Swimming pool owners, those with large gardens and those in areas prone to droughts should be moved onto water meters as a matter of urgency, with companies using satellite images from Google Earth and aerial photographs to ascertain heavy water users.You can just imaging her little heart swelling with delight at the thought of commanding all that power, can't you?
These are just some of the recommendations put forward by Anna Walker, a leading civil servant, in her 220-page interim report into domestic water bills, commissioned by the Department for the Environment.
And don't think it's just millionaires who have to look up anxiously in the sky - she has plans for everyone:
Every household in Britain should eventually be moved onto a water meter, at cost of £3 billion. (Ed: Yes, that's three more billion we haven't got..)But, you say, aren't we a notoriously wet island, surrounded by water?
Lavatories with large cisterns and large shower heads should be banned from being sold.
Domestic appliances should carry water efficiency labels, with the least efficient washing machines and dishwashers outlawed.
Yes. And don't think that makes a difference:
A spokesman for Anna Walker said: "This should be seen as a wake up call. Water is going to become much more scarce in summer because of climate change, and the population is increasing.Well, if we're going to 'spend billions' anyway, it might as well be on the desalination plants and water storage, shouldn't it? That's the sensible thing to...
"We either spend billions on desalination plants and building extra water storage, or we do something about saving water now."
Oh. What's that?
Ah, right. Of course. That doesn't give the State the opportunity it desires to employ even more people and poke their noses even more into our private lives than they already are doing...