Post Title Of The Month

A double helping this month, from Headrambles and DumbJon:

Quote Of The Month

Tim Newman on environmentalism:

Somebody posted on Facebook a link to a story regarding a carrier bag ban which the government of Bali has introduced after two Balinese teenage girls petitioned them. Apparently discarded carrier bags are strewn all over Bali and Something Must Be Done. Naturally this was being applauded by all right-thinking folk, except me who suggested it might be better to first find out who is littering the island in this way: locals or Australian tourists. One individual thought this meant I was “looking for someone to blame” instead of “finding a solution”, leading me to conclude he was almost certainly a middle manager in a modern corporation and had been on a training course recently.

Post Of The Month

Tom Paine delves deep into the murky swamp of 'Hate Crime'.

Why Try To Run When You Haven't Mastered Walking?

The NSPCC has called on the Government to make sending sexual messages to children illegal as disgraced footballer Adam Johnson makes a second appeal against his conviction for child sex offences.

Excellent timing, NSPCC!

And you'd think they had more important things to worry about, wouldn't you? 

This must be that 'joined up government' people are always saying we need...

Too Much To Hope She Meant 'Suspended Above The Lion Enclosure'..?

A judge told Alexander Beerjeraz, 25, he “richly deserved” prison but instead she handed him an 18-month sentence suspended for two years.

*sighs*

Beerjeraz, who now has a £37,500-a-year job in events management, admitted theft and wept as sentence was passed.

Wait, what? Someone else employed him?

We Return Again To The 'Spot The Difference' Competition...

Jade Dunne, 29, was charged today after the death of Dexter Neal.

Well, well, well....

No They Aren't. But I Bet 'Mail' Photocaption Writers Are Born Stupid...

/facepalm

That Would Truly Be An Incy Wincy Spider....

....huntsman spiders are horrifyingly large, but aren't bigger than golf balls themselves.

Sunday Funnies...

No 1 is not so surprising to anyone familiar with public sector 'workers'...

Gravity Will 'Stop His Journey' Pretty Soon, I Predict...

The mother of a reckless thrill-seeker who was filmed climbing to the top of Canary Wharf’s One Canada Square has said she is...

Ashamed? Determined to ensure he never does this again?

...“extraordinarily proud” of her son.

Oh.

Wait. What?

Mrs Gallagher, a croupier, told the newspaper: “It's a double-edge sword. Nobody wants their child risking life and limb. 

“His [older] brother was the freerunner in the family but he gave it up because decided he didn't want to kill himself. Harry never had that fear.

“He just has this passion for it. He is fearless. You can’t stop that journey.”

Not if you don't try, no.

Is It OK To Use Poison To Kill Animal Rights Nutters Though..?

An award-winning animal park accidentally killed some of its exotic birds with rat poison when trying to get rid of vermin.

Drusillas Park near Alfriston has admitted “several” rainbow lorikeets died after eating the poison.

But animal rights campaigners say they have been told up to 22 animals may have been killed by the poison, including crowd favourites a red panda and a meerkat.

They haven't. It's bullshit. No pandas died, and the meerkat died of unrelated causes. But since when have these morons ever had any interest in reality?

Thirteen campaigners gathered outside the attraction yesterday in a hastily arranged protest which was overseen at one point by four police officers.

“We had a mixed response from customers. Some were really quite rude and said we were ruining their kids’ day.

“We want Drusillas to make an apology. They have not shown any empathy for those animals.

“Putting down rat poison to kill rats is really not OK. They should find a more humane way such as traps that don’t kill the rat so they could release them somewhere.

*speechless*

“They are there to care for animals not to kill them.”

The rats aren't exhibits. They are pests.

Ahhh, Those Benefits Of Diversity....

Nine defendants from Redditch appeared at Worcester Crown Court on Monday following two incidents of disorder in Mount Pleasant in Redditch at around 9pm on May 16 last year.

Five defendants appeared in the morning and four in the afternoon to keep the two feuding families apart. All nine admitted a section four public order offence.

It's like the Hatfields and McCoys, but with even less variation in the DNA...

Recorder Paul Bleasdale QC, sentencing, said: "There's plainly bad blood between the two teams. The root is some feud between your family and the other family involved in this disorder and you fell out over the running of the mosque."

He said he had 'no information' about what the feud involving the mosque was about and said he had 'reservations about the forthrightness and honesty' of the accounts given by all nine defendants.

A polite court officer way of saying 'A plague on both your houses!'.

He gave all nine defendants a conditional discharge for 18 months and ordered each to pay a £20 victim surcharge.

*speechless*

H/T: Robert Hale via email

TroutPout Is The New CompoFace!

Miss Omalley said: 'I looked like Pete Burns. It looked like there were two raw sausages tied together on my face.'

She added: 'I've never experienced anything like it. I thought I was stuck like that. She’d messed my whole face up.'

Wait, she has...?

"It's terrible" said Miss Omalley, speaking to our reporter yesterday

The mother-of-three had undergone lip fillers before but had never tried the at-home treatment. She paid for one session, believing the service looked 'professional'.

But she claimed the woman had poor hygiene and did not wear gloves or carry the needles in a sterile case. She also said she did not fully explain the consent form.

 If she'd undergone the procedure before, didn't she already know it?

Miss Omalley said her five-year-old daughter Lily was 'traumatised' by the incident and that she couldn't let her other children, 18-month-old Nellie and seven-month-old Tommy, near her mouth.

In case they fell in..?

Not Really A Problem For These 'People', Is It?

Vet Catherine Henstridge said she had heard of such thefts but didn’t believe thieves could be so cruel, adding: ‘I thought it was an urban myth. The chips are tiny – almost impossible to find just by feeling. Then you have the problem of removing it. You’d have to keep the dog still. It would be extraordinarily cruel.’

