Goodbye And Good Riddance!

I can finally retire my tag at last. What shall I replace it with, I wonder?

Brown: I Can Haz Sympathy Vote, Ladeez?

Well, Barbara Ellen certainly thinks so, anyway:

Did anyone else feel that Brown had been handed the third-place rosette before he even took to the podium? That, even before Brown screwed up with Gillian Duffy, everything he said and did, was to an accompaniment of abuse, insults and gloating – with Brown, the equivalent of a bull, determinedly trying to keep on its feet, despite a baying media crowd, and a back full of pollsters' spears. A "Get Gordon" bloodlust, which, in the end, was so obvious as to be foolish. After all, attack a guy often enough (for everything, for nothing) and it just may backfire and ignite the sympathy vote.

But, it appears, only with the distaff side:

I don't know a single person who's been asked their opinion for a poll. However, I do know quite a few people, many of them women, none of them ragingly partisan, who are quietly disgusted by the way Brown has been treated during this election.

Say what..? Did I miss something? Has he been pelted with eggs, or harangued by students?

Nope. After all, he has a security team to handle the latter. So what has he faced? Just questions from members of the public, whom he then sneers at and belittles when he thinks they can't hear him.

But apparently and unbelievably, for a certain type of female, this is unbearable:

"Even if it's time for him not to be prime minister, he seems like a decent man, and it's too much," said one woman. "Would Cameron or Clegg have done any better with his hand, I doubt it," sniffed another.

Oh, my giddy aunt!!

Always, at times such as these, the female vote ("the Mumsnet factor") is discussed as if it were a pink, fluffy silly thing – with women needing to be courted, flattered and directed, or – bubbleheads that we are – we may go mad and vote for someone because he is wearing a shiny tie. A reductionist view that is as untrue as it is insulting.

Reading the above, is it any wonder? You see a man who has been purely the architect of his own downfall and say 'Awww, they are SO MEAN!' like some bubble-headed California Valley girl...

In truth, most women are clever and pragmatic creatures, perfectly capable of assessing the core issues and thinking for themselves.

Well, not based on your own admissions in this article, Babs!

But it's a mistake to assume that she speaks for all women. She speaks for that (thankfully) rare species, Journalistus islingonii, and it's purely the yummy mummy, ladies-who-lunch demographic who are likely to be suckered into believing that Gordon deserves their vote because all the popular boys have been flushing his head down the toilet.

At least, I hope so....

No-one, But No-one...

...can stick the knife in like a Yorkshirewoman:

‘He asked, “Do you ever come down to London? If you ever come down you must come to No10 and meet me and Sarah,”’ Mrs Duffy revealed. ‘Well, I just looked at him. I didn’t like to say it, but all I could think was, “I don’t think you’ll be there.”’

Mrs Duffy, the nation salutes you...

There’s Still Room In Labour’s Mouth For Another Foot…

…and how fitting that it should be John Prescott’s, who immediately leaped to defend his critically-wounded leader by claiming it was a media plot wot done it:

I've been out on battle bus today with our special guest Harriet Harman.

Well, I guess a battle bus isn’t complete without a battleaxe…

…I only just discovered in the last hour or so what happened to Gordon. While the media are concentrating on what he said and the apology, the real story is how and why it happened.

Oh, I think we know that, John…

Yet again, the dying Murdoch empire is doing all it can to influence a British election.

O'rly?

That’s it? That’s the real story? That Gordon would have gotten away with it if it hadn’t been for those meddling kids reporters?

…today, the Murdoch family reached a new low in their desperate attempt to turn the election for the Tories. News International's Sky News broadcast a private conversation between Gordon and his staff.

Ahhahahaha…

What Murdoch's Sky News did today was just as bad as his paper's phone-hacking. It was a breach of privacy. It was underhand. And it was done in the pursuit of ratings and political influence.

