Here’s Another Theory – They Don’t Reciprocate

 After all, if I take a vegetarian friend out to dinner, every single restaurant has a vegetarian option, but when did a vegetarian restaurant ever serve steak for non-vegetarian diners?

Ask anyone who frequents plant-based establishments – whether they are vegan, vegetarian or simply trying to cut down on meat – and it is likely that they will have seen a favourite spot go under in recent years. Many of my London favourites, such as Rudy’s Vegan Diner, Halo Burger and Neat Burger, have closed, while friends across the country have lamented their own losses: The Glasvegan in Glasgow, Veggie Republic in Liverpool, Jungle Bird in Birmingham.

And why is this? 

There seem to be two popular theories as to why so many apparently successful plant-based restaurants are closing. Some argue that the hospitality industry as a whole is struggling; others say that the never-ending, oversimplified discourse about protein and ultra-processed foods has driven people away from veganism.

The elephant in the room that they are avoiding is surely the lack of choice - if you want to take a group of friends out for a meal, where do you go?  Somewhere everyone can get what they like, or somewhere only vegetarians can?

But, despite the negativity, interest in veganism is still on the rise, with environmental and health concerns now considered more significant contributing factors to giving up animal products than animal welfare.

But there are people for whom the penny has dropped: 

Then there was the news last month that the New York-based Eleven Madison Park (EMP), the only plant-based establishment in the world with three Michelin stars, would be putting meat back on its menu this autumn. The head chef, Daniel Humm, explained: “The best way to continue to champion plant-based cooking is to let everyone participate around the table.”

Hurrah! Yes? Apparenetly not, Reader: 

Unsurprisingly, this announcement did not go down well with EMP’s nearly half a million followers.

Why? It seems they are less concerned with going to a restaurant that serves the food they like, and more concerned with going to a restaurant that doesn't serve the food they don't like. Bizarre behaviour. 

We're Not Going To Eat The Insects, So We're Certainly Not Going To Eat This!

George Monbiot declares war on farming, again...

Moral suasion – seeking to convince people to switch to a plant-based diet for ethical reasons – is going nowhere: globally, meat-eating continues to rise while the percentage of vegans remains in low single figures in all but a few countries. I’ve long been convinced that the only effective strategy is to produce alternative products that are in effect indistinguishable from meat, dairy and eggs, but are cheaper and healthier. Around the world, scientists and startups are working on it.

Give it up, George! We aren't going to go vegan, not for our 'health', nor for 'the environment' either. It's a lost cause, stop flogging that dead horse and consider BBQing it instead. 

There is a wide range of developing technologies, which are often misleadingly reduced to “lab-grown meat” or “cell-cultured meat”. What these terms originally meant was growing whole cuts in a bioreactor on a collagen scaffold.

Sounds delightful, does it not? I prefer mine grown on a bone scaffold - in other words, on an animal.  

After initial enthusiasm, I came to see this as a dead end: it is simply too complicated and too expensive. Now the terms are often used to cover all new alternatives, including far simpler and cheaper technologies such as brewing microbes. Such new-protein technologies are the leading threat to the global livestock industry, because they could be used to replace animal sources for everything from cheese and ice-cream to sausages, burgers, eggs, fish and steak, as well as creating a vast new range of foods we cannot yet imagine.

And don't need to... 

Last spring Solar Foods, the company in whose lab I first ate a pancake made from bacterial protein, opened its first factory, near Helsinki. The transition to such new-protein sources could be as profound in its impacts as the shift from hunter-gathering to agriculture. If done right, it could massively reduce demand for land and farm chemicals.

If you doubt the potential of these technologies, you have only to look at the effort deployed by meat corporations and their tame politicians to shut them down. At the behest of livestock lobby groups, lab-grown meat has been banned in Florida, Alabama, Italy and Hungary. Politicians in France, Romania and other US states are seeking to follow suit.

Good for them! But of course, action that in any other arena would be taken as 'big government protecting our health' is here presented as 'government in thrall to Big Meat'. A conspiracy theory, in other words. 

