Friday 9 July 2010

Keystone Cops: Northumbria Edition

It's really hard to see who's making a bigger laughing stock of the police at the moment.

Is it Raoul Moat himself, inspiration for a hundred jokes and a very entertaining Twitter account (until Twitter suspended it)?

Is it acting Chief Constable Sue Sim? A ghastly advert for promoting females regardless of ability merely to meet diversity targets, she's barely able to string words together when they've been written for her by someone competent, and thankfully, someone at ACPO has finally twigged and relegated her to a supporting role in press conferences.

Or is it the dimwit from the armed response team that, after frightening the living daylights out of an innocent couple because someone told them Moat was hiding at their house, left a clip containing 20 copper-tipped 5.56 calibre bullets behind?
Northumbria Police were alerted to the security scare and a spokesman promised a full investigation into the matter.

'We will fully investigate the circumstances,' he said.
Maybe you'll discover it fell out of his Quality Street tin...

11 comments:

Chuckles said...

Or is it that EVERYTHING they have done so far is pure theatre, and has nothing to do with effective policing.
They are more concerned in showing how effective they appear to be, no matter the cost, than in actually being effective.
Inevitably, all they demonstrate is their utter incompetence, the salient feature of most policing in the UK today.

Dave Sparrow said...

Sorry if this has already been mentioned, but it's just struck me where I've seen acting Chief Constable Sue Sim before. Could be a bit before your time, but here's a picture of the character from the early 80's cartoon Crystal Tipps and Alistair.

http://i186.photobucket.com/albums/x93/midwichcukoos/crystal-tipps-and-alistair.jpg

MTG said...

Even the great Mack Sennett would not have funded a movie based on these capers.

It certainly is the script to die for - if you happen to be a Hammer executive or just Mr Average Camper.

patently said...

Sue Sim is a woman??

I saw footage of the press conference and immediately assumed Sim had been promoted in order to maintain the numbers of transvestites in senior ranks.

Trevor said...

'I saw footage...and immediately assumed... promoted in order to maintain the numbers of transvestites in senior ranks.'

She is a travesty rather than a tranny. Easy mistake to make.

RAB said...

Sim is Ashes to Ashes in reverse isn't she?
She has emerged in 2010 straight from the 70s with the Worzel Gummage hair and that dreadful silver eyeliner, unable to string a coherent sentence together.

But have you heard the latest? They are using a Tornado with special heat searching devices no less to seek out a bloke who looks like a cross between the Incredible Hulk and Shrek (just a little bit stand out in a crowdish then) that all the Swat teams in Great Britain cant find. Well they wont do will they, if they are guarding the Bakers shop for some inexplicable reason!

What next, Madam Sim announces that it is with great reluctance that we have decided to destroy the village of Rothbury in order to save it. So as of 0.400 gmt tomorrow the entire area will be carpet bombed by B52s.

MTG said...

Police should be excused any understandable reluctance to consider a humiliating surrender, whilst History braces itself for the shame of recording a War with One Man that cost squillions.

Thus we await the inevitable announcement form police to Press....'Being the only way to be sure, we have decided to nuke Northumbria from orbit.'

Anonymous said...

Someone has described this as "theatre". It certainly looks that way to me. I live in Northumberland, and I don't reckon the police have much idea where this guy is, or even whether he has other associates with him. Their decisions look far too arbitrary, and there is far too much advice getting broadcast about how he could conceal himself from Infra Red surveillance, and put tracker dogs off his scent.

Monty

Pavlov's Cat said...

yeah, yeah keystone cops etc.

What got me was the 'Bullets left in a child’s bedroom' hysteria.

They're bullets for fecks sake unless the child has been using a semi-automatic weapon as a mobile or intends to perhaps clamp one in a vice and place a nail and hit it with a hammer(don't ask) they are pretty harmless unless the little shit swallows one.

What intrigues me, is that standard issue Police weapons are 9mm both hand guns and SMG's, the only thing I can find that would have a 20 round magazine of 5.56mm ammo used by forces in the UK is an SA80, standard infantry weapon for UK forces.

So do we have soldiers running around the countryside dressed as policemen?

I'm sure someone will correct my assumption (I hope)

Anonymous said...

Police are now gradually being issued a 5.56 H&K G36 carbine, in some forces, to eventually replace the MP5.

JuliaM said...

"Or is it that EVERYTHING they have done so far is pure theatre, and has nothing to do with effective policing."

Rerading the comments at the police blogs has been very illuminating...

"Could be a bit before your time..."

Awww, bless you! Sadly, no, it isn't! :)


"Sue Sim is a woman??"

The only reason, I suspect, for her to be in that position at all...

"But have you heard the latest? They are using a Tornado with special heat searching devices no less to seek out a bloke who looks like a cross between the Incredible Hulk and Shrek..."

Given it now seems he was in an empty house in the town all along, spectacularly useless.

Oh, well. I guess the RAF can use the training opportunity...

"Thus we await the inevitable announcement form police to Press....'Being the only way to be sure, we have decided to nuke Northumbria from orbit.'"

:D

"I live in Northumberland, and I don't reckon the police have much idea where this guy is.."

Events certainly bore that out, didn't they?

"What got me was the 'Bullets left in a child’s bedroom' hysteria.

They're bullets for fecks sake unless the child has been using a semi-automatic weapon as a mobile or intends to perhaps clamp one in a vice and place a nail and hit it with a hammer(don't ask) they are pretty harmless unless the little shit swallows one. "


Maybe he can just throw things really, really fast..? ;)