"Are We Absolutely Sure This Is A Job For The ARV, Sarge...?"

"...I mean, it is Hartlepool. Did Albert Pierrepoint retire..?"

Cleveland Police launched an appeal to find the owner of the German Shepherd, which officers described as "increasingly aggressive as time went on", after it was discovered in Hartlepool over the weekend.

It's good to know that the police have abandoned their usual tactic of letting aggressive dogs sit in kennels for months, eating their way through taxpayer funds, though if some poor sod has to tie them to a telegraph pole first, well, it might not save much money.

But at least it means even the most hapless 'marksman' shouldn't be able to miss this time.

And it's not a German Shepherd, it's thought to be a Caucasian Shepherd. A pretty distinctive breed, so you might think the local cops would have had an idea who it belonged to. Until you realise it's hard to judge dog breeds when you never leave the patrol car!

The RSPCA are, for once, rather quick to spot the PR disaster looming, and very adroit at getting out of its way:

A spokesman for the RSPCA told The Independent: “This was a difficult and distressing police-led incident with an outcome which no one wanted."

Translation: "Don't blame us! We wanted to give it love & cuddles but the big gruff policeman said no! Please keep giving us money!"

Funny, You'd Think This Sort Of 'Protection' Would Draw Interest...

The owner of a dog that attacked five people - including a 15-year-old girl - said the animal was 'just protecting his family.'

If those people had been ransacking your house at the time, sure! But they were innocently walking down the street instead...

Owner Theodoro Tirimou said his Caucasian Shepherd (Ed: Popular breed with a certain type...), named Simba, ran out into the street after the wind blew the latch off his garden gate.

Mr Tirimou told the Liverpool Echo : "He was just walking around the street at first, he wasn't attacking anyone until the lady walked down.

"He is a guard dog (Ed: No, it wasn't...), it was just his instinct to protect his family."

What do you need that sort of 'guard dog' for?

Police officers remained at the home, which is surrounded by a towering perimeter wall and electronic gates, for several hours following the incident.

What do you need that sort of perimeter defence for?

A spokesperson for Merseyside Police said: "We can confirm that we were not previously aware of the dog involved in yesterday’s incident and had no past dealings with it.

"No arrests have been made."

Police also said they had not been made aware of the dog prior to Thursday's incident.

Well, you're aware now.

But you'd think if someone in the neighbourhood began to build a Bond villain-style lair in a residential street, complete with ferocious beasts patrolling the grounds, the local cops might start to wonder why they needed to. Wouldn't you?

Beg To Differ, Your Honour!

Inquiries found the dog belonged to Suleman Halane, 22, from Hartlepool, and on the day of trial at Teesside Magistrates’ Court he admitted being the owner of a dog dangerously out of control.

He was banned from keeping animals for five years, given a 12-week curfew, a 12-month community order and ordered to pay £620 costs from his benefits.

Yes, it's that case.

Halane, who came to Hartlepool after being homeless in London, intended to breed from this dog and another Caucasian Shepherd called General, the court was told.

That dog has been taken in by the RSPCA but must also be put down due to its demeanour, the court heard.

Jesus wept, who'd buy animals like these?

The judge said the authorities ‘cannot be blamed in the least’ for how the case was handled.

Really?

Maybe the police can't, as I suspect they'd have been shooting this thing sooner or later.

But I think the DWP, HMRC & Home Office might be asked how a 22 year old man on benefits can afford to buy and keep two ferocious animals with the intention of turning them into a production line of ferocious animals for sale to....someone who needs ferocious animals.

Halane was said to come from a “troubled background” of gang culture in London but “kept away from it” and abstains from drugs and alcohol.

Probation added he was “extremely ashamed of himself and knows he shouldn’t have done it.”

John Relton, defending, said that Halane, of Baden Street, Hartlepool, had been the subject of some disdain in his local community for what he did.

Which 'local community'..?

I Bet These Two Held ‘Refugees Welcome’ Placards At Some Point Too…

A rescue dog which attacked a County Durham mum and her teenage daughter has been put down by police. Animal lovers Kim and Ella Robson from Spennymoor took in Caucasian shepherd, Boss, three, on September 24, after coming to an "agreement" with his previous owner in Ferryhill. The large dog was said to have “melted the hearts” of Kim, 59 and Ella when they first brought him home, but things soon changed when he attacked them weeks later.

It was the second attack, because some people are too damn stupid to learn the first painful lesson. 

The teenager said: “When he attacked me, I got told to put him down there and then and I said no. I said I’d never get a dog and put it straight to sleep. I said he needs a chance. He had that chance.”

Yes, he did. And what happened? This time he went for a double!  

The following day, Durham Police were called to the family home, where Boss was taken away and put down.A Durham Police spokesperson confirmed he was "put to sleep on October 12". Despite their ordeal, the mum and daughter say they “don’t blame” Boss for what happened.

Nor do I it's an animal, after all - I blame you two for your utter stupidity in taking in an animal of this type. 

Kim said: “I’m just pleased he got two weeks of a family life. We knew he could go the other way as they are guardian dogs.”

They should be made to repay every penny they cost the emergency services.