Now, according to Greenpeace’s investigative outlet, Unearthed, a new campaign funded by the livestock industry and fronted by a former meat executive is pressing for an EU-wide ban. As the far-right Hungarian government has the presidency of the European Council, the campaign could succeed. The UK government’s support for new proteins is a very rare benefit of Brexit.

Ah, another thing the mythical 'far Right' are being blamed for... 

We should recognise self-serving corporate propaganda when we see it, confront protectionism and neophobia, and support the technologies that could be our last, best hope of averting environmental catastrophe.

We do recognise 'self-serving propaganda' when we see it George, it's why no-one ever takes your advice. 

I Don't Really Care...

...I'm still not switching to one:

Eating a vegan diet massively reduces the damage to the environment caused by food production, the most comprehensive analysis to date has concluded. The research showed that vegan diets resulted in 75% less climate-heating emissions, water pollution and land use than diets in which more than 100g of meat a day was eaten.

Keep it up, all I want to do when I see one of these stories is go out and buy a steak. For breakfast! 

The researchers said the UK should introduce policies to help people reduce the amount of meat they eat in order to meet the nation’s climate targets. Ministers have repeatedly said they will not tell people what to consume, despite the precedent of, for example, taxes on high-sugar drinks.

Give it time, give it time... 

Prof Richard Tiffin (Ed: No! Surely not..!) at the University of Reading said: “This study represents the most comprehensive attempt to link food consumption data to the data on the environmental impacts of food production.

“Encouraging high-meat-eaters to reduce meat consumption and encouraging vegetarians to become vegans should result in lower emissions,” he said. “However, it’s hard to justify changes to the diets of moderate omnivores on the basis of these results, other than to switch to a completely vegan diet.”

Nope! Sod off, Prof.  

Yeah, You Might Just Be Right, Julie...

Oh, come on, that's just late middle-age talking, surely? They aren't that ba...

OK. Never mind.

I'm Trying Hard Not To Laugh...

A popular 'pay what you like' vegan restaurant chain will shut its doors for good after running out of cash.

...but I don't think I'm going to manage it!

Mr Fernando's restaurant chain asked customers to pay only what they thought a meal was worth or else they could pay it back through volunteering.

It appears they did, then... 

Several GoFundMe fundraising campaigns had been launched by community members determined not to let the beloved business collapse. One aimed at raising $400,000 made just $3435, but another created in December made more than $15,000.

Pass the vegan popcorn! 

Go Meet With Them, Paul....

Activists from the Brighton chapter of Animal Rebellion held the sit-in protest in the chain's Western Road outlet at noon last Saturday.

The protest included "occupying" areas of the restaurant and eating vegan food that activists had taken along to the restaurant.

Animal Rebellion demand that McDonald's transition to plant-based food by 2025.

It says it will "continue to disrupt business as usual for them" until it gets to speak to the UK CEO Paul Pomroy and its "demands are met".

...listen to their raving politely, then stand up, tell them to fuck off, and walk out. 

Film it and stick it on YouTube. I guarantee sales will go through the roof!

"Their brands were still on fire and their hooves were made of steel..."

Protestors have held a vigil for...

Oh, oh! We know how these often turn out! 

...a runaway cow that was rammed and killed using a police van.

Oh. Well, that's all right then. But who organises a vigil for a cow?

The event was organised by the Vegan Action for Animals group.

Say no more... 

The force said the case would be passed to the Independent Office of Police Conduct (IOPC).

And they'll get away with it without condemnation from officialdom. The police do have form, after all.  

In a statement the group said: "The vigil was a powerful and passionate meeting of people who feel very strongly that the cow was wrongfully murdered.

"This vigil was not only attended in person by local people, but also online nationwide. We had a positive response from the local community, who have been shaken by the events of last week."

If they are 'shaken' now, wait until they get the bill, that'll shake them even further! 

Police and Crime Commissioner for Thames Valley Matthew Barber said he supported the actions of the officers, describing them as a "last resort".

Given how much it cost to repair the vehicle that was driven at a dog, we can only imagine how much it's going to cost for vehicles that rammed a cow repeatedly!  

