Investigating Her Social Media Prior To Hiring Wouldn't Have Helped This Time...

A prison officer caught kissing a drug dealer inmate who she 'picked' above all others has been spared jail. Disturbing bodyworn camera footage shows Tracy Boateng, 27, lean in multiple times as she makes the inappropriate contact with Vincent Ojo at HMP Pentonville.

About the only time her name and 'lean' have probably ever featured in a sentence togather!

Boateng had admitted misconduct in a public office through engaging in an inappropriate relationship with Ojo between February 25 and April 19 last year. At Snaresbrook Crown Court today, the senior prison officer was handed a 12 month sentence, suspended for 24 months. Evidence against Boateng, who is from Dagenham (Ed: !!), included the bodyworn camera footage of the pair kissing and hugging, the court heard.

Yes, Reader, you read that right - she's so dim she elected to do this while wearing a body camera! 

Sentencing, Judge Caroline English... 

 I don't recognise the name, but wonder if she was the woefully progressive female judge that presided over the second trial I served on? 

...told her the 'exceptional' feature of the case was her three-month-old daughter and that Boateng had avoided prison because of the impact it could have on the young girl.

Can't help but feel the removal of such a parental influence could only be a good thing for the poor little mite... 

"A reasonable teenager would know this behavior is unacceptable..."

 "...but this is Florida!"

A Florida man who was attempting to become a cop wound up in jail himself due to his admission during the hiring process - where he revealed he had committed sexual assaults against a nine-year-old girl.

Not for nothing is the term 'Florida man' a byword for idiocy on the grandest scale possible... 

Stephen Roland Bodley, 26, seriously incriminated himself during a 2021 interview with the Apopka Police Department, in which he admitted to behavior that led to a felony conviction at trial in Orange County, Florida last week.

Bodley was convicted of committing sexual battery of a child under the age of 12 when the defendant was not yet 18.

I alway say 'the police only catch the dumb ones' but even I never envisaged this scenario!  

Do They Only Catch The Stupid Ones?

A woman’s £650,000 claim for injuries allegedly suffered during a car crash has been thrown out of court in Ireland after she was pictured winning a Christmas tree-throwing competition.

*boggle* 

Kamila Grabska (Ed: Surely not..?), 36, sued an insurance company and said injuries to her back and neck meant she was unable to work for more than five years or play with her children. She claimed she was left with the “disabling” condition after a car she was travelling in was hit from behind in an accident in 2017.

We really are being taken for mugs in this country, aren't we> 

If It Was An Animal, You'd Put It Down...

"He has a number of serious medical conditions; PTSD as a consequence of systematic and prolonged abuse as a child, ADHD, he left school without qualifications. He has an acute personality disorder for which he's on medication. He has two children with whom he has a close relationship and when not in prison he cares for them and his poorly parents."

...but we can't even put it behind bars for long enough to keep people safe.

It'd Prove Hard To Deny, Wouldn't It?

I mean...

A pensioner is facing jail after admitting throwing red paint over the Israeli embassy on Armistice Day.

The 75-year-old was arrested outside the embassy by Parliamentary and Diplomatic Protection Command officers after he launched a tin of paint at the building's front gate, covering himself in the process.

Even the Met Police couldn't fail with this one! 

'Crime Doesn't Pay' Overturned Again...

Cara James was wanted by police after failing to attend at magistrates courts.

So how did she elude them? A cunning hiding place? Well...

In September last year police were alerted to her presence in HMP Hindley visiting her then partner.

And not just for a chat, either: 

Bolton Crown Court heard she was arrested and made a confession that she had drugs on her. Verity Quaite, prosecuting, said: “She disclosed that she had something in her bra.

“She was conveyed to the Wigan custody suite and strip searched.

“They found a small cellophane wrap on her bra.

“There were 14 sheets of A4 writing paper. “It was analysed and shown to be laced with a class B drug commonly known as spice.

“The value in prison is five times higher. “It was £100 per sheet so a total of £1,400.”

Well, bang to rights, surely? 

Recorder Philip Grundy said he had never not sent someone to prison for this offence.

