Tweet Of The Month

Another dead heat:

Well played, Jim Pickard, well played indeed....

As is this, from James:

And this, from LittleG:

Post Title Of The Month

Hitting the spot for a second month in a row, it's Longrider's take on the cause célèbre of the month:

Quote Of The Month

Double winners! DumbJon skewers May's pathetic troops with one well placed thrust:

"There is no better proof of the fundamentally corrupt nature of Professional Conservatives than that they either embrace or denounce the self-same policies, depending on whether they come from Corbyn or from some dude with a fancy accent."

While Tim Newman points out just how the modern police forces find themselves hoist on their own petard:

"...I love how the police have spent years elevating themselves to special status whereby only they can have weapons, only they can protect you, only they can do X, Y, and Z and ordinary people “must not take the law into their hands” but instead wait for Plod to show up three days later. Yet here they are whining that they don’t want to come to work if the public won’t join them in hand-to-hand combat with a bunch of feral thugs the very same police forces won’t let us criticise."

Post Of The Month

A double this month.

First up, Fahrenheit211 on Gab's policy of 'No Surrender'.

Followed by The Moose and a whole series of blogposts fisking those smug, self-righteous lists the Millennials seem to love...

Seems A Bit Of Overkill For Petty Cash, An XBox And Two Mobile Phones....

Up to four men approached a 21-year-old man outside his home in Valkyrie Road, Westcliff, just before 12.35am on Sunday, November 18.

They assaulted him, forced him to open the front door of his house and went inside, where they assaulted a man and a woman aged in their 50s. The thugs, who were armed with two knives, also attacked the family dog, who had given birth to seven puppies in August.

In a Facebook post, a copy of which has been shared more than 800 times, a family member urged people to share the police’s appeal in a bid to find their dog’s killer.

Doesn't sound like an opportunist robbery to me. But even so, you'd think this would be high priority, but Essex Police seem far more concerned about car enthusiasts.

There were believed to be three or four men, who were all described as being black and wearing dark clothing.

I wonder if that's a clue? Because they don't seem to show any signs of stopping:

The three men have been described as being black and they are believed to be in their late 20s or early 30s. They all wore dark clothing and left the address in the direction of Pitsea Road.

A gang of armed black men going around performing house invasions, apparently for peanuts. You'd think that would be bigger headlines.

Wouldn't you?

More Vegan Cats....

It will fall to their generation to attempt to clear up the plastic waste with which we have polluted the oceans.

But the future is in safe hands if nine-year-old Ella McEwan and her sister Caitlin, seven, are anything to go by.

Do they plan to be inventors or refuse collectors when they grow up?

After learning at school how rubbish is endangering sea life, the eco-aware pair from Southampton set up an online petition for fast food giants to stop putting plastic toys in children’s meal boxes.

Ah, no, silly me. They plan to grow up to be smug collective punishment advocates. Probably something they learned at home.

Or...was it?

‘The girls have had lots of lessons about protecting the environment and they were quite worried about it,’ said their mother Rachael, 49.

When I went to school at the age of seven and nine, I had 'lots of lessons' about French, German, English, English Literature, history, geography....

‘Ella came home after they’d seen a short film about plastics in the sea. They were talking about turtles with plastic bags round their necks, and that really upset the children.

‘They noticed the toys they got in the kids’ meal boxes weren’t great, they didn’t really want them, and a lot of the time they were plastic, wrapped in plastic,’ their mother said.

‘We started giving them back unopened and then, because they know about petitions, we talked about starting one and they were keen.’

And now I'm wondering who exactly is driving this..?

Brighton: Twinned With Sodom And Gomorrah

Well, there's a headline I never thought I'd read in an English newspaper!

Despite her strict training regime and daily trips to the gym, a pathologist told the court the grandmother also had cocaine, diazepam, ketamine and mephedrone, known as Meow Meow, in her system when her body was found.

*boggle*

This Is Why We Have A Knife Crime Epidemic Pt 4732874...

Shocking dashcam footage showed Joshua Gardner, 18, brandishing the enormous blade on a busy south London road before repeatedly slashing at the car and threatening its 19-year-old driver, who got out and ran away.

We all remember the video. And the demands for 'tough action' against knife crime in its wake.

Well, here it is:

But an Old Bailey judge told Gardner he would only be given a suspended sentence because he was wielding the knife after a ten-day kidnap ordeal in which he was held at gunpoint.

Who knew that the inevitable consequences of a life led as knife-wielding street vermin could protect you from your actions as knife-wielding street vermin!

I guess that's what appointing a diversity hire (she is the first non-white judge to be appointed to the Old Bailey) gets you.

But maybe he was a first-time offender? No. They never are.

Gardner, who had a previous conviction for attempting to rob a schoolboy of his mobile and wallet at knifepoint...

But still, the poor little victim (no, not the schoolboy, keep up!)! Get your hankies at the ready!

Judge Anuja Dhir QC said: 'There was an incident of kidnapping between about March 26 and April 2, so a relatively short period of time before you committed this offence.

'You were bundled into a car, and threatened with a gun because of a drug debt that a friend of yours had run up.

'You were then taken to a place referred to as a trap house for ten days and you were made to sell drugs to work off the debt.'

The kidnapping, said to be by a gang of men in their 20s, 'reduced your culpability', she told Gardner.

Bollocks it did!

Judge Dhir passed a sentence of two years in jail suspended for two years after hearing of his kidnap ordeal and reading a letter from his mother.

Which reminded me of a Tweet I saw just yesterday:

Makes you think. Doesn't it?

Defence lawyer Mark Stevens told the court his client was 'thoroughly ashamed' of himself and for the 'pain' he had put his family through.

'His mother is really looking to move away from the area. It is a completely different borough,' he said.

Yes, it probably is. But that's due to the presence of street thugs like Gardner! Still, it's nice to know some other borough will be enriched by his presence. One can only hope it's somewhere close to Anuja or her kin, but I rather doubt it...

'He was 17 at the time and I would urge the court to sentence him as if he were a 17-year-old.'

Instead of the powerfully built sullen little animal he is today...

Alternative Headline: "'Loose Women' Viewers Puzzled By Age-Old Legal Principle..."

The 78-year-old singer made the controversial remark during an appearance on Loose Women on Tuesday.

What on earth is 'controversial' about this?

...while the Loose Women panel, which included Sir Cliff's friend Gloria Hunniford, appeared to agree with his comment, viewers expressed outrage.

'Cliff Richard repeating his line that he'd rather 10 guilty rapists walk the streets than 1 innocent person be investigated on #LooseWomen is gross and abhorrent,' said one person on Twitter.

'Imagine having 10 predators on the streets just because you were mildly inconvenienced by an investigation into you that was proven to be untrue?'

