Tuesday, 26 March 2019

Not Good Enough For The Throne, Ma’am?

More than 1000 rolls of premium German toilet paper rejected by the Queen have been donated to a Croydon school.
Rejected by her personally? It must be like Izal!
German company Hakle sent 90 packs of bog roll to Buckingham Palace to ensure the monarch has access to one of life's necessities in case of a 'no deal' Brexit shortage.
Ah. I see.
After the palette was turned away by security due to safety fears (Ed: *boggle*), a staff member of the Dusseldorf based company suggested they should gift to Woodcote High School, based in Coulsdon, where her brother Peter Mack works as Deputy Head.
How cozy!
"Whilst it was done as a publicity stunt, there is a serious element to it.
"In case of a no-deal Brexit there is a real chance the UK could run out quickly, since we import far more than we produce."
If that's the worst that Brexit is likely to inflict, I think I'll survive...

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wo ist das Scheißhaus mit deutschem Toilettenpapier?

I imagine that Her Majesty gets a large number of gifts, wanted or not. I can imagine that the consumption of toilet paper by the Royal Establishment and its lackeys is enormous. Frankly, I can imagine that the gift would have been more welcomed if each sheet contained an aphorism in, say, Arabic, or a picture of some sort that could not normally be published without an outcry by the usual suspects. I'd buy a stock embellished with likenesses of May, Hammond, Corbyn, Gina Miller, Juncker et al.

It would also seem appropriate that the somewhat Germanic anus was cleansed with a Germanic product. There's also a great connection between anuses and the Germans. Readers of a certain age would remember that Richmal Crompton's 'Just William' was said to be 'speaking German' when he was obviously breaking wind - a Bowdlerism that we have sadly lost.

Frank said...

A shortage of toilet paper could give a short term boost to the circulation figures of the dead tree press. See, Brexit isn't all doom and gloom. :-)

Nemisis Benn said...

More people pretending to be a jourmnalist:
"Palette" or "pallet" - one is rough and heavy, the other is part of the mouth. In an ideal world a journalist would know the difference (or at least know how to check).

Bucko said...

Too potentially dangerous for the Queen. Give it to the kids

I like it...

selsey.steve said...

A corn-cob, once boiled and having had the kernels eaten, is usually thrown away. In Africa, the cooked and stripped cob is retained, dried and then used as a very satisfactory substitute for toilet paper. During times of drought and famine, the once-used cobs are rinsed and re-used, again and again.

Anonymous said...

Steve,
Does it work with artichokes?
Penseivat

Anonymous said...

Corn cob? Blimey. We bought a toilet brush last week, but after a few days I found it a bit rough and went back to using Andrex ...

Incidentally, as corn on the cob is South American originally, what did the ancestors of those Africans use before the discovery of the New World, Steve, me ol' china?

JuliaM said...

"I'd buy a stock embellished with likenesses of May, Hammond, Corbyn, Gina Miller, Juncker et al."

Marketing opportunity!

"...a short term boost to the circulation figures of the dead tree press."

Why limit it to the dead tree press? Tablet screens are washable on some models... ;)

"More people pretending to be a jourmnalist:
"Palette" or "pallet"..."


Ooh, this is a very common error!

"During times of drought and famine, the once-used cobs are rinsed and re-used, again and again."

Eeeewwww!

"what did the ancestors of those Africans use before the discovery of the New World, Steve, me ol' china?"

I'm sure there must be some African native flora that offers the same, errr, experience? Giant lobelia?