I Hope c2c Staff Are More Knowledgable About Trains...

...because they suck at ornithology! Pigeons don't flee 'the scent of a hawk', they don't have a sense of smell (were you thinking of vultures, spokesman?). 

It's the sight and sound og the hawk that scares them away.

Signs Of The Times...

Police have raided three funeral homes across East Yorkshire after becoming concerned about the 'care of the deceased'.

Now there's a sentence I never expected to see in the morning paper! 

There are currently police cordons outside the three branches of Legacy Independent Funeral Directors in Hull and the East Riding of Yorkshire, Humberside Police said.

Officers received a report on Wednesday evening with inquiries ongoing into whether any criminal offences have been committed.

And here comes the obligatory 'Don't speculate!' that gets rolled out every single time... 

Detective Chief Superintendent Simon Gawthorpe said: 'Whilst we are in the very early stages of our investigation, I completely understand this information will be of concern to a number of families and individuals who have lost loved ones and have utilised the services of this business.While asking people to 'refrain from speculation' about what may have happened, he continued: 'At the core of this investigation will potentially be heartbroken and devastated families and loved ones.'

You know what would help with that? Being a bit clearer about exactly what sort of reports you've received and what sort of crimes you are investigating. 

And A Greedy PR Manager Bagged Himself A Free Advert...

A greedy seagull bagged itself a free meal after spying an unattended pile of breakfast food outside a cafe.

The scavenger seized the opportunity with both wings, jumping onto an outdoor table and guzzling down the remains of the unfinished meal.

'Bird eats unattended food' is now a headline? Really? Have local newspapers sunk so low?

Well....not quite!

This follows revelations from Irish bookmakers Paddy Power that Brighton and Worthing are some of the favourite places to announce a seagull cull.

Odds on the cull have tumbled recently with Brighton sitting as fourth favourites at 10/1 while Worthing are deemed the second most likely to introduce it with odds of 8/1.

The betting company’s owner, Paddy Power, said: “There are a lot of things in the news to be frightened of at the moment – from Trump offering to fire nukes at hurricanes, to seagulls taking over Britain.

“We believe it’s a matter of time until towns announce that they are having a seagull cull of their own – though our odds of nationwide cuts have fallen yet again.”

Nicely played, PR wonk, nicely played...

No Sexual Innuendo, Please, We're Snowflakes!

...it should come as no surprise that people have been justifiably outraged over a beer mat which was included in “Freshers’ Packs” for newly-enrolled students at the University of Sussex.

The front side showed a woman dribbling toothpaste while on the reverse were the words “spit” and “swallow”.

LOL!

Without going into detail it does not take a rocket scientist to work out what is implied. OK, it is an advertisement for toothpaste, but surely there is a more classy way of getting the message across that they want you to buy their particular brand?

Well, everyone's discussing it. Tell me, 'Argus' opinion editor, what's the point of PR again?

The company behind it, having been challenged over its implied message, has itself branded it as “inappropriate” and “misguided” which it most certainly is.

Of course they have. As they high-fived each other for getting their product in the local paper...

Objectifying women in this way has played a major role in advertising in the past but that has now, thankfully, been eradicated from most sectors of promoting a particular product.

In this case, however, a major misjudgment was made. It was not clever and it is not funny.

'Funny' is in the eye of the beholder, is it not?

I Can Smell Something All Over This One Too...

...and it's 'free publicity':

Betty Gallacher is chairman of Bourne Out LGBT, which is organising Eastbourne Pride tomorrow.

Last week she decided to place 20 posters around the town promoting the event.

But she says 12 hours later, a member of staff from East Sussex County Council demanded they be taken down.

Ms Gallacher refused and the council removed them.

She now says: “I can smell homophobia all over this one.

“Why? Because posters put in the same place promoting a fun fair had been there for three weeks.

“Why did the council allow those posters to stay up but demanded mine come down immediately.

“When the council worker called she was rude and aggressive. I am appalled.”

Hmmm, really? A gay event, in Brighton, and the council didn't bend over immediately?