Another said: 'I'm not a fan of Cliff Richard but he's turned my stomach saying that 10 guilty men should go free to save one who's innocent. Absolute disgrace.

'The victims of abuse, assault and rape deserve more.'

Another viewer branded his comment 'insane' and 'offensive.' 'Cliff Richard just said one of the stupidest and most offensive things I've ever heard in television,' the viewer wrote on Twitter.

Congratulations, 'Loose Women' viewers! You have all just proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that daytime TV lowers your IQ.

Aren't You Forgetting Something?

There's been predictable outrage at the suggestion that new social housing should be made non-smoking:

Simon Clark, of Forest, the smokers' campaign group, said: “Reaching into smokers’ homes takes tobacco control in a new and rather sinister direction.”

Dave Jennings, 71, said he had no plans to stop smoking in his council house.

“It is just nonsense,” he told the Mirror near his home in Poplar, east London. “It is not anyone’s business what I do in my house,” he said.

Non-smoker Gary Brown, 66, said people smoking in their homes was no one’s business but their own.

It's not 'their house'. It belongs to someone else. It belongs to the state. And if you are a social housing tenant you are, literally, living in someone else's house.

What they say goes. It's that simple.

H/T: LegIron via Twitter

But They Will Have To Undergo Strict And Lengthy Medical Supervision Before Anything Is Done, They Promised...

A mother was warned that her daughter could be placed under the care of social workers after she complained that the 14-year-old was being ‘encouraged’ to change sex by a therapist and her teachers.

The 45-year-old, whom we’ve called Lisa to protect her identity, raised the objections after discovering that, during their first hour-long appointment, an NHS psychotherapist had told the girl she could take hormones to stop her periods and give her male characteristics.

Slippery slope? Don't be silly, citizen. Now run along, and let the experts handle this.

She also found out that teachers had given her daughter – who wanted to identify as male – a boy’s name and referred to her using male pronouns at school without her parents’ knowledge.

Strange. They are usually blind to that.

What Took You So Long?

One incredulous rider raises his hands in indignation after he is sent clattering to the ground, and another told police: 'I took my helmet off so I thought you'd stop chasing me.'

Such has been the inevitable reaction to the police going 'softly softly' with young street thugs for fear of criticism or complaints of racism that they are now totally indignant when the police suddenly reverse their approach.

Stop me doing as I please? How VERY DARE THEY!

Scotland Yard chiefs have now vowed to get tough with the gangs as they attempt to take back control of the streets.

They don't seem to have left it too late. Just.

Police say from January to October last year there were 19,455 such offences across London but from January to October this year the numbers had dropped to 12,419 offences.

And in the same period last year there were 12,192 moped thefts across London compared to January 2018 to October 2018 when there were 8,261 offences - a reduction of 32 per cent.

Commander Pearson added: 'We are not complacent and we will continue to work tirelessly across London to maintain this downward trend.'

The question remains, though: why were you complacent before? And I'm not the only one asking this:

I fully expect this policy to be reversed the minute some dusky youth with an unpronounceable name breaks a bone or two. And our hopeless Met Police Commissioner faces the inevitable criticism from the left wing bleeding hearts.

But let's enjoy it while it lasts.

But There Will Be All These Checks And Balances, They Promised...

Three doctors who certified a woman as autistic so that she could die by euthanasia are set to go on trial in Belgium.

The sisters of Tine Nys told investigators that her suffering was caused instead by a broken heart after a failed relationship, and that she had falsely claimed to be autistic to two doctors and a psychiatrist.

She had told them her suffering was 'unbearable and incurable' so that she could qualify for euthanasia under Belgian law.

There seems to be a fair few cases like this coming to light now.

But those of us who warned of the potential consequences and pitfalls were pooh-poohed as always.

I Guess They Only Eat With Their Fingers....

...at the 'Daily Mail' imagebank:

*sighs*

H/T: Stephen Brown via email

The Return Of The Homophone

They never learn, do they...?

H/T: Stephen Brown via email

Sunday Funnies...

Ah, the difference one misplaced vowel can cause..! 

"How Does The Defendant Plead?"

"Woof! Woof! Grrrr!"

A policeman whose dog injured a member of the public has been charged with racially aggravated wounding.

Paul Birch, a West Midlands Police constable, is accused of unlawfully and maliciously causing grievous bodily harm to a man with a group of travellers. It follows an incident at the site of the former North Worcestershire Golf Course in Northfield, Birmingham, in September last year.

The injured man was taken to hospital after being bitten by the animal, the Independent Office for Police Conduct (IOPC) said.

That'll be an incident resulting from this, no doubt. The initial complaint was for one of theft.

Officers were engaging with a group of people on the site when a police dog seized a man by the leg.

Unbidden by the handler? Or directed by him? Hmmmm. This is going to be a very interesting one....

H/T: InspectorGadget via Twitter

Time To Throw Away The Key?

Prosecutor Anna Midgley said Savage and Miss Hayton had caught the train from Selly Oak near Birmingham on April 15.

Savage had planned to go to Aberdare in South Wales to confront her mother with two knives - because she had received a text saying her mum wanted nothing to do with her.

Miss Midgley said: 'Miss Hayton explains that the attack on her by the defendant began when she said she no longer wanted to go to Aberdare to confront the defendant's mother.

'The defendant's reaction was to begin raging and to take out a knife which she had packed and to stab Miss Hayton repeatedly.'

If you're travelling with a knife-wielding lunatic, it seems a bit risky to say 'Actually, don't fancy it much..'. doesn't it?

She was out from prison on license after serving 17 years of a life sentence for stabbing her ex boyfriend with a Stanley knife.

Ah, yes, the good old 'life sentence'. Based on the life of a mayfly.

Newport Crown court heard Savage has a string of violence offences dating back to 1991.

In 2000 was sentenced to life with a minimum of three years for wounding with intent.

She was released but went back to prison on recall for a public order offence.

Savage was then released into a hostel in Birmingham in February 2018 where she met old friend Sarah Hayton.

What could go wro....

Oh. Yeah.

Judge Eleri Rees has now sentenced Savage to life with a minimum of 8 years and four months after she admitted attempted murder and two charges of having a blade.

She said: ' It was a frenzied and sustained attack.

'After a lengthy period of custody, you served some 17 years, that did not serve to reduce the risk you pose to others.

'You are dangerous and pose a high risk of harm to the public.'

Then maybe this time, keep her in?

Happy (Modern) Families...

An investigation has been launched after a bus driver drove off with a five-year-old onboard leaving the rest of his family behind.

Oh noes! Every mother's horror.

Intrepid passenger Freddie Gore hopped onto the bus while mother Tracey Gore got ready to board with her one-year-old granddaughter Isla Hassan.

