Sunday, 29 July 2012

This Isn’t Just Any Shoplifting Attempt…

….yeah, I bet you can all fill in the tagline by now:
A thief who stole lobster and ice cream from Marks & Spencer walked free yesterday after insisting he only took ‘essential’ items.
Unlesss he’s a member of Parliament or a local council executive, who’s going to believe that?

Oh, wait, he’s not just a shoplifter, is he? He assaulted someone who tried to stop him.
Thomas was detained after shoving the guard and breaking his earpiece.
Even for the magistrates, the notion of lobster and ice-cream being ‘essential foodstuff’ seemed hard to swallow:
Chairman of the bench Stevie Dee said: ‘Why lobster? It could be a sandwich if you’re that hungry.’
Jero Pipiazza, representing the defendant, replied: ‘The items were not luxury items – they were essentials.’
Well, fair dos, M&S doesn’t sell sandwiches. They’re famous for that. I think…
Mr Pipiazza told the court Thomas was temporarily homeless and had not eaten for two days when the theft took place at around 6.30pm on July 23 this year.
He added that Thomas had previously studied cookery at Shoreditch College and was due to start an apprenticeship in 'cleaning and caretaking' at Hackney Council.
You can get an apprenticeship in that now? Come to think of it, you need an apprenticeship in that now!?
Sentencing him Ms Dee told him: 'We're giving you a chance now.
'You have pleaded guilty at the first opportunity, cooperated with the police, and we are encouraged by your apprenticeship you are due to start.
'But we have to warn you that if you continue to offend the court will not be so lenient in the future.'
Thomas, of Hackney, East London, was sentenced to a £55 fine or a single day’s imprisonment, which was deemed already served, after admitting theft.


Furor Teutonicus said...

XX Jero Pipiazza, representing the defendant,Xx


Anonymous said...

Furor...iss 'ackney innit and of course the legal profession so terribly, wonderfully vibrant these days.

Ancient+Tattered Airman said...

The legal profession (and I use the term loosely) seems to be inordinately full of foreign names.
Diversity in action?

Woman on a Raft said...

Yup, there is such a thing. Here's one at an FE college near Weston super Mare. The college also seems to take people from age 14 to do NVQs, which is a subtle improvement on making them miserable in school for two more years to no great effect.

If NVQs in cleaning means they scrape together a certificate and a reasonable chance of a job, then it sounds like a better idea than many others.

However, some of the "apprenticeships" appear to be what we used to call "jobs" for which the traditional exchange was "a wage". If they are to be done at all, I don't see why they aren't done at the market rate by the many suitably qualified people we already have.

I don't think anyone would mistake me for a leftist but certain employers really do take the mickey.

Noggin the Nog said...

WOAR is correct; the min wage has rapidly become the max wage for large numbers of people.

The punishment for theft in this case appears to be arrest.


JuliaM said...


I knew you'd get a kick out of that one... ;)

"I don't think anyone would mistake me for a leftist but certain employers really do take the mickey."

Yes, they do. A good job market will always provide alternatives, though.