No, It Doesn't Rhyme With 'Pringle'...

/facepalm

H/T: Stephen Brown via email

Sunday Funnies...

Human ingenuity translates well to cyberspace...

What's 'Difficult' About It?

Police have responded to criticisms of the way they handled an unauthorised horse and trap race on the A33, saying “ultimately these are the difficult decisions policing has to make every day”.

Eh...? People are breaking the laws of the road. You arrest 'em. What's so difficult about that? 

It shouldn't matter who they are, or why they are doing it! 

A spokesperson said: “We know there has been a lot of interest in our decision to close the A33 due to an unauthorised horse and trap racing event on the A33 this weekend. 

“This type of action is not exclusive to this event, as with any large gatherings we have seen across the country this past year, policing always has to balance whether allowing an event to happen, even if illegal, is safer than the risks of shutting it down.

“We accept that this caused some disruption to the road network, but we are doing all we can to manage the situation.

“This is an illegal sporting event, and we do not support or facilitate it...

Wait a minute, hold on... 

Whew! For a minute there I thought I'd been using that word wrong all my life! I think a few of these might come in handy in the office, eh?

...however our primary role as the police is to protect the lives and safety of those that we serve. In order to do this the decision was made to put lane closures in place on the A33 and this was done for road safety reasons only.”

Translation: "We bottled it because we knew they'd kick off and we didn't fancy a ruck.." 

And what happens when you fail to act? 

That's right. You get more of the same.

...speaking at Micheldever Parish Council's AGM, Winchester district inspector John Stribley said it is unknown whether officers will be able to prevent the dangerous sport.

"I don't yet know whether we will be stopping the event, this is now being dealt with at a higher level. When I have the answer, I will let you know. Of course in an ideal world I would like something in place to stop such disruption, but as I say that decision won't be made by me."

Let's hope it's to be made by someone with some balls and a spine, then. Maybe Priti Patel, fresh from Conservative success in the elections, would like to step in and point out who and what these morons work for? 

H/T: I R Jackson via email

But She's Not A Child, Judge...

Judge Rupert Lowe said: “From a great deal of what I’ve read about you it seems like you’re rather proud of that (criminal record).

“You like getting into the trouble and like getting the public to spend thousands and thousands of pounds on you, your friends seem to like it and that’s the way you’re living your life.

“People actually have a need for police when real crimes take place and children like you, who like to waste people’s time, make that impossible.

“You are effectively a badly behaved child.

"This is a troubled young lady who will need ongoing help and support.”

“I have no doubt your difficult background obviously plays a part in your bad childish behaviour, but what you will realise in due course is when you get past the age of 18 you are not a child anymore.

“There will come a point when you will have to become a grown up.

“I think you regarded that (Criminal Behaviour Order) as a bit of a game to play. You go round breaching it so you can get all the attention from the authorities.”

So how old is this lisping little moppet? 

Using fake names, the 19-year-old made 16 bogus calls reporting women carrying weapons and self-harming in public.

Err... 

Psychiatrist Dr Muzaffar Hussain told the court Williams, formerly from Medway and Kent Avenue, Canterbury, before moving to Basildon, Essex, did not suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder.

Her barrister Kerry Waite argued Williams is “a young person crying out for attention and help” who suffers “a great deal of immaturity”.

As the great Vampire Slayer once said "No, that's when you shout 'Help!' in a loud voice." 

Shouldn't These Questions Be Asked A Little Closer To Home?

Bryant's family lawyer, Michelle Martin, called for an investigation of the system and whether girls in the foster home were properly supervised.

'The whole world has placed Ma'Khia on trial based on this one incident,' Bryant's lawyer Michelle Martin said.

'But why 'aren't we looking further and figure out who were those girls?'

'How did this develop so quickly? What trauma was not being addressed within the home?' Martin said. 'I mean so many questions that have to be answered.'

Yes, indeed, and it seems you aren't asking the most important one: Why was she there in the first place? And not just her, either...

Ma'Khia's biological mother Paula Bryant, 42, told DailyMail.com that she lost custody of Ma'Khia along with three other children four years ago.