But before they, as well as Charlie Gore, eight, and Shenelle Hassan, 11, could join him the driver closed the doors and carried on along the route.

Ooops!

“I was fearful for Freddie, wondering if it would stop. You don’t know who is on the bus nowadays, he could have been abducted. It was terrifying and I’m dreading the next school run.”

But it's not the bus driver's responsibility to care for your extended brood. It's yours.

Commenter Ray Vonn says: "So she has a 11 year old Daughter with a different surname to hers and her brothers, a 5 year old and 8 year old with the same surname, and a Grand daughter with the same surname as her 11 year old.?"

Yes. That rather puzzled me too...

As did this, from commenter Henry Champion:

"I am struggling to do the Math, without even attempting to work out the surnames. The mother is a grandmother and her 5 year old, 8 year old and 11 year old have a 1 year old Niece! How does that work outcome wise?????"

Beats me! I've never been good at maths.

Lost: Sense Of Proportion....

...if found, please return to Northamptonshire Police Farce:

Police chiefs have come under fire for locking up a chow-chow puppy under the Dangerous Dogs Act after it gave a police officer a nip on his hand and arm.

The four-month-old dog, named Bungle, could face up to nine months in custody after it was seized by police in Stoke Bruerne, Northamptonshire, last Friday.

 Well, they aren't paying the cost of this kennel stay, are they? We are!

...police have defended their decision, saying the public reaction would have been different if the dog had bitten a child or caused an accident when the officer tried to restrain it on a busy road.

Maybe it would have been, but it didn't.

Aren't you supposed to act like professionals, with due concern for the taxpayer, rather than risk-averse, box-ticking inflexible morons?

I wonder why they have taken this action, rather than have a quiet word with the owners?

...Mr Hayes and his wife Susan, who are said to be millionaire bankers, have appointed lawyers to look into the matter, The Sun reported...

Ah. I'm sure that didn't sway our stalwart boys in blue one bit.

Update: I was expecting the police to stick to their guns in the face of online fury, but surprisingly, they didn't:

Tonight police announced Bungle had been returned to its millionaire owners subject to a control order.

Well, well, well....

Chief Superintendent Chris Hillery defended the officer's actions and said the decision to free the dog was not influenced by media coverage.

 As a very famous lady once said: "Well, he would say that, wouldn't he?"

He said: 'We understand that the actions taken on this occasion have generated significant public opinion on the proportionality of the officer's actions.

'To be absolutely clear I fully support the officers' actions in this case, the dog was unattended in a live carriageway and was aggressive to those present resulting in the officer being bitten and receiving injuries that required hospital attention.

'The potential risk posed by the dog at that time is not diminished by its age or that it was frightened.

'Having already bitten the officer twice, causing puncture wounds and bruising, it would have been negligent to release a dog displaying such obvious aggression without first ensuring both the dog's and the wider public's safety.

'In no way was this decision impacted by the media reporting. Having gone through a proportionate investigation and risk assessment, the dog has been returned with appropriate conditions to manage any future risk.'

Hmmmm. What do we think, LC?

Yup. Me too.

Don't You Understand? I Have A Disability Card!

Mum Amy Ellis claims two-year-old son Leo was discriminated against during a family meal on Friday at The Cherry Tree, Rochford after a row broke out over the screaming child.

Miss Ellis said: “My two-year-old son is autistic, as well as partially deaf and epileptic.

“He is quite vocal and uses his voice to settle himself.”

That must be nice for the other diners...

When a supervisor came over to tell her complaints had been received about the noise she explained his condition and the supervisor came back with colouring books and crayons.

Not earplugs for the other customers?

It is alleged during a subsequent heated conversation a supervisor told the family “why didn’t you let us know when you booked that you were bringing an autistic child so we could warn the other customers”.

Amy said: “I could not believe what I was hearing, we had never had to do that before and the medical needs of my child are no one’s business.”

When they are impinging on their rights to enjoy a quiet family meal, they are!

Owner Gary Downham told how he was threatened and had to call in the police.

He said: “It was noticed that one of the young children would not stop screaming or shouting and whilst our restaurant is child-friendly, the level of the screaming was such that it was difficult to hold a conversation.”

He said he and staff stepped in to help, but were abused and threatened.

There's no comment from the police. I wonder if they too retreated before the mother's inalienable right to use the Disability Card to disrupt everyone else's life?

Tell Us Again, What 'Race' Is Islam?

An application asking to change the use of Stafford House, in Bonnetts Lane, Crawley, was before Horsham District Council’s planning committee on Tuesday (November 6).

It included proposals to extend the house and link it to a two-storey meeting hall, which would be built on the same site.

The committee had refused an almost identical application in January, with concerns raised about traffic and the impact the plans would have on neighbouring homes.

Well, why not just keep on and on until you get what you want? It seems to be the way a lot of people view the planning application system.

And if they refuse you, cry 'Racism!!':

With officers recommending this latest application also be refused, they were accused of being ‘hell bent on refusing this development on grounds that just don’t hold water’.

The accusation was made by Simon Brett, agent for the applicant, who told the meeting that a letter had been circulated, encouraging objections ‘on grounds that it is for a mosque’, which he felt was ‘verging on racist’.

If it's anything, it's 'religionist'. The applicants will understand that, since they practice it themselves:

A report put before the meeting explained that, for the past five years, the Shia community had been renting community and leisure centres in Crawley when hosting events, and was in need of a dedicated place of education and worship.

It added: “While there are other mosques within Crawley, these are used by Sunni Muslims who, although celebrating the same events within the Islamic calendar, do not undertake prayers and meetings together.”

They can't get on with each other? Well, how the hell is that anyone else's problem?

Choose Your Victims Wisely...

McNeill published ‘scandalous satanic child abuse accusations’ and encouraged people ‘to take direct action against the children of these women.’

She allegedly published details of the cult, saying: ‘They would drink the blood of babies and then dance around wearing the skulls on parts of their bodies.

‘They would put them to sleep by injecting them, slit their throats, cook the babies and eat them.’

McNeill even claimed babies were cooked in a secret room in a McDonald’s restaurant on Finchley Road:

‘The ritual is performed on an upstairs room in McDonald’s on Mondays and Fridays.

‘Sacrifice, blood drinking and babies’ flesh eating occurs on Saturdays. The children are frequently injected and put to sleep, apparently the school nurse is the one who does the injections.

McNeill claimed up to 18 teachers from the primary school were also involved in abusing children. She said members of the cult - from all walks of society - carried out satanic rituals in secret rooms at a Hampstead church.

Strangely, police did not immediately launch investigations costing millions of pounds and dozens of man-hours investigating her claims.

