Anyone Who Claims This Is Either A Liar Or A Cretin…

PC Phil Tuck, who is investigating, said: “The owner is distraught about the loss of her beloved pet and we are doing everything we can to trace the dog owners, with support from colleagues at Hertsmere Borough Council.” He added: “Fortunately incidents like this are very rare.”

…so which one is it, Phil? Or are you just parroting what you are told to say about crime by your superiors or your PR wonks?

Post Title Of The Month

This month, Mark Wadsworth clinches it:

Quote Of The Month

From the incomparable Gildas:

“I have no way of ever knowing what goes on in a jury room, but the jury has done the public a service. It is actually the perfect result. A massive **** you to the State and the Westminster Set’s attempts to settle scores and “teach the Press a lesson”, and a traditional “V” sign to the cappuccino warriors of the Guardianista faction. And with the conviction of Coulson, a huge dollop of seagull poo too on the head of Moon Faced Dave. That’s just fantastic. “

Post Of The Month

David Thompson catches, reels in and despatches another live one.

Leon, You Clearly Should Have Welcomed Your New Little Fuzzy Striped Overlords…

Leon Hines got more than he expected when he went shopping at the Cowley Retail Park, coming out of the shops to find his car covered in bees. Now he’s been criticised for killing them.

What was he supposed to do, ask them nicely? It’s not like he immediately whipped out a can of Raid, either!

“I was with my wife Aimee who’s eight months pregnant and my three-year-old daughter Aaliyah so I didn’t want them to get stung.”

The 31-year-old said: “I got in the driver’s side where there were less bees and drove really slowly when I was near pedestrians.

“I went to the bypass and drove really fast to try and get rid of them, but they stuck to the car. I ended up having to go through the Tesco car wash twice to kill them.”

Good old Tesco, every little helps! But seriously, who would criticise the man for his actions?

Oh, well, there’s always one, isn’t there?

Phil Sharman, the vice chairman of Oxfordshire Beekeeper’s Association, criticised Mr Hines’s solution, adding: “He will have drowned their Queen, which is the centre of their universe.

“Honey bees swarm when they’re trying to find a location to stay. Before they left their old nest they will have gorged themselves on honey so they will have been totally docile.”

Clearly, not docile enough about getting off this poor sod’s car!

He urged the public that if they find a swarm to contact the association’s swarm liaison officer Maurice Leen on 01865 773626.

Who’ll come out immediately, rain or shine, day or night, to remove them. Right?

Comedy Gold!

Tanya Gold, that is…

A few months ago I met a woman selling the Big Issue outside a supermarket in north London. Her name is Anna; she is from Moldova, the poorest country in Europe. She was wearing a headscarf and sitting on a crate.

Straight from Central Casting!

I bought a copy of the magazine. She looked at my baby son in his buggy, and said she has a son of three months and a two-year-old boy as well. Their father has gone, she told me, and she is now a single mother. The children are with a friend while she sells the magazine to buy nappies and food. The Big Issue, I know, retails at £2.50, and the vendors pay £1.25 a copy. Sometimes, she told me, she makes £30 a day. Do I know, she asked me, where she can get a buggy? She cannot take both children out at the same time because it is dangerous without a buggy for two; the older one may run into the road, or she might hurt her back from carrying the baby for long distances.

Because that’s just the sort of thing you ask random strangers, I guess.

She also asked: do I have any baby clothes?

Or maybe just gullible looking Westerners…

Over the following weeks, Anna and I spoke on the telephone about a buggy. I was anxious to provide one. She did not want a twin buggy, she said, where the children sit side by side, or in tandem front and behind; they would be too big to get on public transport. (Women with buggies on public transport are despised.) Anna wanted a buggy where one child sits above and one below, as if they are stacked on shelves.

And if you are suddenly thinking of that old adage ‘beggars can’t be choosers’, congratulations! So is everyone else.

I found one online: a brand new tandem buggy, on sale. I somehow forgot – or rather ignored – Anna's instructions on the shape of the buggy, even though they were precise. I decided it would be unpleasant, even unsafe, for the baby to sleep under his brother and ordered an enormous, stately buggy with two equally sized seats in tandem, one of which could go flat for the baby: less shelving, perhaps, than a small portion of an aircraft. I obviously thought I knew better than Anna what she needed – isn't a gift always on the giver's terms? And who could doubt my generosity when my gift was so large?

Oh, it’s not your generosity we are doubting. It’s your sanity…

I presented the buggy to Anna as she sat on her crate outside the supermarket. And although she thanked me kindly, she said: "It is too big. I cannot get it on and off public transport. It is too heavy." She was right, of course. I felt only anger and shame: anger because she was not grateful for my gift, as I wished her to be. Shame because – why should she be? I left her and the absurd buggy on the street, gracelessly.

There. Are. No. Words!

But Anna's small sons should not be dependent on the whims of a flaky stranger. A civilised society does not leave single mothers sitting in the streets, begging for basic items to ensure the health of their children.

A civilised society like England? Or Moldova?

You're Looking In The Wrong Place...

...if you think there's any to be found in Southend. And no, I'm not talking about litter!

Not Exactly Finger Lickin’ Good…

Sarah Crouch, 34, was at the London Road branch of KFC in Brighton when her two year old daughter Rebecca found the “sharps bin”, used to dispose of hypodermic needles.

She said: “My daughter was bending down touching a box and I realised it was a sharps box used by heroin users.

“The people who use them can have any sorts of germs and diseases.”

Quite. Especially if they are eating at KFC!

She added: “You don’t have something like that in a family restaurant.

“At the end of the day, it could have been so much worse.

“My little girl has been traumatised by the event and I’m pregnant so my hormones are going crazy.”

*nonplussed face*

A spokesperson for KFC said that it is not their policy to provide sharps bins and they will be working with the restaurant on London Road to provide “alternative ways” to deal with any issues they are experiencing.

Well, thank goodness for that. They will still provide those little moist towelettes and the extra tomato ketchup sachets, I hope?

Sunday Funnies...

To be fair, don't all commercials do this..?

“It’s Islamophobia, I Tells Ya!”

Carolyn Strange on what seems - to her - to be a curious decision:

Uthman Badar was scheduled to address the topic of "honour" killing at Sydney’s Festival of Dangerous Ideas in August. Yesterday, festival joint founder and co-curator, Simon Longstaff, announced that the talk had been cancelled, due to "the level of public anger" over the title: Honour Killings are Morally Justified.

Gosh. That couldn’t have been anticipated. Could it?

Badar had intended to "explain the world view that could lead people to assume that it was morally justified" to kill in the name of honour. Had the title been put in the form of a question, Longstaff conceded, members of the public might not have assumed that the speaker would condone the practice.

Heh! But wait! It’s not a semantic issue at all!

In Badar’s view, posted on Facebook, there was no difference between his "dangerous idea" and the others the festival has aired. "What is different is that I'm Muslim," he wrote, "one willing to intellectually challenge secular liberal ideology and mainstream values – and that says a lot about the true extent of freedom and equality in modern Western liberal democracies such as Australia."

Right. Sure. Ok. Of course. It must be. Right? There’s no other explanation.

” It happens a lot round this area and East London.”

Walter Adrian, 23, and his boyfriend, who asked not to be named, were attacked outside Barclays bank on Whitechapel Road after leaving a friend’s party. As they withdrew cash, up to seven Bangladeshi teenagers on pushbikes surrounded them asking “who is sucking who off?” and “are you fags?”.

They then punched and kicked the couple.

Ah, London’s rich diversity! Still, makes a change from ‘Asians’, eh?

“They were saying, ‘this is our street, this is our area, get out of here’, just because they thought we were gay.

It happens a lot round this area and East London.