She didn't elaborate on exactly why, I note... 

'The foster care system in Ohio failed Ma'Khia on a number of levels,' said Dot Erickson-Anderson, administrator for the advocacy group Ohio Family Care Association.

'It's a system that has been struggling for a long time with our image of what a family is.'

Yes, I'd imagine it has... 

Where Now For The Labour Party?

Labour had been defending a narrow 3,595-vote majority in a town it has held since Harold Wilson was in Downing Street nearly 60 years ago. The byelection was called after Mike Hill, the MP since 2017, stood down over sexual harassment allegations, which he denies.

Williams, a local GP and former MP for neighbouring Stockton South, has sought to convince Hartlepudlians to give Labour another chance, arguing that the party is under new leadership both locally and nationally. He told the Guardian last month that its challenge was to convince people to trust Labour.

They can do one of two things. They can double down on their arrogance and hubris, insist that the problem is with the voters, and not them, and ditch Starmer to swing even further to the left. 

Or...they can offer the voters policies that they want. Policies they can't get from the Conservatives. 

What's it to be?

You're Asking It From The Wrong People...

In a powerful statement, his family say Ronaldo was a talented athlete who had simply gone out with a friend and never made it home.

Perhaps his choice of friend could have been better, then.  

"As a backseat passenger of his friend’s car, Ronaldo sustained serious injuries after their drive ended in a collision brought about by a police pursuit."

No, actually, brought about solely by the actions of the driver who ran a red light, then decided not to stop for police... 

"There is an investigation into Ronaldo’s death by the IOPC and as a family we hope the police officer and the driver of the car my brother was a passenger in are dealt with in accordance of the law."

Me too. I hope the driver has the book thrown at him, and the police officer is commended for doing his job in stopping this menace before he injured more people. 

You'll note there's no mention of the taxi driver and passenger who had to be cut free from the wreckage when they were hit in this 'powerful statement'. 

Maybe they don't matter? 

Not The Most Convincing Headline, 'Mail'...

Oh, a little robbery, eh? That's all? Why, let him stay!

He told the newspaper: 'I feel like I am being punished twice for a mistake I made years ago.'

'A mistake'..? You committed robbery! You didn't forget to put petrol in your car instead of diesel! 

'I take responsibility for my actions but, at the end of the day, I’ve served my time, have never reoffended and I’m not a threat to society.'

You're not an asset to it either.  

Mr Aristotles wrote a letter to the Home Office blaming institutional racism for his treatment.

When an Upper Tribunal judge ruled his status should be downgraded the court said his mention of racism 'undermined any suggestions at the appellant had come to terms with his offending'.

Yes! More of this, please! 

Musical Interlude - May:"It's a custom we have here. This is England, you know. And this is the season for gathering flowers."

What better musical for May than this? It's Joshua Logan's 'Camelot' (another Lerner/Lowe musical adaptation), with its stunning cast - Richard Harris, Vanessa Redgrave and Franco Nero - and boasting an impressive list of awards, despite being a commercial failure. 

It's fair to say that none of the cast are great singers, but it almost doesn't seem to matter. None are dubbed (unlike 'My Fair Lady') and all give it their best.

This is my favourite track: 

I Think Cathryn Sutcliffe And I Have Very Different Views...

Mitigating, Cathryn Sutcliffe said: “He has accepted that he does have a sexual attraction to children.

“We all see people coming before these courts saying anything but having a sexual attraction to children.

“It means Mr Briggs can be properly rehabilitated.”

...especially on what form that 'rehabilitation' should take.

Ms Sutcliffe said that Briggs would no longer have a smart phone when released from prison, and that he would only use the internet from his nearest library. 

Really? But we already know how he treats court orders, don't we? 

The 50-year-old, of Tickfield Avenue, Southend, was given a sexual harm prevention order and a suspended sentence last year for identical offences.

Well, at least the justice system has learned a lesson on the futility of leniency? 

Recorder Leslie Cuthbert, sitting at Basildon Crown Court, gave Briggs a three-year community order with 60 days of rehabilitation.

*sighs* Guess not...