First up, as previously noted by ‘Landed Underclass’ was the ‘proof that Big Cats live in the UK!’ story, which turned out not to be the case on closer examination, naturally.
Not to be outdone, the ‘Telegraph’ had a ghost story:
Among those interested in the sightings is Warren Coates of the Northern Ireland Paranormal Research Association (NIPRA).Good luck with that, but you might be better off looking in Westminster or the world of showbiz…
He said he planned to go to the area with a spirit medium: "It may sound far-fetched, but we will try to pick up names of people who may not be able to move on from this life.
Then there was the case of the ‘UFO’ with a downer on green power:
More mundane theories for the cause of the damage – from a block of frozen urine dropped by a passing plane, to simple mechanical failure - have been suggested, but none has yet proved conclusive.The ‘local’ in question being ‘Guardian’ staffer Emily Bell, who in typical Guardianista fashion, pours scorn on her unsophisticated country bumpkin neighbours:
Other explanations for the incident include vandalism from teenagers, a Russian spy plane, or fireworks from a local's birthday party.
"There were several roman candles, and some of those ones which are orange and have the little blue dots when they go off," Bell said yesterday.Her party being teetotal, of course…
"My brother said he got them from the local garden centre. Because it's so flat in that part of the world, you can see for miles and miles. So if you were perhaps a certain distance away and perhaps had had a drink, you might mistake them for orange balls of fire."
Not to be outdone, the ‘Mail’ reported on our very own UK Montauk Monster, speculating feverishly that the ‘Beast of Exmoor’ had been washed up on a beach in North Devon, before being forced to report in a later article that no, it hadn’t:
So one thing was probably on the minds of Sergeant Jeff Pearce and PC Chris Tucker when they were called to investigate a long-dead but fearsome creature washed up near Croyde Bay.Stick to pounding the beat, fellas, a career as Devon’s Mulder and Scully doesn’t beckon:
Had they finally solved the riddle of the Beast?
The officers were duly scrambled. Once at the scene, a cursory glance revealed: Too big for a dog or domestic cat; too small for a pony. Wrong teeth for a cow. A seal? Not with those legs, it wasn't.
'It almost definitely looks like it could be a Beast of Exmoor,' said Sergeant Pearce, with admirable caution.
'It's only about five miles away to Exmoor by sea, it could easily have floated down.'
PC Tucker added: 'It's a good 5ft and it has black fur. It certainly looks quite beast-like with those teeth.'
So has the mystery been solved? Not quite. Samples sent for analysis revealed that the Beast of Croyde Bay was simply a grey seal.I don’t know why the media bother with these sorts of stories, frankly. There are much more horrific and unnatural creatures rotting in the House of Commons than on any Devon beach.
Decomposition meant its flippers had vanished to reveal bones that looked like they might have been limbs.
But maybe that’s the point…