"The Lavatory Now Standing At Platform Four..."

Hundreds of commuters were left waiting on the platform after the mysterious discovery of a pool of liquid behind the locked door of the train's driver cab.

The driver is said to have announced to passengers that someone had urinated on his chair.

Which means, of course, the immediate cancellation of the train!

'elf n' safety, innit?

Stephen Hull, who was waiting for the train, tweeted: "My delayed train home cancelled cos somebody p****d in driver's seat.

"They took the entire train away cos the driver complained. Hundreds of people stuck at Victoria." Mr Hull said he had seen a puddle of urine in the driver's cab.

Southern said they were investigating the incident but could not confirm that the suspect liquid was urine.

I think Southern Railways are taking the p...