Sunday, 23 July 2017

"Fat Cops, Fat Cops, What Ya Gonna Do..."

..."What ya gonna do, when they waddle after you..?"
Supersized uniforms with waists up to 61 inches have been ordered by the Met for overweight officers.
They have bought nine pairs of the giant trousers for officers in the past two years, three 56 inch pairs and similar-sized summer leathers for a motorbike officer.
Blimey! How heavy duty do they need to make the motorbike?
In total, 624 pairs of trousers with at least 40 inch waistbands have been bought this year, on top of 7,796 last year.
"We're the Sweeney, son, and we've had extra portions for dinner..."


MTG said...

Whatever happened to Tom Winsor's remedy for the lazy and overweight? Citizens are no less concerned with unacceptable rudeness and downright unhelpfulness on the part of plod...but I digress.

There are two new techniques favoured by handicapped Blobby. He will either mow down suspects in his plodmobile or abandon chases on surfaces other than tarmac, to resume snacking in the hope that suspects will turn themselves in. So there it is, JuliaM. Doughnut mess with plod!

Jim said...

Plod being the operative word, as thats all they can do........plod along.

There's a lad I know who's a copper, he's a short fat bloke. Don't think he'd be chasing too many suspects very far.

Anonymous said...

There are over 32,000 regular Police officers in the Met and over 1,600 CSOs. Then there are the 3,000 plus Specials and the 9,000 plus Police Staff, all of whom have uniforms made for them, ordered and paid for by the Met. Each officer, CSO, Special PC or Police staff has at least 3 pairs of trousers. The report does not break down whether all of those extra large pants are for front line officers, or non officers who do support work but sit on their arses in an ofice all day. Even Melv can work out the percentage of people requiring these 'supersized' trousers. The report says, "up to......". That means they are not all that 61 inches waist size. It also does not say if those trousers are for male or female - sorry to all those snowflakes and SJWs, but there can be a difference.
I had a 38" to 40" waist for the last 10 of my 27 years as a front line Police officer, but in those years I ran several marathons (London, Boston, New York and Beirut - all done in my own time and expense so Mlev and Jim didn't pay a penny towards my taking time off); I played rugby for my force, and met county standards for long and short distance running, and I wasn't the only one. Not bad for fat bastards, eh, Jim?
Tom "Walter Mitty" Winsor implemented a regulation regarding length of service which means that Police officers are expected to work up to 60 years of age, working nights, lates and earlies - check the web for the long term effects on a body's metabolism. I assume that Melv and Jim will be quite happy knowing that the fights in the town centre are being dealt with by grandfathers, probably of a similar, or even older, age than they are.
Police officers are just ordinary men and women who are expected to do things that are out of the ordinary, that no one else will do. I openly invite Jim and Melv to pop down to their Police force headquarters and ask if they can take part in the bleep test that every officer has to do. If they won't do that, then they should shut the f*ck up and analyse what these media reports leave out. Over to you.

Anonymous said...

Nice reply Penseivant but you are "waisting" your time. The Huddersfield buffoon will be reply later with a smug Latin quote, ignoring all your points and thinking he is sooooo clever. Without ever explaining why he is a DR and why he knows so much about policing (lawn-mower theft excepted of course).
Skinny Jaded.

The Blocked Dwarf said...

Granddad Dwarf (one of them, I had several....Norfolk) was a 'peeler' or a 'copper' back in the days before his midsommeresque county became part of Thames Valley. Back in the days when coppers saluted every car driver they stopped on the not-so-off chance that whoever was driving a car around ruralshire was either the Chief Constable or the Lord Lieutenant. He was very proud of the fact his force, unlike other forces, could afford to equip every single officer with a torch, a bicycle and a raincape.

Anyways one of the things he recounted in my childhood was the fact that a good policeman never runs , never gives chase and never ever takes a step back. Of course there were times when every officer had to run after someone but it was drummed into every recruit that it was to be a last result and preferably only if life was at stake. A policeman embodied the law in it's full majesty and walked slowly. CHasing people is what kids do. If the perp got away the chances were you'd find him having a cup of tea somewhere not too far away. But running down the street in a 'wooden top' in the full dress serge of the day you can only look stupid and will be too out of breath to intone the arresting caution.

