The Chinese Don't Care, Though...

The poor performance of Disney’s The Little Mermaid at the Chinese box office has reopened questions on Hollywood’s increasing difficulties in the world’s second-largest economy and the role racism has played in the film’s reception.

Of course, it must be racism. It can't possibly be that the film isn't very good, can it? 

The Little Mermaid has just 2.5 stars on Douban, a popular Chinese review site. IMDb, an American review site, last week claimed the film had been the target of “unusual voting activity” from people trying to downgrade the film’s rating. But many of the negative Douban reviews are critical of the film’s plot and execution, rather than Bailey’s casting specifically.

Ah, they are cunning, those heathen Chinee! But Western intellectuals are onto their cunning plan to disguise their racism behind film critique... 

Murjana, a Hong Kong-born Nigerian trainee lawyer, said she was used to experiencing racism in her home city.

Well, she could always go to Nigeria. I'm sure there's no recism there. What form does this racism take, anyway?

“It’s 2023 and if you’re black or dark skinned in Hong Kong, there’s a 95% chance there will be an empty seat next to you on the sardine-packed train … It’s not so much surprising as it is amusing that people still allow something as arbitrary as the degree to which one’s skin produces melanin to dictate whether they would enjoy a movie about a fictional half-fish half-human.”

Well, that doesn't sound so bad... 

Musical Interlude - December:"I know, I know. We are Your chosen people. But, once in a while, can't You choose someone else?"

Well, this is the final installment. We'll finish up with what is probably my favourite musical of all time. 

And surprisingly, something about it always says 'Christmas' to me, despite it not being anything about Christmas at all. It's 'Fiddler On The Roof'. An amazing film, with perhaps the perfect casting in all roles. Yes, even Paul Michael Glaser! 

It was harder than any other entry to pick a favourite song from this one, there's not a dud in the bunch. But it has to go to the sublime 'Sunrise, Sunset' montage: 

I had to pass on a few classics - 'Carousel' for one - and there's musicals that haven't been filmed that I'd love to see make it to the silver screen, principally 'Windy City', an 80s version of 'The Front Page' that had a criminally short West End run, or the amazing Tom Jones vehicle, 'Mayador', that had an even shorter run. 

Now, what to do for next year?

Musical Interlude - November:"Doesn't anyone just want to work in the bar industry anymore?"

This was a surprise. I wasn't expecting to like it. And, rather like the one that kicked this all off, is it really a 'musical' in the traditional sense? 

Meh! If 'Mamma Mia' can be counted as one, then so can this. It's 'Rock Of Ages'. And who can deny that this is possibly the best comedy musical track ever?

Musical Interlude - October:"I wanted to marry her when I saw the moonlight shining on the barrel of her father's shotgun."

Another real classic here. It's 'Oklahoma' (a state I've had the great pleasure of visiting, incidentally). And it's one that probably everyone knows at least one song from, and the opener really sets the tone. 

It's the incomparable Gordon MacRae:  

Musical Interlude - September:"When do you kids stop? You make this world lousy!"

It's another from my 'Soundtrack Retrospective', and of course it's the incomparable 'West Side Story'.

The Bernstein version of course, accept no substitutes, and yes, I'm giving you the stink eye, Spielberg! Oh, I'll see it, there's no doubt about that. But it'll mainly be to try and answer the question 'Why...?'.

With a musical as great as this one, it was hard to select a favourite. But the hopeful longing and exuberance of this track contrast so nicely with what you know is going to be the unhappy ending it's my pick:

 

Update: Last night I watched the new version on Disney+ and...it's a masterpirece! The choreography and sets (actual New York streets) are superb, the leads are engaging, Rita Moreno's turn as Dov's widow is inprired. I take it all back, Spielberg - take a bow.

Musical Interlude - August:" He was crazy, and he kept on screaming, "You've been screwing the milkman." And then he ran into my knife... he ran into my knife ten times."

Yes, it's time for a bit of ladies doin' it for themselves. Lethal ladies. It's Chicago. 