They had, after all, already dismissed them:

Ms Moore told the court: ‘In September 2014 the Metropolitan Police received reports of wide spread child abuse. Satanic child rape and murder in churches in Hampstead in north London.

‘These allegations surround two small children, commonly referred to as P and Q.’

She said police initially took the complaints seriously and interviewed the children. The matter eventually reached the High Court and Mrs Justice Pauffley ruled that the accusations relating to the cult were ‘baseless.’

But recordings of the children’s police interviews surfaced online and McNeill began her campaign to uncover the alleged cult, said Ms Moore.

And she was promptly arrested and charged. Yet strangely, the only difference between this bonkers old bat's claims and those of the man known as 'Nick' is that her targets aren't celebrities and politicians.

Makes you think, doesn't it?

One Of The Responsibilities Of Pet Ownership...

The single mum-of-four, who is recently unemployed for health reasons, said: "I let him out in the garden and then thought he'd gone quiet.

"I saw someone had left the gate open and he had gone. I got my daughter and started driving looking for him.

"He went missing at ten to three and they called me at half past."

Wow! What an amazing service from the council! If only they were as quick at everything...

"I could have picked him up straight away, but they told me it would cost £117. I said 'you what?'. I couldn't believe it."

"That's a lot of money for me - money that I could use to pay for food, electricity and gas for my kids."

Or more false nails and tattoos...

"He's chipped and he has a collar, I've had him since he was a puppy and he's dead soft, it's not like he's a stray.

"There's enough dogs that need rehoming, never mind taking them off loving families."

I'm not entirely sure what rehoming has to do with ensuring those who don't take better care of their pets pay for the inconvenience, frankly.

*Munches* Hmmm, Better Than A Linda McCartney Veggie Sausage, I Suppose...

Barbecued bugs are are going on the shelves of British supermarkets as Sainsbury’s becomes the first big UK grocer to stock edible insects.

I'm sure there's lots of little shops that stock them unwittingly!

The retailer will start selling roasted crickets – described as “crunchy in texture with a rich smoky flavour” – in 250 of its stores from Monday, capitalising on the growing prominence of bush tucker in the global warming debate.

Incredibly, it seems we aren't falling to our knees in praise of the likes of Marcel Dicke for this 'opportunity', so much as Ant & Dec...

Or...are we?

The packaging for the crunchy crickets, made by London-based Eat Grub, deploys the environmental argument in a bid to win over shoppers who might balk at bugs for lunch.

Is there no nonsense the hipsters won't believe if it just has the words 'global warming' on it? They truly will swallow anything! 

It's OK, It's Not Prejudice...!

The judge questioned whether Xavier was free to offend on bail because his victims were heterosexual men and therefore treated as less of a priority.

Addressing the police officer in the case after sentencing, he said: "It's very rare for a heterosexual male to be a victim of a sexual offence, as we know.

"I hope the fact that these victims were heterosexual males did not cause them to be put rather lower in the list of priorities."

...it's just the usual police incompetence:

Detective Constable Lucy Marsh, of Wandsworth Police, who took over the investigation after the original officer dealing with the matter lost evidence, rejected the suggestion.

She said a "waiting list" for downloading mobile phone evidence led to a delay in the investigation.

How reassuring...

Ah, The Millionaire Lifestyle!

*looks up 'Hungry Man' dinners*

Eeeew! Truly, the most horrifying thing he's ever written!

It's Probably True...

Defendant Jasmin Hardie-Clay, 19, had punished herself every day since the incident more than the court could punish her, magistrates were told.

...after all, they are as much use as a wet paper rag when it comes to dangerous dog owners.

The defendant admitted that the Ridgeback/ Staffordshire cross named Bud, was dangerously out of control at Monger Road, Wrexham, in April.

But in the circumstances she was given a three year conditional discharge.

See...?

North East Wales Magistrates’ Court at Mold was told that Bud, owned by a relative, had since been signed over to the police and had been destroyed.

It's like an axe murderer getting let off with a warning because he's didpoised on the weapon.

It's Not Really A Surprise....

....that a coffee machine is awful at cleaning carpets. Is it, 'Mail'?

WWhich WWar WWas it??

WWell...?

H/T: Stephen Brown via email

Sunday Funnies...

I was rather expecting 'Twilight Zone: The Movie' to feature in this one...

It Was Also The Most Pointless Answer....

The United Nations rapporteur on extreme poverty and human rights squeezed onto a school bench alongside a dozen children in one of Glasgow’s most deprived neighbourhoods and posed a question: “Who should help poor people?”

“The rich people,” Soroush, one of the children, shot back. “It’s unfair to have people earning billions of pounds and have other people living on benefits.”

It was perhaps the frankest answer Philip Alston received on a two-day visit to Scotland, where a million people live in relative poverty, including one in five children.

Note that 'relative' in there. These children are not 'living in poverty' at all.

Little Soroush isn't rooting through a garbage pile for enough to eat, or sleeping on the streets, or dying of a relatively-curable illness.

The children were asked to jot down what being poor might mean for a person. John Adebola-Samuel, 12, quietly penned: “He cannot afford meals. He cannot buy trainers. He cannot watch TV.”

Remember when you could go to a Scottish school and quote children called Hamish & Morag? Are there any left?

While Alston met Sturgeon, Karen Reid, 35, a single mother of four in the deprived Pilton neighbourhood - close to affluent Stockbridge and the elite Fettes College public school - told the Guardian how she last worked nine years ago, struggled with depression and once drank so heavily she suffered permanent nerve damage to her hands and feet.

Her disability allowance has been stopped, costing her family £600 a month.

And relieving the taxpayer of having to support a workshy drunkard. Sounds like a good deal to me!

Alston is in Belfast on Saturday before finishing his tour in Essex and London. He will announce the conclusions of his investigation at a press conference on Friday.

Don't bother. I can already predict what he'll say.

Maybe Judge Purkiss Should Foster Him Instead?

A teenage boy with special needs has been "failed" by a Canvey specialist care unit, a judge has said.

'Failed' how, exactly?

The judge has aired her criticisms in a written ruling after analysing the boy's case at a private hearing at the East London Family Court in Canary Wharf, London, earlier this year.

Ah. One of those. And we criticise other countries for secretive justice systems...

Island Lodge staff had not been trained to look after a child with the teenager's disabilities, did not know how to communicate with him and had exercised "unnecessary and probably unlawful restraint", the judge said.

Translation: "He was a violent little nightmare and they didn't want to wind up with staff injuries and resignations..."

She said bosses at Island Lodge had written to the council indicating that they did not agree with some of her findings.

Heh! I'd love to read that. But we can't.

Judge Purkiss said the boy's parents had asked the council for help because they were having difficulties managing his behaviour.

Maybe Judge Purkiss should offer to let him stay with her? She clearly knows better than anyone else...

