' any more..?

I'd Have Thought The Answer To This Is Obvious....

Dramatic video footage captured the moment passengers on a flight from London to Turkey stopped the unnamed man from being deported by demanding he be taken off the plane.

...and it's to remove the complaining passengers from the plane instead!

...a source told MailOnline that the man was being deported from the UK because he is a 'foreign national offender' who has been convicted of serious offences.

Maybe his victims could be invited in to a televised debate with the do-gooders, so they can realise their actions have consequences.

One passenger points out the man being deported says he is going to Mogadishu in Somalia and the officer responds: 'And you believe him?'

In another incident a passenger claims that people die in Mogadishu, the official responds: 'They die in London, sir.'

Nice comeback, but 'Sit down, shut up or you're off this plane!' would work a lot better.

Update: Well, now we know. How do those virtue signallers feel now?

I Don't Think It's The Tenancy That Needs To Be Stable....

April Fillingham, 27, from Hindley in Wigan, has been sleeping in the wooden outdoor play house in the garden behind her mother's bungalow for six months. She said: "It's cold and there's a drip from the roof. Sleeping's a nightmare."

Cue 'Why doesn't the State DO SOMETHING!' from the usual suspects.

Turns out they did. Three times.

Wigan Council said her three council tenancies had ended "due to anti-social behaviour" but it was working towards "a more permanent and stable tenancy".

But why can't she live with her mother, you ask?

...her mother's health and lifestyle differences mean she cannot share the bungalow.

*quizzical look*

"I'm 27, I should be able to be living on my own... I'm lucky enough that I'm not in a doorway and I'm grateful for that but there's still a problem.

"I just want somewhere to live - to call my own, where I can go and look after myself and get on with my life," she said.

The problem's not been in the housing stock, has it?

H/T: @simonmount1 via Twitter

In This Story, The Only One I Feel Sorry For Is The Dog...

Kyle Samuels, 29, confronted Sophie Redshaw at Manchester Airport as she walked through the arrivals hall after her flight from Ibiza had landed.

He claimed Miss Redshaw had agreed to look after his pet only to then fly out to the Balearic Islands.

And the natural reaction is to spit in her face.

Samuels, from Sale, Greater Manchester was arrested after being chased by police through a car park.

And the other worthless waste of oxygen?

It is not known whether Miss Redshaw underwent any medical tests following the incident last July 23.

I presume one was a test for brain function. To see how a dim chav could think it was sensible to hook up with another dim chav.

In a statement she said: 'I want him out of my life, he makes it a misery. I am always scared at what he is going to do.'

Which is why you promised to look after his beloved dog then promptly flew off to Chav Disneyland?

In mitigation defence lawyer Jon Mail, said: 'He was contacted by mutual friends and told that his dog was left alone - that's how he found out. The complainant had told him that she wasn't abroad, she was in Salford.

'This was an angry reaction on his behalf that the dog had left alone and he totally accepts that this was wrong of him. He has no intention of getting back the dog, as far as he is concerned the complainant can have it.'

Pity the RSPCA didn't get their hands on the poor animal...

Well, It's 'Integrated', And That's All That Matters!

A nurse has been suspended after making dangerous errors including giving one patient an insulin overdose.

The 'Echo' image library is right on the money:

Or...is it?

Friday Aizebamwan was employed as an agency nurse as part of the Basildon Wickford Integrated Community Team.

Ah!

Spot The Difference...

Civilian:

Smeaton confronted one of the men from the 4x4, who was fighting with a police officer. "I got a kick in," he said. "Other passengers were getting kicks in. The flames were going in two directions ... You know when you're younger, you put a can of Lynx [aftershave] on the fire, and it's like a flame thrower." And: "Me and other folk were just trying to get the boot in and some other guy banjoed him".

Civilian:

A football fan reportedly yelled “F**k you, I’m Millwall” as he single-handedly took on the three knife-wielding London terror attackers armed with nothing more than his fists.

Senior police officer:

The acting Metropolitan Police commissioner locked himself in his car as he watched terrorist Khalid Masood kill one of his colleagues in Westminster because he had "no protective equipment and no radio,” he has told an inquest.

He does have a knighthood now though, I note....

Anyone got Scotland Yard's new address...? 

Apparently, Jean, They Don't Like Them That Much...

The deterioration of the once popular town centre last week prompted Southend Council to hold a summit of organisations, including police, community safety officers and representatives of the Southend Business Improvement District (BID) among those invited to attend.