*strokes chin* The game is afoot!

A spokesman for East Sussex County Council Highways defended the action. He said: “Where signs can be placed depends on a number of factors but we do not allow them to be attached to safety railings under any circumstances as this could affect visibility and safety of pedestrians crossing the road.

“We did contact the organisers of the event to give them the opportunity to move their signs from the safety railings, which is not something we would usually do, but were left with no option but to remove them ourselves.

“We would be more than happy to discuss directly with the organisers of Eastbourne Pride alternative locations where the signs can be posted.”

Thought so!

"Some Free Publicity? Gosh, Thanks Awfully!"

Joe Duncombe, who lives in Rochford, was in the final stages of shooting for his film We Wait in the Woods - a feature-length horror movie about friends mourning the loss of someone who had taken their own life.

As part of filming, the crew had used a prop pair of legs made of duct tape which were hanging from a tree in his parents’ back garden - something which angered many members of the community after they were left up over the weekend.

Well, yes.

“I wanted to create awareness and a bit of debate with the project but I was surprised this happened before we had even finished filming.

“The fact people are speaking about mental health and suicide awareness is a good thing.”

There really is no such thing as bad PR, then?

The crew have now finished filming and Joe has entered the post-production phase with the aim of getting it ready for this year’s Horror on Sea film festival.

Ah. Now it's all clear...

When You Get PR Just Right....

...and everyone forgets you ran out of the one item you sell in a logistics cock up!

Steakhouse Chain Miller & Carter Are Winning The PR Game!

Reality star Marnie Simpson has hit out at steakhouse chain Miller & Carter claiming they refused to seat her for lunch while she was wearing a tracksuit.

The 25-year-old tweeted it was 'discrimination against the lower class' and believed she wasn't being served because she wasn't 'posh enough'.

'Come and dine with us - we guarantee you won't be seated next to a chav loudmouth.'

Well, that's a winner for me!

When A Company Gets PR Just Right....

...it's sublime.

Question Answered, Bucko!

When George Chappin was told he was no longer welcome at his scouts group, he was devastated.

Awww, his little face!

The seven-year-old suffers from complex focal epilepsy, which among other things, means he will often require one-on-one attention.

Booo! How could anyone be mean to a disabled kiddie! For shame. SHAME!

A letter sent to Mr Chappin on September 12 by the scout group's district commissioner Matthew Hewitt said it was in George's own interests not to return to the group.

"At the beginning of the summer holidays, the group scout leader and the cub scout leader met and concluded that they could not offer George a place in Cubs with their group,"

Mr Hewitt said. "This was not due to an unwillingness to have him in the group, but due to concerns over his own safety and ability to cope with what is a large colony of 28 cubs.

"The group does not have sufficient leaders to be able to provide one-on-one support for George, which is what they feel he needs to be safe."

Hiding behind H&S, eh?

Mr Hewitt cited numerous incidents where George's behaviour raised concerns with the group's leaders

"The most serious of these took place on visits to Tesco and Pets at Home, when on both visits George ran away from the rest of the group"

Oh. Ummmm.

It is disputed by the parents that he ran away in Pets at Home, who said he simply went behind the next shelf as George is scared of dogs.

 What was he scared of in Tesco, then? Cornflakes? Pints of milk?

"No other clubs will take him because we’ve been told there’s a six month waiting period," Mr Chappin said.

"I was in scouts my whole childhood and this goes against everything the scouts organisation stands for.

"I’m disgusted by this and they should have told us sooner."

Wah! Wah! Wah! Easy to see where little George learned it from...

Then just a day later Mr Chappin said he received a phone call informing him that George could come back to the group.

When the Croydon Guardian asked the scouting group to why its stance had changed in 24 hour span, a spokesman said: "The Scout Association is committed to providing opportunities for all young people and adults the opportunity to taste adventure and learn skills for life.

"We are clear that no young person should receive less favourable treatment on the basis disability (including mental or physical ability).

"We are currently supporting the local volunteer team to work with the family to find a positive way forward so that the young person involved to continue to enjoy scouting.”

