There Is Some Hope...

Another day, another reminder that the police farce in the UK is hopelessly compromised:

...chiefs at one force are warning officers that they may be upset by ‘swearing’ and ‘offensive language’ in training exercises – and that they should contact their supervisor if they find it all too much.

No, I know what you're thinking, but it's not April 1st!

The move – part of a trend for so-called trigger warnings normally associated with ‘snowflake’ university students – has been met with derision from hard- bitten cops.

One officer joked on Twitter: ‘If this language is not acceptable to you please go directly to the safe space where the duty inspector will bring you a nice snuggle blanket and a cup of tea ... after that hand in your warrant card as you’re no ******* good to us.’

I do hope that officer was anonymous, or it'll be them out on their ear!

But which farce are we talking about here?

The language warning comes as part of an online exercise devised by Hampshire Police and aimed at both officers and civilian staff.

Ah. That explains things!

It is understood the warning was issued following a complaint by a distressed junior officer.

Who, hopefully, did not pass probation.

Hampshire police were approached for comment but did not reply.

Probably too distressed and upset by the reporter's question....

When Did They Become The Bad Taste Police?

This was Cardiff’s first game since it was confirmed that their £15million signing had died in a plane crash and tributes were paid to the player following the tragedy.

Yet sickening footage emerged afterwards showing two men in the stands at St Mary’s, stretching their arms out wide and pretending to be planes towards the away end.

Crass and stupid? Yes. Poor taste? Undoubtedly.

A matter for police? You'd think not. But it's 2019.

Both fans had their details taken by Hampshire Police and will face three-year banning orders from the South Coast club.

I wish I could say I was surprised, but given their general woeful performance, I'm not.

I Can Find The Words Quite Easily...

He told The Sun Online: “My main upset is that the police haven’t spoken to me about it.

“I was worried the dog might get out and hurt a child – we live near a school.

“You feel so utterly helpless.

“I don’t have words to describe how upset and angry I am with the police because of their complete lack of care.”

...but since this is a family blog, I'm completely unable to use them.

A Hampshire Police spokesperson said: “We were called at 12.49 on Thursday 11 May about a report of a dog that had killed a man’s cat and also bitten him on his hand in Iris Road, Southampton.

“It was reported that someone caring for the dog got the dog under control after the incident.

“The man was advised to seek medical advice regarding the injury to his hand and contact the dog warden with regards to the dog attacking his cat.

“The investigation into the dog biting the man is ongoing.”

It's must be really hard for you to track the owner down. You know, the injured party's neighbour. But then, that seems par for the course with Hampshire Police.

'Sun' commenters show more intelligence than cops. What a time to be alive...

I'd Have Thought It Was Obvious Why They Weren't...

Mrs Clarke, of Pansy Road, claimed the terriers had been involved in at least two previous incidents.

Now staff at McColls newsagents in nearby Burgess Road are signing a petition calling for the dogs to be destroyed amid fears their next victim could be a child.

Jackie Hodder, who works in the shop, said: “They should have been put down after the first incident - we can’t understand why they weren’t.”

One of her colleagues said people were living in fear, especially couples with children.

He added: “The whole community wants these dogs to be put down. There are a lot of angry people around here.”

It's because the Southampton Police aren't doing the job they are paid to do...

Mrs Clarke, who was left with a bill for £550, added: “No-one knows how Lulu got through this.

“I don’t know whether I’m ever going to get over it. I can’t sleep - every time I close my eyes I see the attack all over again.”

A police spokesman said officers had recorded the allegation but any investigation would be carried out by the city council’s dog warden.

Which is not that unusual for this particular police farce, after all.