"Island Lodge was never the right place for (the boy)," said Judge Purkiss. "Staff at the unit did not know how to communicate with (him) and were hyper vigilant he would become aggressive."

They do have the welfare of their own staff to look after...

"This led them to exercise unnecessary and probably unlawful restraint."

Shouldn't you know what's lawful and what isn't? Aren't you a judge?

The Justice System Is Broken...

The cowardly joint owner of a dangerous dog that “scalped” a young child has been sent to jail after previously failing to appear for sentence.

Sound familiar? It should do.

Michael Thornton was sentenced in his absence to two years in prison on October 10. Hayley Eldridge was jailed for 21 months for the dog offence and 16 weeks consecutive for perjury.

A warrant was issued for Thornton’s arrest and he was detained 27 days later.

I expect that cost him an increase in sentence?

Imposing 28-days imprisonment for breaching his bail, consecutive to the two years, a judge told him: “You didn’t have the guts to turn up to your sentencing hearing.”

Who could have suspected th...

Oh.

Judge Griffith-Jones told Thornton: “This was deliberate behaviour on your part in an attempt to delay the inevitable day of reckoning.

“Included in your appalling previous history are numerous offences of failing to surrender or other failures to comply with court orders.”

In which case, why was he ever afforded the opportunity?

Time You Got New Lawyers...

Police have not questioned Doherty because lawyers said it is likely no crime was committed.

Really? Section (3) of the Dangerous Dogs act says if the owner or, if different, the person for the time being in charge of a dog allows it to enter a place which is not a public place but where it is not permitted to be and while it is there— . (a)it injures any person; or . (b)there are grounds for reasonable apprehension that it will do so, he is guilty of an offence.

Even the RSPCA agrees:

"It is an offence if your dog attacks an assistance dog but attacks on other animals including pet dogs are not. However, a court could prosecute if a person believes they would have been injured if they tried to stop a dog attacking their animal. "

It's no surprise that huskies are prone to attacks on animals. nor that a druggie waste of oxygen isn't a responsible pet owner.

And now, it's no surprise anymore that the police are an utter waste of time and money. 

Should've Gone To....

...ah, you all know. And other optical supply retailers are available:

Callers reported seeing the stranded pooch on a church roof and feared it was dead when they realised it wasn't moving.

RSPCA inspector Nigel Duguid clambered up to discover the stricken "dog" in Port Talbot, South Wales, was a lifelike toy.

How lifelike?

*laughs hysterically*

Can't Just Sweep It Under The (Chinese) Rug Any More...

Households have been urged to recycle with more care as countries dealing with our rubbish get tough on waste.

Why are other countries 'dealing with our rubbish' in the first place?

Much of Barking and Dagenham’s recycling gets shipped outside the UK where it is transformed into other stuff.

Heh! That's quality journalism, that! 'Other stuff'...

A recent poll by the Local Government Association (LGA) revealed that at least 20 per cent of councils were under pressure as a result of new restrictions from countries including China on certain plastics and paper.

Some councils who have been most affected warn their recycling costs have increased by £500,000 on average over the last year as a result of the restrictions.

So just pass them on to the ratepayer, like you do with every other cost...

Cllr Martin Tett, the LGA’s environment spokesman, said: “It’s clear that the ban by China on imported waste, which could soon be introduced by other countries, could have a marked impact on councils’ ability to recycle.

“It’s essential that the government provides support to help councils offset the loss of income they face as a result of the ban and encourage manufacturers to use more recyclable materials.”

When you say 'government', you do realise they don't have any money?

Not Falling For It Any More...

A taxi driver refused to take a blind man's guide dog in his car - but blamed it on his asthma.

But surely if this is genuine you can get an exemption?

But he was ordered to pay a fine after Kirklees magistrates heard that he did not possess a medical exemption certificate.

Ah. Must have slipped his mind?

Cabbie Mohammed Sattar, who works for Skelmanthorpe Cars, told the man that he was allergic to dogs when he came to collect him on April 5.

*rolls eyes*

Sattar, of Moorside Avenue in Crosland Moor , was investigated and provided a letter from his GP saying that he suffered from asthma and this was exacerbated by dog and cat hairs.

As a result, the doctor said, he was unable to carry such animals however Mr Hanif said that the fact that the driver was unable to transport them was not the issue.

He explained that all private hire taxi drivers are required to take a course which includes dealing with difficult customers and different scenarios. Mr Hanif said:

“Within that training course it is explained that if you have such issues you have to apply for an exemption certificate.”

 And if you're too dim to grasp that, perhaps some other line of work would suit you better?

About Those Sentences For Knife Crime...

Oh, the youth of tod...

Wait, what?

Darren Sutherland, 55, of Whitegate Road, Southend, was arrested by Essex Police officers in Southchurch Road on July 21.

He was found to be in possession of a large kitchen knife with an eight-inch blade and red tape around the handle.

I wonder if he had a reasonable excuse? Maybe he was a chef returning from work?

The 55-year-old pleaded guilty and was handed a four-month prison sentence which was suspended for 12 months.

The chair of the bench stated the sentence was suspended because the defendant had no relevant convictions and pleaded guilty at the earliest opportunity.

Not 'no convictions', just no relevant ones.

Nice Try, Love But No Cigar...

A distraught mother was forced to leave her home when her 13-year-old son was exploited by drug dealers - and came home with a Kinder egg full of crack cocaine and heroin.

The mum, who will remain anonymous, was moved out of Quantock flats, Southend, by police for safety reasons. But, she says Southend Council are now evicting her from her new flat and will only house her back at the tower block.

How heartless! How cruel! How...

...absolute bollocks:

The pair were moved out of the tower block by police and were placed in a South Essex Homes property temporarily.

However, due to several complaints which the mother says are “malicious”, they have now been asked to leave and told the only property available in Southend is back at Quantock.

Did you think even a worthless chip-wrapper like the 'Echo' wouldn't get a quote to disprove your sob-story?

Councillor Tony Cox, said: “We have been working very closely with South Essex Homes and Essex Police to provide support to this resident, initially finding a temporary solution very quickly to ensure the resident was safe.

“This option was always a temporary measure, and this was explained clearly at the time and a number of times since.

"It is an adapted property for disabled residents, and that property must remain available for residents on the housing register who require an adapted property. In addition to this, a number of complaints have been received about anti-social behaviour being carried out at the property.

“The advice given to this resident from all agencies involved is to move out of the area, and we have offered various streams of support to enable this to happen. Unfortunately this has been refused and so we are left with no other option than to ask them to move back to their previous property.”

Back to the Quantocks you go, love!

What's A Life Worth?

Johnson, of Sandleford Lodge Park in Thatcham, Berkshire, admitted causing death by careless driving.

