A gang of robbers are using a bat preservation area to attack their victims - because it allows them to strike in the dark.Just fantastic…
The knife-wielding robbers have struck 14 times in the past two months on a canal towpath which has limited lighting to ensure bats living there aren't scared off.Unlike the residents…
This being the ‘Fail’, they felt a need to cater for the lowest-common denominator:
Bats are nocturnal creatures…Gosh, thanks for clearing this up!
The 15-strong gang surprise victims on a stretch of Regent's canal in Islington by jumping out at them and ordering them to hand over their possessions.Oh, if only we had some people tasked with apprehending habitual criminals…
In the past eight weeks the thugs have stolen thousands of pounds worth of goods, including bikes, iPods, mobile phones, jewellery, laptops, watches and cash.
Aha! Here’s one:
Detective Inspector Yasmin Lalani, the leader of Islington's Robbery Squad, said:Maybe your officers could do the same, Yasmin? You know, hide in wait for these people?
'This group is dangerous.
'They don't care who their victims are, or how old they are - they will target anyone who walks along there.'
She said that the gang were 'taking advantage of the bat preservation area's limited lighting'.
Well, it’s just a thought…
She added: 'It gets dark really quickly at this time of year and the group is taking advantage of that and waiting to attack vulnerable people.Hate to break it to you, Yasmin, but bats don’t pay council tax, out of which come your team’s wages.
'There is an issue with the lighting but we are meeting to see if we can get the right level of light so as not to deter the bats but to make it safer for walkers and joggers.'
Therefore, your concerns should be solely with the Islington residents that do pay this council tax...
The bats, after all, have other government-funded protectors to worry about them:
Simon Bamford, the manager of British Waterways in London said many bats made their homes next to canal towpaths.And if, in the process, the habitat of some humans is adversely affected, so what? What’s that to the manager of British Waterways in London?
He said: 'London's canal network is a haven for wildlife, including many varieties of bat.
'Whenever we do install lighting we work with our bat experts to ensure that the lighting does not adversely affect their habitat.'
Or, indeed, to the Bat Conservation Trust?
A spokesman for the Bat Conservation Trust said today: 'Light affects a number of bat species.And so we’d much rather send the residents of Islington into more dangerous areas instead…
'It can affect their feeding and they will move their flightpaths to avoid them - and this could send them to a more dangerous area.'
Even the people who think this is a batty idea don’t exactly fill one with confidence, either:
But Labour ward councillor Paul Convery said: 'It seems biodiversity is more important than public safety. Some exotic bats live along the towpath and if you illuminate it they will go and live elsewhere.'Exotic bats?
Are these South American vampire bats, then? Malaysian fruit bats? Cretin…