Saturday 2 July 2016

Science, Bitches!

Michelle Jefferies, director of resources at the Farnworth school, said: "The idea of ‘Blueberry Breakfast’ was first suggested by Mr Roach our executive headteacher.
"His science teacher routes (sic) have never left him and he had read an article in relation to the positive effects of blueberries on both concentration and memory.
"The European Journal of Nutrition attributed high levels of anthocyanins — brain boosting organic compounds— in blueberries to enhanced cognition in children."
Did it say the effect kicked in an hour after scoffing a bowlful, then?
Bradley Blackburn, in year 11, said: "I’m definitely coming in early tomorrow for breakfast.
"I think it’s a great idea by school and helps us all to feel positive and confident before our exams."
Classmate Talia Barton added: "Even if it doesn’t taste like my favourite drink I will still drink it if it helps me focus in my exam."
Meanwhile, in Dundee:
Headmistress Gillian Knox sent pupils home with a letter saying: ‘Red is often used to energise body and mind, and some research indicates that it can increase heart and breathing rates. [This is] not the calm, relaxed learning state we hope to achieve.
‘A recent study linked red to impaired performance on achievement tasks.
‘Our staff feel that red needs to remain a key element of our uniform but that it would be best used in small amounts, for example, in our school tie.’
What next, voodoo..?

7 comments:

Antisthenes said...

Certain foods do have beneficial effects. Carrots do improve night vision for instance. To eat sensibly is the only criteria not to target specific products that is totally unjustified and smacks of a bizarre and obsessive mind set. No harm in making information available on what food products have what attributes. However there is some danger in that as too much reliance can be made on what is recommended as being particularly beneficial (carrots good but not going to substitute for a torch how many you eat). Also what is believed one day to be bad or good for you is not necessarily going to be true when more data is gathered or other research throws up different results.

Quite often such advice is not gained from empirical observation but from anecdotal evidence or myth. The five a day for instance was born out of Californian fruit and vegetable growers need to sell more. They just coined the phrase that five a day was good for you and sales rocketed only for it to be hijacked by health freaks.

Woman on a Raft said...

Ah, beautiful Dundee. I do recommend it, especially if you like Skandi Noir colouring. Dundee is granite grey sloping down to the silv'ry Tay. It is all the colours of water and rock, but because of the way the sunlight travels along the river it tends to bleach out the stronger blues and yellows.

This means any splash of colour seems too strong, garish. Even black rims, such as on iron or window frames, is too pushy. The black rimmed spectacles so beloved of hipsters is cartoonish, which is just about tolerable in the home town of the Beano.

The head has not expressed it very well but visually she is right; a touch of red is fine, like the hoops on Dennis the Menace's jersey, but too much of it looks over-bearing.

ivan said...

It has to be anything but actual teaching of real subjects.

Teachers appear to be trying to see how low they can go - not very good for the nation.

Ed P said...

"Education" by modern teachers has become just preparing the little darlings for a life of state-dependency. Hopefully the after-effects of Brexit will soon filter down to these CP pondlife and force them to teach again.

Flaxen Saxon said...

This sort of pseudo-babble is the reason I like burning stuff. Once the crystal healers start taking classes, that is the day Western Civilisation comes to an official end.

Lynne at Counting Cats said...

If they are going to reduce the amount of red in the classroom where does that leave members of the NUT? Does that mean they'll recruit much shorter people?

JuliaM said...

"To eat sensibly is the only criteria..."

Well, quite. But 'sensibly' seems to be a word lacking from so many people's vocabularies these days.

"...in the home town of the Beano. "

I didn't know that!

"Teachers appear to be trying to see how low they can go..."

I get the distinct feeling they haven't hit rock bottom yet, too...

"Hopefully the after-effects of Brexit will soon filter down to these CP pondlife and force them to teach again."

The signs aren't encouraging, are they?

"Once the crystal healers start taking classes, that is the day Western Civilisation comes to an official end."

I think it's in its death throes already.

"If they are going to reduce the amount of red in the classroom where does that leave members of the NUT? "

LOL!