See, this is why they keep giving these people column inches. Because it works, and they can feel good about themselves.

The spokesman confirmed George now has a place in the group, although they did not address specifically how the group would address George's needs, such as the group not having sufficient leaders to be able to provide one-on-one support for George.

Maybe George's father volunteered some of his time, eh?

They've Surrendered...

A Met spokesman said: “A tweet posted by @MPSLewisham at 23.56pm on August 30 was erroneous and did not reflect the values and work ethic of Lewisham borough or indeed the MPS.

“This is why it was removed.

A new message has since been tweeted by @MPSLewisham. “Every call matters to us. Dealing with vulnerable missing people and attending calls related to mental health issues is a vital part of everyday policing.”

Admittedly, that'll be no surprise to anyone who has paid attention, will it?

How To Get Publicity 101...

Packham’s latest venture is the design of a range of free to download T-shirt motifs including ‘Killing Wildlife for Fun is a Dying Business’ and ‘Safer in Outer Space’, which relates to the declining tiger population.

“I doubt whether there is a single safe enclave on earth for the tiger,” he explains.

“Maybe we should spend all that vast sum of charitable cash to send the last few to the moon”.

...say something so daft the media just has to advertise your latest money-making scheme. Lesson over.

He is, however, confident that is it only ‘a matter of time’ before the mistreatment of animals comes to an end – and he won’t stop until it does.

“I feel positive and optimistic at the moment, as I feel we’re making progress more rapidly. I want to make a small difference before I die, we can’t rest until everything is sorted.”

The 'small difference' being to his bank balance, as is the reference to getting everything 'sorted'...

Publicity You Can't Buy...

Animal charity Southend Animal Aid isn’t happy with Leigh Town Council’s plans for Easter Monday. J&C Party Pets is set to bring baby rabbits, bottle-fed lambs, baby chickens and a skunk to Leigh Community Centre.

Yeah, I'm a little puzzled at the skunk, too. Not your traditional Easter beastie...

But the charity wants the event cancelled.

What, just for including a non-traditional creature? Harsh!

But no doubt the council will cave in and...

Oh! How refreshing!

However Carole Mulroney, chairman of Leigh Town Council, said it is a fully licensed event - and would go-ahead.

She said: “We have had these zoos before without any problems at all. The organisations who bring the animals are fully licensed by Essex County Council. The animals displayed are never used if there is any sign of stress.

“Southend Animal Aid has got its views. I respect their views, but all of the issues that give them cause for concern are covered.”

And the public agrees:

...others are not sure what all the fuss is about.

Mum-of-two Sherrie Kelly, 36, of Highlands Boulevard, Leigh, said she still plans to visit the zoo when it comes to town. She said: “I’ve been before and the animals always seem quite happy to me.

“I think this idea of a campaign is all a bit over-the-top. It’s all a bit much”

Dad Alex Davidson, 45, of Chapel Street, Leigh, added: “I’m not sure these zoos are a bad thing.

“It all sounds harmless enough to me. I may well go along and have a look with my son.”

Heh! Take that, animal rights nutters!

Well, If You’re Trying To Sell A House, You Don’t Show The Drains…

Boxpark is facing claims of racism after circulating an artist’s impression of its new south London mall that apparently shows no ethnic minorities.

I’m astonished they’d risk being sued under the Advertising Standards Authority legislation…

But a revised image on the designers’ website shows several black and Asian people added at a later stage.

Only ‘several’..?

Croydon Central MP Gavin Barwell told the Standard: “I think the fact Boxpark is coming to Croydon is really great, but quite often we get advertising that doesn’t reflect the reality that Croydon is one of the most diverse parts of the capital.

“That’s a shame and this isn’t the only example I’ve seen.” Mr Barwell, who at one time sat on the all-party parliamentary group on race, added:

“One of the real strengths of Croydon as a place is the incredible mix of people. People from all over the world live here.

“It would be great if they used the version that reflects that.”