Southend BID manager Dawn Jeakings attended the summit. Despite recent events she believes the town still has a lot going for it. She said: “We are lucky that we have Southend BID. We have events going on throughout the year. A lot of councils don’t run events because they don’t have the money.

“People come here to go down the pier and to walk along the seafront with its nice views.

“There are lots of new restaurants opening in Southend which people like.”

Spot the odd one out...

Hmmm. Really, Jean?

See? It Can Be Done!

Mr Graham said the destruction of the dog at the scene was 'instantaneous'.

He added: 'From CCTV footage you can hear gunshots. Police who attended shot the dog there and then, in the house, where it was tethered. '

What a nice change - for the taxpayer!

Jane Foley, defending, said the dog had previously been owned by an abusive alcoholic but was rehomed with Sehman's mother.

The mother of an alcoholic. What could go wr...

Oh, yeah. That.

Miss Foley said the animal 'had a sensitivity' towards drunk people as a result of its past abuse and so Mrs Sehman had told her son to keep himself and others away from it.

The court heard the animal had been kept tethered to a bed in Mrs Sehman's room.

As you do with a 'pet'...

Miss Foley added: 'The dog was in his mother's bedroom. Having attended the property he went to fetch a drink for himself and the complainant.

'She, however, ventured into the mother's bedroom and fell upon the bed. It was at that point that the dog reacted in the way it did and attacked her.'

I feel the animal wasn't the only thing that should have been destroyed that day.

"Brett Who...?"

It's... it's right there on his nameplate!

H/T: Stephen Brown via email

Don't Fancy Yours Much!

I assume they meant burlesque dancers.

Or, maybe it was a very different sort of cruise?

H/T: Michael Gooding via email

Sunday Funnies...

Well, yes, to be honest, that's not too hard....

Give Up The Day Job, Love!

Emily Hunt, 39 – who was shocked to see police files that reportedly called her ‘obstructive’ and ‘difficult’ – says officers ‘simply did not like me’.

The strategy consultant says they failed to investigate properly whether she was drugged and attacked and wrote her off as an attention seeker.

That's a terrible thing to say!

But wait. How do we know this, anyway?

Oh. It's from her exclusive interview with the 'Daily Mail', complete with studio portraits.

She later took to Twitter to whine endlessly about how she expected the 'Daily Mail' to be interested in her story, but all they did was 'twist her words'. Imagine!

So this 'strategy consultant' was out-strategised by the 'Mail'. Hmmm.

She was left suicidal in the wake of events at a trendy £200-a-night hotel in Bethnal Green, east London, in May 2015. After a long lunch with her father she met a man in a bar who took her back to a room for sex.

She believes that at some stage she was drugged and can only remember waking alongside the man.

*raises eyebrow*

She raised £27,000 to pay for what would have been the first crowd-funded British private prosecution for rape.

But the Crown Prosecution Service had said there was ‘insufficient evidence’ for a realistic prospect of a guilty verdict, a decision upheld by a further review.

*raises both eyebrows*

Meanwhile, a QC specialising in sex crimes, who was hired with cash from her fighting fund, examined the police dossier and concluded any further legal fight is doomed.

*eyebrows disappear into the back of my head*

Miss Hunt, who is originally from New York, found police did not test tablets held by the man which he claimed were Viagra and LSD. She believes she was given date rape drug GHB.

She said most of the £27,000 she raised has been spent on her legal costs, as well as marketing for her campaigning work.

Does it pay better than strategy consulting then? It can't be because you're better at it, can it?

Use Enough Gun

The Norfolk and Suffolk forces have revealed they have “measures in place in the event of large animals escaping from Banham Zoo or Africa Alive”.

In a joint response to a request under the Freedom of Information (FOI) Act, they said: “Suffolk and Norfolk constabularies own a high-powered rifle and suitable ammunition for dispatching large, thick-skinned animals.”

So the police have bought themselves a .375, have they? They don't reveal the make, but since the taxpayer's on the hook for it, I expect it's a top-of-the-range Holland & Holland...

But aren't zoos required, as part of their licence conditions, to have firearms on site? Why can't the police rely on these?

Depending on the level of threat to the public, the zoos would work closely with Norfolk and Suffolk Police, who both share a high-powered rifle with 0.375 calibre ammunition - around a centimetre thick - to shoot large, thick-skinned animals such as white rhinos and Congo buffalo.

Wait, who owns this gun? The zoo, or the local plod?

Insp Nick Russell said the rifle was a relatively new purchase made around three/four years ago and that all rifle officers have specific training for shooting animals. 

The Yorkshire police farces could not be reached for comment!

“We didn’t have anything sufficient to deal with rhinos,” Insp Russell added.