Yes, I bet it does. Those immigrants, coming over here, doing the rioting the natives are too lazy to do…

Mr Adrian’s partner, a Masters media student at Goldsmiths University, said: “I feel like I have to ‘gay-down’ a bit, that I should wear trousers and not skinny ones. We are not very gay, we don’t wear pink or glitter, and they still picked on us.

“We are just scared and afraid it might happen again and it just shouldn’t be like that. You get these patrols that make you feel like you’re trespassing in their area. I think it’s a clash as people are starting to move into multicultural areas.”

Well, no. More monocultural ones.

A Scotland Yard spokesman said: “We were called at 1.40am on June 13 to reports of an assault in Whitechapel Road. Investigations continue.”

But not very enthusiastically, I’ll bet…

OMG! PAEDOGEDDON BOOGIEMAN!

Parents of pupils at Scargill Junior School in Rainham, east London, said the mistake was only discovered when their children brought the scripts home to read, the London Evening Standard reported.

One of the characters in the musical Lights, Camera, Action! is a school caretaker called Jim Fixit, who is “ready for any challenge”. The character reads out letters from children requesting help, in the manner of Savile on the long-running TV show Jim’ll Fix It, on which youngsters wrote in with requests to have their wishes granted.

Can I get a massive overreaction? Reader, I can!

After the blunder was revealed, the school sent out a text message to all parents. It said: “URGENT MESSAGE. We would like to RECALL all of the year 6 play scripts as soon as possible.”

The play was subsequently axed and the scripts are due to be destroyed.

Are you sure you don’t want to burn the stage down and salt the earth too? Can’t be too careful, after all.

The play was last performed four years ago, before the truth about Savile emerged.

Has it? Has it really?

And…you’d think the school had other, more serious, things to fret over, wouldn’t you?

A 10-year-old boy was removed from his school classroom after carrying a knife in his bag and apparently threatening to stab another child. Worried parents of pupils at Scargill Junior School in Mungo Road, Rainham, were told by text message they could make an appointment to speak to the headteacher following the shocking incident, which happened one month after teacher Ann Maguire was stabbed to death in a Leeds classroom.

But I’m sure that’s just a minor issue, compared to the possibility of catching paedo-cooties from a play…

HULK SMASH!!

Police just stand around with their thumbs up their...

He said: "The police shut down the whole road and I think arrested the two guys.

"It was pretty bizarre for that time of day."

For any time of day, I'd have said..

Just Tell The Cops You Were Performing A 264 Month Termination…

…after all. how could anyone object?

The son of Kermit Gosnell, the infamous Philadelphia abortion doctor serving a life sentence for killing newborn children and at least one adult, is now in the hospital fighting for his life after an alleged home invasion.

Police say Gosnell's son, 22-year-old Barron Alexander was shot several times while he was burglarizing a row home shared by a group of undergrads in West Philadelphia on Wednesday morning.

Oh dear, what a shame. Maybe there’s something to this ‘karma’ business after all?

Can't Pay, Won't Pay..?

Despite the trauma she has suffered she has been told she will not be able to receive any compensation or criminal injuries payments.

There's no explanation given as to just why.

Mr Sharp added: “The defendant’s conduct both during and after the incident is of particular concern...he just did not seem bothered or concerned that they had attacked someone.”

They never are.

Michael Walsh, for Thomas, of South Farm Road, Gipton, said his clients thinking had been “deficient”

As was the judge's thinking, since he didn't order the immediate destruction of the offending animals.

All of 'em.

It Must Be Hard Water Up North...

The bunting, featuring yellow, green, white and polka dot jumpers to represent the winners’ jerseys in the race, had been hung in Masham, near Ripon, by Harrogate Borough Council following an appeal by the authority to decorate the district.

Over six months, hundreds of schoolchildren, women’s institutes, craft groups and knitters from as far afield as Australia and the Arctic Circle created 23,453 jumpers for the display.

How heart-warming!

A month after the bunting was hung in the town’s Market Place, and less than three weeks before 20,000 visitors are expected to visit Masham to see the race, residents and traders were stunned to see hundreds of the knitted jumpers being taken down by tree surgeons.

How typical. Let me guess, someone complained?

North Yorkshire County Council, which owns the lampposts, said it had asked the borough council to remove the bunting on safety grounds.

It is believed the weight of the bunting increased after rain, causing lampposts to lean.

 Blimey!

First They Came For The Primates…

…and I didn’t stand up. Now it’s the turn of the pygmy hedgehog:

In the past six months there has also been a 5% rise in UK ownership, according to the African pygmy hedgehog registry. As a hedgehog ecologist, I really hope this trend doesn't take off again, despite the very real cuteness of these animals, and the undoubted pleasure of being able to handle one.

Of course you do.

Leaving aside the ethics of the exotic pet industry, there are some important reasons why we should not encourage the pet hedgehog craze in the UK. Firstly, there is a depressing inevitability that unscrupulous people will pick up wild hedgehogs and try to sell them on (there is evidence that they already have).

Well, at least we don’t have that issue with the primates!

Secondly, people get bored of their pet hedgehogs. They are nocturnal, like to move around a lot and need a wheel on which to run. They also tend to poop as they run and end up smearing the wheel and themselves in faeces that will need to be cleaned up every day. Boredom with your pet will result in a desire to get rid of it. Even though APHs are a different species to the hedgehogs we have in the UK and unsuited to the British climate, people tend to release them into the wild, or hand them in to hedgehog carers. Already overstretched, these volunteers end up with another mouth to feed – and one that cannot be set free.

This is, once again, no different to people who neglect their cats, dogs, horses, etc.

But the main reason why this trend should not be encouraged is that we already have hedgehogs that are in need of help. The UK's hedgehog population has fallen by 37% in the past 10 years – a faster rate of decline than that being experienced by tigers in the wild.

Hmmm, and hasn’t that decline gone hand in hand with the rise of the badger? Who tends to find hedgehogs rather delicious?

The Poor Bloody Train Driver Just Gets Nightmares...

A mother who's dedicated her life to improving rail safety after her teenage daughter died on a level crossing in Essex has been honoured.

Tina Hughes lost her daughter Olivia Bazlington in 2005 when she and her friend Charlotte Thompson were hit by a train as they walked over the train tracks at Elsenham in Essex. Olivia was 14, Charlotte was 13. Mrs Hughes has been made an MBE for her campaign to improve safety on crossings.

Life just doesn't seem very fair sometimes, does is?

I Think The 12 Bore Was A Lot More Use...

This is the third occasion Dave has had dogs break into his farm in the four years they have been open, and has court conditions imposed on a neighbour to control their dogs.

There's no indication that these dogs came from the neighbour in the story, but if they did, it rather shows the worth of these 'court conditions', doesn't it?

Softly, Softly, Catchee…Errr….

Police have been officially advised to use their discretion in deciding how to enforce the ban that comes into force on Tuesday on qat, a mild herbal stimulant, that has been widely used in Britain's Somali, Yemeni and Ethiopian communities.

Really? The same police that always bleat that they have no discretion and must investigate every little spat on FaceBook, with predictable results?

… Acpo guidelines on the qat possession for personal use show that enforcing the ban will throw up some unique challenges for officers on patrol. They make clear that while any police officer can issue a qat warning or a fixed penalty notice they need to be or find an officer who is an expert in identifying the herb and who can do so without any doubt before a warning or a fine can be issued.

You … you have to be kidding me. Surely?

The Acpo guidelines also make clear that there is little the officer can do if somebody caught in possession of qat simply decides to start chewing the evidence: "If the individual merely has a mouthful of what is suspected to be qat, it will not be permissible to issue a sanction, even with an admission without additional evidence, because the chewed pulp will not be readily identifiable."

So to escape punishment for illegally chewing a herbal substance, you can chew that herbal substance right in front of the police…!

Bad News For Brazilian Electricians Then, Cressida?

