The IPCC Won't Like This Much...

...better say they fell down the custody unit stairs instead!

Sunday Funnies...

I'm astounded No 4 hasn't been made into a heartwarming movie yet....

OK, Maybe I Was A Bit Hasty With The 'Chutzpah Of The Year' Award...

I mean, I did think it was unbeatable. But then....remember Rekha?

Well, she's back in the news:

A teacher has sold her Grade II-listed cottage for just £2 to stop it being seized by a court to settle a £76,000 legal bill racked up in a six-year feud with her neighbour.

She denied having sold the cottage to a firm run by relatives, adding: 'It's ridiculous that all this has happened over 12 poxy roof tiles. People commit suicide over things like this.'

Yes, some do. Others, however, bleat to the papers:

Rekha told the M.E.N: “The cottage has been bought by two private companies.

“People came to help me. Benevolent people came to help because of the stories in the papers.

“It has been amazing. I was like wow, people can feel when something is wrong. I could write a book on the benevolence of people.

Yes, people can indeed 'feel when something is wrong', Rekha. I'm feeling it now, for example.

But maybe the foreign press will be a bit more gullible?

“I feel the justice system needs to be fairer and accessible to everyone. I want to now put this entire matter behind me and move on. I want to travel to India and try and work on a book that would help educate others who get caught in a similar situation of being scared out of their own homes,” said the maths teacher, who works at Glossopdale Community College in Glossop.

I think you might struggle to sell that book, somehow.

The case was adjourned to be heard in the Chancery Division of the High Court.

Can it issue a bench warrant if she's still in India 'working on her book'..?

Who's Crying Now...?

Oh, yeah. You are, aren't you?

The 51-year-old wailed as her six-month jail sentence was announced, and her husband and other relatives in Teesside Crown Court's public gallery sobbed.

Mmmmm, delicious tears, hot and salty...

Initially, she claimed she was threatened that her car would be burnt out and her Stockton home would be targeted if she did not carry out orders to take drugs into Holme House Prison in the town.

She said an unnamed man had put her under pressure to take the cocaine and pentanone - also known as alpha pvp or gravel - into the category B jail.

Prosecutor Paul Newcombe told the court that messages found on Kemp's mobile phone showed she was being paid for it, and it had been well-planned.

Blimey, a defence so weak even our judicial suystem wasn't fooled!

Joanne Kidd, mitigating, said Kemp had never before been tempted to smuggle anything illegal into the jail while visiting her son over the years.

Translation: "...had never been caught."

The court heard how Kemp, who walks with two crutches, has had five operations on a back problem, and prison would be difficult to cope with.

She was agile enough to get into the visitor's room, so she'll not have many problems getting to her cell!

Judge Morris said: "I'm sceptical you didn't know what they were. You didn't tell the truth, you were not coerced. This was emotional nagging for you to do what your son wanted."

'Your son who was already in prison for drug offences...' was left unsaid.

No Doubt There Was Teeth-Kissing Involved Too...

Pearson, who has a number of previous convictions including assaults and theft, rolled her eyes and shook her head as the decision was announced.

I can just imagine it....

The 22-year-old single mother left court with a jacket over her head and told the press outside: "I'm not happy."

You ought to be pretty used to it, with 15 convictions.

She will be sentenced at a later date at Isleworth crown court.

Expect the pussy pass to come into immediate effect, even though the Race Card was declined due to insufficient funds.

'Police Intelligence' Still An Oxymoron

Via Tim Worstall, this:

A police force carried out a controlled explosion on a “suspicious” car outside a station, not realising its own officers had parked it there.

A bomb squad was called after concerns about an unattended Vauxhall Corsa at Workington police station, Cumbria. Roads around the building, in Hall Brow, were sealed off and an explosion carried out at 08:00 GMT.

The force blamed “an internal communications error” and apologised to the owner.

Could have been worse:

In the footage, the Metropolitan Police officer tells the DJ: "This isn't racist, it's a fact. Predominantly, the criminal profile of people who do it are black people.

"So, naturally if you see a car full of black guys, maybe dressed in gangster-style clothing or whatever, when they're driving down there, they're getting stopped."

Maybe these two should get together after the dismissal and have a commiseration drink..?

H/T: Robert Hale via email

#CompoFace!

Little Arthur Cox was on his way home from nursery with his grandmother and older brother when he was hit and fell underneath a vehicle at the junction of Ferndale Road and Old Shoreham Road, Hove.