H/T: Sobers in comments

'Love Animals'..? Maybe. But Don't Understand Them.

A couple whose dogs became severely malnourished after they were kept on a vegan diet have been fined and banned from owning animals for three years.

It is actually possible to keep dogs on a vegetarian diet (though not advisable - if you want a vegan pet get a rabbit) so they must have been doing something wrong. 

James McKenzie and Megan Price, from Cow Bay in Queensland, were each charged with two counts of failing to treat an animal and one count of failing to comply with an animal welfare direction (AWD) between April and May 2020.

When the dogs were being seized, Mr McKenzie told inspectors: "You eat murdered animals, you will never be like us — we are vegans and love animals."

You might 'love them', but you clearly don't really understand them, do you? 

The couple said they could not afford a trip to the vet or dog food, so the puppies were being fed on rice and chickpeas.

Anyone who buys a pet they know they can't afford should receive an automatic disqualification... 

H/T: Longrider via email

You Used To Go To College To Expand Your Horizons, Didn't You?

...now it seems it's just the opposite:

Fiji Willets, 18, didn't expect the topic of farming to come up when she signed up for the BTEC National Extended Diploma in Animal Management at South Gloucestershire and Stroud College.

Really? I mean, you'd think it'd be obvious from the title, if not the course outline..! 

She joined after reading it was 'great for people who love animals' - but was shocked to discover the course could see her work on a farm and possibly visit an abattoir.

Oh, well, mustn't be too judgemental, maybe she's one of those ignorant townies who... 

The teenager, whose mother used to be a veterinary nurse... 

Oh. 

...complained to tutors that she was suffering with anxiety over the module.

Ah, yes, 'anxiety'. It's the new 'get out of anything difficult' card. Initially, the college resisted, which is a welcome change. But eventually, were forced to surrender. 

She enlisted the help of the Vegan Society - who once called on bosses to provide workers with their own vegan shelf - to fight her corner and together they complained to both the college, as well as the Education and Skills Funding Agency.

Despite being rejected twice, their complaints were eventually heard by exam board Pearson who decided the college could offer her an alternative module while taking the BTEC qualification.

Good luck getting a job now every employer knows that if you don't fancy doing part of it, you'll scream and scream until you're sick, Fiji... 

"Let Them Eat Tofu!"

Campaigners want Brighton and Hove City Council to ensure children have at least two plant-based days a week in a bid to tackle climate change.

What are they going to do, stand over them and force them to eat it? What is it, anyway?  

Plant-based dishes include breakfast tofu scramble, cauliflower rice bowl with black beans and zucchini chips, according to everydayhealth.com.

Oh, yeah, they'll just wolf that down... 

A petition to the council calling for the scheme was created by Alison Plaumer and has now been signed by...

Ah, some meat in this story at last! 

...21 people.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, well, it doesn't end until the 13th June, let's see if they can get into treble figures. 

The petition reads: “We also request that all council run events be plant based, post pandemic, plus any other council run establishments, for example day centres, in order to reduce food emissions.”

Yeah, I can see that happening. There's things even Brightonians won't swallow...  

Excellent News!

Now remove the Royal Warrant as well.

The RSPCA is set to hand over its role in bringing animal cruelty cases to court so it can focus on 'frontline work' after criticism over its private prosecutions.

The animal welfare charity revealed today it has paved the way for the Crown Prosecution Service to take over the role.

But it added this would only continue as long as 'animals still get the justice they deserve'.

The CPS is an utter basket case, but I suspect it'll still do far, far better than you've managed throughout your reign of terror (and error).

The charity also unveiled its new strategy up to 2030, with one of its aims being to push a more vegan agenda on the public.

Judging from the amount of vegan stuff I see on the remainder counter, you're wasting your time. 

But it's nice to see you openly admitting that the money little old ladies leave you in their wills to save animals is going on overtly-political causes. Hopefully, more of them will decide to leave it to small independent charities instead. 

Another 'Only In Brighton' Story...

More vegan meals look likely become available in Brighton and Hove school canteens.