Britain will feel the repercussions of Syria and the rise of Islamic extremism within its own borders for "many years" to come, a leading police officer has said.

Cressida Dick, the Metropolitan Police's assistant commissioner and head of specialist operations, warned that Britain would feel long-term consequences of the conflict.

People like Cressida Dick never feel any of those consequences, do they? No matter how badly they screw up…

Where 'Emotional' = 'Violent'

The 14-year-old is said to have run amok in the foyer of an Oldham school when one teacher asked him to remove a stick of gum from his mouth.

I was never 'asked' such things in school. I was told...!

It is understood the youngster refused and a scuffle ensued, with more staff getting involved to try to restrain the teenager.

Never mind the police. Maybe teachers should be given taser..?

In all, seven members of staff were injured in the drama, during which a chair was thrown.

Necessitating police intervention, who came down with the full force of the law on the miscrea...

Oh.

A police source said the youngster became ‘emotional’ after being told off over the use of gum.

W...T....A....F?!?

I Guess We Aren't Making RAF Pilots To The Same Standard Anymore...

RAF pilot Steve Tindall was taking a break from a cycle ride close to the seafront when the attack took place.

He said it was the most distressing incident he had ever seen, despite serving in some of the world’s most dangerous war zones.

Mr Tindall said: “It was honestly one of the most hideous and distressing things I have ever seen and I’ve served in two Gulf wars and Afghanistan.

Blimey, RAF pilots seem to be cut from the same cloth as Navy sailors these days..

“It was just so brutal, unnecessary and unexpected at a time when everyone should be out enjoying themselves. The beach in Whitstable is a beautiful and pleasant scene.

“I wanted to go after him but I was speaking to the police for so long that the three of them just vanished. 

“You could tell he was someone in a flaming rage and he showed absolutely no concern whatsoever.

“The policeman I spoke to said he wished he could be locked up.”

Maybe if that policeman hadn't spent so bloody long talking to you, he could have been!

Mr Tindall said he walked the devastated owner home following the incident and has kept in touch while he comes to terms with his dog’s death. He added: “I walked him home and last Sunday we decided to take our dogs out together, but he is worried about the reprisals if he does say something.

“He’s also scared about returning to the beach.”

Who the hell is this ghastly individual? THe police certainly seem to know:

Police spokesman Sally Smith confirmed a 48-year-old man from Hollingbourne had been interviewed in connection with the incident.

But no arrest? Hmmm. One to watch.

The NHS – A National Disaster…

Are you an empty-headed slapper whose self-inflicted infamy makes it ‘difficult’ to travel on public transport?

No problem! The NHS will bend over further than you ever did to help you!

Josie had told her doctor that her eldest son, six, was not going to school and her youngest, aged three, was not attending nursery because she could not face using the bus.

Her GP contacted Leeds City Council, which then agreed to pay for cabs to take her children to school every day - at a cost of £150 a week.

Are you an elderly widow who has lived all her life in the UK?

Well, sod off, we need to accommodate all these lovely diverse Eastern Europeans and you’re blocking a space for them!

Lily Dove has used her GP practice for so long that she remembers when the doctor would visit on a horse and trap. Now the 95-year-old great-grandmother is being removed from its register because so many newcomers have moved into the area.

Some 1,500 people are being taken off the database by the medical practice in Watton, Norfolk, which has struggled to recruit enough new GPs to cope with the market town’s rapidly growing population – many of them Eastern Europeans.

Mrs Dove was shocked and upset to be told she would be ‘de-registered’ within a fortnight and would have to move to a different clinic.

When she complained she was told no exception could be made for her because it would be ‘discriminatory’.

Jane Ellison was right, wasn’t she? Time to regain control.

First They Persecuted The Motorists…

…and people laughed and said ‘Well, they deserve it, but when you mess with my fast food…’

Committee member Colin Cook said the ban would only apply to traders given regular licences by the city council and that they could use existing polystyrene stocks up first.

How good of them!

He said: “We are trying to target the kebab vans around the city, to reduce the amount of litter that is not biodegradable. The change would be good for the environment and make the waste easier for us to dispose of.

“They may have to pass extra costs on to consumers, but I do not think it will be significant overall.”

Well, no, Great Thinkers of the Progressive World (like those in Seattle who have just arbitrarily raised the minimum wage) never do. They just expect reality to bend to conform to their will.

But former kebab seller Saeid Keshmiri, who ran a van outside Christ Church, in St Aldate’s, for 10 years, said the move would prove expensive for traders.

He said: “The council should consider offering subsidies for this scheme, or sell the packaging and utensils to traders itself for a reduced fee.

“It is great for the environment and for future generations, but business is already very hard at the moment because of the economy.”

Indeed so, but guess what, Saeid? I don’t want to pay for this (via my council tax) – let those who scoff greasy burgers do so!

Rasim Ulas, owner of city centre kebab van Posh Nosh, added: “All takeaway vans use these types of boxes, because they are easier for customers to walk and eat with.

“My business is just a small one and this could be expensive for me.”

But it won’t be, because you’ll pass this on to your customers, won’t you?

Zoe Brown, of Zoe’s Food Service based in Osney Mead, said she already uses mainly biodegradable containers, but that they were often twice the price.

She said: “It will affect a lot of people. I suppose it is good for the planet but it is a pain, especially if you cannot source it.”

Better decide, Zoe – the planet, or your bank balance!

Newspapers, What Can't They Do..?

The father of a schoolboy who was hit by a car on a busy road has thanked the Surrey Comet, after its two-year campaign convinced Transport for London (TfL) to propose new safety measures.

Oh? How so?

Following the death of the Robin Hood Primary School pupil, the Surrey Comet appealed to TfL calling for the speed on the A3 service road to be reduced from 30mph to 20mph through our Stop, Look and Listen to Us campaign.

Ah, I see. A speeding driver was the cause of this kid's death. What was he doing, 40mph? 60mph?

Well, according to the newspaper's previous report...no.

He wasn't speeding at all:

A semi-pro footballer who knocked an eight-year-old boy off his bike said he "shot out" in front of him, a coroner's court has heard. Taxi driver Kevin MacLaren, who plays for north London non-league team Hendon, said he slammed the brakes as Ali Nasralla was hit by his side wing mirror in Robin Hood Way in Kingston Vale on March 5.

Hmmm. But wait! There's no mention of speed, so he must have been going too fast to stop?

He said he was driving around 25mph, below the 30mph speed limit, when the youngster "came out of nowhere".

Ah, but that's just what he said, right?

In a statement read out by the coroner, Ali's nanny Badria Akil said the youngster had been riding his bike, a month old birthday present from his mother Susan.

She said that she was "frightened" to give the bike to Ali to as he was not very experienced, but Ali's mother wanted him to get experience.

She said: "He would not listen to me... he was riding so fast.

"I told him to take it slowly and shouted at him to stop but the distance kept on getting bigger between us."

She said Ali rode straight past the family home on Robin Hood Way up to a nearby mini supermarket. It was on the way back that he was hit by the black cab.

Ms Akil said: "I shouted to him 'there is a car', a taxi, but he went straight into the road instead of the pavement."

So the 20mph reduction is just a feel-good exercise, and the paper neglects to mention the part played by the kid in contributing to his unfortunate demise.

Newspapers, great beacons of truth. But only if you've the time & inclination to read the previous issues.

And That's About As Likely As Him Paying Taxes...

A spokesman said: "We visited the site with the RSPCA the day after we were called about the horse.

"The animal was privately owned and on private land and the owner agreed to remove it. 

However, this did not happen so we stepped in and paid for the horse to be collected.

"The owner has agreed to reimburse the council."

Who thinks this'll happen?

It's A Mistake Anyone Could Make!

No further action will be taken against the man who was arrested on suspicion of impersonating a police officer for wearing a pig mask and toy bobby’s helmet.