He put the microphone on for the broadcasters to catch his every word on the campaign trail, you oaf! It’s hardly their fault the cretin forgot to take it off before whining like a petulant schoolboy forced to meet an aunt he can’t stand, is it?

So let's show them that Britain is not for sale. That an Australian with an American passport cannot buy our general election.

No, he can’t.

But a bumbling incompetent who should never ever have been allowed into Number Ten can lose it…

Update: Constantly Furious has the same reaction.

Well, It Seems That This 'Daily Mash' Story...

...is now strangely prophetic:

"But for the time being I have asked Ed Miliband and Andy Burnham to take turns stroking the prime minister's neck and feeding him carrots until the big truck gets here."

Ahahahahaha!

Politician's Promise...

...meet reality:

It has taken me some time to get to the bottom of this one. I phoned several of the largest corrugated iron manufacturers……and once we had got over the confusion caused by the fact that it is actually corrugated steel these days, though the name corrugated iron persists, they were as incredulous as I was.

Read the whole thing.

And next time a politician promises something, laugh. Laugh almost as hard as when a journalist tells you they are an accredited professional...

The Last Word On 'Bullygate'...

...must go to Patently with a post so superb, there's nothing to add:

"Many, many commentators, journalists and former Downing Street staff claim Gordon is a bully. Lord Mandelson says he isn't. Who, I wonder, should we believe?

Surely, the leader of the Labour party could not be a bully? After all, they are the party that:

* tell us we can't smoke
* tell us we shouldn't eat too much
* tell us we shouldn't drink too much
* tell us we must have 5 a day
* tell us we shouldn't discipline children
* tell us not to drive anywhere
* tell us we can't protest against what they do
* tell us we can't take photographs of buildings
* tell us we can't take photographs of police officers
* tell us we can't even discuss immigration because that would be racist
* electronically strip-search us before we can get on an aircraft
* routinely stop and search people who go out for the evening
* want to snoop on all our emails & web usage
* tell us they know best in all aspects of our lives

And we are expected to believe that the leader of this party is a bully? That he orders his staff around and shouts at them?

Surely not?"

/applause

Isn't It A Bit Early..?

...to play the sympathy card, I mean:

Gordon Brown wept in public this weekend when he talked of the death of his daughter Jennifer and spoke of facing up to the possible premature death of his son Fraser, who has cystic fibrosis - and his hope a cure will be found.

Mr Brown's wife Sarah, who was present, also sobbed in an extraordinary display of emotion when the Prime Minister was interviewed by Piers Morgan for a TV programme.

Sickening...

And if the comments are anything to go by, it hasn't worked.

In The Same Way The Titanic Found It 'A Little Tricky' To Stay Afloat, I Presume..?

Quotes the 'Guardian' editorial feverishly declaring that all is not really lost for Labour, honest!:

Labour's upbeat claims could prove hard to sustain...

*chuckle*

It's over, Grauniad. The fat lady is singing for Gordon...

Cruddy & Chuckles: The New Political Comedy Double Act

*drumroll*

Ladies and gentlemen! The comedy stylings of has-been politician and up and coming star ethnic minority token!

*drumroll*

Jon Cruddas and Chuka Umunna launch their new website (Tory Stories - and no, comments aren't allowed. A lesson they probably learnt after reading the ones to this article!) in 'CiF' and are currently getting savaged for such bons mot as:

The lukewarm attitude of Cameron's party to green issues is replicated nationwide: of the 51 councils that have signed up to the 10:10 climate campaign, only 11 are Conservative controlled.

And:

According to the Conservatives' 2009 report, How Conservative Councils Are Helping in the Recession, Cameron has decreed that "the Conservatives will bring a culture of thrift to government".

Not to mention:

Tory-controlled Essex county council – led by Lord Hanningfield, who doubles up as Cameron's shadow business minister – has announced its intention to make £300m "savings" by 2012.

The less-than-dynamic duo believe all these things to be vote losers.