Ha ha ha ha! There's always a first time, eh, Phil? 

But he said: “When I came into court today there was nothing that could have saved you from being locked up.

“Your counsel has persuaded me to step back from locking you up today.”

He suspended a sentence of eight months for two years, ordered James to do a 12 month long alcohol treatment requirement and attend at 30 rehabilitation activity requirement days.

What a farce. 

Hadn't He Heard Of JustEats Then..?

A love of fried chicken caused a man to breach a curfew stopping him from being on Prince of Wales Road after dark, a court heard.

It's great, they bring stuff right to your door! But clearly all their advertising is in vain... 

H/T: Dave Ward via email

Errr, Well, Yes...

Khurram Raif, mitigating for Osanzoy, said: “Mr Ozansoy has already spent 340 days in custody.

“He has used his time well in prison, working in the recycling unit for five months and he has taken maths and English courses whilst testing negative for drugs.”

You'd hope so, wouldn't you, since he's not had the opportunity to buy or steal any..?

Natalie Bird, mitigating for Manueno, said: “Mr Manueno had built up a cannabis debt at college and was told to hold drugs and a phone by others higher in the chain.“Mr Manueno is also relied upon to care for his four youngers (sic) siblings and his family has struggled financially during his time in custody.”

Maybe relying on a failed cannabis grow thief for support isn't such a good financial long term plan, then? 

"I Think You've Had Enough, Sir..."

A man from south London who was being sentenced for possessing 192 grams of cannabis asked the judge if he can have it back.

/facepalm 

Jacob Thompson, who was jailed for three months, said he wants it returned because “weed is expensive”. As well as possession of cannabis, 55-year-old Thompson was also being sentenced for smashing up a job centre with a hammer and throwing milk on the floor.

Probably not his first time in a Job Centre, and probably not his last... 

After consultation with his barrister Thompson was persuaded to drop the question. Thompson also pleaded guilty to causing criminal damage by urinating on the floor of a police cell.

That's the sort of thing an animal does. 

At the sentencing hearing Judge David Spens KC questioned why urination is classified as criminal damage. Mr Wing said: “The offence of criminal damage can be caused by spitting or urinated on any surface.” Judge Spens said: “Not that it matters, but that seems completely barking to me”.

Really? You know what seems 'barking' to me, Judge? That someone can rack up this sort of record, and the judge sneers at the disruption and disgusting behaviour he causes for this that have to deal with him: 

The court was told the Thompson has 46 convictions for 93 offences, almost all of them for criminal damage and possession of drugs.

That's 'barking'. Still, at least he served some jail time this time, right? 

Judge Spens sentenced Thompson to three months in prison. Thompson, of Eastlake Road in Brixton, has been in custody since May 4, so the sentence was deemed to have been already served and he was released.

*sighs* 

Is This Really Such A Funny Story?

A drug dealer was arrested and charged after he called the police to report his drugs had been stolen during a break in, and even gave them a list of the nicked narcotics.

James Beaumont, 38, rang Thames Valley Police to report that someone had got into his house and stolen the drugs.

I mean, yes, ha ha, and all that. Dumb criminals. Hilarious, right? 

Defending, James Reilly said Beaumont did not accept that he had got others involved in selling his drugs for him. His client had been suffering badly with poor mental health at the time - and had complained of there being 'men hiding in the bushes'.

He added: 'All sorts of things can be said [by] the defendant. Whether any of those things did happen is an entirely different kettle of fish.

'If the Crown were saying he was [*] some high-level drug dealer involving other people, arming them, there isn't any reality in that.'

There's no reality in much of this story, actually, Mr Reilly. For instance... 

Asking for a pre-sentence report to be compiled by the probation service, Mr Reilly said Beaumont had no previous convictions and was currently working with addiction service Turning Point to address his past drug misuse.

Judge Ian Pringle KC adjourned sentencing for the prosecution to serve further evidence from a download of the defendant's phone, to help establish either way whether or not he was involving others in the supply of drugs.

Such a waste of time. Will he get a sentence that reflects his actual guilt? That's worth the cost of all this to the taxpayer? I doubt it. 

Why You Should Always Clear Your Browser History...

