Yes, It's Phil Mitchell..!

Seriously, though, does anyone ever get caught as a result of low-res shakycam shop CCTV?

Strangely Appropriate...

...that's the name of Barking & Dagenham's cemetery contact.

And I Thought The Expression 'Dinner And A Show'...

...meant something quite different!

Sunday Funnies...

"You don't know, man, you weren't there!"

Yes, I Know The Last Ban Wasn't 100% Effective, But Stay With Me Here....

David Conn thinks the next one is sure to work:

Don't we already have one? Yes. Yes, we do. It's against the law to use a mobile phone while driving,

But because someone flouted that law, SOMETHING MUST BE DONE!

The terrible consequences make me wonder if we are heading towards a ban on drivers having their phones turned on in the car at all.

Because that will definitely work. No-one will flout that one, will they?

Twitter use has convinced me social media is addictive, specifically the desire to check responses to something we’ve posted, seeking the rush of approval, reassurance or argument. I see it in my daughters when they’re awaiting Instagram likes, and the constant chat is why Facebook never sleeps. All of which means we habitually reach for our phones in the slightest moments of pause – and that extends to driving, when withdrawal symptoms can kick in.

Ahhh, that 'Guardian' Royal We again. Now, no-one loves Twitter more than me, but have I ever felt the need to look at my phone while driving? No. Not even before it was against the law.

Because I'm not stupid. Because I know it's a distraction. Because I'm well aware of the responsibility not to let myself be distracted.

To be able to cause disaster from so casual an act of distraction suggests that before long we might need a law to prevent us having phones turned on in the car, rather than one which severely punishes people who have succumbed to using them.

And when someone flouts that law (because they will, sure as eggs is eggs), what then, David?

Oh, Delicious!

Ofcom, the broadcast regulator, has declared that the Green party does not have sufficient support to qualify for “major party status” in the general election…

And just to rub a little sodium chloride into the wounds…

… but Ukip may have.

Ahahahahahahaha!

Natalie Bennett, the Green Party leader, said the decision was deeply disappointing, saying it was stuck in the past, which failed to grasp the way politics was changing fast.

No, not really. The rise of UKIP is exactly what’s meant by ‘changing politics’, isn’t it?

Caveat Canis Emptor..?

Ms Rayner claims she had arrived at Ayr train station planning to buy the dog for £400 after replying to an advert on listings website Gumtree.

But when she got to the station with her nine-year-old daughter Rhiannon Strachan, she found Kai - whose real name is Pluto - did not look like the dog in the advert.

We've all been there. Something not as described. A sensible person walks away. But would a sensible person be buying an adult dog of uncertain history on Gumtree in the first place?

Now, how can this woman portray herself as the victim in this, instead of the villain?

I know! How about giving the 'Daily Mail' an interview?

Ms Rayner said: 'I panicked. I suffer from a panic disorder so I panicked even more and thought I could have a stolen dog now.

'I spoke to a man at the station and told him that it wasn't my dog. I told the guy I needed to get the next train. So the guy knew and he said to tie him so I did.'

Ugly, worthless, brainless mongrel

A dog

1/10 for inventiveness. You deserve to be banned for life from owning anything bigger than a goldfish...

I Wonder Where Edward Lives..?

London needs more housing, agrees (almost) everyone. So when the old Mount Pleasant sorting office was shut down, here was a chance to build some.

Who could object?

Edward Denison of the Mount Pleasant Association and University College London’s Bartlett School of Architecture damned RMG’s proposal for ten buildings, some as a high as 15 storeys, containing 681 housing units along with office space and shops with a pedestrian street running through it, as an architectural manifestation of the same mentality that informed the Royal Mail sell-off.

The plans would, in Denison’s view, result in an “exclusively inward-looking fortress-like development” accompanied by a misnamed “public realm”, which would, in reality, be controlled by and for private interests to create “malls without walls”.

Like a cancer, he wrote, this would eventually kill the neighbourhood around it.

How..?

The two councils were unhappy too, in particular with the amount of affordable homes being offered in the plans...

Oh, I see! He means there won't be enough of the sort of people you need a fortress to protect yourselves from.

Yes, I Think The Answer Is 'Badly'..

Mr Gallagher said: “The cases are different in gravity but show similarities about how the defendant deals with relationships.”

Well, quite!

It was the second time France appeared in court this month after she pleaded guilty to posting on Facebook a video of a friend Leah Trevena having sex.

The judge called for the usual 'pre-sentence' report. He might as well just give her a suspended sentence now.

So Much For The Revisions To The Dangerous Dogs Act...

A spokesman for West Yorkshire Police confirmed the incident on Monday had been reported to officers, but added the woman had decided not to make any official complaint.

Wha..?

What was the point of changing the law to make it possible to prosecute attacks on private property  then?