You could always ask the Labour Party conference chairman what precautions they take should Diane Abbott ever refuse to leave the buffet...

Yes, Clearly, This Is What We Need An Advertising Standards Agency For...

An advert for Costa Coffee has been banned...

 Oh? Was it potentially dangerous? Or inaccurate?

...for urging customers to buy a bacon roll rather than avocados.

 *blinks*

Two listeners complained that the ad, which aired in June, discouraged people from opting for fresh fruit.

 Two? Two?!

...in its ruling, the Advertising Standards Authority said consumers would interpret the ad as a comparison between the experience of eating an avocado and a bacon roll or egg muffin.

"We considered that, although the ad was light-hearted, it nevertheless suggested avocados were a poor breakfast choice, and that a bacon roll or egg muffin would be a better alternative, and in doing so discouraged the selection of avocados," the ASA said.

Good grief! Now, either the staff misread their acronym and thought they worked for the Avocado Satisfaction Authority, or this is some bonkers piece of EU legislation that...

Oh.

All radio and television adverts must comply with the UK Code of Broadcast Advertising (BCAP) which states that comparisons between foods must not discourage fruit and vegetables. The advert now must not be broadcast again, and Costa has been told to make sure its future ads do not "condone or encourage poor nutritional habits".

/facepalm

Maybe The ASA Should Step In..?

After all, they'd be quick to act on false claims from other areas, so why not the justice system?

Constable Neil Doyle was felled by a punch, described by prosecutors as a "piledriver", while enjoying the festive season with colleagues from Merseyside Police in Liverpool city centre.

Now it has emerged those responsible, Andrew Taylor and Timmy Donovan , have recently become free men despite not even serving half the sentences they were handed.

 Who is surprised?

A Prison Service spokesperson said: “This was a tragic death and our thoughts remain with the family and friends of PC Doyle.

“Under the Criminal Justice Act 2003, most prisoners must be automatically released from prison at the halfway point of their sentence to go on probation for the remainder.

“But no one is released from prison without a tough risk-assessment, close monitoring, and strict licence conditions which if breached can lead to more time behind bars.”

Pull the other one, chum. Why can't the ASA do some good for a change?

Well, hold that thought...

Just That Little Bit Too Wacky...

Bryan Crawford, 37, of Nether Priors, in Basildon, took his children to a Wacky World inflatables session at the Sporting Village in Cranes Farm Road.

At the event, which took place at the weekend, he said his youngest child was trapped inside one of the inflatables after the fan came away from the apparatus, causing it to collapse.

 Oh noes!

Mr Crawford said that only two members of staff were inside the hall watching the children as they used the 11 different inflatables.

So...? Don't they state that it's your responsibility to supervise the kids?

He said: “I have four children so I have to put myself in a position where I could see what all of them were doing at all times.

“My 13-year-old daughter doesn’t need too much supervision but the younger ones I had to keep an eye on.”

 So you saw immediately what happened, and ran to help?

Suddenly Mr Crawford’s youngest son ran to him in tears.

His eldest daughter told him the inflatable had collapsed on top of her brother, and she had to help him get out of the inflatable as it continued to deflate on top of him.

 Hmmm. Guess daddy had something else he was engrossed in. Wonder what it was?

He said: “He was incredibly shaken up and scared after it happened. He’s now terrified of bouncy castles.”

 That'll save you a fair bit then!

“The time it took for my little boy to get out of there and run to me could have been ages.”

'Could have been'..? So you don't even know if it was?

I’m angry there was no one there to help.”

There was. His sister. Which was fortunate, as it turned out. Wasn't it?

Oh Dear, How Sad, Never Mind....

A 700% spike in the price of a drug used to wean addicts off heroin has caused alarm among treatment agencies, which warn of a rise in drug-related deaths unless urgent action is taken to make it more affordable.

*nonplussed face*

Isn't it a win/win?

Yet More Exercises In Futility...

A man has been told he must turn his life around after breaching a court order...

Well, what's so surprising about th...

Oh.

...for the ninth time.

*sighs*

David Binks, 50, of no fixed address, is a prolific street drinker in Southend and has been handed an additional community order after he admitted breaching the initial court order and behaving threateningly and abusively.

What is the point? Seriously? 'We've told you not to do this, now we're telling you again'?

... on Friday, Southend magistrates heard this latest breach was simply a “misunderstanding” on Binks’ part.

Really?

Bethany Brown, mitigating, told the court he had been living at that address prior to serving his time in prison and had left some of his belongings there.