Carlee, 25, told police she was taken by a white man with 'orange hair' who appeared from the trees on the side of I-459 after she saw a 'baby boy in a diaper' walking along the road on Thursday at around 9.30pm.

Her disappearance sparked a frantic police and volunteer hunt which generated $62,000 in donations to Crime Stoppers, and nationwide fears for the young nursing student.

This smelled worse than the story about the 'Berlin Lioness' to me...but not, at first, to anyone else! 

But as is usual with these stories, it didn't take long for it to unravel:

At a press conference today, Hoover Police revealed new evidence that points to her disappearance being a hoax. 'We have been unable to verify most of her initial statements, and we have no reason to believe there is a threat to public safety,' Hoover Police Chief Nick Derzis said.

Detectives stopped short of accusing her of maliciously lying, instead questioning her mental state, but said they were now struggling to believe her story.

They are only struggling to believe it NOW...?!? 

In the days leading up to her disappearance, she researched terms like: 'Do you have to pay for an Amber alert?' On the day of her disappearance, her Google searches included: 'How to take money from a register without being caught?'

And she'd have got away with it if not for those meddling code-writers! 

Oh, Well, If He's Sorry....

Police swooped on a car in Birmingham after the driver was heard talking on the phone about having a gun. And when Jerome Powell was arrested he had a loaded revolver around his neck.

/facepalm

Where was he going, to rob a bank? Shoot a rival? 

Fiona Cortese, prosecuting at Birmingham Crown Court, said that on February 16 this year police were made aware that the defendant was on his way to a probation appointment in Selly Oak.

/double facepalm 

Theresa Hunt, defending, said: "It was within a bag and the defendant was cooperative with police."

Well, yes, when they are pointing a Heckler and Koch in your face, who wouldn't be? 

She said Powell had it as a deterrent in the event there was any conflict but he did not intend to use the weapon.

Sure, sure... 

Miss Hunt said he was immature but had shown signs of maturity and was trying to live a responsible and constructive lifestyle.

"He made a terrible mistake and is extremely sorry."

*sighs* 

No Loss (Again)

Two men who used a tracker device to ambush a father before stabbing him to death inside his Mercedes have been found guilty of murder.

Oh no, another innocent family man killed for his c...

Oh! 

Mr Amofa, 33, was stabbed repeatedly as the attackers, two wearing balaclavas, demanded his car keys in an alleged bid to steal £5,000 of cannabis they mistakenly thought was in the vehicle.

The prosecution suggested the attackers believed their targets had a large consignment of cannabis in the Mercedes after the drugs were advertised on social media.

*sighs* 

Judge Alexia Durran adjourned sentencing to a date to be fixed in June. A violent scuffle broke out in the dock as Owusu and McFoy were remanded into custody.

Why does that never seem to attract a longer sentence? 

I Think You Can Guess It's 'Not Like This'...

Julian Nutter, defending, said: "He is ashamed of himself and what he's done. He deeply regrets what he has done."

"Lockdown was something of an experience I don't think anybody of our generation had lived through. People didn't know how to react."

Most, if not all, appear to have made it without losing their rag and assaulting their neighbours. Though I'm sure for some, it's been a close-run thing.  

He told the court that during this incident Bates "went bananas", but explained Bates did use a foam extinguisher and he "wouldn't have dreamt of using a powdered extinguisher".

Well, I should think so too! 

Magistrates handed Bates a 12-month community order and 60 Rehabilitation Activity Requirements. Bates must also complete 120 hours of unpaid work and pay each victim £100 compensation.

He was also ordered to pay £85 in prosecution costs and a victim surcharge of £95.

I bet it cost considerably more in actual costs to bring this to trial. 

"We're Gonna Need A Lot More Men, Sarge!"

A man who blasted shotgun cartridges at a family home in Coventry – shattering the front door and window – has been jailed for nearly 10 years after West Midlands Police proved he was the shooter.

Might have needed a horde, you could say!

Genghis Khan opened fire at the house in Lauderdale Avenue in the early hours of 10 May last year – and the following month discharged a sawn-off shotgun at a vehicle parked outside the address.