And it's probably the best musical about Chicago ever filmed, at least until someone revives the late 80s vehicle for Dennis Waterman, 'Windy City'.

Most of the numbers were a bit forgettable, it's true (but the dance sequences and sly script made up for it) but not this one, oh no! 

Musical Interlude - July:"You know, I used to be in the music business, but now I'm what you might call retired. It's a refined name for bum."

Yes, it's cheesy, it was a flop (but is now a cult favourite), it's from my 'Soundtrack Retrospective' all the way back in 2011 (thanks to ELO's great album), it's 'Xanadu'.

And you really have to wonder how the pitch for this one went, don't you? "OK, it's about ancient Greek myths coming to life and meddling in the lives of mortals. And we've got roller-skating Olivia and...wait for this, it'll blow your mind...Gene Kelly! Great, eh?"

My favourite track is this one: 

Musical Interlude - June:"What happened to the Danny Zuko I met at the beach?"

Anyone of a certain age can remember the summer this one came out. 

I well remember idly flipping radio stations on my tiny portable radio while over the park (young Reader, ask your parents...) and finding a song from this on every channel with about 2 minutes of landing on it! It was a smash hit like I'd never seen before, and probably never will again. 

The big numbers like 'Greased Lightning' and 'Summer Nights' get all the airtime, But my favourite track is this wonderfully waspish one from Frankie Avalon:

Musical Interlude - May:"It's a custom we have here. This is England, you know. And this is the season for gathering flowers."

What better musical for May than this? It's Joshua Logan's 'Camelot' (another Lerner/Lowe musical adaptation), with its stunning cast - Richard Harris, Vanessa Redgrave and Franco Nero - and boasting an impressive list of awards, despite being a commercial failure. 

It's fair to say that none of the cast are great singers, but it almost doesn't seem to matter. None are dubbed (unlike 'My Fair Lady') and all give it their best.

This is my favourite track: 

Musical Interlude - April:"I know that I shall always be a lady to Colonel Pickering, because he always treats me like a lady, and always will."

Another of the great classics of cinema, never mind of musicals, what better to ease us into spring than George Cukor's adaptation of Lerner and Lowe's 'My Fair Lady'? 

Fully deserving of its status of second highest-grossing film of 1964 and its eight Academy Awards, it's a stunning - if pretty unrealistic! - look at London high society and the efforts of an unscrupulous professor to win a bet.

Here's future Sherlock Holmes, a young Jeremy Brett (dubbed by Bill Shirley) with my favourite number:

 

Musical Interlude - March:"Well, this is new, respect for Caesar! 'Till now, this has been noticeably lacking! "

 A little bit of Israeli sunshine to brighten March, and this month it's Norman Jewison's bizarre adaptation of the Rice/Lloyd-Webber musical 'Jesus Christ Superstar'. 

It's safe to say this version, filmed 'on location', of sorts, and not really in costume, has mixed reviews. Ted Neeley, the original Broadway Jesus, received a Golden Turkey for his rather wooden portrayal of the title character.

The show has many great memorable numbers, but this is my personal favorite, though not the most well-known number by the incomparable Yvonne Elliman:

Over Christmas, Sky Arts showed a special 'Live in concert' version with John Legend and Alice Cooper that's well worth catching.

Musical Interlude - February: "What's to tell about the Bronx? It's uptown and to the right."

Now this is definitely a 'proper' musical.

It's Dickie Attenborough's 1985 interpretation of the classic Broadway show about Broadway. Michael Douglas and Terrence Mann try to recruit the ideal chorus lineup from amongst a motley crew of hopefuls.

The film is packed with sassy and heartbreaking numbers, as we dig further and further into the lives of the wannabes.

But this extraordinary performance by Alyson Reed as Cassie, the director's old flame, that is the standout performance:

 

Musical Interlude - January: "Don't worry about it. They always hire bums like me for jobs like this."

It seems to have been a long time since I did one of these, but in lockdown, like a lot of people, I found myself gravitating back to old favourite films. And I noted that a lot of them were musicals.