But then they might not get any visitors…

Oliver Richards’s post, shared hundreds of times, captions the picture: “According to this mock-up of the Croydon Boxpark, massive ethnic cleansing is going to take place before opening in 2016.”

Others labelled it “institutionalised racism” and observed: “NONE of these ‘what it might look like’ things ever seems to have a black person in them!”

Tatiana May commented: “How could they not have thought of this?”

Chris O’Donnell added: “Not a true representation of Croydon, but a glimpse into its gentrification. Just like everywhere else the real people are being forced out by new developments and unaffordable housing.”

And Angela Keating wrote: “Seriously, where the blacks at?”

Indika Sarathchandra asked: “Are us ethnics going to be served eviction notices?”

Interesting that only ethnic minorities are considered ‘real people’, eh?

In Today’s ‘Can’t Buy Publicity Like This!’ News…

One shopper reported they were “up in arms” about the decision to place three items reading the slogan “it was all ******* awesome” in the shop front window in the shopping centre.

*yawns*

Of course, the bandwagon-jumpers and ‘look at me, I have my name in the paper!’ crowd are jumping up & down:

Claire Jones-Hughes, from Brighton Mums, said while swearing is part of modern language it is still offensive.

Ms Jones-Hughes said: “It is misguided and irresponsible to have in a location where children can see it.

“Especially age groups which are impressionable and don't fully understand the impact of bad language.

“We have to accept swearing is part of modern language but is offensive to some and we all need to respect that.”

Do we? Why?

Sussi Lassen, Director of Improve Your English International, said she wondered if the owner of the store was aware of the F-word being used as a marketing tool.

Ms Lassen said: “I am not quite sure about the ranking of the word in question according to the book Forbidden Words by Keith Allen and Kate Burridge. But from my source, a study by Timothy B Jay, it is number three on the list.

“As a teacher of English as a foreign language I cannot recommend it.

“My students would come across as very rude if they were using this word.

“I wonder if the owner of the shop knows it is in the window and consented to this marketing tool?”

I bet they did. It’s free!

The Police, Slapdash & Lackadaisical Over A Dangerous Dog? Surely Not!

An eyewitness to a dog attack which left a nine-year-old boy with facial injuries says she has not been contacted by police – despite the force already being criticised for a lack of action.

*gobsmacked*

Xaine’s (Ed: !!! ) parents, Michelle Haynes and Michael Leake, have said officers have done very little since their son was set upon by a German shepherd dog on the Westmill estate in Hitchin on August 14.

I’m shocked. I know you must be, too…

The eyewitness said: “I called the police on the 101 number and left my contact details and was told someone would call me back, but no one did.

I heard the owner of the dog say that she had to get the dog home before it bit someone else. The boy was shaken up. It’s just typical of the police they have been extremely complacent and I still see the dog around. It’s pathetic.”

Gosh! If only you’d been phoning with details on something vital, like an offensive FaceBook post or a Tweet, they might have actually got back to you.

But a kiddie being mauled? Nah, not interested.

Miss Haynes said: “There has been plenty of time for the police to come round or to arrange an interview with Xaine, but nothing has been done. If need be I’m sure that they could go to his school to interview him, but he has been on school holidays and has only gone back in the last week.

They are useless, I have no faith in them and it is totally ridiculous. They have not taken any action and we still continue to see the dog without a muzzle on it.”

The police say ‘Oooh, no, you’ve got it all wrong, we’re like swans, we are, we seem to be gliding serenely but underneath, there’s frenetic activity!’

A police spokesman said: “We have been in close contact with the victim’s family to ensure they are fully updated on the status of the investigation and this contact is on-going.

“While we appreciate the family may feel frustrated, it is vital to secure best evidence should any criminal action be deemed appropriate. As part of this process specially trained officers need to speak with the victim in a controlled environment.

However in the meantime, we have made attempts to reassure the family that work behind the scenes is taking place and inquiries have been, and continue to be conducted to trace and speak with witnesses and follow up lines of inquiry.”

Very reassuring, I’m sure we all agree?

Yeah, Good Luck With That, Chief Superintendent Olisa

The head of Haringey police said: “Since the riots it is the narrative that people in Tottenham are thuggish or bad.