They caught him because he posted pictures of himself on social media with the weapons.

So, more a clot, than born clutching one...

H/T: Robert Hale via email

If Only They'd Had A Time Machine...

...then their cunning plan might have worked!

It hasn't been 'HM Customs & Excise' since the Brown Premiership, has it? It's 'HM Revenue & Customs'..!

Definitely Someone Who Could Be Trusted To 'Use Discretion'...

Prolific offender Daniel Valentine and co-defendant Matthew East hugged each other tightly in the dock as they were sentenced for conspiring to stop Mary Walters from giving evidence at her 20-year-old son Jake Foxall’s inquest.

Grinning and nodding his head, serving prisoner Valentine was told he would be locked up for a further 18 months but celebrated, shouting to his family: “I’m out in the same year.”

Someone can't count, or is - hopefully in vain - relying on the automatic discount...

Sentencing at Oxford Crown Court on Thursday, Judge Ian Pringle QC told Valentine he was becoming institutionalised after the convict revealed he thought time behind bars was ‘wicked’ and claimed it had ‘been his life’ since he was about 15.

The judge said Valentine was ‘nervous’ about what Ms Walters would say at the inquest, fearing he would be incriminated, and called on former HMP Bullingdon cellmate East.

During the pair’s trial earlier this month, jurors were told Foxall killed himself while on remand at HMP Glen Parva, in Leicestershire, in November 2015.

He had committed a robbery with Valentine, snatching jewellery and cash from a woman at knifepoint, and making off in her car.

Foxall, who confessed to his offending when arrested, was due to give evidence against Valentine at trial and was remanded in the prison.

Judge Pringle told the court: “You put some pressure on him [Foxall] by messages, no doubt, getting through to him.”

And this 'pressure'? How did it come to light?

Prosecutor Naomi Perry told jurors Valentine called East, while serving a five-year jail term for the robbery, telling him to stop Ms Walters, of Chilton, near Didcot, from giving evidence at the upcoming inquest at Leicester Town Hall.

In one conversation, Valentine was recorded telling East: “If she gets to that inquest, I’m on charges.”

In another phone call, East said: “You want her off the road, smash and run then? Something like that?”

Valentine replied: “Something like that. Matty use your discretion. Remember this is a prison phone so I can’t tell you what you’ve got to do.”

Clearly, two criminal masterminds here...

Well, If They’re Going To Film It…

…I guess the YONA meme can be retired!

A video has been posted online of the moment a 'mass brawl' erupted outside a busy south London shopping centre.

The footage, uploaded onto live streaming app Periscope, shows dozens of young people gathering outside Centrale shopping centre in Croydon on Tuesday before a fight breaks out.

‘Young people’, eh?

A Metropolitan Police Service spokesman said: “Police were called to North End Road, Croydon, at 5:25pm on Tuesday, 19 April, to reports of a fight involving a large group of people.

“Officers were called to the scene and dispersed the fight.

“There has been one arrest.”

I have issues with the descriptor of ‘people’, frankly.

Still, it must help the police enormously that these idiots are filming their own evidence now.

I Don't Think Don Henley Meant This...

...I think, when he sang 'You got to carry weapons, 'cos you always carry cash', he meant firearms:

A drug dealer was found with more than £17,000 cash at his home and a cosh-type weapon in his car, a court heard.

Whew! Thank goodness for the UK's strict gun control laws, eh?

Dobie, who has 18 previous criminal convictions, was jailed for two years by Judge Crowson and shouted “I love you” to a woman in the public gallery on being sent down from the dock.

Aww, how romantic!

An Answer To ‘Fatberg’..?

A new criminal craze is thought to be sweeping through businesses in the Bromley borough as criminals are targeting used cooking oil.

Petts Wood Cafe, in West Approach, has suffered two incidents in the last six weeks as thieves are believed to be converting it into bootleg car fuel.

Oh..?

He said: “If these people really want to get something, they will find a way to do it.

“When I reported it to the police, they said a lot of similar incidents had been reported in the borough, although I don’t feel they are taking it seriously. “

Give them hard hats and shovels, and bid them go to it!