Not a problem for a certain demographic that the RSPCA rarely touch.

Kent police said Isla was seized during the execution of an ‘unrelated theft warrant’, although no arrests had been made.

Of course they weren't...

H/T: Ted Treen via email

Good Luck Getting The Money...

Noreen Chambers, of Burlington Road, Thornton Heath, failed to attend Camberwell Green Magistrates Court on January 12 and a sentence was passed in her absence.

She was ordered to pay more than £3,500 due to the mountain of waste that had been building up and spilling out into the road outside her home since October 2015.

They shouldn't have been surprised at her non-attendance, mind you...

The local authority issued her with a Community Protection Warning in November 2015, requiring her to clear up the mess by December.

In February last year, when she had still failed to reply or to clean up the rubbish, which was still accumulating, and the council served a community protection notice on the property.

Following this Ms Chambers did contact the council to request an extension allowing her until March to clear the site, which was granted. But she still failed to take any action to clear the site and officers confirmed through visits to the property that not only was rubbish still heaped in the garden, it was now spilling out onto the pavement and the kerb.

In April she failed to attend an interview with the council and after efforts to engage with her and resolve the issue informally, Croydon Council commenced legal proceedings.

Chances of ever seeing a penny? Slim to none.

When 'Your Very Best' Just Ain't Good Enough...

Blackburn magistrates heard Dawn Greenhalgh gave a roadside breathalyser reading nearly three times the legal limit but then failed to provide a further sample at the police station.

Greenhalgh, of Whalley New Road, Blackburn, pleaded guilty to failing to provide a specimen for analysis and driving without insurance.

She was made subject to a community order for 12 months with 40 hours’ unpaid work and a condition of attendance on the drink impaired driver’s programme and ordered to pay £85 costs and £85 victim surcharge.

Hmmmm.....

She was banned from driving for 36 months after the magistrates were told it was her second drink-related conviction within 10 years.

The second time she'd been caught, they mean.

Richard Prew, defending, said Greenhalgh had been at her uncle’s wake and had then made the foolish decision to drive away when a fight broke out.

Well, we know how violent they can be, don't we?

“She says she did try her very best to provide a sample but she was very upset and it didn’t happen,” said Mr Prew.

Right, right...

Tracey Yates, prosecuting, said when police arrived in Barton Street, Greenhalgh initially denied being the driver of a Renault Clio which had crashed into a parked Mercedes.

“A group of males came out of a nearby building and they identified her as the driver,” said Mrs Yates.

“The officer also recovered a parking ticket from her handbag which related to the Clio at which point she admitted being the owner and driver of the car.”

They really do only catch the thick ones, don't they?

I Blame The Parents Pt 2484725589

An eight-year-old boy ran away from home with his mum’s bank card before duping phone shop staff into selling him three mobiles.

The little scallywag!

Joshua, who has autism, was eventually found and returned home by police – but not before treating himself to a McDonald’s and a new pair of shoes from Deichmann.

Boy, I bet he's in for a thrashing when...

Oh. Of course not. It's not his fault, the poor little lamb!

His mum, Kimberley, who has six other children aged between two and 17, has questioned why a boy so young was served while shopping alone.

“They didn’t ask ‘where’s your mum?’ or think to call the police to say there was a boy on his own,” she said.

“They sold him three phones and SIM cards after he gave them a sob story. He said ‘one is for my mum, one for my girlfriend and one for me’.”

It's probably not the first time they've heard that, is it?

Kimberley said Joshua had run away from their four-bedroom home in Priest Avenue before, and she had now removed the handles of some windows to stop him getting out.

Ummm, fire safety..? No? OK then.

Kimberley says Joshua is due to be re-assessed for ADHD in the hope he can get medication.

“Once I can get him sorted out it will make the household more manageable,” she said.

I can think of other things that might make your household 'more manageable'...

Surely A Genuinely Classy Establishment...?

Praba Banqueting Suite remained cordoned off behind police tape last night as officers guarded the door while investigations continued inside.

A notice at the entrance to the 550-capacity venue, which advertises itself as “one of London’s classiest banqueting” locations, reads: “No drugs, guns, knives or weapons allowed on premises.”

...wouldn't need such a sign?

Remind Me Again What We Pay Them For..?

Sophie Tancos, 32, was out with her nine-year-old son Abrish and their puppy Rio on Saturday, January 21 when they were attacked.

Lindsay Scigliano, a friend of Sophie, said: There was one man on a bike with staffies. The guy was listening to music and smoking a joint.

“He was attacked and carried off in the mouth of a dog in front of his owner and her nine-year-old son as well as many fellow dog walkers and died in the mouth of the dog in question.

“Despite a crowd of people trying to save Rio from the dog, we were unable to get the dog to release him.”

Charming.

Ms Tancos claimed the dog's owner tried to flee the scene as members of the public remonstrated with him.

Typical. No doubt if anyone had tried a citizen's arrest, the cops would have been there in a jiffy to arrest them.

She explained: 'The man was arguing it wasn't his responsibility, the police have two photos of him, there have been 1,500 retweets by the community.

'This is such a big issue. It is the responsibility of owners to control their dogs, something has to be done.

'We are having a really hard time with the police, we have given them two clear pictures of his face, but nothing has happened, we've had to do a lot of it ourselves. '

Well, imagine my shocked face!

A Met Police spokesman said: 'Police were called shortly after 3pm on Saturday, January 21, to reports of a dog having attacked another dog in Crystal Palace Park.

'Officers attended and have since been informed that the dog has died.'

What? The dog died at the scene? If you'd really attended, wouldn't you have known that?

'There have been no arrests and inquiries continue.'

Whose inquiries...? Probably not yours.

Not As 'Damaged' As We'd All Have Liked...

Mills' defence barrister, Ian Wilkinson, said the teenager was an "extremely damaged man", with his background being from the travelling community.