They are being told, in no uncertain terms, and by a wide range of political commenters, that they are actually vote winners.

Their petulant signoff is:

Cameron and Osborne frequently pilfer "progressive" language from the well of social democracy in order to clothe policies that are anything but. That they feel the need to do so demonstrates that Labour is far from the spent force many would have us believe.

In the best traditions of the pantomime season, the commenters roar back 'Oh, yes, it IS!"

Gordoom Applies Kiss Of Death...

..to 'man made global warming' by providing an article in favour of Copenhagen to CiF.

Commenters fall all over themselves to rip him a new one. How long before the mods step in to spoil the fun, I wonder?

Is Gordon Aiming For The Loony Feminist Vote?

How, exactly, do you square:

From 2011, lessons in gender equality and preventing violence in relationships will be included in the statutory personal, social, health and economic (PSHE) education curriculum.

with:

Prime Minister Gordon Brown said violence against women and girls was "an obscenity".

So, violence against men and boys is perfectly fine..?

I’ve an idea – how about we elect a party who has a Prime Minister who can condemn violence no matter to whom it is applied?

And How Would He Know..?

Gordon Brown congratulated the new president last night saying he was a man 'with a reputation for integrity and resolve'.

Wow!

That’s like being congratulated on your shy, retiring, modest nature by Katie Price…

Mavis Beacon Gordon Brown Teaches Typing...

So, it seems the blogosphere is divided over the affair of the letter.

In the 'He's being maligned by the 'Sun' for political purposes' camp sit LfaT, Longrider and Mr E.

In the 'This behaviour is inexcusable in a Head of State' camp sit Constantly Furious, Obo and Anna Raccoon.

Me? I think it's possible to agree with both camps. The fact that he shouldn't have sent a handwrittten letter full of mistakes out and then tried to imply that it was the recipient's fault for being unable to read it in no way detracts from the shabby actions of the 'Sun' in seeking to make hay over this.

Perhaps the best post I've yet seen on this though is the one by Oxford Springs, which points out that this isn't really about what it seems to be about:

"Is this story about handwriting? No.


Is it about spelling? No.


Is it even about Guardsman Jamie Janes and his family? I dont believe so.


At the heart of this story is Gordon Brown, and the fact that he has lost all sense of conviction with the British media and its readership. Leaders of governments need gravitas, oratorical skill and hard-earned respect. Otherwise they become just jobsworth politicians, or dictatorial menaces."

It would be ironic (and sad) if this was the straw that broke the camel's back, and forced his resignation, wouldn't it?

Postman Pat On Immigration

In a candid interview with The Independent, Mr Johnson admitted that Labour's failure to debate immigration had "probably" boosted the BNP's appeal.

"People think we have shied away from a debate on it. They may well be right," he said. "My post bag is bigger on immigration than any other issue. It is a major public concern. The public deserves a rational debate on this, rather than what they sometimes get, which is at the extreme end of the scale."

Anyone think the public is going to get a ‘rational debate’ out of this chap?

No, me neither…

In his interview he made clear that his comments were not a one-off but part of a concerted attempt to regain the initiative and try to convince the public that Labour has learnt from its mistakes and "completely transformed" the immigration and asylum systems.

Ha! ‘Learning from its mistakes’ is what this government is worst at. It never does, because it always goes on to make them all over again…

"Part of its attraction is that it is raising things that other political parties don't raise," he said. "It would take the absence of a national debate as the green light to distort the debate. It has absolutely no inhibition about lying about these issues."

That’s the BNP he’s talking about, not NuLab. Just in case anyone was wondering…

"My issue was about Question Time, not other forums. I think the BNP should be on Newsnight, the Today programme and in newspapers. But Question Time is different."

He fears that Mr Griffin's appearance did more good than harm to the BNP's prospects. "I think that the publicity gave the BNP exactly what it wanted," he said.

