There's Nothing New Under The Sun...

...even cancel culture:

Dr Tucker began his academic career after serving in the Second World War as a pilot, joining the museum in 1949 as a scientific officer in the department of zoology. He rose up the ranks and became a principal scientific officer in 1957.

However, when Dr Tucker was 39, his career came to an abrupt end. In 1960, he was fired for alleged insubordination, which stunned colleagues and sparked decades of speculation over his beliefs about Loch Ness.

The newly uncovered documents, from the museum's board of trustees, reinforce the view that his dismissal was down to his belief in the creature rather than concerns about his professional behaviour.

A memo issued to staff by the board in 1959 warned: 'The trustees wish it to be known that they do not approve of the spending of official time or official leave on the so-called Loch Ness Phenomenon.' The memo added: 'If, as a result of the activities of members of the staff, the museum is involved in undesirable publicity, [the trustees] will be gravely displeased.'

And indeed, they expressed their displeasure with ferocity worthy of any prehistoric predator: 

In a newspaper cutting from the time, held in the museum's archive, he is quoted as saying: 'I put the project up to the Natural History Museum. The museum does send out expeditions to collect specimens. But they didn't like the idea of a Loch Ness expedition at all.

'They refused me leave to lecture on the subject. Since I was sacked, they have banned me from the library. I had an international reputation as a zoologist. Now I'm like a struck off lawyer.'

Poor man. These days, of course, you can believe any barmy thing you like... 

Oh, I’d Thought, With The Olympics On, We’d Be Spared Silly Season….

…but no:

George spends his life on the loch - around 60 hours a week - taking tourists out on his boat Nessie Hunter IV, and has led numerous Nessie hunts over the years.

*suspicions aroused*

He now claims the picture is the best ever taken of the Loch Ness Monster and - most importantly - proves once and for all that the elusive leviathan is definitely NOT a sturgeon.

He says he has even had it independently verified by a team of US military monster experts…

Such teams exist? Well, whadda ya know!

'I’m convinced I was seeing Nessie as I believe in these creatures.'

There’s a name for that, isn’t there?

One Last Gasp For 'Silly Season'..?

...or a way of getting publicity for something else?

Those who claim to have seen a big cat prowling around the county have at times been ridiculed – but there is one wildlife expert who believes them.

Oh, really? David Attenborough? Simon King?

PC Simon Towers, wildlife crime officer for Thames Valley Police, yesterday said he was convinced some of the big cat sightings were true.

Oh.

In fact he believes he’s spotted one.

Well, that must make him popular with the local defence lawyers:

"So, you claim to have seen my client in the act of stealing a motor vehicles, is that right, officer?"

"Yes, it is."

"Hmmm, and yet, you also claim to have seen the Loch Ness Monster...*consults notes*..ah, pardon my error, a 'British Big Cat'. No such animal exists. So, your powers of observation are a little suspect, are they not?"

"Errr..."

Pc Towers said: “I know a lot of people are sceptical but there are too many reports for it not to be true.”

Ah, that's the evidence-based policing we've come to know and love, isn't it? I bet someone, somewhere is thinking about how to get a warrant to search a UFO, should one ever land...

“It’s thought to be a big puma that comes here every winter.”

Where does it go in summer? Majorca?

But there may be a little bit of cunning behind this chap's bizarre attempt to get his name in the papers:

Mr Towers has been the chief wildlife officer for the area for 12 years and deals with all kinds of animal crime – from rogue taxidermists to exotic species.

A major problem facing police at the moment is hare coursing, which Mr Towers said was common in Oxfordshire.

...

Mr Towers said: “This is a big problem in Oxfordshire, with people coming from as far afield as South Wales.

“But it is cruel and we rely on the public to let us know so we can catch these people.”

And what better way to get publicity for this than claiming something the local press will pretty much HAVE to print?

PC Towers, you're either a credulous fool, or a bit of a genius. I hope it's the latter...

"As credible eye-witnesses, there is not a jury in the land who would doubt their testimony. "

Are you sure about that? 

Settling down to enjoy her lunch, pensioner Annie Mitchell gazed out absent-mindedly at a bird box in the garden when a large black shadow caught her eye. Convinced she had seen a strange cat ‘larger than a labrador’ roaming on old tennis courts beyond her home in Kirriemuir, Angus, the 71-year-old braved the February chill to take a closer look. ‘I felt it was bigger than any cat I have seen. I went outside to get a closer look and was only a car length away. It looked big.’

Here's the video she took and well, I can only say, if that's a 'car length' away... 

Mr Welsh, a ghillie, deerstalker and farmhand, said: ‘From the way it was moving, the tail size and that, it was slightly like a panther but it could be a crossbreed. I’ve seen them plenty of times. I’ve seen lynx, I’ve seen panthers, I’ve seen crossbreeds – they’re all over the place.’

No Loch Ness Monster? Scottish Sasquatch?

In July last year, panic gripped the villagers in Brydekirk, Dumfriesshire, amid talk of a cat the size of a labrador prowling the fields nearby. Beyond the talk, there was nothing tangible for the experts to get their teeth into until, earlier this month, some remarkable proof came to light just over the Border in Cumbria, thanks to the bloodied remains of a recently savaged sheep and a quick-thinking local. The sheep was discovered by Sharon Larkin-Snowden early one morning in October after she disturbed whatever had been eating the carcass. ‘I saw something black, running, and I assumed at first it was a sheepdog,’ she said. ‘Then I did a double take and realised it was a black cat. It ran towards a stone wall, stopped and then jumped the wall. It was big – the size of a German shepherd dog.’