...but maybe his fellow inmates will remedy this, post-haste.

“The only way he can make amends is to lead a law abiding life, and not behave in such an appalling way in the future."

Odds? Close to zero.

The court heard no names of others who were involved in the shooting of the cats.

No parole until he names them.

H/T: Dick Puddlecote via Twitter

I Don't Think You're Achieving Much...

Next term, the 20 existing patrollers will not return to work, Barking and Dagenham council leader Darren Rodwell confirmed on Thursday.

The £165,000-a-year annual service would be over at the “end of March”, he said.

“We want the service to be delivered, we just can’t afford to pay for it,” he said.

And another Baby Seal looks up trustingly as the club descends...

Pat Fredericks, 69, has worked as a lollipop lady at Ripple Primary School for 37 years.

“I think it’s a big shame,” said Pat, who has received no official notification that the service will end.

“We aren’t just stopping the cars, we also educate the children on how to cross. It will be very dangerous without us.”

I often drive through Dagenham and I have to say, you're doing a pretty lousy job, if the number of kids blithely walking out in front of me without looking is anything to go by...

'Lost: One Caps Lock Key. If Found...'

'...please return to editor of 'Southend Echo' website.'

Hmmm, Your Argument Is Convincing...

Does it really, 'Barking and Dagenham Post'? Any evidence?

*turns page*

Ah.

Sunday Funnies...

If they'd released No 3 with this feature, I can only imagine who'd be first choice in the 'Guardian' break room...

Selective Reading...

Lea Ledesma made a series of mistakes which led to the death of Ali Huseyin, 76, at London Heart Hospital on May 7, 2014.

The grandfather was recovering from a successful heart bypass when she gave him type AB blood instead of group O. He died the same day.

Ledesma, 49, tried to pin her fatal mistake on a colleague in the intensive care unit.

Remember what I said at the time, over at 'OoL'? Did anyone bet on a custodial?

If you didn't, congratulations!

There were jubilant scenes from the former nurse and her supporters at Southwark Crown Court on Thursday as she was spared jail.

The public gallery was packed with dozens of her family, friends and former hospital colleagues, many of whom had written letters of support for her.

Ledesma, of Stevenage in Hertfordshire, wept and hugged relatives after being given an 18-month suspended sentence and a community work order.

They formed a prayer circle in the courtroom and could be heard praising God and thanking Jesus.

Funny, I thought the Bible had things to say about bearing false witness...

The court usher eventually asked them to leave after they continued chanting and celebrating for several minutes. The group then posed for pictures inside the building before being stopped by court staff.

Extraordinary behaviour. It's almost as if she's won the lottery. Apparently, though, you get much better odds on winning the British 'justice' system.

Yes, The Message It Sends Is 'It's Totes Worth It!'...

Det Con Georgina Black said she was pleased that the Quirks have been brought to justice: 

“They have shown no remorse for their crime and have failed to admit their guilt throughout.”

She thanked Mr Cook for his help with the investigation and added: “I hope this will send a clear warning to anyone else who thinks it is okay to steal from their employer.”

Oh, really?

The Quirks were charged with theft by employee on March 9 2016 and found guilty at Snaresbrook Crown Court on December 7.

Seven other employees were found not guilty. On Friday January 13 Mr Quirk was sentenced to two years’ imprisonment, suspended for 24 months, and ordered to carry out 300 hours of community service.

His 52-year-old wife received an eight-month sentence, also suspended for 24 months, and 100 hours of community services.

Both have to pay a victim surcharge of £100.

And the amount they stole? Estimated to be hundreds of thousands of pounds...

Kevin Quirk managed the butcher’s shop, whilst his wife Brenda was the sales supervisor, and between them they stole a vast quantity of cash from their boss over nine years.

Rob Cook bought the shop in 2006, and realised in 2015 that for the entire time, a second till had been used for all cash sales after 4.45pm every Monday to Thursday.

Yes, Mr Quirk is evidently an idiot but....hundreds of thousands of pounds, and they get suspended sentances?

But...But....Local Council Cuts!

A new skate park will be built in Southend town centre in a bid to get nuisance youths off the streets.

The plans - spearheaded by James Courtenay, councillor responsible for children and learning - have been five years in the making.

Wait, what? I thought the Terrible Tory Cuts had left gaping holes in the council's budget?

Skaters and bikers currently use a makeshift park outside Southend Victoria station, on the corner of Victoria Avenue, and Queensway, but Mr Courtenay wants to give them a permanent base.

No, it's not 'a makeshift park' at all! It's just the pavement. Hence why the council spent yet more money trying to discourage them with new flowerbeds.

“When I joined the council in 2012 I went out on lots of visits, I talked to children and young adults and social workers of youth offenders.

“I also spoke to the youth council and I asked everyone what they wanted. The idea for a skate park came up. There are a lot of skaters that use the area outside Southend Victoria as a makeshift skating park but they need an official park.

“I had a lot of resistance to the idea and there was an argument that there were already facilities in Leigh and Shoebury but the point was that if you couldn’t drive, you couldn’t get to those facilities.”

Well, they can get their parents to drive them. It's not like they are working, is it?

The council has so far allocated £250,000 for the scheme, with plans to secure further grants.

FFS!

Living The Thug Life....

The victim - who was alone - noticed the men sitting close to him, and when he got off they followed him along Stoke Newington Church Street. He heard one of them say: “Where do you think you’re going?” before being pushed into an alleyway and punched in his face repeatedly for a whole minute, causing deep lacerations.

His mobile phone was stolen along with his wallet which contained his driving licence, cash and a bank card.

And how did they celebrate their big heist?

The man staggered home and did not contact police until the next morning - while Benidito-Fazenda was at Westfield spending a few hundred pounds of his money in betting shops and fashion stores.

Then at the end of his shopping spree bank records show he used the bank card to order himself a kebab and chips.

