Saturday 10 January 2009

I want to believe….

It seems silly season has come early for the MSM, which (perhaps in a vain attempt to deflect attention from the growing financial crisis) has been seeing spooks, goblins and ghouls everywhere lately.

First up, as previously noted by ‘Landed Underclass’ was the ‘proof that Big Cats live in the UK!’ story, which turned out not to be the case on closer examination, naturally.

Not to be outdone, the ‘Telegraph’ had a ghost story:
Among those interested in the sightings is Warren Coates of the Northern Ireland Paranormal Research Association (NIPRA).

He said he planned to go to the area with a spirit medium: "It may sound far-fetched, but we will try to pick up names of people who may not be able to move on from this life.
Good luck with that, but you might be better off looking in Westminster or the world of showbiz…

Then there was the case of the ‘UFO’ with a downer on green power:
More mundane theories for the cause of the damage – from a block of frozen urine dropped by a passing plane, to simple mechanical failure - have been suggested, but none has yet proved conclusive.

Other explanations for the incident include vandalism from teenagers, a Russian spy plane, or fireworks from a local's birthday party.
The ‘local’ in question being ‘Guardian’ staffer Emily Bell, who in typical Guardianista fashion, pours scorn on her unsophisticated country bumpkin neighbours:
"There were several roman candles, and some of those ones which are orange and have the little blue dots when they go off," Bell said yesterday.

"My brother said he got them from the local garden centre. Because it's so flat in that part of the world, you can see for miles and miles. So if you were perhaps a certain distance away and perhaps had had a drink, you might mistake them for orange balls of fire."
Her party being teetotal, of course…

Not to be outdone, the ‘Mail’ reported on our very own UK Montauk Monster, speculating feverishly that the ‘Beast of Exmoor’ had been washed up on a beach in North Devon, before being forced to report in a later article that no, it hadn’t:
So one thing was probably on the minds of Sergeant Jeff Pearce and PC Chris Tucker when they were called to investigate a long-dead but fearsome creature washed up near Croyde Bay.

Had they finally solved the riddle of the Beast?

The officers were duly scrambled. Once at the scene, a cursory glance revealed: Too big for a dog or domestic cat; too small for a pony. Wrong teeth for a cow. A seal? Not with those legs, it wasn't.

'It almost definitely looks like it could be a Beast of Exmoor,' said Sergeant Pearce, with admirable caution.

'It's only about five miles away to Exmoor by sea, it could easily have floated down.'

PC Tucker added: 'It's a good 5ft and it has black fur. It certainly looks quite beast-like with those teeth.'
Stick to pounding the beat, fellas, a career as Devon’s Mulder and Scully doesn’t beckon:
So has the mystery been solved? Not quite. Samples sent for analysis revealed that the Beast of Croyde Bay was simply a grey seal.

Decomposition meant its flippers had vanished to reveal bones that looked like they might have been limbs.
I don’t know why the media bother with these sorts of stories, frankly. There are much more horrific and unnatural creatures rotting in the House of Commons than on any Devon beach.

But maybe that’s the point


Anonymous said...

I personally don't believe in flying saucers - there might be such things as aliens, but I doubt that they'd traverse the depths of space over many light years only to bump into a wind turbine, when all they really wanted to do was beam up someone from California and insert a probe inside their bottom.

Fireworks might explain the lights, but wouldn't cause that kind of damage to a wind turbine.

I blame the Vorlons. The government knows that they exist, but there's some kind of a massive cover-up going on.

Dave H said...

I can't understand the mystery to all these Beast of... stories. If there ever is a big cat on the loose, it's just some gangster's unlicensed pet panther that has escaped. It lives wild killing livestock etc. for while, then snuffs it anonymously during winter. Repeat at random intervals and locations. Big deal.

On second thoughts, it's not your alter ego is it? What big teeth you have! There's a full moon tomorrow.

JuliaM said...

"..I doubt that they'd traverse the depths of space over many light years only to bump into a wind turbine.."

It'd not be something to boast about in the Mos Eisley cantina, would it..?

"On second thoughts, it's not your alter ego is it? "

Damn! Busted... ;)