It wasn’t the publicity. It was the fact that everyone piled on at once, and that they were recognisably the sort of people that most would cross the road to avoid.

That tends to make the average ‘man in the street’ think to themselves ‘If these are the people opposing the BNP, maybe they aren’t all bad…’

The Home Secretary pledged to debate immigration "at any time" – yet he would still not appear alongside Mr Griffin. "My view is still that I won't share a platform with a fascist. That has been my view for 59 years and I don't intend to change it. I don't have to sit and debate with these people. It does not call the debate to a halt."

He won’t share a platform with a ‘fascist’, yet has no problem whatsoever sitting in Blair’s and Brown’s Cabinet.

Odd…

Mr Johnson's message is that "immigration has been a good thing for this country – culturally, socially and certainly economically". He believes passionately that places like London, Birmingham and Liverpool have been "enriched" by it. But he denied recent allegations that Labour pursued an "open-door" policy to create a multicultural society. "We don't have an open-door policy. It is misleading to say we have got one or that we have ever had one. We manage immigration."

Yes. Just like you ‘manage’ everything else. Badly, or not at all.

Official net migration fell by 44 per cent from 209,000 in 2007 to 118,000 in 2008 – proof, he said, that migrants come to Britain for short periods, work, contribute to the economy and then return home.

Yeah, I think the key is in that word ‘official’, Al…

The Home Secretary dismissed last week's call by Kim Howells, the former Foreign Office minister, for British troops to be withdrawn from Afghanistan and anti-terrorism measures to be stepped up here. "I have a huge amount of respect for Kim but I think he is wrong on this. We spend what needs to be spent on counter-terrorism," he said. "If we pulled out of Afghanistan, we would need to spend more money in this country because there would be far more attacks in this country as a result."

This one, I just don’t know. Would there be?

'Ladies and gentlemen, the Prime Minister...'

Over at 'Harry's Place', we learn that our Prime Mentalist cannot even manage to tell a bunch of radio-listening housewives the name of his favourite biscuit:

The question was put to Mr Brown no fewer than 12 times (which, as it happens, is the exact number of times Jeremy Paxman put his question to Michael Howard in the notorious 1997 Newsnight interview).

Time and again they asked what has become a staple question of Mumsnet interviews. “May I ask you what your favourite biscuits are?” said one mother. “What biscuit, Mr Brown, please, before you leave!” pressed another. Steadfast to the end, Mr Brown refused to answer. One member, MadameDefarge, said: “Maybe he needs to consult with his advisers on what would be the most vote-winning biscuit to admit to liking?”

Dear god, won't someone take charge and put this nincompoop out of his misery?

They Just Aren't Trying Any More, Are They?

Gross disrespect is now displayed openly by members of Brown's failed government:

One fellow guest said they saw the former minister apparently scrolling through his messages as the choir sang a penitential rite with the words ‘Lord, have mercy, Christ, have mercy’ during a Requiem Mass composed by Maurice Durufle.

Utter scum...

First We Take Manhattan The Language…

Two bloggers picked up on the creeping change of language (in separate stories) in an attempt to inculcate social change.

First, Leg-Iron on the Japanese weight-loss research:

But the research also found that people with a happy-go-lucky bright outlook at the start of the therapy were less likely to succeed.

These patients were described as having "free child" (FC) ego states marked by assertiveness and optimism.

Successful weight loss was associated with a more responsible and cautious "adult" or "A" ego state.

So if you behave as the Righteous tell you, you are an adult. If you don't care what the Righteous say and insist on living your life your own way, you are just being childish. Assertiveness and optimism are childish conditions. Blind obedience is the adult way.

Funny. I had it pegged the other way round.

Neat trick, eh?

Next, Dick Puddlecote noted the incorrect use of the term ‘whistleblower’ to describe the person who informed on the two policewomen sharing childcare responsibilities:

”What is worrying about this report (it is the Daily Mail, but are you certain this isn't going to catch on?) is the use of the term 'whistleblower'.