Oh...

H/T: wiggia via email

That's The Way To Do It!

A dog walker is set to win up to £100,000 damages after he was badly injured wrestling a nine-stone Rottweiler that snatched up a “Chihuahua-sized” pet in its jaws.

Peter Viner, 47, intervened when he heard screams and saw the tiny dog dangling limply from the mouth of the bigger animal near Bethlem Royal Hospital in Beckenham.

I never thought I'd say this, but.... 'Go on, you personal injury lawyers! Sic 'em'.

Mr Viner sued Buddy’s owner, Christine Glover, of Beckenham, and has now been awarded damages at Central London county court.

I wonder how much he'll get? Most chavs don't have much worth taking them to court for.

She claimed Mr Viner brought trouble on himself by grappling with the Rottweiler.

However, Judge Heather Baucher found she had been in “a state of abject panic” during the incident in February 2012 because she had let her dog off his lead and could not control him.

A judge with a goodly amount of common sense, too! Wonders will never cease.

I Wonder What 'Her Terms' Were..?

Kellie Gower, of Beck Road, Canvey, worked for Kings Park Village, on Canvey, when she started siphoning residents’ payments into her own pocket in July 2015.

Southend Magistrates’ Court heard the 35-year-old was rumbled when bosses wrote to dozens of tenants asking for unpaid rent.

Being a cokehead, it promptly went straight up her nose.

She offered to pay back some of the money but the company did not accept her terms and called police.

Looks like she made them an offer they could refuse...

Magistrates handed her a six month prison sentence, suspended for 12 months. She was ordered to complete 180 hours of unpaid work and must pay back £50 a month until she gets a job.

That'll be 'never' then, since who the hell is ever going to employ her?

No Point In Having A Law You Can't Enforce...

Harding, 60, Kings Tamerton Road, Plymouth, ended up before magistrates after she was found to be in breach of new laws requiring that the female Staffordshire bull terrier was correctly microchipped.

...because it's worse than useless. It's costly.

She failed to show up at court and the case continued in her absence.

Chances of getting the money? Nil, I'd say.

But...But...The Magic Money Tree!

A bid to use dog DNA to find and fine people who do not clean up after their pets in Flintshire has been recommended to be thrown out.

A scrutiny committee has called on the council cabinet to give up on the controversial project, first mooted in 2015.

Clearly, in Flintshire, they are a bit more canny with taxpayer money than Barking & Dagenham...

Pandering Gets You...Well, What?

Staff, students and parents at Blatchington Mill School will be consulted about plans to shift the school day by one hour.

If the plans are approved students at the school in Nevill Close, Hove, will start at 9.25am and finish at 4pm, instead of 8.30am to 3pm.

School bosses launched the consultation after being inspired by educational research suggesting early start times do not support the biological rhythms of adolescents.

So, this school was struggling and desperately needed something, anything, to raise their educational rating, no matter how daft?

Well....no:

Headteacher Ashley Harrold said: “With everything we do in school we want to take an approach of looking at research to see how to do things better for young people and families and then implement this in the school.

“We don’t think that school is the way it is and can never be changed.

“There may well be big logistical changes we could make.

“Actually, our experience is that pupils are generally quite focused in the morning and there’s not a massive issue with morning lessons. But we are looking for marginal gains to get a more harmonious learning experience.

“It may be that they’re absolutely fine now but they might be even better if we start a little bit later."

Good grief! Good luck, employers of the future!

Who Said Crime Doesn't Pay? Part 21457932547789

Sinia Tavernier, 37, of Gilroy Court in Thornton Heath, went on a thieving spree across south London supermarkets, including stealing charity boxes in Sainsbury’s Clapham Junction, and more than £1,000 worth of alcohol.

She has been jailed for two weeks.

This came after she stole another Royal British Legion charity box three days earlier from the same Sainsbury’s on November 10. She also stole alcohol from multiple Sainsbury’s locations across south London from October 10 to November 11, including in Tooting, Wallington, Wimbledon and Bell Green, totalling in value of £1,064. Morrisons in Sutton also had £308.74 worth of alcohol stolen by Tavernier on October 10, and Tesco in Lewisham had alcohol stolen worth £254.75 on October 5. Tavernier also stole £324.70 worth of goods from Waitrose in Horley on November 9.

She pleaded guilty to all the offences at Wimbledon Magistrates' Court on December 8.

She's a one woman crime wave!

Tavernier had been on a suspended sentence of four weeks imprisonment for 12 months from September 9, for stealing £179 worth of alcohol from Marks and Spencer in Lewisham on May 16, and £345 worth of alcohol from Marks and Spencer in Bromley on May 17.

Isn't it about time we found better sentences for recidivists?

I Almost Wish We Hadn't Got These Details...

Remember Chloe Thompson?

Well, she got two years, albeit in a young offenders institution:

Speaking after the sentencing, Mrs Tongs’ daughter Victoria Lidstone-Scott, who lives in Billericay, said: “We all just feel genuinely very sorry for her (Chloe Thompson).

“She has to live with this for the rest of her life.”

They are more forgiving than I'd be, under the circumstances.

Oh, right! Circumstances. We hoped to get them, didn't we? This article doesn't mention them. But another does:

Miss Molloy said Thompson was a relatively inexperienced driver, having passed her test in January last year. When interviewed she claimed her satnav had stated she was doing about 74mph before the crash.

“She recalled seeing brake lights but almost instantaneously collided with the Citroen,” said Miss Molloy.

“She said she looks at signs on the motorway but doesn’t really take on board what they show. She recalled a 40mph sign but didn’t know where.

“She described motorway driving as tedious and says it all looks the same, so her attention can be lost. She said she just wanted to get to her dad’s a bit quicker.

“Her attention was drawn to the scenery or she was just having a daydream. She liked looking at the trees. She said it was her fault she didn’t realise she was going too fast.”

