" The message has got to be..."

"...Tam Fry, go forth and multiply!"

Tam Fry, of the National Obesity Forum, described the rising tide of obesity among pensioners as ‘dramatic’.

He said: ‘This statistic should really make the NHS sit up and think. When we think about pensioners and health, we tend to think of the little old lady starving in a hospital bed because no one is feeding her.

‘But now we are starting to see that it’s about fat elderly women as well. And the sad conclusion is that pensioners really need to take more responsibility for their health.’

Really? I've reached a different conclusion.

It's that we need to stop allowing this ghastly little homunculus to gorge himself on our taxes...

Mr Fry said obesity was so high among the elderly because they tend to be poorer than working-age people, as they have to rely on meagre pensions.

‘If you have less disposable income, you rely on cheaper foods; and these tend to be processed with high levels of sugar and salt,’ he said. ‘They are also less likely to do exercise.

‘The bigger you become, the weaker you are, making exercise more difficult, quite apart from their increasing age. The message has got to be: pensioners, you have got to try harder to keep yourself in shape. It’s a clarion call.’

I fear for little Fry should he ever advance that policy at my mother's active elderly club. Most of the ladies there (and a fair few of the men) are built like sparrows, but they wield a mean handbag...