He denied dangerous driving, which prosecutors alleged had happened when he drove afterwards with a shattered windscreen. The charge was ordered to lie on file.

The defendant did not enter pleas to being the driver of a vehicle and failing to stop after a road accident and being the driver of a vehicle involved in a road accident and failing to report the accident. Both charges were not proceeded with by the prosecution.

Why not? It's not like he wasn't bang to rights on both, after all....

Ian Bridge, mitigating, said Johnson was "desperately sorry" for his "momentary inattention" to the road ahead.

And his efforts to conceal his crime? Is he 'sorry' about that too?

Judge Peter Crabtree OBE sentenced Johnson to a 12-month community order, under which he must carry out 240 hours of unpaid work and pay £250 in prosecution costs. He was also disqualified from driving for 18 months.

*speechless*

H/T: MisanthropeGirl via Twitter

Name The Contractor Then...

Responding to the criticism, a spokesman for Bellway Homes said: “We are deeply embarrassed by the appointed contractor's lack of respect and sincerely apologise for the offence that this caused to the local community in Horwich.”

Name the contactor that messed up, then.

"When we were made aware that the poppies had been covered by our development signage boards, we immediately sought to rectify the situation and they were removed as a matter of urgency by our own staff who worked late into the evening to take them down.

“We have the utmost respect for Armistice Day and for our military forces, and Bellway is currently supporting the Royal British Legion across the business.

“We could never have imagined that our signage contractor would cover the poppies with the marketing boards. This was a disrespectful mistake and one that we corrected as soon as possible.”

Except you missed one. And a member of the public rectified that. Which drew praise for his public-spirited actions from...

Wait, no, it didn't.

Horwich town councillor Marie Brady was not happy with the way the situation was dealt with.

She said that the images should not have been posted on social media and instead, they should have been reported to the town council or the local branch of the British Legion.

Because there'd be someone available at the weekend to deal with that, eh?

Are You Worried He Showed Up Your Officers, Then?

Police Commissioner Graham Ashton said authorities had spoken with Mr Rogers, but the public should not be putting themselves on the front line in dangerous situations.

'Look, you just have to be a bit careful about — in that situation how close you do get — because he could have been injured himself,' Mr Ashton told Weekend Today on Saturday morning.

You can see the video yourselves, from several camera angles. Trolley Man at least seemed to understand exactly what was going on. More than can be said for the police on the scene...

Video shot from the scene showed the frenzied attack that carried on for more than a minute as Ali chased the officers around as they tried to convince him to surrender, before finally shooting him.

The attacker chased the officers around trees as they tried to avoid his blows and defuse the situation. The officers then retreated to the other side of the road as the attacker, dressed in a long jacket and grey pants, ominously pursued them as horrified bystanders called on police to shoot him.

The video shows police too scared to do what needs to be done, getting in each other's way, and hesitating far too long before taking him out. They were lucky. 

We Will Remember Them...

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old: 

 Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.  

At the going down of the sun and in the morning 

We will remember them. 

From Laurence Binyon's poem For the Fallen, written in September 1914

The Very Definition of 'Displacement Activity'

...researchers, led by doctors at Barts Health NHS Trust in London, said knife injuries have soared in recent years.

They examined medical records of under-25s treated for stab wounds in London hospitals between 2004 and 2014. Some 1,824 young people had been stabbed - of whom 172 were aged under 16, 861 were 16 to 19, and 791 were aged 20 to 24.

Around 22 per cent of the under 16s who were knifed were attacked on a schoolday afternoon. This rose to 11 per cent among 16 to 24 year olds.

Which tells them...well, what, exactly? That gang culture is prevalent amongst young people from a certain demographic?

They called for schools to introduce a staggered finish to the day, to stop pupils leaving all at once, and called for a visible police presence at bus and train stations after school hours.

Errr, wait, what? All schools? Everywhere across the country?

So little Hamish in the Isles and Glyn in the Valleys must have their school times staggered, so Amibola & Duwayne don't meet outside MickeyD's for a rumble?

Insanity!

The researchers, who also included experts from Newcastle University, London Ambulance Service and South East Coast Ambulance Service, said schools must do more to help.

They wrote: 'The sharp increase in stab injuries between the ages of 14 and 16 suggests that educational programmes and other preventative interventions are best delivered in primary or early secondary education.

'We have shown that assaults resulting in penetrating injuries occur in distinct age-related patterns.

'Specifically, the period immediately after school accounts for a large proportion of incidents in children, and these predominantly occur close to home and school.

'This represents an opportunity for targeted preventative strategies in this population.'

'This population' being 'schoolchildren', I suppose? I can't help but feel that you're not tackling the real issue here...

It's About Bloody Time!

Southend Council has published a draft public spaces protection order (PSPO) which could ban begging and prohibit people from sleeping in a public space “in a manner which has a detrimental impact on the quality of life of others”.

It could also ban people from erecting tents, using drugs, spitting, littering, urinating and defecating in the street.

To which everyone who lives and works there says 'What the hell took you so long, and why was this tolerated before?'

While the usual suspects trot out the usual whines about 'criminalising people':

Lara ten Caten, lawyer for Liberty, said: “The council’s proposed bans on rough sleeping and begging will punish some of the town’s most vulnerable people.”

No, love, the town's 'most vulnerable people' are the young mothers and elderly people hassled for spare change by drug addicts or the mentally deranged that are allowed to wander aimlessly around the high street.

Or the shop staff on minimum wage who have to sweep human urine and excrement off their shop entrances before those who can't afford to shop somewhere out of town arrive.

“The draft PSPO also completely ignores Home Office guidance, wrongly equates poverty with anti-social behaviour and will make it near-impossible for any homeless person to avoid breaking the law.”

There's help available for the genuinely homeless. If they don't take it, because they prefer the 'street lifestyle', that's their choice. And it's about time they lived with the consequences, rather than those consequences falling on everyone else.

“The council should be focusing on alleviating hardship, not slapping people with fines they cannot possibly afford, pushing them into the criminal justice system and a downward spiral of debt.”

Most of these people are no stranger to the criminal justice system!

“The people of Southend deserve better – this cruel and counterproductive plan must be dropped immediately.”

The people of Southend do indeed deserve better.  This is how they get a town they can be proud to live and work in.

Seems Like They've Been Answered To Me....

The father of Edir Frederico da Costa, known as Edson, who died after being restrained by police has said the family has been left with many unanswered questions.

Mr da Costa said: “Edir’s death at such a young age devastated us as a family and undoubtedly resulted in his mother’s passing a few weeks later.

“We have been left with many unanswered questions....” he added.

Oh, I'm not so sure about that.

Edson, 25, died in hospital six days after being stopped in a car by police in Tollgate Road, Beckton, on June 15 last year.