 Is your blood boiling yet? Mine is.

A psychiatrist diagnosed Thompson with ADHD on January 10 this year and suggested her “bad lookout” could have been caused by the condition.

She's been banned from driving for six years. Do they think her condition will have improved by then, or are they just taking a chance?

What was she in such a hurry for, anyway?

A care home worker, looking after dementia patients, she was on her way to see her father in Hertfordshire with her boyfriend.

Well, that's just great! If you don't meet this ditzy little chav on the roads in six years time, she could be looking after your granny in two years time!

Wait, did I say two years?

Thompson will serve a year of youth custody before being released on licence.

FFS...

"It's OK, Ms Chicken, Mr Fox Will Be Your Care Worker..."

Chamayne Watkins, 27, was sent a care worker by Greenwich council to help her with her children after her abusive partner left her.

However when Ms Watkins decided to google his name, Keith Preddie, she discovered he had a conviction in 2013 for assaulting his wife.

Say, that name seems somehow...familiar:

Keith Preddie said at the time of his conviction that he planned to campaign against domestic violence.

Why, so he did!

A Greenwich council spokesperson said: "While the person concerned is not directly employed by the Royal Borough of Greenwich we take all safeguarding concerns seriously and have referred this matter to Children's Safeguarding and Social Care Services.

“This therefore means we're unable to comment any further at this stage but want to reassure that we are giving this matter our full attention”

It would have taken less time to just say 'Ooops!' wouldn't it?

I Think What We All Want To Know Is...

Night Czar Amy Lamé today revealed that she had been groped on the Tube as she pledged to tackle sexual assaults of women after dark in London.

...how on earth did the bloke manage it?

  Can you even get one of these down the escalator?

Blimey, They Are Recruiting Them Young Now!

Or is it that old thing about them just looking younger once you turn 50?

*reads article*

Oh.

Sunday Funnies...

What is it with fashion icons and Nazis..?

Only A Moron Would Claim This 'A Positive Outcome'...

Sheena Boll, of Woodstock Road, Forest Gate, pretended to be a 14-year-old girl from the school she worked at in Newham to make the allegation in March last year.

Purporting to be a teenage girl, she falsely claimed she had been sexually assaulted and that the man showed a worrying level of personal interest in her to the point of her avoiding him.

A police investigation into the source of the Childline claims resulted in 35-year-old Boll being identified.

And it gets worse...

Officers also discovered that mum-of-one Boll had a history of making numerous formal complaints to police, many of which she later withdrew after claiming she had come to a private resolution.

There's a shocker!

Boll was convicted of malicious communications at Thames Magistrates’ Court and sentenced to a prison term of 11 weeks, suspended for two years, on Tuesday last week.

She was also given 200 hours of community service and a 12 month supervision order, told to pay costs and compensation and placed under an overnight curfew with an electronic tag for a month.

Wait, what? She's a known lying bitch who puts her victims through untold distress, and she doesn't even get banged up?

Det Con Ben Land, from the Met’s Sexual Offences Exploitation and Child Abuse Command, said: “Cases of false claims like this are rare, but do enormous damage to individuals.

“This was a calculated attempt to deceive professionals who are committed to safeguarding the most vulnerable children into believing that this hardworking, dedicated and caring colleague in her school was responsible for abuse against one of their pupils.

“Fortunately Boll’s efforts to mask her true identity were unsuccessful and we have received a positive outcome with the conviction and restoration of the professional reputation of the victim.”

Good grief, I know this is the sort of pre-written boilerplate they have to spout, but...how can you not die a little inside, having to say this with a straight face?

Let's See Your Best CompoFace!

Kellie Hall and her partner Dean Sherwan have been living in a flat in Purley with a serious mould problem and a leak in one of the ceilings for nearly two years.

It was not until their son Logan was born and began suffering from chest infections that the couple became very anxious about the situation.

Ms Hall said she and Dean were "really depressed" about the situation and felt like they were being "fobbed off" by L&Q.

Really..?

An L&Q spokesperson said: "We understand Ms Hall’s concerns and would like to reassure her that L&Q is dedicated to ensuring her family has a warm, safe and comfortable home.

"When we were first informed of potential water penetration in January 2016 we promptly undertook repair work to the roof and resolved the issue.

"Subsequent investigations by our surveyors, one of which was conducted today (12/01/17), have consistently pointed to condensation being the cause of any remaining damp and mould, which is contractually the responsibility of the resident."

It's a common complaint:

Lorraine Edwards, 29, lives in Abbey Wood and says has been trying to get the council to sort out the mould problem in her home for the past three to four years.

She said: “It has been going on for a long time and nothing has been sorted. My house is smothered in damp, my children have gone to hospital for it and now have asthma.

“I don’t know what to do anymore. My kids can’t even stay in their bedrooms.”

It can't have been that bad, can it? It didn't stop you breeding:

Lorraine lives in the home with her three children, aged seven, three, and ten months old. She is also pregnant with a fourth child...

Last word goes to the comment section:

Mind Your Language!

Hmmm, what's the derivation of that word, again?

I can't see that any of that is appropriate here.

The trainee nurse said the wall he fell from is often frequented by young people walking along it doing what is known as parkour but there has been no indication that this is what happened.

*skeptical face*

Lynda Hyde, councillor for Rottingdean Coastal ward covering the Brighton Marina, reacted with sadness to the news.

She said: “It is an absolute tragedy for a young man to lose his life, particularly in such a tragic manner.

“We don’t know the circumstances, but it is of great sadness that we have lost a young person

“It must be particularly tragic for family and friends.”

No doubt. But for society..?

Won't He Just Go And Get Another One..?

Sergeant Paul Flynn said: “We received a report back in February involving the same Staffordshire bull terrier, officers investigated and followed the appropriate steps at the time.

