Simon Simpkins was buying Haribo MAOAM sour candies for his children when he noticed the 'pornographic' illustrations of limes, lemons and cherries romping with each other.So he did what any socially-responsible parent does in the Noughties.
He began berating the poor bloody shop owner:
He told said (sic): 'I demanded to see the shop manager and, during a heated exchange, my wife became quite distressed and had to sit down in the car park.'Well, yes. I can't really blame her.
If I found out I was married to a bloke who blew his stack over a cartoon of cherries in coitus, I'd need to sit down in the...
Oh, wait. No I wouldn't. I'd just drive straight to the nearest divorce lawyer!
26 comments:
"According to Mr Simpkins, the lime has a 'particularly lurid' expression on its face during its encounter with a lemon", what a sad man... he´s obviously in the know then!
Kids aren´t going to think that, are they?
He is either one of the left wing righteous or very sexually frustrated.. how many times a day does a man think of sex?
Shocking. I'm surprised the Mail hasn't graphed the effect on property prices in Pontefract, though I must note that Simon Simpkins does not write in a West Yorkshire accent. He must be an incomer.
The Sun has picked the story up with an excruciating title.
The story originates with a letter to Tuesday's Daily Mail in which the writer deplores the supposedly pornographic illustration and its potential to corrupt the young and asks readers to join his boycott, having already made a similar appeal in his church.
If you can find the original letter, it's well worth a read; it certainly helped pass the time in the dentist's waiting room where I found myself, as usual, choosing between the Mail and Yachting Monthly.
Bring back Captin Pugwash and all will be fine.
Julia, did you not notice my decleration of love a few days ago or have you found some sientific explanation? I promise never to wear a fruity costume, maybe Batman or Mr Muscle?!?
Sue 'how many times a day does a man think of sex?' - as often as his lover allows him. How often for a lady?
I know, you ignored me because your married and already in love. My loss
WOAR I love you too, but in a differently better way. Do you know anyone in MSM?
This is a spoof, right? Please tell me I'm right... please...
"I'd just drive straight to the nearest divorce lawyer!"
Hopefully via the loony bin, to drop the silly bastard off on the way.
LR? Are you finally losing your grip or what? This is Britain in 2009 - not a sane, easy going live-and-let-live society.
This one's amazing. I know there are people who spend their daya actively looking for something to be offended at, but this guy shows impressive imagination.
Perhaps social services might want to talk to the kids? The man is obviously obsessed!
Roll up for the PR Studies Summer School.
Our hero is a marketing manager of a sweetie company which wishes to challenge the world's biggest: Chuppa Chups.
But Our Hero has a tiny budget and owns nothing but his wits and a book of stamps. He sends a series of spoof complaint letters about the packaging to the papers.
The first to cause a tizzy helps them break in to the American market in 2004.
http://justinland.typepad.com/justinland/2004/09/fruity_snacks_1.html
It's a dangerous game, though. The Spinner puts the letter as if from students at a religious school, meaning that it instantly offends genuinely religious people who are incensed at being equated with a drivelling fool.
He lets it lie fallow until, five years later, at the end of the silly season when there is no news and the papers are gagging for anything, he sends a new version to the Daily Mail.
The Mail prints the letter.
http://cakeheadlovesevil.wordpress.com/2009/08/25/haribo-carnal-encounters/#comment-2038
Then (possibly) realizes it is a sly leg-pull and runs a story based on the letter. You can't always tell with the Mail.
The Sun joins in the fun.
The letter-writer "Simon Simpkins from Pontefract" is itself a sly allusion to the fact that Haribo is based in Pontefract (26 Front Street WF8 1NJ) and now owns Dunhills, the sweet firm which allegedly invented the Pontefract Cake.
http://www.sugarboy.co.uk/acatalog/Dunhill.html
Simpkins is possibly a reference to a confectionary competitor, A L Simpkins (no not Al-Simpkins the famous Turkish Delight manufacturer) a family firm in Sheffield - regarded as soft southerners by those in the West of the county.
http://www.alsimpkin.com/pages/history
What ever, the result is acres of coverage for the product which they could not have afforded to buy.
Respec'. It's hard to pull that old Henry Root trick but it is acomplished beautifully here.
WOAR: I had no idea I was looking at such a cynical marketing ploy; I had simply assumed it to be the work of bored teenagers passing the time until GCSE results came out.
What I liked most was the way the Mail helpfully printed a selection of the offending images for the delectation of their readers who might not be familiar with Haribo's offerings.
You have to wonder about societies and how they get to this stage. Is it just a socialist thing or is it all societies?
Incidentally, the word verification is "irate".
"He is either one of the left wing righteous or very sexually frustrated.."
The two go together, I think...
"I'm surprised the Mail hasn't graphed the effect on property prices in Pontefract..."
It's very remiss of them.
Good on the 'Sun'. They must have a whole staff doing that sort of thing.
"...having already made a similar appeal in his church."
Well, that must have made for an interesting Sunday!
"I know, you ignored me because your married and already in love. My loss"
Plenty more fish in the sea.. ;)
"This is a spoof, right? Please tell me I'm right... please..."
It looks like, judging from WOAR's exhaustive research, it's actually a cunning plan by Cupa Chups!
"Respec'. "
Indeed. And to you, for putting it all together!
"What I liked most was the way the Mail helpfully printed a selection of the offending images for the delectation of their readers who might not be familiar with Haribo's offerings."
I think a call to the Vice Squad is in order.... :)
Don't like fish, they smell funny
:o(
This is absolutely hilarious. What a righteous wanker.
Anywho I bet your too young for me ;o)
now we can have a row about who dumped who first, lol
Rob, trust me anyone who doesn't wank is wrong
Oh Catholics are excused because if they do they go to hell, or so I'm told
WOAR, do you like dogs?
Only today in Huddersfield, we had exactly the same base goings-on in a salad bar. It is shameful that our modest womenfolk are compelled to avert their eyes from erect, unsliced cucumber. I must also add that none of the veg on blatant public display, were dressed.
Without allowing crudity to be given its head through detail, I must object in the strongest terms to the salacious touching of aubergines with their vegetable counterparts. Yet the greatest danger in risque retailing is to drive the vegetable market underground.
If you can find this kind of fruit here what’s on offer in The Great California Garage Sale?
Arnie, you are sooooo wrong but make our politicians look like proper wankers.
I defy anyone to object to their local political rep. at the very least putting their name to try and develop drive, wealth and stimulus in the community that they are elected responsible for. Always, as long as no one gets hurt. Imagine a genuine cucumber, signed by Arnie, once property of the state of California on Ebay……I’d buy that for a dollar.
Apologies Mike - was diverted by Simon Simpkins virtuoso performance.
a) No - I don't really know any individuals in the MSM. However, when ever I've needed to contact them, they've been very approachable. If you want to contact a journalist, by far the simplest way is to do it directly via their office or email.
b) Dogs are OK; that is, I like the well-trained ones.
Julia is in love :o(
I'll be your dog ;o)
lol, I fear this is what gets me into trouble
Actually, Julia, I have a different view based on the hysteria of the Daily Mail readers.
The nastiness of the Daily Mail reader
Is that where Jelly Babies come from?
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