An Anguished Plea...

All I wished was for a farmer not to subject walkers with unwarranted risk of disease and upset whilst walking on a public footpath...and to treat his fallen livestock with a modicum of dignity...

Ummm, what?

Resident Wez Hollin’s 19-year-old daughter Liselle was distressed after she came across the sheep whilst walking the family dog.

Wez said: “She was walking down the path and came across a decomposing dead sheep with no eyes.

“It had been tied to a gatepost right at the side of the footpath.

“It really disturbed her. And surely it’s a health risk by this time.”

Her fiance Simon Teale, 46, went to help Liselle after she found the sheep.

And, as you do these days, went straight to the local paper to register the shock, distress, and OUTRAGE! that seeing a dead sheep causes today's overprotected and pampered children.

Whereupon the comment section tore into her much like those sheep-worrying dogs...

Mr Middleton said he had now removed the sheep and had not wanted to upset responsibile dog owners.

He said: “It’s a busy pathway down by the river. When the weather is right over 100 dogs go over there every day.

“I’ve nothing against dog owners. I want them to help me find out who it is who is letting her dogs chase my sheep.”

The first commenter has the best suggestion. Just shoot the dog!

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

I know, I know, Inigo ol' son, but what are you gonna do?

A patient who absconded from a secure hospital mental health unit is being sought by police.

And why was he in a 'secure' (Ed: Hahahaha!) hospital?

He does has a history of violence and although there is no indication of any direct threat to the public, anyone who believes they may have seen him are urged not to approach him but to phone police immediately.

Yeah. Thanks for that advice.

*Taps Dial* Nope, Nothin'...

The brutal killer of a kind and gentle grandmother has been targeted by bullies behind bars, it has emerged.

Gosh, really? Wait, wait, I'm not getting a reading...

The 41-year-old is now treated by staff at the jail in Stockton as a vulnerable prisoner, his lawyer revealed.

"He bears the scars of the accident and medical intervention, with huge scars across his head.

"He does not look 'normal' and has been targeted in prison already. He had one eye pointing one way, and one pointing the other.

"He has been placed as a vulnerable prisoner."

Oh dear, so sad...

Top Top Secret...

“(It) is one of the most opaque and obstinate departments I’ve dealt with,” said Peter A DeFazio, a Democratic congressman from Oregon.

“We’re really not sure what they’re doing. I’ve asked the agency to give me breakdowns on what lethal methods they’re using. They can’t or won’t do that. We’ve asked them to tell us what goes into their poisons. They won’t.”

The CIA? The NSA? Homeland Security? Well, no.

Mr DeFazio and several colleagues requested a congressional hearing on the agency’s practices without success, so they pushed the USDA Inspector General to conduct an audit.

Yeah. I’m sure once they tackle some more important issues they’ll get right on that…

A Likely Story...Again!

A family from North Yorkshire has appealed to their MP to help improve internet access in the area, saying slow connections are hindering their children’s education.

Whew! Thank goodness we've had the Internet since 1700 or so, and haven't hindered our children's education...

The Englefield family, of Ulleskelf, have to make a two-hour round trip to get decent access to the internet, despite faster broadband already being offered in nearby Tadcaster.

Bridget Englefield, of Church Fenton Lane, said she hoped the focus for broadband rollout would be on smaller villages rather than larger towns, as the lack of internet access meant youths were left with nothing to do.

C'mon love, keep the story straight, eh? Is it so little Hugh, Dale and Miles can study trigonometry in 3D on YouTube copy articles from Wikipedia, or is it so they can play 'Call Of Duty 16: Tower Hamlets High Street'..?

Err....

Ziko Sulliman, a Muslim from Sudan, attacked Zakaria Zain in a dispute days after the squaddie's death.

The pair had been drinking in Sulliman's home in Middlesbrough when a report of the killing was on TV news.

Wait, what?

Sulliman was remanded in custody and will be sentenced on September 6 after a background report has been prepared.

Andrew Teate, defending, told Judge Tony Briggs: "He is aware a lengthy custodial sentence will follow."

Well, clearly he's been drinking! With our justice system, I wouldn't be so sure of that!

Dream On!

Nina Power rallies the troops:

As a lecturer, I was horrified to see the treatment of protesters during and after the anti-fees protests three years ago.

I am equally worried now, as police and management do their best to maintain the image of campuses as sites of privatised, client-based services, rather than places of dissent, disagreement and debate.

Places of what..?!??

Please, tell me you’re joking?

Police: Tough On Gun Crime....

...unless it's, y'know, them doing it:

Three men who were arrested in Doncaster following the incident in Murton have been released without further action, said North Yorkshire Police.

A force spokesman said: “There was not enough evidence to pursue a prosecution. The case has been closed pending any further information coming to light.”

 Hmmm...

A police chief subsequently sought to reassure local residents they were not put at risk at any time, and also responded to a complaint by one villager that the crime was not initially publicised by North Yorkshire Police.

 Well, well, well....

Supt Lisa Winward, York Safer Neighbourhood Commander, said: “We are satisfied that this was an isolated incident which did not pose a threat to the wider community.”

It's OK, Lisa, love. We know just what you mean by that...

The Curious Incident Of The Dog In Guernsey...

Guernsey Police have said they are no longer looking for anybody in relation to a reported attack on a dog on 11 December.

Police investigated after the dog lost an eye. It was alleged it had been hit repeatedly with a hammer.

Det Insp Richard Medhurst said the dog's owner had withdrawn her allegations.

They also looked into homophobic graffiti sprayed on to the owner's van and shed door.

Det Insp Medhurst said she had asked for "all donations offered by sympathisers to be returned".

How very strange...

Police have begun investigating other possible causes for the dog's injuries, including an animal attack or road accident.

Aren't they ruling out one possible line of enquiry rather too soon?

Possibly Not Hyperbole…

A Gulf war veteran who visits a Worcester park says dogs running riot in the field leave him more scared to walk his pets there than he felt during the conflict.

He seems worried about the dogs. Frankly, it’s their owners that are a threat…

“My experience is that probably half a dozen times a walk I have to have words with people who let their dogs go bombing unrestrained all over the field,” said the 43-year-old.

“I have seen a lady jogger screaming in terror when somebody’s dog jumped up and barked at her.

“The dog-walkers always say they are friendly and don’t move and they won’t hurt you, but no one should have to put up with that sort of thing. “

So, your plan? Does it draw on your military training at all?

Mr Davies now wants more signs to be put up in the meadows to stop people letting their dogs off the leads when they are not properly trained.

Signs?

Ah. OK.

That’ll work.