The news emerged after Brighton mother Jill Pearson-Klein urged councillors to stop sidelining veganism and labelling it as a “special diet”.

But it is... 

“Today’s children need to move towards a more plant-based diet to have a future on this planet and we need to be encouraging them to do so.” She spoke out at a “virtual” meeting of Brighton and Hove City Council’s Children, Young People and Skills Committee on Monday.

First, it's 'encouragement'. Later, it's Hobson's Choice... 

She said: “I am asking the committee to ensure veganism is no longer sidelined as a ‘special diet’ in schools and that a vegan choice is available every lunchtime to all children in all schools to enable them to make more responsible food choices.”

And if they don't want to eat it, what then? 

Haven't you ever browsed the 'remainder' aisle in a supermarket, Jill? Two things are always on it: beef mince and vegan food! 

Councillor Clare, who chairs the committee, said that vegan children were registered as receiving a “special diet” to ensure they were not given meat, eggs or dairy food. She said: “This is not to sideline this choice or treat the child as different but to ensure they receive appropriate foods.

“We will look at reviewing our use of language around this with our catering contractor.”

Why? Why appease people like this? Don't you know you're just emboldening them? 

And...is there a dearth of vegetarian and vegan food on the menu then? 

Eight of the 15 vegetarian dishes on offer in schools across Brighton and Hove were suitable for vegan children, the committee was told.

Fifteen!?! There must be a lot of demand...

The Greens were keen to promote “meat-free Mondays” when they first took office nine years ago, trying it out at the Cityclean depot in Holligdean. The move was not universally popular with the binmen and street cleaners based at Cityclean and the idea was dropped shortly afterwards.

Heh!  

I'll Answer That For You...

...it's not:

'Quite a lot of parents expressed dismay at the lack of consultation,' she said.

'Everyone was surprised. There was a lot of concern about whether deciding on a child's diet was the domain of a childcare provider.'

Why are you surprised? Don't you read the news? Aren't you aware that the streak of control freakery runs deep through the educational system these days?

It's hardly surprising it's now extending to nurseries.

The nursery, which caters for children aged two to five years, has since apologised to parents and has decided to compromise with vegetarian dishes.

Some 'compromise'. But unless parents vote with their feet, these little Hitlers (literally!) will continue with their arrogance:

It comes after a nursery in Cheshire slammed by angry parents after becoming one of the first in Britain to introduce a totally vegan menu.

Jigsaw Day Nurseries in Chester is set to introduce the new menu from January, removing meat, fish, eggs and dairy products and adopting an entirely plant-based diet for its 260 children, aged 0-4.

 It's no good just complaining - remove your child, and they'll soon have to stop.

Claire Taylor, founder of the nurseries, which is Chester's largest private childcare provider, defended the decision which she says was 'made with the children and the planet's future in mind.'

What was it C S Lewis said again? How right he was....

Errr, Well, Probably Not...

...particularly as it isn't actually real sushi, but 'vegetarian sushi'.

Anna’s “Fully Loaded” teriyaki sushi burrito is stuffed with sweet potato wedges, avocado, red pepper, and imitation chicken made out of soybeans.

But you knock yourself out, love.

The fact that when I browse the 'eat by today!' section of reduced-price food in most major supermarkets it's increasingly crammed with unsold vegan and vegetarian marked stuff should be no bar to your schemes.

But You'll Face It For What You Really Did....

An outspoken vegan activist says she should not have faced arrest for protesting against “fascism and animal exploitation”.

So, was that why she was arrested? Because protesting isn't a crime...

Dylan Roffey, 24, was convicted of criminal damage after smearing fake blood during a protest at McDonald’s in London Road, Brighton.

Two weeks earlier, she was found guilty of confronting a woman at Brighton railway station and spitting in the woman’s face in a row over a fur coat.

Ah. Those are. As she found out.

She was found guilty of assault, and then guilty of criminal damage by District Judge Amanda Kelly.

...Roffey has been sentenced to 210 hours of unpaid community service. She must also pay a total of £750 court costs, £200 in compensation, and £170 for victim surcharges.

Out of her well-paying job as....errr....hmmm....