The investigation found that before or during the stop, he had tried to swallow bags found to contain crack cocaine and heroin.

The only real 'unanswered question' is why didn't they catch him sooner.

Finding Rotten Apples...

Peter McIlduff was arrested after detectives discovered the 39-year-old was communicating with a known paedophile in an internet chat room where pictures of child pornography were traded.

Officers raided his home in Stockport, Greater Manchester, last September and confiscated a laptop from his locker at Wythenshawe police station.

They recovered hundreds of images downloaded over a three-year period, including 69 of the most disgusting scenes of abuse – labelled category A – featuring children as young as three.

Bang to rights!

Nice work for once, lads. I can't imagine how gutting it must feel to know that one of your colleagues is the very worst sort of wrong 'un...

Judge Paul Lawton imposed a 12-month suspended jail sentence after hearing that McIlduff had sought counselling, adding: 'As there has been a rise in defendants going to prison, there is a drain on resources and staff.'

*speechless*

Who Pays..?

In 2011 Bradford Council approved plans for a replacement timber shop front on 6 Rawson Place, which dates back to the 1870s.

But a shopfront of glass and aluminium was built instead.

Couldn't the applicant read English? Couldn't his architects?

In the past few years, three planning applications were submitted by Jamil Ashraf to retain the shopfront, but Bradford Council refused the application each time.

What's not clear about 'We told you to build it this way, you ignored that ruling, now fix it'..?

Now Mr Ashraf has submitted an appeal to the government calling for Bradford Council’s most recent decision to be overturned.

A decision will be made by a government appointed planning inspector in the coming months.

How much is all this costing the taxpayer?

It's A Ready Made Excuse!

Blood joined the police in 2002 and has worked in Enfield, Walthamstow, and Barking.

The poor sod is obviously suffering from PTSD! C'mon, defence, do your stuff!

Colleagues of Blood testified to his character on the second day of the hearing, describing d him as 'professional' and 'committed to providing a good service to the community.'

I assume that's 'service' in the farmyard use of the term?

This Month's Winner Of The Abasement Olympics

Adrian Chapman, one of Wishbone Brewery’s founders, said: “We brewed this beer in Keighley. Among its ingredients are coriander and lime and it’s a light, refreshing, fruity edged beer. We were tossing around ideas for a name, with one idea that was turned down being ‘Indian Summer’.

“The name we came up with in the end was ‘Ganesh’ and it was something we did in all innocence.

“The most important thing for us is how the beer tastes, with the name being secondary.

“The only criteria we have for a name is that it isn’t the same as what some other brewery has already used for their beer.

“We’re completely open to changing the name of the beer, as it was never our intention to offend anybody, though as this was a beer we’d made a couple of months ago for this particular festival there’s an 80 per cent chance we won’t be making it again anyway.

“We’d never knowingly pick a name that could hurt anyone. For example, we’re not the kind of brewery that would put a picture of a busty blonde women on a pump clip along with a lewd name. That’s just not us.”

Good grief! Was the brewery besieged by Hindus with flaming torches and pitchforks?

Who complained?

...Rajan Zed, the Nevada-based president of Universal Society of Hinduism.

*blinks*

When You're Shit Hot At Finding Offence...

...but pretty useless at finding evidence:

Still, it's not really your job any more, is it? Might as well let the media do that, as well.

Sounds More Like Easton 'Community' Doing A Futile Thing...

A crowd of about 100 people shouting “cops go home” took part in a seven-hour protest in Bristol as immigration enforcement officers attempted to remove a man who was allegedly in the country illegally.

...

Laurie Underwood, one local resident who was protesting, said: “At the heart of every bit of immigration enforcement violence like this is a person who was just trying to get on with their day and a community who knows and respects them. It’s not OK to kidnap our friends and neighbours. It’s brutal and unnecessary. The response in Easton last night shows we don’t have to sit back and watch it happen.”

Except that's essentially what you all did.

The man was detained and remains in immigration detention pending his removal from the UK.

Heh!

Another local resident who joined the protest, Heather Newson, said the man was well known and liked by those in the community who used the shop.

Of the protest, she said: “It was totally Easton community doing an awesome thing.”

Good thing you didn't have jobs to do instead, eh?

"We're The Bad Taste Police, Son. Get Yer Trousers On, Yer Nicked!"

The country is gone. Finito. Orwell was an amateur. He couldn't have dreamed of the sort of hell humans were capable of making for themselves, when we decide the rule of law means nothing, and there no longer remains any adults in charge to check the mob...

A Scotland Yard spokesman said it was 'too early' to state what type of offences could have been committed.

Translation: "We'll have to think of something, because now there's a Twittermob!"

Meanwhile....

Still, who cares about gang murders, knife crime and muggings when burning someone in effigy has been decided to be the cause celebre, the crime du jour, the...

Wait!

*shrugs* I guess it's OK sometimes.

Not Receiving Attention For The Right Reasons....

The deadly shooting of 20-year-old Eric Torell who had Down’s syndrome and autism in August has received great attention.

Because it's a case of 'OMG! The police shot a member of a Victim Group® (even though he appeared to be armed and disobeyed instructions but that doesn't matter because, hey, didn't we say Victim Group® loud enough?)!'. And not for the reason questions should be asked...

New information reveals that three officers fired 25 shots. Three of those hit Eric – one in the stomach and two in the back one of which was deadly.

25 shots fired, and 22 of them went elsewhere but at the target?! Who the hell teaches at their firing range, the North Yorkshire Police instructor..?

Or maybe the question should be, what sort of police officers are they recruiting?

Swedish police officers resign daily, too few apply to academy, entry requirements are lowered, certain groups accepted for quotas, while others are rejected despite passing tests.

Well, well, well....

Does Judge Jim Tindal Believe In Father Christmas Too..?

Judge Jim Tindal said: "I'm conscious you have two young children and have Christmas coming up. A short sharp shock is what is called for in your case. You can be back with your kids, where you belong, before Christmas time."

What did he do, a bit of drunk & disorderly? Littering?

Simon Phillips, prosecuting, said the first incident of dangerous driving happened on July 24 this year at around 8.30pm.

An officer performed checks on a Volkswagen Golf registered to a female and identified as being uninsured. The officer illuminated his car's blue lights but the defendant drove off along Belmont Street at 40mph, breaking the 30mph speed limit in a residential area. He drove along Victoria Street, running a red light and headed onto St Martin's Street, running a second red light over the old bridge, contravened a no-entry sign and drove into King Street towards the Cathedral.

Simon Phillips, prosecuting, said: "Police officers stopped the chase at that stage. They felt it was too dangerous and did not wish to cause any further collision."

Ah. And not was that the only offence that saw him in the dock.