“The truth is that this area is no more dangerous than any other and violent crimes can be committed in any London borough but these are always the minority.

“People who don’t live here may have a bad image of the place but the police want to work with community to change that.”

Meanwhile, the community said ‘Oh yeah? Well, just you watch this..!’

Shock Survey Finds One In Five Shoppers Is As Thick As The Mince They Don't Like, But Buy Anyway!

One in five shoppers regularly ends up binning goods bought on supermarket buy-one-get-one-free offers, it emerged yesterday.

Research revealed a large percentage of consumers who snap up BOGOFs and three for two deals find sell by dates often expire before the items are used.

The report also found the average household succumbs to six special offers in a typical week.

And worryingly, one in five of those polled said they often buy food they don't like - just because it's cheap.

So, what conclusions do we draw from this? That there's a lot of dim people about, who don't understand how freezers work?

Yesterday a spokesperson for the Organic, Naturally Different campaign, which carried out the research, said: 'It's completely unnecessary that so much food is going to waste.

'The findings show that just because a certain food is discounted or part of an offer people feel the urge to give in and buy it regardless of whether they need it or not.

'It's false economics if you end up buying food because it's cheap but subsequently don't like it or end up throwing it away.'

Yes. Yes, it is. But that's hardly the fault of the companies that sell it, is it?

So good luck with your campaign to point out how stupid a lot of people are, and hope that they will therefore buy organic foo...

Oh. Hang on. You're not stupid, clearly!

No, He Wasn’t Really Made Redundant Because He Was Disabled…

…but I can see why it suits everyone involved to say that he was:

An ex-soldier blinded by an IRA bomb while on active service in Northern Ireland will receive substantial compensation after an employment tribunal decided he had been harassed, victimised and made redundant because he was disabled.

Ummm, no. Sorry. Not on the evidence presented.

The tribunal heard evidence that after a strike which took place in 2008 while Mr Bull was off work sick, unpleasant remarks were made to him by colleagues. His immediate line manager in the estates department, Andrew Offers, asked him whether he would be donating his two days pay to charity, while in Mr Bull’s hearing the council’s estates manager Ron Taylor said during a discussion with other workers, “Don’t worry, people only go on the sick.”

See? Nothing to do with his disability at all.

When Mr Bull challenged him, Mr Taylor walked away, muttering “Just go on the sick again”.

But maybe I’m being too suspicious – maybe they were already bullying him over his disability before the union issue?

Because of Mr Bull’s disability, officers had been in the habit of telling him when they were going out of the office. Some of them stopped doing so and ceased communicating with him.

So, his co-workers were quite accommodating of his disability?

Up to the point he failed to fall in with their unionised workplace; that’s when it turned nasty, not because he has a disability. That simply made it easier for the bullies, by giving them something to target.

The hearing was adjourned until April 26 when Mr Bull will find out how much compensation he will receive.

Last night a spokeswoman for Blaenau Gwent council said: “The council is not in a position to comment on the outcome of any individual cases.”

But I bet it’s quite happy that this is being spun as a disability case, rather than a ‘you’ll get hounded out if you don’t kowtow to the unions’ case…

Keeping Us All Scared…

Aspiring crime fighters helped bus users keep safe on their way home in the evening.

If that language conjures up images of sub-par ‘Batmanesque’ figures helping Granny to step down safely from the No.27, well, think again…

Barking and Dagenham Police cadets spent four hours handing out safety tips and purse chains at Sainsbury in the High Road, Chadwell Heath, on October 1.

And those ‘safety tips’?

The cadets urged shoppers to plan their journey in advance, have their travelcard ready, stay on the lower deck of a bus near the driver when they feel nervous, use passenger alarms if they feel threatened and beware of unlicensed minicab drivers.

Whew! Don’t have nightmares!

Safer Neighbourhood Team Sgt Ian Lee said: “Our cadets worked hard to get shoppers and bus travellers thinking about what makes them vulnerable.”

Yes, clearly you did..!