Only In Brighton...

A vegan pirate will be teaching scallywags to cook and eat their greens.

*blinks*

Captain James Tea Cook, whose real name is Tony Bishop Weston, is to host healthy cooking workshops at VegfestUK Brighton later this month.

The award-winning vegan chef will be teaching children under 16 about essential nutrition and vitamins. Mr Weston said: “I dress as a pirate and as the Mad Hatter because children are more responsive if I host workshops as different characters.”

These kids must be a hell of a lot 'under 16' then! Like, five...

“I will be teaching children about the five fundamental rules for health.

“These include eating food with essential fats, five portions of vegetables, drinking water and staying active.

“I will also educate them about which foods to eat. For example, white flour is not healthy because when processed it loses 20 types of vitamins and minerals so we should try to eat food made from brown flour instead.

“Children can learn which ingredients they can use to cook healthy meals. For example, they can include chia or flax seeds in their food.”

Sure. They can. But who wants to?

Arguing With Vegans....

....just don't do it. It's not worth the effort.

Maybe Gentrification Has Drawbacks After All...

...sounds, errr, delightful.

You Can't Buy Advertising This Good!

Pip’s Original Doughnuts & Chai claimed to be offering the “best job in Portland” when it published an advert looking for up to two “part time folks”.

But the Oregon outlet warned interested people they would not be suitable if they had any “non-medical, non-religious dietary restrictions”.

Seems reasonable. Who could possibly obj...

Oh.

...some customers in Orgeon, recently voted America’s most vegan-friendly city by animal rights group PETA, slammed the advert and accused the shop of discrimination.

*baffled face*

Iva Helzer wrote on the store’s Facebook page: “Won't return now that I know you discriminate against vegetarians in your hiring practices!

“We are good enough to buy your products, in my case near daily, but not okay to work there.”

I suggest a new slogan: 'Come to Pip's - Guaranteed Irritating Vegan-Free!'

He wrote on Facebook: “After receiving as much hate email as we have in the last two days I'm more steadfast and sure of our position than ever.

“I'd rather have the freedom to run my business in a way that is both lawful and representative of my own hard-earned right of choice than capitulate to bullying, fear tactics and intimidation.”

I wish I was in Oregon. I'd buy your stuff, and I don't even like ghastly American doughnuts (sugar-dusted ring doughnut only, no jam, never sprinkles).

Proof, As If It Were Needed....

...that some people just feel the need to punish themselves:

I’m a level one gal in a level 12 world, but I’m scraping by. I time my dodges carefully, angling just right to catch the boss as he lunges where I’m no longer standing. Then I jump back, down an estus flask and restore my health, staying a whisker out of reach. But this time I’ve miscalculated. I’m not quite far enough away. The game forces me to watch as my outmatched, under-levelled character meets the business end of an axe in a frustratingly long cinematic sequence. “YOU DIED,” the screen glares. Yeah, I know.

I start again, this time favouring the monster’s unarmed side. And again, attempting an ultimately futile parry/riposte combo. Each time, the screen fades out and I’m met with that message. “YOU DIED.”

Eventually, I start to see those words whenever I shut my eyes. I’m getting dangerously close to going back on the rules I’ve set for myself this playthrough: that I must use the weakest character the game has, and that I’m not allowed to level her up. Ever.

My character, who I call Soul Level One Sally, will remain the mostly pathetic creature in Lothric for the entire game, and I’ll be seeing “YOU DIED” a lot.

And...this is supposed to be fun? Relaxation? Don't you have anything else to do?

Before I give in to this temptation to renege, the oven timer dings and I’m freed to tend to a completely different, yet weirdly related task: my latest round of egg-and-dairy-free donuts.

Ah. I think I see now.

Why do we do this? It’s fun to find games within games, and the players who undertake these challenges choose to make the games they love not just more difficult but more personal by setting themselves up with extra rules. It might seem counterintuitive, but constraints add to the pleasure – and it’s this philosophy, learned from games, that led me to the ultimate culinary challenge run: veganism.

Vegans, folks. Masochists, all...