Wednesday 29 September 2010

The Perfect ‘Daily Mail’ Scare Story…

children, dangerous dogs and computers!
A nine-year-old girl had her top lip bitten off when she was mauled by a dog which flew into a rage after hearing barks from a computer game.
The ‘Daily Fail’ editor just orgasmed…

Is this, by chance, a toy poodle/Jack Russell terrier/Chihuahua? Or a typical housing estate ‘status’ dog?

Well…
Megan Walker was dragged off a sofa by a Bull Mastiff named Saracen while she was playing on the Nintendogs game as she stayed at a friend's house.
And not a purebred, either…
Saracen, a Bull Mastiff and Boxer cross breed, has since been put down after its owner, Deborah Melville, signed the dog over to police for destruction.
So, where was the girl’s mother?
Megan was in the care of her grandmother, Jean Taylor, while her mother, Leanne Walker, aged 34, was on holiday in Jamaica for her birthday.
Oh. It must be awful, to be stranded so far away from your daughter when she needs surgery, and to have to get the first available fli…

Oh:
Mrs Taylor said: 'Hopefully the surgery has worked or she could have to have more plastic surgery down the line. She's been so brave. She didn't cry once.'

She said that her daughter, who is still on holiday, knew about the incident but didn't realise how bad it had been.
If she can get the ‘Daily Fail’ in Jamaica, she does now!

11 comments:

Angry Exile said...

"... children, dangerous dogs and computers!"

You missed out shit parents.


"The ‘Daily Fail’ editor just orgasmed…"

The thought of Paul Dacre's sex face! Thanks, Julia. I'm now going to go off and throw up for about a fortnight.

Mark Wadsworth said...

They missed off the bit about computer games and sunbathing in Jamaica causing cancer.

And why wasn't the girl playing the game online in an anonymous chatroom with a possible paedophile pretending to be a 13 year old?

IanF4 said...

The Bull Mastiff Boxer isn't a pure breed, and the Nintendo isn't a pure computer either.

Chuckles said...

So when can we expect the RSPCA to get in on the act for not providing the dog with a balanced diet?

KenS said...

Is it my imagination, or have a lot of these "dog attacks child" incidents occurred whilst the child was in the care of grandma?

Fascist Hippy said...

Maybe Ken, but remember a Grandma is only about 30 years old on most inner city estates they days and they know eff all about anything, let alone dogs and kids.

Anonymous said...

Hi Julia
I like your blog; sardonic wit > swearblogging any day:) I'm a bit lonely and in need of some advice/wisdom. Do you want to talk to me -for a decent fee, say £40hr?
If so get me at davidb1386@yahoo.com

James Higham said...

Maybe the girl was wrestling the dog?

JuliaM said...

"The thought of Paul Dacre's sex face!"

Yes, had trouble typing that one myself!

"And why wasn't the girl playing the game online in an anonymous chatroom with a possible paedophile pretending to be a 13 year old?"

That would be just TOO perfect!

"Is it my imagination, or have a lot of these "dog attacks child" incidents occurred whilst the child was in the care of grandma?"

Good point! Though bearing in mind FH's estimate of the age of these grandmas...

"Do you want to talk to me -for a decent fee, say £40hr?"

Thanks for the offer. But I'm already gainfully employed! :)

Anonymous said...

Well Julia, why not come to the monthly ASI Next Generation events? Free (decent) wine and you might see the Devil and his bride. (It's nominally for 16-33 yr olds, but I'm sure they'd have you:)

JuliaM said...

"It's nominally for 16-33 yr olds, but I'm sure they'd have you:)"

Heh! Makeup that good hasn't been invented.. :)