Well, I Think The Answer Might Be Written Down Somewhere, Kathleen...

Weekly, I have to feed six to seven people three meals a day. I do it on about £50 a week, sometimes £65, sometimes less than £30. It all depends what I have left in the bank after I have paid everything I need to pay.

Oh, you poor thing!

The only thing stopping me from cooking wonderful meals packed full of vegetables and healthy things is cost. I can cook, so can all of my children. I can’t afford to cook as I wish to do.

*stifles a tear*

Stuff I know will be eaten. Risk-free food I know won’t end up in the bin. When I have just £2 in my pocket, it’s not the time to experiment and find out whether my 13-year-old would appreciate a quinoa-and-aubergine bake.

Errr, hang on. If you're 'in poverty', you eat what you can get, don't you? Because you're hungry....

No, no. Mustn't let doubt creep in! Pray, continue...

It’s not a class problem. It’s a financial problem. We all want the best for our children. We just need to be able to afford to put the building blocks in place.

And what cruel capitalist corporation is paying you poverty wages, Kathleen? What unfeeling big business is preventing you from keeping body & soul together by not paying you what you're worth?

Kathleen Kerridge is an author of LGBT fantasy fiction

Ah. I guess that doesn't pay as well as you hoped? I don't suppose you've considered getting a proper job? No?

Didn't think so.

Humourless And Spineless...

...the former mosque chairman refused to stand up while he was in the witness box at Brighton Magistrates Court, telling magistrates “I don’t stand for anybody else other than god”.

His defence solicitor, Owen Greenhall, told the court: “It is a requirement of his faith not to stand unless for a religious matter.

“I would ask he be allowed to adopt the practice for the duration of proceedings, as he takes that requirement very seriously.”

 He's basically just sticking up two fingers, isn't he?

Chairman of magistrates Ian Wedge quipped back: “I’m not sure about that I think I will take advice on that when I come back.”

In order to be a 'quip, shouldn't it be, well, funny...?

Yup, thought so.

Magistrates later accepted the request allowing him to leave the dock before the magistrates retired to avoid any conflict with Deghayes' Muslim religion.

Yes, roll over, why not? What's the worst that could happen? They'd come to expect capitulation from our institutions?

As Farenheit211 points out, they've already got that.

You're Hopelessly Out Of Touch With Modern Parenting, Mrs Waller....

Diane and Richard Waller, from Leslie Road, Rayleigh, were completely unaware of the controversial policy despite checking details on the farm’s website. Mrs Waller, 61, wanted to take her husband, who is battling prostate cancer, to see the animals on Sunday as a therapeutic activity after a tough week.

She said: “It should be made so you cannot miss it.

“We were completely unaware of the policy until we were told by the staff at the door and we were really hurt - it ruined our day.

“We thought Marsh Farm would be good because you can just interact with the animals and don’t have to speak to anybody.

“There is nowhere else to do that at this time of year. I think if you’re taking your children somewhere as a parent, you keep an eye on them and you are responsible for safeguarding them - there is no need for Marsh Farm to penalise people without children.

“No other attraction has that kind of policy.”

...why, did't you know it takes a village (of suspicious witch-hunters) to raise a child?

"You See, Really, He's The Victim Here!" Pt 2879354

A man who vowed he would carry out a terrorist attack by ploughing a car into a group of black people and going on a knife rampage was spared jail yesterday.

Ha ha ha! Of course that's not true!

Ruzykhan Sayadi, of Southfield Park, Bartlemas Close, Oxford, had denied one count of causing racially aggravated intentional harassment, alarm or distress.

During his trial, which was held at Oxford Crown Court between January 24 and 26 this year, the jury took seven hours and one minute to find Sayadi guilty by a majority verdict.

Why so long?

As he was sentenced, the court was told the 23-year old asylum seeker from Afghanistan had accrued a long-standing debt problem.

*raises eyebrow*

Sayadi had also grown ‘frustrated’ with the immigration service, which had been dealing with his claim for asylum over the course of a number of years.

He's frustrated...?! Imagine how we taxpayers feel, having to fund the lazy public sector Home Office twonks who've failed to throw him out of the country!

Sentencing, Judge Pringle added: “You do need some assistance and some change if you are going to establish yourself as a lawful citizen of this country in due course.”

He's clearly shown that that's as likely a prospect as me going to the moon. FFS!

Sayadi was given a community order for 18 months to include a rehabilitation activity requirement for 20 days and participation in the Resolve programme.