And yes, there will be a bit of overlap with 2011's 'Soundtrack Retrospective', it's inevitable.

So here goes. And...is this one even really a 'musical' in the normal sense at all?

Ahh, who cares.  It's got a stunning Steinman/Cooder soundtrack and a stellar cast. It's a bonkers look at a totally illusory America by Water Hill. And any film that starts with the hero striding into battle with an old lever action Marlin rifle and ends with him duking it out with the villain with a ball pein hammer just has to be in here.

It's the two big numbers ('Tonight Is What It Means To Be Young' and 'Nowhere Fast') that get all the attention, and they are indeed great. But this is my personal favourite:

 

Well, Frankly, I'd Be Disappointed If It Didn't...

Sometimes, film ratings make little sense...

I Can't Believe Hollywood Won't Take This Advice!

Paul Mason lays out some advice for budding scriptwriters:

...the revolt that brought Trump to power represents an ideological break with any situation the US’s myth-makers have known. From now on, even in the most inconsequential domestic drama, every character’s ethnicity matters. If they’re a black male, are they one of the 13% who voted for the Ku Klux Klan’s man, or against him. For any actor building a character in a drama set in the present, the question becomes: what does my character think about Trump, Brexit, the collapse of liberal norms in public life?

Wow! That's going to lead to some awesome films in the 2017-18 season! I bet you just can't wait, reader!

So, it is time we demand that the storytelling industry addresses the truth. A man takes charge of the US on a wave of racial and misogynist hate; he screws up the world order so badly it spirals into chaos. Down these mean streets, as Raymond Chandler put it, a man or woman must go “who is not mean, who is neither tarnished nor afraid”.

Hollywood producers everywhere are looking up the percentage they'll get of straight-to-DVD sales...

Film Critique With The 'Guardian'..

But the whole point of Doctor Strange is that the titular protagonist enlightens himself through black magic.

Hmmm, I wonder how they picked someone so unknowledgeable about the subject material for this column?

Dave Schilling is a Guardian US writer-at-large.

Ah. It must have gone something like this:

'Guardian' editor: "Oh, gawd, another one of these bloody American comics has been made into a film. Suppose we'll have to cover it, it's got Benedict in... Who can we get?"

'Guardian' sub-editor: "We've got some Yank writers, remember?"

'Guardian' editor: "Perfect! They live there, they must read these things!"

Kill It With Fire!

The go-to choice for lazy, SJW-pandering film-making, it seems....

Shorter Simon Pegg: "Shut Up, Actual Gay Chap! Outta My Virtuesignalling Way!"

Pegg has said he intended the revelation in the new film that the character – now played by John Cho – is in a same-sex relationship as a tribute to Takei’s gay rights activism.

But on Thursday the actor responded by saying he thought the move was “really unfortunate”, as he felt it suggested sexuality was something that could be retrofitted. He also said his concerns had been ignored by the film-makers.

Pegg wasn't taking this snub lying down. What does an actual gay man's thoughts matter, anyway?

“He’s right, it is unfortunate, it’s unfortunate that the screen version of the most inclusive, tolerant universe in science fiction hasn’t featured an LGBT character until now. We could have introduced a new gay character, but he or she would have been primarily defined by their sexuality, seen as the ‘gay character’, rather than simply for who they are, and isn’t that tokenism?”

"Bloody hell, these identity politics rules are confusing! It's like they make them up on the spot, or something.."

...Pegg said that Roddenberry’s pioneering work exploring diversity in the series indicated he would have welcomed such a move.

"How can you argue with a dead man's wishes (as expressed by me), eh? EH?"

I Have My Problems With The Film...

,,,but this ain't one of 'em!

Disney is bringing back The Jungle Book in a live-action remake, but worries over racial stereotyping that plagued the 1967 cartoon original are already making critics fret.

...

...both Kipling’s book, which was written from a British colonialist perspective, and Disney’s animated adaptation have long been criticised for their racist overtones, and critics warn that it will take more than talking animals and other visual effects to avoid offence.