All a bit 'golden days' and 'rose tinted' of course and probably as much bollocks as truth but it was the attitude.

So when at age 14 or so I was pondering 'What did I want to be' in the Career's Guidance lesson...with my 44" waist...I took a look at the entry requirements for our local force and was shocked to find a level of fitness was required that was no different to joining the army! Infact the army would take glasses wearers, the police wouldn't!

My point is , as long as any officer is fit to do the job by the standards of the current job, whatever they may be and we've had policemen for long enough to know what standards they need to apply then who cares if the copper has a 32" waist (lucky bastard!) or a 61"?

Woman on a Raft said...

There was a lady CSO who used to go round the supermarket collecting her shopping while she was in uniform. I promise, you could not get past her as she filled the aisle like a Community Support promotional blimp, sailing majestically between the biscuits and cereals.

Never saw her in the veggies, but when she got near the hot chicken rotisserie she expanded to twice that volume. Then she shrunk back over the Viennettas.

Anonymous said...

The introduction of CSOs was a huge con on the public. They have a couple of weeks training, do not have to pass any physical tests, selection is based on a wide, gender, race, colour, sexual, size, diversity scale. They cannot arrest yet can 'detain' (No one has been able to answer my challenge of what the difference is - they both involve removing the right to immediate freedom), they can not respond but can 'observe and report'. They cannot patrol outside the hours of darkness and to find one on their own is very unusual in my experience. The aim is to deceive the public into believing there are more uniformed Police officers than there really is, while at the same time saving shedloads of money (the subsidised alcohol and food in parliament, the obscene pay increases, expenses and pensions all have to be paid for from some source).
It is not an unusual occurrence to see CSOs doing their weekly shop, in uniform, during their union ruled entitled meal break. Where we once had 2 Sgts and 8 PCs covering our village 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, we now have 3 CSOs during daylight hours, when they not on traveller diversity training. Two are fairly capable and carry out their limited role in a satisfactory manner, while, one can only sit in a response van as she is too fat to get into a normal car. She is as much use as a chocolate fireguard but can't be got rid of (union rules, diversity regulations, and human rights legislation). To add insult to injury, once the village office was closed down, the nearest Police station to us is in the next county!
I am so glad I am out of it now, but will still stand up for the thousands of Police officers who often put their lives on the line to keep idiots like Melv safe in their beds, snuggling up to the lawnmowers they have taken out of their sheds.

Woman on a Raft said...

I could not agree more about the CSOs. As shown with the example of the 3rd lady, it does not even save money. We end up paying the same or more, but get less comprehensive policing for our taxes.

Anonymous said...

There we go, 'journalism' 21st century style. Don't go out and find out any information, instead craft an FOI request that you can use to 'shame' a public body, get a rent-a-quote from the Conservative Party or the Taxpayers Alliance and the jobs jobbed. BTW I can only agree with Penseivats comments on shift working. A 24/7/365 rotating shift system will wreak havoc with your health . I believe some countries take the effects of shift working into effect when calculating pension. As for Winsor's comments about the majority of police officers being overweight, you do realise he got his figures from a Met Police Occupation Health scheme that officers were using to help them with their weight. In case you missed it obesity is a problem everywhere, not just for the police.

JuliaM said...

"Whatever happened to Tom Winsor's remedy for the lazy and overweight?"

Something I was wondering when I read this story...

"Don't think he'd be chasing too many suspects very far."

People who say mean things on Facebook aren't known sprinters...
The report does not break down whether all of those extra large pants are for front line officers, or non officers who do support work but sit on their arses in an ofice all day.

I'd be happy to think they were all indoors filling out paperwork, but...I've seen some patrolling (no, not CSOs, real cops - or as close as the Essex Farce gets to them) and..well, it's a case of 'Does this hi-vis & Kevlar make my bum look big?'.

"...but it was drummed into every recruit that it was to be a last result and preferably only if life was at stake."

Times have changed.

"Never saw her in the veggies, but when she got near the hot chicken rotisserie she expanded to twice that volume."


JuliaM said...

"The introduction of CSOs was a huge con on the public."


" In case you missed it obesity is a problem everywhere, not just for the police."

I don't care about 'everywhere'. I care about the people we pay to protect us being up to the requirements of the job!