*giggles*

Father-of-four Mr Peers was notified yesterday and his confiscated outfit was returned.

He said: "It was a surprise. I was quite looking forward to arguing it in court."

I bet you weren't the only one!

Meanwhile, In London....

What next? 'Bromley Council warns residents to wrap up well, there's a nasty chill in the air'..?

Slow News Day In Brighton, Perchance?

I guess it must have been.

To paraphrase a famous seaside resort owner, it's not 'herds of wildebeest sweeping majestically...'. Is it?

Sunday Funnies...

Guilty as charged on No 5!

“It’s An Outrage, Do Something!” … “No, Not That!”

It’s the usual whinge from the usual suspects:

New laws coming into force which criminalise forced marriage could deter victims from coming forward because they do not want to see parents and family members jailed, campaigners have warned.

The same ‘parents and family members’ who are perpetrating this awful affront to their rights, would that be?

Well, tough!

Shereen Williams of the Henna Foundation, which has helped hundreds of victims of forced marriage over the last 15 years, said: “David Cameron was hell bent on making this a criminal offence but we’re not sure how it will help.

“Victims will be very reluctant to take action that could lead to the imprisonment of their parents or other family members.”

They’ve a choice to make – their potential happiness & freedom vs dear ol’ mum & dad who are…errr, threatening it.

The law can’t hold their hands while they decide.

“We are also concerned that no guidance has been issued to police or the Crown Prosecution Service on how to implement the new law, meaning things will continue as they are.”

Hmmm. That sounds familiar.

You Can’t Argue With Fanatics…

Michael Adams writes the sort of mystical, ‘in touch with nature’ essay on hunting that he thinks will resonate with those at CiF:

The experience of kneeling in the dust with the dying kangaroo has stayed strongly with me. It reminded me of another lesson I received from an animal. I once worked as a ranger in a mountain national park. Lost in a white-out on an autumn mountainside, I became increasingly close to panic, starting to run across the snow-covered rocks trying to get my bearings. Momentarily pausing to catch my breath, I saw a rabbit. It was casually hopping around, finding tufts of grass poking out of the snow, and nibbling the tips. I straightened up and watched it, as it went on with its life being a rabbit on a mountain. My breathing returned to normal, I realised I just needed to relax, let the looming panic drop away, and think sensibly about my situation. Ten minutes later I had found my way back to the path. It was seeing the rabbit so at home among the black and white rocks and rising blizzard, so relaxed and competent, that let me find my own centre and strength.

…

Hunters who are serious about their ethical responsibilities—who prioritise safety, who aim for clean kills, who scrupulously use the meat and other products from their kill—seem to be absent from much of the public discussion. Possibly it is because at least a number of these people work in professional, middle class jobs, where there is routinely acute criticism about hunting, and they want to spare themselves the circularity of the arguments that ensue if they out themselves.

Boy, is he wrong. First there’s the militant vegans:

Then there’s the anti-hunters:

And then there’s those who think it’s OK to wish misfortune on those with a hobby they disapprove of:

And that’s just the start. Soon more unhinged souls jump on the bandwagon, suggesting he should be hunted & shot himself!

Fixing (Non)Problems…

MPs have ruled out a ban on keeping primates as pets…

Wha..?

… until the government has better figures on how many apes and monkeys are kept in British homes.

They don’t know if there’s a problem, but they were considering a ban? Lovely!

More & more, we are moving to the continental model, where it’s no longer a case that if there’s no law against something, you are free to do it.

This is, of course, driven by the animal rights crowd and those who see a role for themselves in any increased legislation, including the usual suspects:

The RSPCA estimates there are 3,000 to 9,000 primates being kept as pets in the UK, but that figure may be rising due to the ease of buying the animals over the internet.

"There is an alarming lack of regulation around the sale of primates and this makes it incredibly difficult to monitor," said Ros Clubb at the RSPCA.

"Primates have very complex needs and the level of suffering is high if these requirements are not met. In short primates are wild animals that cannot have their needs met in a household environment. They are not pets.

"Specialist expert knowledge and facilities are required to look after primates properly, which the vast majority of people lack. This is illustrated by the increase in the number of convictions for cruelty to primates we have recorded," Clubb said.

System working, then? People who are cruel to primates, as with any other pet, are prosecuted. So what’s the problem?

Philip Mansbridge from Care for the Wild said: "The report says that there are a lot of unknowns: we don't know how many primates are kept as pets, we don't know how well they are kept, we don't know if existing legislation is working.

"But deep down, we do know one thing: that monkeys, chimpanzees and other primates ultimately are not objects for us to own. And that information alone should be enough to settle this debate once and for all. "

The debate is settled! Phillip has spoken!

"It's true that currently under the Animal Welfare Act, pet owners must supply a suitable environment for an animal and allow it to exhibit normal behaviour.

"But no matter how you cut it, monkeys should be swinging in the trees with their family, not stuck in someone's back yard in Birmingham.

"We need to stop thinking about whether we can look after primates as pets, and start wondering whether we should. And frankly, we shouldn't. "

A lot of the ‘Royal We’ there, Philip? Who are you to determine this?

"The fact that no-one knows how many there are just illustrates a key part of the problem. I understand there are fears that by banning primates as pets, it would drive this activity underground. But if we don't know how many there are, it's already underground."

Well, no. That’s not what ‘underground’ means. If it’s driven underground, there will be more potential for cruelty rather than less. At the moment, primate owners will take sick animals to vets (sometimes travelling miles for specialist vets). If it truly goes underground…they won’t.

And make no mistake – the ‘animals are slaves’ crowd aren’t going to stop here.

First they came for the marmosets. Next…parrots? And then…your cat?

Newsflash, Zoe: Mostly, It’s The Fault Of The Parents

Zoe Williams on the new Channel 4 show ‘Breadline Kids’:

… a real child's suffering has been used instrumentally for an entertainment payoff that doesn't differ hugely from the one in Saw III.

Really? The movie with the dismemberment & gallons of gore?

The ugliness and shame of this rests entirely with the political class that created the situation…

Even if you voted Conservative, this is not your fault, since that sure as hell wasn't in their manifesto: "strategic incompetence in the arena of delivering benefits".

You know what, Zoe? No matter who you voted for, it’s not your fault. It’s not the Coalition’s fault either.

It’s down to parents spawning children that they can’t afford.

Full-time work is no match for poverty: wages aren't high enough. In the noughties, the government made up the difference with tax credits; the coalition is happy to see how long people can survive on tinned tomatoes.

That’s because, in the words of the outgoing Mr Byrnes (Lab), ‘Sorry, there’s no money left’. So the constant funnelling of the sweat of the hard-working to the lazy breeders is a finite plan.

We’ve had enough.

… what is the point of a jobs market in which huge columns of workers aren't earning enough to feed themselves?

Better to ask, surely, ‘That being the case, what’s the point of them adding new mouths to feed?’

Modern Britain – Full Of People Who Should Be Hung Up By Their Thumbs…

Tony and Julie Fuller, of Green Street, Sunbury, planted a tree in Cedars Park after their only daughter Samantha died, aged 28. They wanted to pair it with a plaque …

A lovely gesture, and one you see quite a lot in Britain’s parks. Trees or benches, little unobtrusive plaques marking a life well-lived, and thereby giving back something to the community.

… but are broken-hearted after being told the council would no longer allow memorial plaques because people had complained that they were depressing.

I think of myself as fairly hardened and cynical, so it’s nice to know I can still be shocked. I suppose.

“I questioned it because they are all over the place, but they said ‘we don’t allow them now’.”

Which makes no sense. If you are going to capitulate to these puling ninnies over future memorials, why are you not going around removing the existing ones?

Is it because you fear being lynched?