Luckily, this local was equipped. No, not with the usual camera with all the photographic quality of a potato, but something else.  

Something made her take a swab of the carcass, which found its way to Professor Robin Allaby, a biologist at the University of Warwick with an interest in big cat research. He analysed the sample and discovered ‘Panthera genus’ DNA, which can only have come from a lion, leopard, tiger, jaguar or snow leopard.

Wasn't it lucky she happened to have a DNA test swab on her? When I went walking in Cumbria, all I packed was some Kendal Mint Cake!  

The astonishing breakthrough has reignited the eternal question – if there are big cats prowling the Lake District, is it too much of a leap to suppose big cats are living wild in Scotland too?

Makes my upcoming trip to Edinburgh potentially more exciting!  

Is It Dawning On Them At Long Last...?

Brown to make an unscheduled Commons statement in a few minutes, according to Iain Dale.

Perhaps someone's finally got up the courage to thrust this under his nose:

And Labour-inclined voters? I could not find a Labour voter.

I found plenty of people who had always voted Labour, or backed Blair's government last time: pensioners, men in their 30s, mothers, grandmothers, small business people and those on benefits. All said they would not vote for this Labour government again.

The most disillusioned parts of Britain were the poorest, in Labour's heartlands – Hazel Blears's Salford constituency and Geoff Hoon's Ashfield constituency, in Nottinghamshire. Here the expenses scandal is seen as the last straw, and the ultimate proof that the party Tony Blair modernised and centralised, and stuffed with professional politicians intensely relaxed about people getting filthy rich, no longer understands, let alone represents, the interests of the ordinary working person.

Cheer up, Patrick.

Perhaps the Guardian will send you out looking for something easier, next time. Like the Abominable Snowman, Loch Ness Monster or the Chupacabra.

Maybe Because We’ve Imported People At A Staggering Rate And Failed To Upgrade The Infrastructure To Cope?

Scotland is known for its rainfall, famed as a lush, green, soggy nation. Not this year. Water levels are way below average after the driest spring since 1964 and a hot summer. The problem is especially acute in the east of the country, where the Scottish Environment Protection Agency (Sepa) is now introducing curbs on some water use.

I mean, try playing any building/management type sim, keep up the residential zone creation without increasing service capacity, and you're heading for failure! 

It said two catchment areas - Ythan in Aberdeenshire and North Fife - had reached significant scarcity, the highest level of alert.

Gosh, it's a mystery to rival Loch Ness, isn't it? 

 

 

 

Well, This Doesn’t Bode Well For The Future Zombie Invasion…

A man phoned police after his neighbour…

Broke in? Threatened him?

… posted a giant photo of a grinning Sir Cliff Richard in the window overlooking his dining room.

I…

I just…

James Maltby said the image of the beaming pop star was “creepy” but police told him they could not do anything about the picture – because it was not a zombie.

Say what..?!?

“They said if it was a picture of a zombie they could do something about it, but because it is a picture of a face they cannot.”

Really? A picture of a zombie would be illegal? What else is illegal, the Loch Ness Monster? Bigfoot?

And…how are police supposed to request the public’s assistance in the expected zombie outbreak if they can’t put up ‘Crimewatch’ posters?

My god! This could be the end of us!

The neighbour, James Dean, said he was “surprised to find myself amidst a most bizarre misunderstanding” and the image was posted by a “comrade” as a “comical greeting”.

*baffled face*

Nice Try, Rosie, But Surely The Essence Of Good PR Is....

...not making your clients look unprofessional?

It's home to over 200 animals, ranging from giraffes to cheetahs. But despite this extensive collection, keepers at Bristol Zoo Project have been left baffled by one mysterious creature. The four-legged animal was caught on a night vision camera in the Bear Wood habitat.

Baffled? I could have told you what it was. Every gamekeeper and deerstalker and farmer in the country could have told you what it was. But Rosie struggles on gamely: 

...the confused keepers say it's 'like nothing they have spotted before.'

'The sighting of this mythical-like creature is a mystery to us here at Bristol Zoo Project,' said Rosie Sims, Public Engagement Manager at Bristol Zoo Project.

'Scotland has the Loch Ness monster and Cornwall has the Beast of Bodmin Moor. 'Have we discovered a similar mythical here in Bristol perhaps?'

No, and your keepers should hand in their licences to work at a zoo if they really can't identify a muntjac. 

Of course, that's not what happened, this is a story designed to publicise the zoo by being picked up by a supine MSM who'll print any old press release without stopping to think how likely it is... 

To get to the bottom of it, MailOnline turned to the AI bot, ChatGPT. We uploaded a photo of the creature and asked ChatGPT: 'What animal is this?'

Within seconds, the AI bot responded: 'The animal in the image appears to be a muntjac, also known as a barking deer.'

Imagine being thrashed at animal recognition by 'Mail' journalists...!  

They Really DO Exist!

No, not the Loch Ness monster, or Bigfoot, but.... oxygen thieves!

H/T: CJ Nerd via email