His grandmother Sharon Maher said she feared the worst as she looked on with Arthur's five-year-old brother Archie.

The driver did stop at the scene but Arthur's mother Emily Tingey is calling for him to come forward as he has not been seen since the toddler, who had been on his scooter, was taken to hospital for the night.

 How many names here? I'm losing track!

The 26-year-old said: "It's hard to think someone could knock down my baby and not ring to find out if he is alright.

"There has not been any contact from them and it could have been a whole lot worse."

Maybe this is a warning not to let granny mind the kids near the road?

A police spokesman said: "We are appealing for the driver of a car who stopped to assist a small boy who had been in collision with his vehicle in Hove to make himself known.

"The driver stopped and is reported to have called an ambulance, but a passer-by offered to drive the boy to hospital."

So can't you trace him via his phone number?

Hmmm, Might There Be A Clue Here To This Establishment's Untimely Demise?

The New College Basildon Studio School, in Great Oaks, Basildon, has withdrawn course offers for all students meant to start in September 2017.

Current students will be able to continue with their courses until summer 2018.

Bosses told the Echo the college - which lost sponsorship from Seevic College, in Thundersley, after being branded inadequate by Ofsted - is “no longer economically viable.”

Was it ever..?

What sort of vital higher education did this place offer, anyway? And to whom?

Mitchell Aldem, 15, from Billericay, was due to begin studying health and social care.

He chose New Campus Basildon, which offers vocational courses for youngsters aged 14 to 19, due to its small class sizes.

His mum, Sharan, 45, said: “We went to an open evening and he filled in all the forms to apply and got an interview.

“We had a letter from them before Christmas offering him a place and then we got a new one on Saturday saying the place had been withdrawn. I didn’t know they could do that.

“Mitchell has Type One diabetes, anxiety and depression so we thought he would be able to cope better in the environment at New Campus Basildon.”

Ah. I think the penny is beginning to...

Yup! There it goes!

Legally, teenagers now have to stay in education or training until they are 18.

It finally dropped.

Chutzpah Of The Year!

Yeah, I know the year's just got started, but it's going to be hard to top this one...

Firefighters took two hours to put out the blaze, but the after-effects are still being felt by her children Taylor Dodd, 15, Harrison Happe, nine, and Summer-Lily Happe, seven.

We're off to a good start! Different names for the spawn, check!

She was particularly spooked as her and partner Charlie Heatley’s seven-month old baby, of the same name, were sleeping in one of the affected bedrooms just ten minutes before the fire broke out.

Still breeding despite circumstances, check!

Clare and Charlie, who are both unemployed, have thrown away the identical hoverboards given to Taylor and Harrison for Christmas, and have vowed to never again buy an electric item on Facebook.

They also plan to take legal action against the seller, who charged £185 for each of the hoverboards.

Chavs spending money they haven't got on extravagant presents for the spawn, check!

“I can’t believe it,” Clare admitted. “To stand outside and watch everything you worked hard for just go up in smoke was awful.”

BINGO!

Not 'The Face', No. Try Lower Down...

The shop lost its licence once before under Tatlidede’s management in 2011 when trading standards officers found counterfeit wine and fake vodka.

But magistrates allowed the decision to be appealed and it started trading again after the penalty was reduced to a three-month suspension.

Well, that worked well...

Tipple, in Queen’s Road, Brighton, no longer has permission to sell alcohol, Brighton and Hove City Council’s licensing panel decided yesterday.

It follows an HMRC prosecution which saw the shop’s licence holder Koray Tatlidede, of Addison Road, Hove, plead guilty to deliberately and dishonestly suppressing sales, which reduced liability for payment of corporation tax on income.

He also admitted to evading VAT.

Naturally he is shocked, SHOCKED!, that anyone might think there was criminality going on:

The 32-year-old was visibly shaken at the hearing as he told the panel he only ever wanted to work hard, live a normal life and not to take part in criminal activity.

Well, that's possible. After all, millions do just that. It can't be hard...

He brought with him paperwork which he said attested to his good character.

A note from his mum..?

He said: “I have already been punished for this in court. I have to pay back money to the Government and I completed 150 hours of unpaid work.

“I am setting up a payment plan, but if I lose the licence I lose my business. How can I pay them back?”

He said he could not afford to bring solicitors to the meeting, adding: “I am a small business owner, me and my staff work really hard. I am there seven days a week and work between 10 and 12 hours a day – all through Christmas, new year and bank holidays for ten years. We are in an important location – I see us as the face of the city.”

Wrong body part, chum.