“I was talking to somebody in the park and she said she reads all these plaques saying that it’s nice that the family have done something. Who would complain?”

Well, it seems there are a lot of people around whose desire never to see anything disturbing or uncomfortable is regarded as trumping everyone else’s freedom of action, but then, a better question would be, ‘Who on earth would even listen to such self-absorbed mewling, much less heed it?’

Step forward one Jackie Taylor:

Jackie Taylor, head of Streetscene at Spelthorne Borough Council, said: “Two or three years ago, and probably as a result of lots of complaints that we had, we decided we would stop allowing memorial plaques to remember people.

Ah, of course. Because it's up to the council to allow things.

“At the end of the day our parks and open spaces are to be used by everybody and people don’t like that around every bench or tree there was another plaque remembering somebody who died.

No, not 'people'. Just a handful of sad bastards that probably shouldn't be allowed out without a minder.

“We don’t have an issue with somebody planting a tree but it doesn’t have to be there with a plaque.

“The trees are there for the people to remember for themselves and we have done the same now with memorial plaques on benches.”

I really don’t know who is worse, the sort of people that would take the time & trouble to complain about this, or the likes of you, who not only listen but agree, and so enable them to further the decline of politeness and respect in our society.

All the while sucking at the public teat as you do so…

Is It ‘Cos I Is Black A Criminal?

Close to half of Croydon's young offenders commit another crime within a year of receiving a conviction or caution, according to figures published by the Ministry of Justice.

And naturally, charities are up in arms:

Christian Douglas, a caseworker for St Giles Trust, a charity that works with ex-offenders, said many young people "are not even given a first chance."

He said: "They are sent away and then when they come out they are expected to change, but what happens is they come out with a criminal conviction, find it difficult to get work, come out with debt or fines and housing issues, so the chances of them reoffending is very high."

You’ve convinced me, Christian. Let’s flog ‘em, hang ‘em or transport ‘em instead!

What The ‘Diversity In Arts’ Debate Is Really About…

And of course, it’s not about diversity. It’s about jobs for the policy wonks and die-hard identity politics crowd:

Stephen Moss, sensible man, sensible outlook:

Culture is for everyone. Thanks to the internet, it is now freely and easily available. If you want to find it, you will, though it may take a lifetime to work out what it all means and what really matters. Dipping in courtesy of well-meaning outreach programmes doesn't work and may well be counterproductive. And if you never find it – if you fail to realise that the late quartets of Beethoven are the greatest musical statement of all time and still the most modern pieces of music ever written – no lives have been lost. It's only art.

Bonnie Greer, entitlement junkie & diversity token:

I wouldn't have accepted board appointments to the British Museum; the Royal Opera House, Covent Garden; the Serpentine Gallery; the presidency of the Brontë Society; and now a seat on the cultural board of the first world war commemoration, if I didn't believe not only that culture belongs to all, but also that there is a duty in a democratic society to make it accessible to all, too.

QED.

Burnout…

Michele Hanson seems to be suffering from it:

Most of my chums have spent their lives protesting. You name it, we've done it: sit-downs, boycotts, donations, marches and rallies.

We're still doing it online: signing letters, petitions and more protests, against rape, violence, detention centres, culls, cruelties, racism, pollution, corruption – a torrent of nastiness that never seems to end. No wonder some of us are feeling a bit worn down.

Awww, poor baby! Time this made a reappearance:

And She Looks So Harmless In The Picture…

A mum has been banned from her childrens’ school amid claims she is “aggressive” and “intimidating” .

Victoria Kidd-Dove, 33, has to wait outside the gates at the Phoenix Primary School, in Leinster Road, Laindon, to pick up her children, and is not allowed to go to their sports day or summer concert.

Staff have warned her if she breaches the ban, which was put in place by the governing body, the police could be called.

If by now, you’ve got a mental picture of this fragrant flower of femininity, then you’re probably right. Not so much Yummy Mummy, more Scummy Mummy (complete with tattoos & the now obligatory double-barrelled name).

So…what got her banned?

Mrs Kidd-Dove, of Elizabeth Way, Laindon, first got into an argument with teachers in March after sending ten-yearold son Sam to school with a bottle of ibuprofen when he was feeling under the weather. She admits she “kicked off” after being told pupils were not allowed to self-medicate and accepted a week-long ban from the school premises.

Ah, well, there you go then!

The governors then agreed Mrs Kidd-Dove should stay on probation – and she was shocked to find out last week she had been banned once again for her “aggressive and intimidating behaviour”.

She insists she has had no contact with staff at the Phoenix Primary School.

Hmm, really? Maybe they just realised how nice it was without some screaming harridan liable to turn up to collect their little benefits-farm and thought they’d just extend it.

Who could blame them?

The Echo contacted the school, but was told the decision had been made by the governing body and they therefore could not comment.

A spokesman for Essex County Council said they would not get involved in the matter and could not give information as to how many bans are in place across the county.

I suspect the answer’s ‘not enough’.

An ‘Indy’ Guide To Self-Flagellation & Self-Loathing

I was on the London Underground last week when a woman got on at Archway station. She walked through the carriage, placing packets of tissues on the seats between passengers, with a note that read: “I’m a homeless mother of two children and need to support myself.”

My reactions were, in the following order:

1) You’re probably Romanian.

2) You probably stole those tissues.

3) You probably don’t have children.

4) If I wanted tissues, I’d go to Boots.

Congratulation, you’ve matched the internal thought processes of most regular commuters who are plagued by these pests (though thankfully, it’s an Underground issue rather than an Overground issue, in the main).

My first reaction was: "My god. Am I racist?"

Well, no. You’re just observant. But despite that, it seems, you’re exactly the sort of guilt-trippable sucker that con-artists (like this one) rely on.

But to the best of my knowledge, I’ve never uttered a racist remark in my life. Perish the thought. However, later that day, as I blew my nose on a silky Kleenex (50p is a bargain to avoid an awkward silence), I thought of the times my mouth would have disowned my mind if it knew what it was thinking.

You paid her. Thus encouraging her.

Well done, you…

/golfclap

According to a recent British Social Attitudes Survey, one in three of us admits to being racist on some level. It’s fair to assume my tissue issues place me squarely in that shameful third.

*sighs*

My train shame throws into focus where the battle lines against bigotryare really drawn. Certainly not against the “boo hiss!” goons of the BNP. Those pantomime baddies are a clear and present danger. Far more worrying is the unspoken prejudice that informs our interactions with each other. Those daily knee-jerk thoughts that make us judge others, without questioning ourselves for thinking them.

But wait, isn’t this a …

Well, what do you know!

Judging people is a vital survival skill taught to children.

Hurrah!

But the gap between judgment and prejudice can be treacherous to navigate. Britain in 2014 is a tolerant place to be. But the Social Attitudes Survey should serve as a wake-up call to us all. Latent, if not blatant, prejudice bubbles beneath the surface of modern Britain.

If we remain blind to our worst instincts and their consequences, we lose the battle at precisely the point where it needs to be won. The next step is to change our thinking long before the words start spilling out our mouths.

You change your thinking if you want to. I'll go on thinking as I do. That way, I'll save 50p.

Van 1, Thug 0

A teenager suffered serious injuries after being mown down by a van driver following a row in the street.

The 19-year-old was arguing with his girlfriend on Gatehope Drive, South Ockendon at about 2am this morning. The lad punched a nearby van in anger.

The van’s owner arrived and challenged the lad. Police believe the van owner then got in to his vehicle and ran the 19-year-old boy over before driving off.

The comment section is, predictably, full of his semi-literate friends & relatives outraged that anyone has the temerity to object to their property becoming the punching bag of yet another inarticulate youth unable to control his temper.

One even gives him ‘credit’ for punching the van rather than his girlfriend!