So once again, he's treated as an employment opportunity for the public sector!

Oh, If Only You Were Something In The Police Force, Mr Passmore...

Helen Sismore from East Anglia Guide Dogs has been working alongside relevant Suffolk agencies, including police and crime commissioner Tim Passmore, to crack down on guide dog attacks.

She said: “This is an intolerable situation for people who are blind or partially sighted.

“We ask the public to ensure their dogs are properly socialised with other dogs and are under control at all times whether they are on or off lead.”

Mr Passmore added: “First of all I think these are utterly sickening attacks on this guide dog. Assistance dogs are a lifeline for their owners and play an integral part in their lives.

“I know most dog owners are quite respectful, but there are a minority who are selfish.

“The perpetrators need catching.”

...then maybe you could ensure the police dealt with it properly?

Not Travelling For A While...

Ward, who has many previous convictions, lost the use of his legs five years ago when a passenger in a serious accident.

You'd think he'd learn, wouldn't you?

Felix Ward had hand-operated rods attached to the brake and accelerator pedals of the automatic BMW 330 Sports and Audi A3 hatchback which were stolen in car key burglaries, a judge was told.

If only such enthusiasm were redirected into actual paid employment!

Mr Iain Suggett, defending, said of the Wolverhampton burglary: "The travelling community had attended a wedding in the city, went for a drive and the rest is history."

A masterful summing up, there!

H/T: Ted Treen via email

Then He Climbed The Post Office Tower And Bared His Teeth At Royal Air Force Biplanes...

Officers are said to have struggled with the 15-stone hooker for almost an hour before he grabbed the Taser himself, yelling: "You're getting it now."

Just sums up the modern police farce, doesn't it?

Go all in like stormtroopers when the target is a couple of pensioners, but prove barely capable of holding their own when the target fights back.

Detective Constable Lynsey Watson-Perry, of GMP's Wigan borough, said: "In all their careers, the officers at the scene had never been so scared nor witnessed such a violent individual that had so much strength to fight"

"Moore knew exactly what he was doing, using his size and experience on the rugby field to evade officers in a desperate struggle that threatened both the safety of officers and innocent members of the public."

Maybe they should stick to Facebook spats in future?

The Offence-Takers Get Ambitious....

A traffic accident, a news report, and....CUE OUTRAGE!

This is what pandering to the lowest-common denominator on other matters gets you - a demand that newspapers should cease reporting news.

With the modern, thoroughly warped version of 'respect' (meaning craven capitulation for fear of injury) thrown in for good measure.

Perhaps We Should Ask Who The Neighbours Were...

The family have now been awarded 'substantial damages' after West Mercia Police admitted officers assaulted the family unlawfully and falsely imprisoned Ghislaine and Ralph.

Chief Superintendent Charles Hill said: 'I can confirm that West Mercia Police has agreed a legal settlement in relation to an incident arising from a neighbour dispute in Coreley, Shropshire in July 2014.

'We have settled the claim on the basis of technical legal advice and we do not accept all elements of the claimants' case.

'Three officers involved in the case were subject to a Misconduct Meeting where it was found there was no case to answer, although the force has taken some learning from this incident.'

...and what their relationship with the three armed West Mercia officers was..?

And We Wonder Why The Quality Of Our Police 'Service' Continues To Nosedive...

In an impact statement read out at Hove Crown Court yesterday, the woman said: “I completely trusted him and now see how stupid I was.

“I felt like I was his puppet. This continued for months and gradually got worse.

“He kept me in a place where I didn’t know if I was coming or going.

“He destroyed my self-esteem.”

Just another weak, low IQ female victim of a terrible cad..?

Her health deteriorated dramatically during their relationship and she said between July 2015 and July 2016 she lost three stone in weight due to the “stress of being with him”.

She said: “I 100 per cent blame Alex for causing my illness. I believe the stress he brought to me caused my illness.

“I was off work for months after this.

“He ruined me financially. I was left with no choice but to move in with my parents, which, with my two very young children, brought stresses.”

Gosh! How terrible. Say, what was your job, anyway?

Alex Rush was a Brighton-based PC and acting sergeant before being dismissed for gross misconduct last year.

He started an intimate relationship with a lower-rank constable, also based in the city, in July 2015, despite having a wife and son.

I...

Wait. You were employed by the police, and couldn't spot (or deal with) a wrong 'un?