Friday 31 July 2009

Do Manners Still Maketh Man?

Jenni Russell in ‘CiF’ thinks so, I’m glad to say:
A headhunter I bumped into last year told me about the difficulty she'd had in finding suitable staff. That week she'd taken a candidate with excellent paper qualifications for a meal. Which was where it all went wrong.

"His manners were just unspeakable. Shovelling food on to his fork with his fingers. Talking with his mouth full, but holding his hand over it. Licking his fingers." And that was that. "My business is done over lunch. That's where you persuade people and do deals. I can't employ someone if people won't want to eat with them."
You’d expect this to cue howls of protest from the usual CiF crowd but surprisingly, it doesn’t (though there are, of course, a few)…

Jenni goes on to explain that exam results aren’t everything:
Social barriers are more complex, as are employers' priorities. Yes, they want qualifications. What they prize most, though, are more elusive social skills: articulacy, tact, team-working. Those words all describe much the same thing – an employee who can get along with, and be understood by, those around them. Employers want people who can understand their business's social codes.
Unfortunately, not only are those qualifications themselves often not worth the paper they are printed on, but the children have been taught precisely the opposite of tact and team working.

The introduction of ‘child centred’ education has turned them into demanding little monsters, never corrected and therefore expecting to be able to ‘express themselves’ whenever and wherever they wish.

For many, the concept that their ideas might be wrong, or not as favourable as someone else’s ideas, will be a new experience. Which should make team meetings a bit of a challenge…
There's much talk of Britain being more egalitarian and multicultural. In reality it remains deeply hierarchical. The dominant culture is that of the white middle class; the elite culture is that of the upper middle. Anyone who hopes to be socially mobile has, by definition, to learn to read a culture that is not the one they grew up with. Otherwise, no matter what their formal qualifications, they will either fail to get in, or fail to progress. In essence, they are emigrating from one kind of life to another, but our pretence that these barriers no longer really exist means they often emigrate without a map.
Ouch! That truism has got to hurt the trendy educationalist that usually hangs out on CiF...
In west London, William Atkinson, the inspiring head of a school with a very deprived intake, says that it's essential that pupils understand the dominant culture. He introduces them all, whether future doctors or gardeners, to great literature, theatre, art. He expects a work ethic. He tells his pupils that street culture is fine for home, but that it's joining the dominant culture that will give them choice.
How far, do you suppose, will those who are told that ‘street culture’ is part of their identity and no-one should ‘stifle their creative expression’ expect to get?

Yeah. Just what I thought…
Teenagers need to spend time with adults outside their social groups as mentors, friends and employers. And we need to find a way to talk about behaviour, manners, codes. Not because one set is better than another, but because it's the way humans recognise their groups. Pretending rules don't exist or matter only has one result – it freezes social mobility, and entrenches elites.
She loses her way a little bit there – we should be able to advance the idea that ‘one set is better than another’.

But the main thrust of her article is bang on the money – the progressives who have hijacked the education system and pushed the ‘no one culture is better than another’ concept have crippled the chances of thousands upon thousands of now almost unemployable youths…

Raedwald also picks up on this and has a hiring anecdote of his own to recount.

11 comments:

Sue said...

Most definitely! Good manners are the epitome of a civilised society.

Both my daughters have impeccable manners. I could take them anywhere from a very young age and not be embarrassed.

Manners instil a self awareness of how to interact with other people in an appropriate fashion.

Von Spreuth said...

What they prize most, though, are more elusive social skills: articulacy, tact, team-working. Those words all describe much the same thing – an employee who can get along with, and be understood by, those around them. Employers want people who can understand their business's social codes.

Aye. BUT without the "paper work" no one gets as far as to prove it.

Von Brandenburg-Preußen.

Oldrightie said...

Education has been destroyed via social engineering. The dominant theme in all socialism is to replace centuries of mainly decent manners and caring for others with a me, me ,me attitude that is then subjugated to a ruling and ignorant elite. Examples, please. One leaps to mind, The Secretary of State for Defence. There are many more.

Rob said...

Aren't good manners, grammar, respect, etc the very things Guardianistas have hated and undermined for years? The fucking hypocrites.

JuliaM said...

"Manners instil a self awareness of how to interact with other people in an appropriate fashion."

Yup! Quite a diffuicult thing to learn if you've never been taught properly how to interact with others.

"Aye. BUT without the "paper work" no one gets as far as to prove it."

That's why I'd bring back apprenticeships - REAL apprenticeships - so the ones who can't excel at academic subjects can still find a niche that suits them.

"Education has been destroyed via social engineering."

They aren't quite finished with it yet, I fear...

"Aren't good manners, grammar, respect, etc the very things Guardianistas have hated and undermined for years?"

Indeed. That's why I was surprised to see her column get a mostly favourable comment thread...

Anonymous said...

Many years ago I was interviewing a young undergraduate who was applying for a job to commence after she got her degree.

I arrived promptly in my customary grey pinstripe suit. She arrived 15 minutes late in tracksuit bottoms, trainers, and a baggy white T shirt emblazoned with the old familiar suggestion. She proceeded to confidently reel off a list of all the things she was "entitled to", and declared her main ambition was to hang on to her principles.

Needless to say....

James Higham said...

I've blogged on etiquette, on menand women, on manner. The world where manners are missing is not one I wish to be part of.

sobers said...

The introduction of ‘child centred’ education has turned them into demanding little monsters, never corrected and therefore expecting to be able to ‘express themselves’ whenever and wherever they wish.

I've played cricket at club level ever since leaving school 20 years ago aged 18. When you started at a club then, you were expected to turn up, bat down the order, probably not bowl and field only. There would be established older players who did most of the batting and bowling. Slowly over a year or two you would be given opportunities and if you did well more chances to be involved would come your way. Many of the older players were involved in the running of the club, which is hard work, and (rightly) were considered to be more deserving of chances to bat and bowl over youngsters who had no responsibilities at all.

Nowadays young players, 15 and upwards, expect to bat and bowl in every game they play as of right, regardless of whether their performances merit it, or their input to the club, and if they don't, get all sulky and generally act like spoilt brats. The concept of real respect (as opposed to the 'respect' they demand for themselves) for older players based on years of performance and service to the club is totally alien to them.

blueknight said...

The old adage, -A Gentleman is only ever rude intentionally- is quite true. We should all know the basics and use them when required.
At Burger King or MacD, I eat with my fingers, at the Hilton Hotel I don't.
I am not sure which is worse, the candidates bad table manners, or the candidate not realising he was doing anything wrong.

JuliaM said...

"The world where manners are missing is not one I wish to be part of."

Me neither.

"I am not sure which is worse, the candidates bad table manners, or the candidate not realising he was doing anything wrong."

I suppose you can't really blame them for not realising they were doing something wrong, if they've never been taught any other way.

But do they so lacl self-awareness that they can't look at others' behaviour (especially as in sobers' example of the cricket club) and wonder why they stand out?

Gallovidian said...

I am now firmly convinced that modern state education is deliberately designed to reduce social mobility.