Yet Another ‘Human Right’…

Mr Oakley believes people should be guaranteed housing and utilities as a “human right” and feels more affordable housing should be built to drive down the cost of living.

Oh, really? And just who is Mr Oakley to demand this?

Trevor Oakley, 50, faces losing his flat in Inverness Avenue, Westcliff, next Tuesday, after getting £1,400 behind on his mortgage payments.

Ah. Right. Another dreamer who didn’t plan adequately for the future & got into difficulties.

Difficulties that he thinks you and I – in the shape of ‘the government’ – should bail him out of…

Mr Oakley, who got into financial difficulties about two years ago after his e-commerce business failed, said: “I just think people with mortgages need to understand that if they do get into difficulties, they are on their own.

“There is no Government magic wand.”

Quite rightly! Because people who do ‘get into difficulties’ will do just about anything to get out of them. But you’re above all that, aren’t you?

Mr Oakely has applied for about 50 jobs in the IT sector since income from his online bathroom fittings business started dwindling.

He has also completed part of a Phd and a teaching qualification, and says he tried delivering pizzas and fundraising for charities, on the minimum wage, but found the work so mind-numbing it felt like “mental torture”.

He said: “I literally couldn’t do them. I was unable.”

Millions of people are able; they probably don’t want to do them either, but they see them as a necessary evil or a stepping stone to something bigger. And they wouldn’t dream (unlike you) of basically advertising their unwillingness to work to all the prospective employers out there.

And that’s why you’ll be homeless.

It’s Capitalism What’s Making Us Fat!

At least, according to Kathryn Hughes in the ‘Guardian’:

…fast food is the emblematic product of maturing and late capitalism. Urban workers, forced to work longer and longer hours, do not have the time to invest in cooking from scratch. Those who are obliged to live in shared accommodation and rented digs may not have the right equipment for making real food slowly (Agas don't fit into bedsits; microwaves do). When you are exhausted after a 10-hour shift, then soup is fiddly to consume on the way home. Burgers and kebabs, by contrast, are easy to eat with one hand and require neither plates nor knives.

I’m sorry? You can’t make ‘real food’ quickly? Like…pasta, salads, grilled fish, etc?

And ‘soup is fiddly to consume on the go’? You drink it, FFS!

Far from being the refuseniks of capitalism, unable to master its first principle of delayed gratification, the people who rely on fast food outlets are its honourable foot soldiers. We should salute them.

Sadly, it seems that – for the progressives – they are the new smokers. So expect to see more volleys of gunfire and fewer salutes. Especially in the pages of this rag you’re writing for…

Really, Martin? Surely A Triumph Of Hope Over Expectation…

The travellers arrived at Garon Park, in Eastern Avenue, just days before the park hosts Cancer Research UK’s 5K Race for Life, where 2,000 women are expected to take part.

The Echo went down to the park to ask the travellers whether they would be moving on before the big event, which organisers were hurriedly having to re-route. However, our reporter was held hostage and told he would be attacked if he tried to leave. The travellers also demanded we deleted our pictures and only released him when the police turned up.

Our reporter, who we are not naming, said: “They said if I walked away they would run after me and attack me.”

Threats to assault & kidnap? I wonder what the police did…

Southend’s top police officer, Ch Insp Simon Anslow, said officers had spoken to the travellers.

He said: “We were aware of the potential for the travellers to disrupt the Race for Life and were down at the scene on Wednesday night to make them aware of the impact they would have.

“The response to our officers was very positive, with them saying they wouldn’t want to disrupt the race and that they would leave that evening. The site is not council owned property, so we have been in discussion with a different landowner who needs to serve notice on them to leave.”

Ah. Right. Of course. Nothing.

Martin Terry, Southend councillor responsible for public protection said: “This type of behaviour is completely unacceptable. “This is not council land, so it is a civil matter. But I would have expected a robust response from police over the way the reporter was treated.”

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Oh, wait. You’re not joking?

And This Is Why We Have A Discipline Problem In Schools…

Mr Smith spoke out after the school was recently placed into special measures following a damning Ofsted inspection report. He said: 'The children were all talking in class and were told to be quiet, but my daughter kept on talking.

'He should just have sent her out. You cannot lay a finger on children.'

Well, no. Thanks to the progressives.

And that’s why sulky-faced little chits like your daughter feel perfectly entitled to ignore directions from adults in authority over them and go running to daddy over the inevitable consequences.

'I was at work when it happened, but my daughter told me when I got home and the next morning I went to the school. I was fuming.'

You should be embarrassed. But because people like you don’t do shame, you’re perfectly happy to blab to the newspapers, thinking that you come off looking like a concerned and responsible parent, and not like a childult having a temper tantrum.

Probably because, like so many parents these days, that’s exactly what you are. And it’s clear you’re raising your daughter in your image…

Mr Smith, who lives in Woodville, Derbyshire, said he was angry that the teacher in question was never suspended and remains at the school. He said: 'The teacher apologised but has not been punished enough, in my opinion, because he didn’t get suspended and is still working at that school.

'I heard about teachers in another school doing it and they were suspended, so why not here?' He said he was reluctant to send his child back to the school, but did so after she said she was missing her friends.

Ah. Not to further her education, then? That sums it all up, doesn’t it?

A Woman Scorned…

I am one of eight women currently taking legal action against the commissioner of the Metropolitan police.

Oh?

We were all deceived into long-term intimate relationships with undercover police officers who were infiltrating environmental and social justice campaign groups.

From 1995 until 2000 I was in a relationship with Mark Jenner, who I knew as Mark Cassidy – a joiner from Birkenhead.

Ah. These women are outraged, OUTRAGED! that a man lied to them.

*yawn*

For four years we lived together in what I believed was a monogamous relationship. I have since found out he was married with children at the time.

You’re hardly the first. And you certainly won’t be the last.

But let’s hope you aren’t the first to be able to dip your greedy, sweaty hand in the taxpayer’s pocket as a result.

Bring ‘em On & Make ‘em Bigger!

Alex Andreou (yes, him again) on ‘defensive architecture’:

Step by selfish step we have arrived at the latest item causing outrage: a bed of metal spikes inside an alcove of a fancy new development on Southwark Bridge Road in London. "I think it's a good idea," one resident said. Speaking of "beggars and homeless people sleeping there", she added: "It completely affects the way the building seems, the appearance, and it's just not very nice." An Englishman's home is his castle, and that castle now includes a moat to keep the peasants out.

If only! Though the postman might object…

These "anti-homeless" measures are designed to move the destitute on to somewhere else.

Well, please god, will someone bring them in to Southend high street already?

Because I’m sick and tired of having to run a gauntlet of filthy, diseased beggars hassling passers-by for spare change every morning…

The ‘Guardian’ Trolls The Nation…

Channel 4's Benefits Street was not as bad as the dreadful title suggested. It was redeemed by the warmth of several residents, especially the single mother styled as White Dee.

I…

I just….

What?

Smoking but sober, loud but loving, Deirdre Kelly was shown doing the best she could for her kids in straitened circumstances, stowing money for local addicts who knew they couldn't trust themselves.

But ‘doing the best she could for her kids’ meant ripping off the taxpayer and living it up on the Costa Del Sol!

There are rumours of a row with the benefit office over some promotional work. But Dee has written for the Spectator in return for a charity donation, and has now turned her hand to unpaid stand-up comedy. If the "big society" is ever going to be more than waffle, it will need the likes of White Dee.

Well, the ‘Guardian’ and the ‘Indy’ and all the useful idiots that swell the ranks of the progressives might need her, but Britain’s hard-working taxpayers don’t!

Reasons Why I Love Twitter Part 357...

...which is, I think, approximately the number of pounds in weight of this protester at yesterday's 'Day of Action' by the great unwashed.

Iceland Might Need A Geography Lesson...