Which was no doubt to give 'words of advice', then nip back to the station to tick a box...

"In May, following further concerns from the public, the dog was examined by an expert but was confirmed not to be a banned breed.

Which doesn't matter under the new legislation, which states that any dog can be considered 'out of control' and therefore dangerous.

You have bothered to read it have a competent adult read it to you, surely?

"However, following this second incident, the Staffordshire bull terrier has been voluntarily handed to officers who, in agreement with the owner, has now been put to sleep."

The officers, or just the dog? And what charges does he face? You know he can be charged, don't you?

It's Amazing What Benefits Pay For, Isn't It?

Paul Wright, mitigating, said Watts called police after neighbours held a knife "to his throat and pinned him to the wall."

Mr Wright told the court: "By the time the police arrived at the address, Mr Watts had managed to negotiate his way out of that position and the neighbours went back to the flat.

"The brunt of his distress was felt by the police because of his view that it was too late, it had been resolved."

That 'distress' expressed by him threatening to set a dog on them...

Magistrate David Allen, who chaired a bench of three, told Watts: "We have taken into account your early guilty plea and the remorse you have shown."

The court bill will be deducted from benefits.

Because of course you can keep a vicious dog on benefits. What, you believed the progressive press that these people are starving?

File Under 'Screw it, It's Only Canvey'...

The youngster was attending Canvey’s annual Christmas lights switch-on with her mum when the day’s celebrations were brought to an abrupt halt.

She was hit by a car which appeared to be travelling the wrong way along Canvey High Street, where it turns into Foksville Road.

'Appeared to be'..? Well, was it, or wasn't it?

Surely Essex's Finest will know?

Her mum, who does not want to be identified, claims the male driver initially tried to continue driving - until a passerby stopped him.

The youngster was taken to A&E after the incident on Saturday, November. She suffered minor bruising.

A PCSO was called to the scene.

Oh...

The girl’s mother asked for the driver to be breathalysed. However, the family had to leave for hospital before a police officer who was authorised to carry a breath test arrived.

Since then, they have heard nothing from the police.

/facepalm

What do they have to say for themselves? It had better not be a bunch of meaningless platitudes about how ....

Oh...

An Essex Police spokesman said: “Traffic collision investigation can be a lengthy process as they need to be comprehensive and often involve gathering a lot of complex information to determine exactly what has occurred.

“Officers dealing with the case will provide the girl’s parents with an update as soon as they are in a position to do so.

“We can confirm enquiries are ongoing and hope the girl is recovering well from her injuries. Should her parents have any questions about the ongoing case they can make contact with the investigating officer directly.”

They clearly do have questions. My, it's good that you're a spokeman and not a detective, eh?

Cuts Have Consequences, They Say...

Michael Hoy, a Rochford councillor said: “I was down there and it blocked the whole road, no one could get through. It was awful.

“It looked like a tipper truck had just dropped its load and left, it was clearly commercial waste. I worry that this is a sign that it will get worse because some recycling centres no longer takes garden waste.”

What?

Stuart Wilson, a councillor for the Hullbridge ward, added: “It looked like this had been done by a professional.

“It is definitely more than a coincidence that this has happened since they banned the disposal of garden waste at sites. It was inevitable this was going to happen I suppose. That is why the opposition voted against it at Essex County Council because we knew this would happen.”

What utter cretin thought that was a good idea?

A spokesman from Rochford Council said: “We were contacted at about 8.25am with a report that garden waste/felled trees had been fly tipped and that the road had been temporarily closed as a precaution.

“When our contractors, Suez, arrived the debris had already been cleared to the side of the road. They have had to arrange for another contractor to remove the waste later.”

Dave Sperring, Portfolio Holder for Environment, said: “It is truly shocking that anyone would be selfish enough to do this.”

Or short-sighted enough to realise that it would happen?

Simon Walsh, Essex County Council Cabinet Member for Environment and Waste, said: “The Council took the decision to clamp down on the illegal commercial use of Recycling Centres for Household Waste, which had been the cause of a huge cost to the taxpayer.

“We have already considerably reduced the amount of commercial waste illegally going to our recycling centres and there is no evidence that improving enforcement has led to an increase in criminal behaviour ...”

Apart from the great big pile of illegally-dumped waste on the front page of the newspaper, you mean?

Posterchild Of The Year!

A dinner lady who featured in a schools guide issued to thousands of families in London has appeared in court charged with child neglect.

Amadarkoa chose trial by jury after denying all three allegations at Highbury Corner magistrates’ court.

District Judge Nicholas Rimmer freed her on unconditional bail to appear at Blackfriars crown court on February 6.

One to watch...

Safety First!

Evangelou, who describes himself as a Luciferian and had a room in his flat devoted to Satan, met the woman at Slimelight nightclub in Angel, on June 4 last year.

The pair travelled back to his flat on his Harley Davidson motorbike at 6am the following morning.

He told police he had taken two helmets to the club "in case he met someone".

You can't be too careful, after all...

H/T: wiggia via email

Hard Not To Have Contempt For This Court...

A thug who subjected a party guest to nearly two hours of physical abuse over a stolen wrap of cocaine has been sentenced to 33 months in prison.

Carl Wood, 27, of Second Avenue, Canvey, and Joe Hannaford, 20, carried out the attack in Wood’s home on October 5, 2015, during a drug-fuelled party.

Are there any other sort on Canvey?

However, Hannaford was spared jail after a judge heard he failed his driving test moments before the hearing while Wood will be out in three months having served 13 months on remand.

*sighs*

While on bail, Wood was found with bank cards stolen during a burglary. He also admitted cultivating cannabis after seven plants were found in his home.

Oh, come on! That's just taking the Michael...

Richard Jones, mitigating for Hannaford, said his client had taken a driving test in the morning in a bid to “better himself” - even though it made him late for court.

