Advice 'For Protection' Is, I Feel, A Bit Lacking...

An elderly woman has been left with facial injuries after being attacked outside her home by a dog.

The victim required hospital treatment following the shocking incident, which happened outside Wimborne House retirement housing complex in Marine Parade, Dovercourt.

It is understood that the victim approached the dog to pet it after it went up to her gate, but the dog turned and launched the vicious attack on her.

A daft thing to do, but people of her generation probably aren't used to today's weapon dogs owned by scum... 

Essex Police has launched an investigation to the incident, which happened on Saturday at about 12.45pm.

A spokesman for the force said: “We are investigating following an incident in Harwich where it was reported a woman had been injured by a dog.

“It was reported the woman had sustained injuries to her face and neck which required hospital treatment.

“Our enquiries are ongoing.”

Well, at least they say they are looking into it. Though with Essex Police, one always wonders just how hard...

But step forward, local 'expert', to give her words of wisdom (and promote herself into the bargain, naturally!): 

Joe Nutkins, a dog trainer based in Ardleigh, explained there are unwritten rules to dog ownership.

“This is, of course, a terrible incident and you really have to feel for the poor lady,” she said.

Do you? Seems more like you feel for the poor little confued doggy-woggy... 

Mrs Nutkins explained there are three main factors which invite a dog onto you which can lead to them getting carried away - eye contact, speech and touch.

She added: “If you can cross your arms and look up to the sky it will usually slow them down and make them double think what they’re doing.”

I guess whether you can do this depends on whether your arms are free of Fido hanging off one... 

“It removes the green light. Tucking hands your hands in will stop them getting bitten and stops us flapping our arms about and making the situation worse.”

Won't it just mean Fido goes for your legs instead? 

“If we look away from them it makes them think we are boring, and shows we’re not trying to play or make a challenge to them.”

So, folks, there you are; the next time some inbred's savage mutt is charging at you, slaver dripping from its jaws, just look away! I'm sure it'll work like a charm.