...after all, jambalaya is a fine dish, but it's not really Mexican, is it?

No, not even if you put a sombrero on the packet.

Hatchet Pond had everything. Clear skies. Gentle turf. Pretty flowers. People flocked there every summer. It was the perfect feeding ground."

Scene: A quaint little pub, on the outskirts of the village. Country peasants huddle, nervous, as a stranger makes his opening speech.

"Y'all know me. Know how I earn a livin'. I'll catch this beast for you, but it ain't gonna be easy. Bad ass. Not like going down the gymkhana chasin' Dartmoors and Shetlands. This burro, swallow you whole. Little shakin', little tenderizin', an' down you go. And we gotta do it quick, that'll bring back your tourists, put all your businesses on a payin' basis. But it's not gonna be pleasant. I value my neck a lot more than three thousand quid, chief. I'll find him for three, but I'll catch him, and kill him, for ten. But you've gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don't want no volunteers, I don't want no mates, there's just too many chiefs in this village. £10,000 for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing."

She added: “Isabelle was getting hysterical, crying and screaming. I got up and called for help. I wasn’t expecting anyone to put themselves at risk but they could have distracted the donkeys or tried to shoo them away.

“I was really angry that no-one did anything.

“Eventually someone got out of their car and told me to throw my bag of bread in her direction, which I did.

“The donkeys dispersed and I made a run for it but they ran after me. I was terrified.”

They don't make 'em tough in Hampshire, do they?

Sunday Funnies...

To be fair, a lot are given away by the actor's names too...

A Beta Male Is Heard From…

For what other way to describe Alexander White?

My daughter is just 14 months old. My partner and I love her with all our heart …

Not enough to get married and legitimise her, though?

Like all fathers, I want her to grow up happy and healthy.

Admirable! So then…what concerns you?

I'm worried that she may grow up discriminated against, be the victim of violence, develop mental health problems or an eating disorder, suffer depression or have a distorted body-image. The #yesallwomen hashtag, which took off on Twitter over the last week, makes me worried for her future.

You’re worried because there’s a hashtag panic on? Man up, FFS!

She's going to grow up in a world that is saturated with sexualised images of women and girls. As #yesallwomen shows, she will grow up in a world where girls and women are constantly barraged with sexism and misogyny.

No. She won’t. Because the picture you are receiving of the world, as a consequence of having your head stuck up your arse feverishly pressing ‘refresh’ on Twitter, is one that no-one in the real world would even recognise…

If these ads were a pollutant or toxin in the air, and exposure to them caused eating disorders in young girls, they would be subject to strict regulation.

And if my auntie had balls she’d be my uncle, but she doesn’t so she isn’t. And these ads aren’t pollutants or toxins, so they aren’t subject to the sort of regulation you want and hopefully, they never will be.

I recognise that I am something of a Johnny-come-lately to this issue. Amazing women and women's groups have campaigned to raise awareness about the sexualisation of young girls and women for years. Dr Jean Kilbourne is just one inspiring woman who has done amazing work over three decades. I hope that as a father, I can add my voice to theirs.

Why bother? Clearly, you’ve already mated, so there’s really no point in hanging around these females any longer.

I mean, that is why you are adopting this posture?

‘Ere We Go, ‘Ere We Go, ‘Ere We Go…

The parents of a teenager — killed when her partner threw her down the stairs — have backed a police crackdown on domestic violence before the World Cup.

Here we go again. We get this every year now.

You’d think, from the fuss, that hitherto-placid men would be suddenly prone to fits of rage against ‘er indoors due solely to the existence of a chavball match on the gogglebox…

Det Chf Supt Vanessa Jardine, from GMP’s Public Protection Division, said: “We know from our own data there was a spike in domestic incidents during the 2010 World Cup.

“We want to make it clear to those offenders that this year’s event as with any sporting event will not be used as a way of justifying such abusive behaviour.”

Quite right, Vanessa, I mean, no-one should expect violent behaviour just becau…

Oh.

Pilkington, then aged 24, met Carly after the teenager wrote to him while he was in prison. He had already been convicted of manslaughter at the age of 18.

Rather than use the World Cup as a convenient excuse to tick a box on your ‘wommynz studies’ PR outreach initiative, why not point out that your chances of getting beaten up by your partner increase exponentially if that partner is already known to be violent?

It’s Official – The Police No Longer Work For Us…

…instead, they work for the progressives, pandering and kowtowing to every identity group under the sun, and scorning concerned taxpayers who demand they do their jobs without fear or favour.

Hexthorpe:

Angry villagers yesterday said riots could break out if police do not deal with hundreds of Roma immigrants who they claim have ruined their community.

Residents of Hexthorpe, South Yorkshire, said people would take the law into their own hands unless the authorities step in to combat anti-social behaviour. Aa public meeting yesterday, emotions ran high as 120 locals confronted police and council officials.

It’s not like this hasn't been a long time coming. The English are slow to anger, but as Kipling knew, when they feel they are getting a raw deal, beware!

Grandmother Elizabeth Boardman, a widow and former lollipop lady, said ..‘If they carry on like this people will take the law into their own hands and there will be riots in the streets and I will be blaming the police for not doing anything sooner.’

Her daughter, mother-of-four, Michele Boardman, 44, who is a full time carer to a disabled son said: ‘A Roma man threatened to kill my daughters and was holding a knife as they walked home one night.

'The police haven’t taken statements yet and the incident happened in April. They don’t care. ’

‘The police need to be firmer with them and act now or there will be riots here like there were eight years ago when Iraqi, Kosovans and English clashed. These people need to learn to respect the area they live in and the people they are living with.’

Odd that the police haven’t been round to take statements – perhaps they’d shift themselves a bit quicker if that man had Tweeted his threat?

Maybe it’s because they are too busy? Hmmm, maybe Taunton could spare a few officers, since they are so crime-free down there, they have to beg the public to be offended. Meanwhile, in Durham, the Gnome Squad could be more gainfully employed.

One angry resident told the police officers at the meeting: ‘We feel as though you are scared of them and it’s to hell with the British. We’ve lost faith in you. This is our village, it’s time you got off your backsides and start doing something.’

And that ‘something’ better not be more obsequious grovelling to identity politics. Nor an attempt to make those who are enjoying their right to fly their own national flag feel as if they are at fault, either:

Another resident said she had been warned to take down England flags she had put up outside her house for the World Cup bid, for fear of reprisals from the Roma community.

Just listen to the weasel words of the new breed of police inspector:

Inspector Chris Lewis, who is in charge of the team, said: ‘Everything is about raising standards - improving housing, cleaning up the streets, creating more open space, providing more recreational opportunities - helping people to take pride in the area.’

You useless waste of Common Purpose-indoctrinated skin! Rather than regurgitate some crap from your last diversity course, how about taking some action?

Meanwhile, in Gunnersbury Park:

It is one of the capital’s most beautiful parks, enjoyed by thousands who visit each day to stroll through 200 acres of landscaped gardens.

But Gunnersbury Park in West London has been ‘desecrated and despoiled’ by travellers who left 50 tons of rubbish and filth after illegally camping there for just three days.

A local school sports day was cancelled, along with a weekend charity run, because of health and safety fears.

So worrying did the situation become that, as a last resort, the park was closed on Wednesday evening.

Yup, all the normal hardworking taxpayers cower in fear while these people blatantly break the law under the very noses of those sworn to uphold the law of the land.

Yesterday the travellers threatened to attack anyone caught getting too close or taking photos of their new camp – Blondin Park in Ealing, a popular children’s play area in an affluent residential area.

One man said to the Daily Mail: ‘If you don’t **** off, I’m going to put my ******* foot through your camera. I do not mind going to prison for what I will do to you. ’

The heavily tattooed, muscular man added: ‘You do not have a right to be here. I will get all my friends here, then you’ll be sorry.’