Isn't that 'contempt'..?

He said: “It might be unusual for somebody to do that but perhaps it’s a good thing because it shows his motivation in life is to improve his lot and become a positive member of society.

“Sadly, he failed the test.”

I rather suspect he's going to fail the 'becoming a positive member of society' too.

Mind you. weren't judges once considered that?

Judge Ian Graham said given Wood’s previous convictions for drugs and violence, a custodial sentence was “inevitable”. But because Hannaford has just one conviction as a youth, a suspended sentence was appropriate.

*rolls eyes*

He said: “You have a good working history and I’m told you are in work now and even took your driving test this morning, knowing you were coming here this afternoon.”

Which made him late. But hey, if you aren't getting a clue now, I guess you never will.

A Salutary Warning To Employers...

...hiring someone to get a tick in that 'mentally handicapped worker' box to please HR might turn out badly:

She admitted fraud by abuse of position but was handed an 18 month suspended prison sentence after Judge Ian Graham heard she was “easily-led” and suffered from bi-polar disorder.

Thank god it was RBS, and not the Nuclear Research Facility that said 'Hey, we haven't got any fruitloops, let's hire some!'...

The fraud was uncovered in September 2015 after members of the gang were arrested by the NYPD, following suspicious purchases.

Officers found text messages from three phone numbers listed as Charlie, Charlie 2 and Charlie New. Kenny listed one of the numbers with her own human resources department at RBS. She was arrested at work by City of London Police.

After destroying a loose SIM card in her pocket she told officers: “I know what it looks like but it’s to protect someone else.”

*makes twirly motion with finger round head*

Matthew Bone, mitigating, said Kenny was “vulnerable” because of her psychiatric condition and one of the fraudsters was an associate of her uncle.

He said: “It’s quite clear that this lady was not the brains behind this operation. She was not even one of the people committing the fraud.

“She is a lady who would struggle in a custodial setting and a lady who is very anxious about her future today.”

Clearly, she had no reason to be.

Who Said Crime Doesn't Pay? Part 78253489754328

Patrick McFetridge, 36, took the £1,200 bicycle — which was loaded with medical supplies — as it sat unlocked outside an office block in the City.

However, the building’s concierge took a photograph of him after seeing him flee and McFetridge handed himself in to police after seeing a media appeal for help in catching him.

At City of London magistrates’ court yesterday, McFetridge was jailed for eight weeks after admitting theft but was spared a £1,200 compensation bill for the bicycle, which was never recovered, because he is a serving prisoner.

Wha..?

The court heard that McFetridge had 26 previous convictions, including for theft and burglary.

FFS...

Yes, It's Amazing, Isn't It?

Next, they'll be able to write legible 'Daily Mail' headlines too!

The IPCC Won't Like This Much...

...better say they fell down the custody unit stairs instead!

Sunday Funnies...

I'm astounded No 4 hasn't been made into a heartwarming movie yet....

OK, Maybe I Was A Bit Hasty With The 'Chutzpah Of The Year' Award...

I mean, I did think it was unbeatable. But then....remember Rekha?

Well, she's back in the news:

A teacher has sold her Grade II-listed cottage for just £2 to stop it being seized by a court to settle a £76,000 legal bill racked up in a six-year feud with her neighbour.

She denied having sold the cottage to a firm run by relatives, adding: 'It's ridiculous that all this has happened over 12 poxy roof tiles. People commit suicide over things like this.'

Yes, some do. Others, however, bleat to the papers:

Rekha told the M.E.N: “The cottage has been bought by two private companies.

“People came to help me. Benevolent people came to help because of the stories in the papers.

“It has been amazing. I was like wow, people can feel when something is wrong. I could write a book on the benevolence of people.

Yes, people can indeed 'feel when something is wrong', Rekha. I'm feeling it now, for example.

But maybe the foreign press will be a bit more gullible?

“I feel the justice system needs to be fairer and accessible to everyone. I want to now put this entire matter behind me and move on. I want to travel to India and try and work on a book that would help educate others who get caught in a similar situation of being scared out of their own homes,” said the maths teacher, who works at Glossopdale Community College in Glossop.

I think you might struggle to sell that book, somehow.

The case was adjourned to be heard in the Chancery Division of the High Court.

Can it issue a bench warrant if she's still in India 'working on her book'..?

Who's Crying Now...?

Oh, yeah. You are, aren't you?

The 51-year-old wailed as her six-month jail sentence was announced, and her husband and other relatives in Teesside Crown Court's public gallery sobbed.

Mmmmm, delicious tears, hot and salty...

Initially, she claimed she was threatened that her car would be burnt out and her Stockton home would be targeted if she did not carry out orders to take drugs into Holme House Prison in the town.

She said an unnamed man had put her under pressure to take the cocaine and pentanone - also known as alpha pvp or gravel - into the category B jail.

Prosecutor Paul Newcombe told the court that messages found on Kemp's mobile phone showed she was being paid for it, and it had been well-planned.

Blimey, a defence so weak even our judicial suystem wasn't fooled!

Joanne Kidd, mitigating, said Kemp had never before been tempted to smuggle anything illegal into the jail while visiting her son over the years.

Translation: "...had never been caught."

The court heard how Kemp, who walks with two crutches, has had five operations on a back problem, and prison would be difficult to cope with.

She was agile enough to get into the visitor's room, so she'll not have many problems getting to her cell!

Judge Morris said: "I'm sceptical you didn't know what they were. You didn't tell the truth, you were not coerced. This was emotional nagging for you to do what your son wanted."

'Your son who was already in prison for drug offences...' was left unsaid.

No Doubt There Was Teeth-Kissing Involved Too...

Pearson, who has a number of previous convictions including assaults and theft, rolled her eyes and shook her head as the decision was announced.

I can just imagine it....