They should be offended by the somewhat odd appearance of some of the animals, not to mention an orangutan in the Indian jungle (and one about the size of King Kong, judging by the trailers!) and the fact that Baloo would be a sloth bear, not whatever that's supposed to be...

This has long been a favorite book of mine, and I guess I'm going to get my wish (back in 2012) to see what modern CGI can do. And it's good, but there's something about the way the CGI animals talk that makes me uneasy.

“The first Disney Jungle Book was based on Kipling; the next one will be based on the movie, so it’ll be another generation removed from Kipling, which will help,” Robert Thompson, professor of television and popular culture at Syracuse University, told Yahoo Movies.

It won't help, it'll hinder. Why not do the book justice at last? Because of fears of just this sort of knee jerk reaction, I suppose.

On the film’s release, the character of King Louie was widely criticised for connoting inequality between African-Americans and Caucasians.

 God, if I roll my eyes any harder, I think they might fall out...

Disney should perhaps have steered clear, said the Christian Science Monitor, in a damning piece following the announcement of plans to make the movie two years ago. “Why bother with this morass when there are so many other books to choose from that are as yet undiscovered by the Disney audience? Disney can afford fresher fare than a rehash of a film that will have to be so deconstructed from the original into an unrecognisable hash in order to succeed.”

And if this one is getting savaged even before release, I fear for the (presumably more closely tied to the book) version that Warner Brothers will be releasing next year.

Stand Aside, Citizen! This Is A Job For Beta Man Male!

Jonathan McIntosh opines:

A staple of the superhero genre is the tendency to concoct these elaborate scenarios where "good guys" end up having to fight each other for some reason. This is often framed as a way to resolve their interpersonal issues before they can go beat up the “bad guys” and save the world. The ultimate macho pissing contest. Who’s the toughest tough guy of them all? How do superheroes make friends? By punching each other. How do you resolve conflicts, big and small? By punching each other. Whose plan will be followed? How is trust built among teammates? Face-punching can accomplish all this and more. We need to raise questions at the model of male bonding and friendship-building by way of violence.

Do we? OK. If you say so.

Back before The Avengers were household names, superheroes were the domain of geekdom, and particularly “geek guys” who, to some degree, felt personally ostracised and disillusioned by the ideals of stereotypical tough-guy manhood in mainstream culture. Despite being made to feel subordinate to concepts of hypermasculinity, many geek guys have nonetheless embraced superheroes that embody hypermasculine traits and values. They tend to idolise those ideals despite being alienated from them as individuals. This self-identification with hypermasculinity is no doubt one of the factors in the rampant misogyny that plagues the comic book industry and community. The particular brand of superhero masculinity represents a popular conception of what it means to be a “real man,” a conception that is not relegated solely to the realms of fantasy. Hypermasculinity manifests everywhere in our culture and can be seen reflected in politics….

ZZZZzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzzz….

Eh? What? Sorry, I must have drifted off there for a bit.

I’m awake now! Pray carry on, Jonathan!

One common reaction I encounter whenever I bring up these questions is….

A solid punch on the nose? No?

Pity…

… the concern that there's no way to create exciting dramatic tension or conflict in movies, other than resorting to violence as the ultimate resolution. Of course, that’s not true, as evidenced by one of the most exciting and intense pictures of the year, The Martian. A remarkable thing about that film is that it contains absolutely no violence or killing. All problems are solved through science, cooperation and human creativity. And yet the filmmakers behind The Martian managed to create a widely successful, thrilling, edge-of-your-seat blockbuster. Given the current state of the world, we could certainly do with a hell of a lot more heroes who solve complex problems with innovation and ingenuity rather than by punching each other in the face. Perhaps it's time to move on from these tired masculinised concepts.

*sighs* ‘The Martian’ is as much a fantasy as superheroes dukin’ it out. They are all fantasy. They are entertainment. Nothing more.

If you can’t handle that much excitement, there’s always a ‘My Little Pony’ rerun on the Cartoon Channel, or something.