The police soon arrived and asked the Press and local residents to leave for their own safety.

You couldn't make it up. And in modern England, you don’t have to…

A police spokesman said that following the report of a man in a car with a gun, specialist armed officers had been sent to the park.

The spokesman added: ‘There continues to be an increased police presence in the park to provide reassurance to local people.’

It’s an utter joke. How can you expect to ‘reassure’ people who know full well that you are not on their side, but on the side of minimum-fuss, don’t rock the boat, let’s all sing ‘Kumbayah’ diversity policy that relies on never, ever admitting that there’s a problem?

If Only Norman Lamb Realised He Was 'Care Minister' For People...

Norman Lamb, the Liberal Democrat minister for care services, wants a change to the rules for dressage competitions.

The LibDems, folks. Forever grappling with the big decisions...

The Entitlement Generation…

Bailiffs arrived at Michael Hilton’s home in Meadoway, Church, at around 9.20am yesterday. They reported him to police after they heard him say that if they entered the property - his home of 30 years - there would be an ‘explosion’.

The police said they believed petrol and gas canisters were in the house. Mr Hilton, 52, was last night in police custody after being arrested on suspicion of affray following a stand-off lasting around three and a half hours.

Two fire engines were called to the scene, close to St Christopher’s High School, as well as around six police cars, two police vans, a riot van and later, police dog teams.

*sigh* The usual police overreaction.

Mind you, I’m not too concerned about the residents this time. Their attitude leaves a lot to be desired…

Johnny, who lives with his father, said: “I knew something like this was going to happen. He has been hounded to pay bedroom tax since September last year.

“My dad has four children altogether and, sometimes, they stay here with him.

“In the eyes of the council, he has a spare room but, from his point of view, that’s a bedroom for his kids.

“I have even tried to speak to the council myself and try to sort it out. I called them last week and told them that my dad has mental health problems. He thinks he’s being persecuted.”

Well, he’s not.

And it doesn’t matter what his ‘point of view’ is, does it? The fact remains ordinary taxpayers are fed up shelling out for people to have a better lifestyle on benefits than they do while working!

Johnny added: “He has been driven to this and I think that he feels like he is making a stand for everyone that has been faced with the unfair bedroom tax. I am very worried about him.”

He hasn’t been ‘driven to this’, unless of course someone held him at gunpoint and forced him to father children he couldn’t support in a house he couldn’t afford…

Another neighbour, a resident of nearby Queensway who knows Mr Hilton, said: “All of this because of that stupid bedroom tax.”

A crowd gathered at the police line and many of the onlookers seemed to show sympathy towards Mr Hilton.

One said: “It’s the government, this. They are putting these taxes on vulnerable and poor people and look what happens.”

What a pity all the fed-up taxpayers don’t start having screaming tantrums & holding police at bay. I guess we just have to keep paying and paying and paying…

Ahh, Young Love…

An 18-year-old man has pleaded guilty to criminal damage and failing to answer bail after causing nearly four hours of disruption in Tonbridge yesterday.

Michael Yeo, 18, from Plumstead, threw bricks from the roof of an abandoned house in Quarry Hill Road.

And all for the sake of his lady-love?

He was on remand for allegedly stealing a set of fake eyelashes and a necklace from Boots and appeared at Sevenoaks Magistrates Court this morning.

Terribly old fashioned of me not to suppose they were for himself, though?

"And Also, M'Lud, Please Take Into Account The Fact He's A Ginger...""

Michael Clare, defending, said Brown, who suffers from learning difficulties and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, pleaded guilty and had been a 'stupid boy'.

Mr Clare said it was 'far removed from the sort of thing' that was 'politically motivated' or something that was 'criminally sophisticated'.

He said: 'It's a childish immature prank by someone who is seriously academically challenged.'

Having grown up under Blair's 'Education, education, education' policy, is anyone surprised?

Not Where I Live!

Keith Bobbin, Labour county councillor for Pitsea and chairman of the panel, said: “This is something I really support as there are a lot of children scared to cross the roads near to schools because of fast drivers. ”

Really? None seem to live round my way, where they think nothing of strolling across roads engrossed in their mobiles, or stuffing chips down their throats.

As The Old Joke Goes…

…”On a great big pile of your money, sucker!”:

Mrs Robinson, 48, said: “The man explained the children were walking 5k and that last year it was rained off, so the boy was really looking forward to it. I filled my details in on the form he had and handed over £5.

“The little boy put a tick in the box to indicate I had paid in advance. I could see my neighbours had done the same. Half an hour later as I drove down my road I saw the man with a group of people including two policemen and a squad car.

“I was shocked, more because of the children involved. There was another couple with an older girl covering the opposite side of the road.

“How do these people sleep at night?”

*sighs*

Nadia El Hatimi, PCSO for the area, said: “The police were called. We found two men, a young boy, and a woman with a pushchair and child. We had our suspicions and they are known to the police. We seized the money from them and an officer is now dealing with the incident.

“The money will be donated to the PDSA as residents thought that was where the cash was originally going.”

And what charges will be brought?

Tune Time: "Bands won't play no more, too much fighting on the dance floor..."

Yes, I know this one's an anti-Thatcher diatribe, but I love it:


It just never fails to stop me in my tracks to listen to the whole thing through.

Yeah, But As The Old Saying Goes...

..."That's nothing, you should see how laws are made!"

Well, In A Way, It Was 'Related To Floodwater'...

...albeit not quite in the way people envisaged:

Hosted on the website 38 Degrees, the campaign is aiming to hit the key 100,000-signature threshold needed to trigger a debate in Parliament as to what caused the death of seven-year-old Zane at his home in Thameside, Chertsey, on February 8.

Zane died from an unspecified illness, believed to be related to floodwater in the family home.

No need for a debate:

Surrey Police said today: ‘Further tests have now been completed by the pathologist who has given a result of carbon monoxide intoxication.

‘A petrol-driven pump was seized from inside the home address at the time of Zane’s death and Surrey Police is conducting further inquiries to establish whether there is any liability or criminal offences in respect of the hire company who provided this equipment.’

What about the parents who used the pump?

Vijay Ganapathy, from law firm Leigh Day, who is representing the Gbangbola family, said: ‘We welcome this full post-mortem report, which will form part of the information provided to the coroner when the full inquest into Zane’s death takes place.

‘We await further information provided by other agencies following their investigations, as many questions still remain unanswered into what toxins were present within the property on the night of Zane’s death.’

Is 'utter stupidity' considered a toxin?

Our Wonderful NHS In Action

The patient was taken into the unit by the police after concerns about her welfare. She said: “When I woke in the night, I went to find a member of staff. They were asleep at the desk. I took a photo and knocked on the window, no response, then knocked on the door and there was no response. I went down the corridor to the ladies’ quiet room and there was a male member of staff on the floor on the mattress asleep. The door was unlocked and I was upset and crying as I needed help.

But not to worry, the dedicated NHS staff will soon put a stop to….well, you. For having the temerity to criticise.

“I was so upset and went to the office and a female member of staff appeared and I told her what had gone on with these two male members of staff. She told me: ‘We can sue you for taking pictures of us.’ ”

Lovely, eh?

“There were supposed to be night staff – why were these staff asleep? We were in a secure mental assessment unit. They are supposed to keep an eye on us.”

Yes. They are. Still, I’m sure they’ll swing into action now, right?

In a statement, the trust said: “The trust responded immediately when this incident was reported and we have continued to maintain a regular dialogue with the patient.

“We can confirm that following this incident the staff involved have been the subject of an ongoing disciplinary investigation. So far, this has resulted in one member of staff being removed from our service. ”

Only one..?

Two were asleep & another one threatened a vulnerable patient who reported the breach – shouldn’t you be dispensing with the services of all three?