The 22-year-old single mother left court with a jacket over her head and told the press outside: "I'm not happy."

You ought to be pretty used to it, with 15 convictions.

She will be sentenced at a later date at Isleworth crown court.

Expect the pussy pass to come into immediate effect, even though the Race Card was declined due to insufficient funds.

'Police Intelligence' Still An Oxymoron

Via Tim Worstall, this:

A police force carried out a controlled explosion on a “suspicious” car outside a station, not realising its own officers had parked it there.

A bomb squad was called after concerns about an unattended Vauxhall Corsa at Workington police station, Cumbria. Roads around the building, in Hall Brow, were sealed off and an explosion carried out at 08:00 GMT.

The force blamed “an internal communications error” and apologised to the owner.

Could have been worse:

In the footage, the Metropolitan Police officer tells the DJ: "This isn't racist, it's a fact. Predominantly, the criminal profile of people who do it are black people.

"So, naturally if you see a car full of black guys, maybe dressed in gangster-style clothing or whatever, when they're driving down there, they're getting stopped."

Maybe these two should get together after the dismissal and have a commiseration drink..?

H/T: Robert Hale via email

#CompoFace!

Little Arthur Cox was on his way home from nursery with his grandmother and older brother when he was hit and fell underneath a vehicle at the junction of Ferndale Road and Old Shoreham Road, Hove.

His grandmother Sharon Maher said she feared the worst as she looked on with Arthur's five-year-old brother Archie.

The driver did stop at the scene but Arthur's mother Emily Tingey is calling for him to come forward as he has not been seen since the toddler, who had been on his scooter, was taken to hospital for the night.

 How many names here? I'm losing track!

The 26-year-old said: "It's hard to think someone could knock down my baby and not ring to find out if he is alright.

"There has not been any contact from them and it could have been a whole lot worse."

Maybe this is a warning not to let granny mind the kids near the road?

A police spokesman said: "We are appealing for the driver of a car who stopped to assist a small boy who had been in collision with his vehicle in Hove to make himself known.

"The driver stopped and is reported to have called an ambulance, but a passer-by offered to drive the boy to hospital."

So can't you trace him via his phone number?

Hmmm, Might There Be A Clue Here To This Establishment's Untimely Demise?

The New College Basildon Studio School, in Great Oaks, Basildon, has withdrawn course offers for all students meant to start in September 2017.

Current students will be able to continue with their courses until summer 2018.

Bosses told the Echo the college - which lost sponsorship from Seevic College, in Thundersley, after being branded inadequate by Ofsted - is “no longer economically viable.”

Was it ever..?

What sort of vital higher education did this place offer, anyway? And to whom?

Mitchell Aldem, 15, from Billericay, was due to begin studying health and social care.

He chose New Campus Basildon, which offers vocational courses for youngsters aged 14 to 19, due to its small class sizes.

His mum, Sharan, 45, said: “We went to an open evening and he filled in all the forms to apply and got an interview.

“We had a letter from them before Christmas offering him a place and then we got a new one on Saturday saying the place had been withdrawn. I didn’t know they could do that.

“Mitchell has Type One diabetes, anxiety and depression so we thought he would be able to cope better in the environment at New Campus Basildon.”

Ah. I think the penny is beginning to...

Yup! There it goes!

Legally, teenagers now have to stay in education or training until they are 18.

It finally dropped.

Chutzpah Of The Year!

Yeah, I know the year's just got started, but it's going to be hard to top this one...

Firefighters took two hours to put out the blaze, but the after-effects are still being felt by her children Taylor Dodd, 15, Harrison Happe, nine, and Summer-Lily Happe, seven.

We're off to a good start! Different names for the spawn, check!

She was particularly spooked as her and partner Charlie Heatley’s seven-month old baby, of the same name, were sleeping in one of the affected bedrooms just ten minutes before the fire broke out.

Still breeding despite circumstances, check!

Clare and Charlie, who are both unemployed, have thrown away the identical hoverboards given to Taylor and Harrison for Christmas, and have vowed to never again buy an electric item on Facebook.

They also plan to take legal action against the seller, who charged £185 for each of the hoverboards.

Chavs spending money they haven't got on extravagant presents for the spawn, check!

“I can’t believe it,” Clare admitted. “To stand outside and watch everything you worked hard for just go up in smoke was awful.”

BINGO!

Not 'The Face', No. Try Lower Down...

The shop lost its licence once before under Tatlidede’s management in 2011 when trading standards officers found counterfeit wine and fake vodka.

But magistrates allowed the decision to be appealed and it started trading again after the penalty was reduced to a three-month suspension.

Well, that worked well...

Tipple, in Queen’s Road, Brighton, no longer has permission to sell alcohol, Brighton and Hove City Council’s licensing panel decided yesterday.

It follows an HMRC prosecution which saw the shop’s licence holder Koray Tatlidede, of Addison Road, Hove, plead guilty to deliberately and dishonestly suppressing sales, which reduced liability for payment of corporation tax on income.

He also admitted to evading VAT.

Naturally he is shocked, SHOCKED!, that anyone might think there was criminality going on:

The 32-year-old was visibly shaken at the hearing as he told the panel he only ever wanted to work hard, live a normal life and not to take part in criminal activity.

Well, that's possible. After all, millions do just that. It can't be hard...

He brought with him paperwork which he said attested to his good character.

A note from his mum..?

He said: “I have already been punished for this in court. I have to pay back money to the Government and I completed 150 hours of unpaid work.

“I am setting up a payment plan, but if I lose the licence I lose my business. How can I pay them back?”

He said he could not afford to bring solicitors to the meeting, adding: “I am a small business owner, me and my staff work really hard. I am there seven days a week and work between 10 and 12 hours a day – all through Christmas, new year and bank holidays for ten years. We are in an important location – I see us as the face of the city.”

Wrong body part, chum.