On the following night police chased Newman again. This time the defendant was behind the wheel of a Peugeot 309 and once again he failed to stop when officers illuminated blue lights.

Newman drove along Belmont Road, turned towards the Oval and on to Great Western Way.

"A pedestrian had to jump out of the way as the car drove down a pedestrian walkway" said Mr Phillips. Again, because of the dangerousness of the driving police had to call off the pursuit.

However, other officers became involved later. At one point Newman stopped the car and officers expected him to run. Mr Phillips said: "The Peugeot accelerated towards the police car and the officer had to dive back into the police car to avoid injury.

"The Peugeot struck the door of the car as it drove off and made its escape."

Why is driving a vehicle at someone not attempted murder?

But what about that bizarre leniency from the bewigged cretin? Does he have an otherwise clean record??

In police interview he made a full and frank admission. He had been disqualified from driving on December 7, 2017 for 18 months. He had previous convictions including for drug driving, siphoning off fuel from a lorry, breaking into a kebab van, stealing a chainsaw and for criminal damage and threatening behaviour.

The excuses must have been even better than the usual ones trotted out, then?

Michael Aspinall, defending, accepted that the offence crossed the custody threshold. He said Newman had a chaotic family life and that his father was a heroin addict and had texted his son to tell him that he intended to kill himself.

Newman suffers from ADHD, Asperger's Syndrome and obsessive compulsive disorder.

"To use his word to me, he is 'disgusted' with himself" said Mr Aspinall.

Newman said: "I have been an idiot in the past and now it's time for change. Enough is enough. I want to be a positive father for my children not like my father was and I have to change."

That's another 'Nope!' them.

The Local Press Do Occasionally Stumble On The Truth...

That's a very well-placed wing mirror. A round of applause for the photographer!

H/T: Bucko via email

How Many Mailisms In One Headline?

It's like they are in a competition with themselves...

H/T: Stephen Brown via email

Sunday Funnies...

Well, they might be strange, but at least they have borders...

Why Are There No Adults In Charge?

The past: Man declares himself a woman, prison authorities are happy to believe him. The inevitable occurs.

But it's OK, everyone's entitled to make a mistake, right? It's important though, that 'lessons are learned'.

The present: Man declares himself a schoolchild, and....well, guess what?

Today the boy, who is claimed to have a bearded selfie on a now-deleted Facebook profile, has been pulled out of school after the headteacher referred him to the Home Office.

This has sparked an investigation by immigration officials who want to determine his age.

It's a bit late to start asking questions now, isn't it? Maybe we should investigate the ages of those in charge of policy. Maybe they are just claiming to be in their 40s and 50s, and they are really all 9 or 10?

But now their incompetence has been rumbled, let the 'Pass The Parcel Of Blame' game commence!

A statement from Stoke High School spokesman said: 'This is a matter for the Home Office. They are looking into this after we contacted them.

'The student is not attending the school at this time.

'We do not comment on individual cases but we have followed government and local authority policies and guidance, as we do for any asylum admissions matter.'

What's the point in 'following guidance' rather than relying on the evidence of your own eyes?

A Home Office statement said: 'We do not routinely comment on individual cases.'

If you did, maybe you'd have no time to make these errors...

A Suffolk Police spokesman said he did not believe its officers were involved in the case.

'Did not believe'? Are they, or aren't they? What sort of 'spokesman' are you?

Inaccuracy In Headlines...

The 'law chief' in question - the utterly useless Common Purpose stooge, Alison Saunders, who followed the equally-compromised Kier Starmer - isn't paying anything. We, the poor bloody taxpayer, are on the hook for the stunning incompetence of the public sector.

Again.

During all that time, the Met seemingly failed to undertake even the most elementary checks regarding either Paul’s accusers or his alleged crime.

One accuser had described Paul to police as looking like a ‘light-skinned Asian’.

Nobody even bothered to check the accusers were underage during the alleged offence. They were not.

Or to verify one accuser’s statements that, on several occasions, ending in 1981, he ran into Paul’s flatmate, Limahl, lead singer of pop group Kajagoogoo.

‘Firstly, he didn’t live there, Kajagoogoo didn’t make a record until 1983 and Limahl (his stage name) hadn’t even been invented by then,’ says Paul.

‘He was just a bloke called Chris. These were elementary errors that could have been checked in ten minutes with a quick flick on Google.’

Why would they ever need to, when there are never, ever any personal consequences - for them - of getting it wrong?

‘I thought Britain was more humane than the U.S. The country with the longest rule of democracy — innocent until proven guilty and all that.

'Now I realise that the police don’t tell the truth all at once. They only tell the truth when they absolutely have to.’

This is what it comes down to - the respected institutions we once had are now little better than ideology-driven hitmen.

And the once-reviled institutions, the so-called 'right wing gutter press', are the only ones speaking truth to power:

He credits journalists — and, in particular, the Daily Mail’s Richard Littlejohn (‘the first person to figure out that Yewtree was the emperor’s new clothes’) with saving him and others.

Think on that, next time the authorities try to spin you a line. 

Funny, I Wouldn't Hate Anyone Who Gave Me Free Money...

A mother was reduced to tears after she was left with just 74p to feed her young daughter for six days when a Universal Credit payment she was expecting failed to go into her bank account.

Is this another case of the State screwing up?

Mel Whitchurch, 35, and her partner Chris Steer, 39, who live in Preston Road in Brighton, were yesterday desperately rummaging through their home to find things to sell to pay for food for their five-year-old daughter Cheyenne.

Hmmm....

Mel, who has back problems and can’t walk, and Chris, who has been signed off work with mental health problems, jointly claim Universal Credit, the new benefit for working age people that replaces six benefits and merges them into one payment.

*Sympathy draining away*

The couple recently arranged to split their monthly payments into two per month – and although Mel says the Department of Work and Pensions told them the payments would be made “fortnightly”, the DWP says the arrangement is for “bi-monthly” payments.

Errr, OK, help me out here...

“They told me it was my problem and they put the phone down on me,” said Mel, who has been on benefits for 11 years and has no savings.

“They just don’t care. I hate them.”

Really? It's their fault you can't budget?

Also worried about paying bills, Mel became distraught when she told how Cheyenne would be the only child unable to take a snack with her when she returns to school on Monday after half-term.

Oh, woe! Woe! WOE!!!

When The Argus spoke to Mel yesterday, a friend had just brought the family two pizzas to keep them going. But after that they only had a few tins of food to last until next Wednesday.

The 'friend' didn't think to buy fresh produce, I note...

This month, the family has received an additional £150 from the DWP to buy a new washing machine, which they have now bought.

OK, that's it. That did it. As it clearly did for the readers.

They don't even get the tiny violin, it's wasted on the scrounging layabouts!