Cambridgeshire police have been briefed to roll out their latest crime fighting initiative...Tasers? Drones? Drones with Tasers?
The move is the brainchild of crime reduction officer Sue Loaker who launched the project to help young men and women get regular access to toiletries and sanitary items and pants.
Called Sue's Essentials, the scheme wants to spare deprived youngsters' blushes and prevent bullying which can then lead to offending as they can end up shoplifting to obtain the hygiene essentials.Really? Yeah, well, I suppose they have to come up with some excuse why you've been collared bang to rights with 10 cans of Lynx up your jumper.
And it doesn't even really need to be a good one these days, does it?
The officer said: "We recognise that unfortunately there are some people who are struggling to get regular access to toiletries, sanitary items, and underwear – items that very often most of us take for granted.
"A lack of access to the most basic of items not only causes discomfort but can also lead to embarrassment and bullying.
"This can cause low self-esteem and in the worst cases we have seen young people resorting to crime in order to try and get hold of these items."How many cases? How many proven to be caused by 'poverty'? Be specific.
Chief Inspector Donna Wass said: "We know that when times are hard financially, poverty can push people towards criminal behaviours in extreme cases.
"We want to do everything that we can to avoid criminalising people – particularly young people – in hardship, and this initiative from Sue is part of a compassionate response to that."This woman is a Chief Inspector? Good grief! Why go into the police farce to 'avoid criminalising people'..?
I detect the hidden hand of Common Purpose in this...
I thought going commando was often a favoured dress style of chav girls...
This is madness. If people are desperately poor (ie homeless), there are charities that will supply them with these goods as well as food.
When did the police become a social welfare agency?
You are discounting the possibility that it might just be Sue Loaker going off on a frolick of her own?
I am not sure that even Common Purpose would come up with the idea of asking Ely Police station to take in unwanted underwear. I suppose it is a novel way to paralyse the forces of law'n'order by burying them under a pile of mismatched thongs and underwired bras.
Are these your drawers, Madam? No, officer, I am donating them from a friend that some unfortunate young person may perhaps re-fit the wing on a windsurf board.
Look on the bright side, there will be no shortage of dressing-up gear at the next police ball, and no need to borrow the missus's scanties.
It might help if they put GPS trackers in them, at least they would be able to pick them up quickly.
Perhaps more appropriate to give directions to Lidl, Aldi or pound shops for toiletries and Primark or Matalan for underwear?
Perfectly adequate products at comparative prices that the genuinely poor could only have dreamed of a generation or two ago.
Folk who nick smellys and razors from Boots don't do it because they need them, they sell that stuff to but drugs.
Reminds me of one in our local Telegraph - "He sold the items to buy food because he was hungry". Why didn't he just nick food?
"I detect the hidden hand of Common Purpose in this..."
Regrettably, not so hidden anymore: their contempt for the rest of us grows.
I would suggest Sue is seeking promotion on the Community Policing ladder rather than dealing with crime. No doubt she will be a Superintendent in charge of Diversity before long. Sorry, Sue, your idea is pants!
I'm thinking of turning to crime because I find I don't have as much cash as I want. I could be convinced not to turn to a life of crime by being given some cash.
Thanking you in advance.
I can just see them now, hanging round McDonald's, trousers halfway down their arses displaying their Plodpants instead of the usual (probably stolen) Calvin Klein's and Giorgio Armani's they normally sport. Yeah, no embarrassment from that.
Is there room to stash a truncheon in the undies?
"I thought going commando was often a favoured dress style of chav girls..."
*blinks in horror*
"When did the police become a social welfare agency?"
When they became a 'service', rather than a force?
"You are discounting the possibility that it might just be Sue Loaker going off on a frolick of her own? "
With the backing of the police top brass?
"It might help if they put GPS trackers in them, at least they would be able to pick them up quickly."
Bravo! A plan so cunning you could stick a tail on it and call it a weasel. ;)
"Folk who nick smellys and razors from Boots don't do it because they need them, they sell that stuff to but drugs."
Indeed, I've also heard the excuse used for meat thieves. But who buys their Sunday joint (no, not that sort!) from a man in the pub?
"No doubt she will be a Superintendent in charge of Diversity before long. Sorry, Sue, your idea is pants!"
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