Miss Brown said: “He attended the address to collect his things. He only breached the order because he then sat outside and didn’t know whether anyone was inside.”

He went to a place he was banned from going to. How is that a 'misunderstanding'?

The sentence comes after Southend Council announced plans to adopt a stricter approach to street drinkers and homeless people who are refusing help in a bid to make the town more attractive.

Good luck with that! I think your first course of action, before you round up the beggars and addicts, might be to bar the magistrates from the town!

"He's Only Playing, Really!"

Owner Michael Knowles, of West Shore Road, Walney, appeared at South Cumbria Magistrates’ Court in Barrow on August 30 after a complaint to police about his dog Dozer.

The complaint was made after Dozer, having escaped from the family’s garden, grabbed another dog on May 15.

Sounds familiar.

Prosecutor Harriet Tighe said: “He ran towards the English springer spaniel named Stitch and jumped up towards him.

“Mr Knowles had to come and hit Dozer on the head to stop him because he had begun to pull on the dog and drag him along the street.”

If the other owner is beating his dog, you already know all you need to know about why the animal's a danger...

47-year-old Mr Knowles told magistrates how Dozer, a mastiff was a “big softie” and that he would frequently be taken into a care home for dementia patients.

Yikes!

“I have had dogs all of my life and sometimes they can just be dogs.

He has not mauled him.

“When we were on the beach the other dog’s owner panicked and that was when Dozer grabbed the dog, and the same thing happened in the street.”

Yes, how dare the owner of the much smaller animal panic when your huge brute attacks it?

“He only got out because my lad had left the back gate open and he wandered out. I heard him shout to the owner that Dozer was a big softie but she picked the dog up and panicked. She started swinging him around and Dozer grabbed the dog.

Just as well she didn't have a toddler with her....

“Since then we have tried him with a muzzle but he does not like it. He used to come and wag his tail when we went to get his lead out for walks but now he does not want to go. He has developed eczema because of the stress and he is depressed.”

Well, tough. It's that, or The Big Sleep for Dozer. Choose!

Ms Tighe said: “This order is necessary to prevent any possible future injuries being caused to other animals.

“The first condition of that is for Dozer to be muzzled and that is a priority to prevent bites occurring.

“Having Dozer on a short lead would not be sufficient.”

At least the magistrates aren't falling for it.

Magistrates issued the order, which states Dozer must be kept muzzled at all times in public, must be microchipped, and must not be walked by anyone under the age of 16. He must also be kept in a locked garden when outside in private property.

No criminal charges were brought against Mr Knowles following the complaint.

Because police are lazy and incompetent? Or because they admired Mr Knowles' victim blaming skills?

The Future Looks Less Bright Than I'd Hoped...

After Mr Johnstone was cleared today, Chairman of the bench Richard Blake questioned why the case had ever made it to court.

Mr Blake said: 'Judges can say inappropriate things at this point from the bench as to whether the prosecution should be brought.

'I do invite those who brought the prosecution to pause and consider the evidence we had in this case - whether this prosecution would have been brought if this happened in a tea room, at a bus station, and whether it was appropriate to bring this prosecution. I can say no more than that.

'I do invite people to consider the course of events which has led to this case coming before me.'

Which is politely-couched legalese for 'What the bloody hell were you idiots thinking?'

Chief Inspector Andrew Johnstone was acquitted of assault by battery on Metropolitan Police colleague Penny Mills today.

Assault, eh? Did he slap her? Throw a drink in her face?

The court heard Ms Mills did not see the incident, but felt she was jolted from behind as she attended a senior officers' leadership workshop at New Scotland Yard on January 17.

I'd like to bring assault charges against about a hundred thousand London commuters then. And I dare fay a fair few of them will have a case against me.

We'll draw a discreet veil over the New Year sales, lest I find myself in the dock at the Hague.

And in case you think that was the most ridiculous thing in this story...

Ms Mills told the court she was initially unaware a crime had taken place, and was only informed of the culprit when her colleague Detective Chief Inspector Claire Moxon said Mr Johnstone 'appeared to' crash into her deliberately.

So we have 'senior leaders' in the police farces who are unaware exactly what a crime is?

The court heard Ms Mills had already complained to bosses about Mr Johnstone's behaviour when he was their line manager in the Met's roads and transport policing command. But she was overlooked for promotion to the senior role in favour of Mr Johnstone, a chief inspector qualified at superintendent level but without a posting at that rank, prosecutor Philip Stott said.

I think I see the smoking gun there, your honour. And is anyone else surprised at the rapid decline of the police farces, given that these are 'senior leaders?

I know Tim Newman won't be.