It’s All On Course To End In Tears, Tantrums And Recriminations?

Well, whodathunkit:

St Paul's Cathedral could open its doors as a "sanctuary" to protect Occupy London protesters if bailiffs attempt to evict them forcefully from the site, the Standard can reveal.

Splendid! I mean, they are already using the place as a toilet, so why not?

What do you have to lose, other than a few more of your dwindling visitors?

Church authorities believe this is an attempt to "tie our hands behind our backs" and ensure St Paul's cannot allow protesters to move onto its land in the event of an eviction.

I rather doubt the Corporation cares; in fact, I suspect they would think you were welcome to each other. Perhaps, as an act of 'Christian charity', you can provide the safe needle bins for all the junkies?

A Cathedral source said: "The Corporation has found a way to make sure the cathedral cannot do anything.

"The only radical alternative would be putting [protesters] inside the cathedral. We have said all along that what we do not want is for this to end in violence. If [during an eviction] they run inside, the doors are not going to be shut. Everything has been discussed."

Shouldn’t you give a bit more thought to the sort of people you might be letting in?

A protester quit the St Paul's camp today, claiming health and safety problems and drug abuse are so rife that people are at serious risk.

Leo Ashford, 20, said he has become disillusioned after being there since it started.

His decision came amid growing camp tension and another activist's claim that the atmosphere is "like a scene from Orwell's Animal Farm".

Unemployed designer Mr Ashford said: "I'm going to leave before someone dies here. If the poor kitchen hygiene doesn't kill someone then the poor fire safety will - and if that doesn't then someone's going to overdose here.

"I'm going to leave today because it has got to the point where health and safety is so bad I don't feel comfortable being here any more."

‘There’s no health and safety in this camp of hippies, freaks and dropouts, man! Quick, more State intervention!’

"We're protesting against bankers and no one on our finance team knows how to use a ledger or a receipt," he said. "In the second week we had public opinion on our side and enough donations to sustain ourselves. We all could have had brand-new tents and blow-up mattresses. Now no one knows where the money has gone.

"I'm sad but I knew a month ago that it would get to the point where we would collapse in on ourselves on essentially our own stupidity."

Ahahahahahahaha…..

*pauses for breath*

….ahahahahahahahaha!

In other news:

Two signed copies of Alan Bennett's work left by the author in the St Paul's camp library tent have vanished. The playwright, pictured when he visited last week and drank tea with the activists, dedicated the text of the play The History Boys and his memoir A Life Like Other People's "To Occupy London". Today a camp spokeswoman confirmed the works were no longer there.

It was those thieving bankers wot dun it, right?

Some activists claim it hints at the "infighting" which has set in at the camp. One said: "Everyone is really fed up. People are feeling a loss of purpose. We're here because we believe bankers should be brought to account. We are forgetting all this as a few people try to control what the rest are doing."

The socialist paradise, folks. Rather more chock-fulla-snakes than the original one.

In fact, more even than an Indian tax office…