A whistleblower should be a positive description of a selfless person who exposes misdoing for the common good, often at huge personal risk to themselves. Not, and I repeat not, anything like the 'anonymous complainant'…”

Working as intended, of course. All good fascist states need their little army of snitches, after all

Expect more and more of this sort of thing as the front men for the progressives - the Labour Party - start to lose their grip on power, and their acolytes dug into our institutions start to store up some fat for the long winter to come...

Oh, Exquisite Timing, Gordon!

Rowenna Davis, in her ‘CiF’ column, points out that the Tories are ahead with the female vote:

Gordon Brown has been criticised for not taking women seriously in the past, but a new poll suggests that he might want to pay them a bit more attention. A new gender gap appears to be splitting the electorate as women become increasingly convinced that the Tories will deliver better public services after 2010.

So what does Brown do?

This:

Brown will, for the first time, admit that the need to halve the deficit within four years cannot simply be achieved by higher growth, efficiencies and asset sales. He will say his aim in restraining spending is to protect the vulnerable, and seek to draw a distinction between Labour and the Conservatives over the timing and scale of the necessary spending constraints.
The speech's precise wording in referring to cuts was still being worked on last night.

In a sign of the strain on spending, Labour will not go ahead with a promised extension of maternity pay from nine months to a year due to the cost.

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

He really is a stunning liability, isn’t he? No wonder Harman is sharpening her claws…

Al Jahom puts the boot in too.

Spoiling For A Fight…

Lord Mandelson will today face down union threats of strikes and rioting if there are public spending cuts.

In the most hawkish statement yet from a senior minister on the need for restraint he will say Gordon Brown has decided to stop 'throwing money' at state services.

That’s the problem with feeding the crocodile in the hopes it’ll eat you last – what happens when you run out of food?

This happens:

His intervention comes as union barons raised the spectre of 1980s-style riots if public spending is slashed.

TUC general secretary Brendan Barber said taking an axe to public services would spark a 'double quick, double dip' recession and push unemployment over four million.

Unemployment could hit 40 per cent in major cities in the North, triggering massive social unrest, he said.

Or, to put it another way, ‘Nice country you’ve got here. Shame if anything was to happen to it…’

He warned: 'Last time we suffered slash and burn economics we had riots in the streets here.

‘Here’ being Liverpool. Which rather begs the question, how did he know these riots were anything to do with economics?

I mean, we are talking about the UK here - a place where police have to baton charge drunken scum to prevent them trying to get into a burning nightclub. So, I'm not sure we'd notice, frankly...

But I digress. It seems no-one quite trusts the government any more. Odd, isn’t it?

The strategy change came as a new poll found that more voters trust the Tories rather than Labour to make cuts without damaging frontline services.

I’ve yet to be convinced myself, because I doubt either plan to target the huge, unsustainable, peripheral ‘services’ that have sprung up in every corner on central and local government.

And it seems Labour are targeting the people who don’t vote for them, in the hopes of attracting more of the people they have paid to remain on their couches watching ‘Trisha’ to actually turn up at the polls:

Aides close to Mr Darling suggested that middle class benefits could be the first to feel the axe. They said universal benefits such as winter fuel payments, child benefit and free TV licences for the over 80s - available to everyone regardless of income - were payments that could be made means-tested.

Now, if you are going to means-test these, then you will need people to do it. Civil servants.

Which either means you are going to recruit more – thus adding to the already unsustainable public sector pension debt – or redeploy those you already have.
I bet the plans aren’t to redeploy any of the ones currently performing ‘make work’ diversity and eco-based jobs. It’ll be in other areas. Areas that do valuable jobs.

So these plans to cut what must surely be miniscule amounts in comparison will actually end up increasing the size of the public sector or annoy even more voters and their relatives.

Are they trying to run a ‘scorched earth’ game? I’m beginning to wonder…