Wednesday 27 July 2011

Sacré bleu!

I'm off to rural France on holiday 17 years after my last venture into those quiet villages bursting with geraniums and well-tended fields. We went when our little girl was six-months-old and our son, a cheerful teenager, was not quite into the Kevin phase.
Oh, how wonderful! La belle France, eh, Yaz?
It was a horrible holiday. The locals thought I was Algerian and so treated me like vermin. My baby touched the bright scarf of a woman in a shop and the Gallic bat screeched at us.
Whoops! Maybe not.
I know I'll miss Blighty and not only because there won't be an Indian or Chinese takeaway to nip into. I feel my sap of patriotism rising in France, and only in France – that sense of pride in being British.
I…. I just….

Anyway, I'm giving the French a chance to redeem themselves.
How kind of you…
Perhaps this time they will be as sweet as eclairs. If they do, I promise to put aside my frightful prejudices and even try and speak a little French. Mesdames et messieurs, let's end this spat. Be nice.
They usually are. Maybe they read your columns all the way over there, Yaz?


Richard said...

I'm speechless too. Is there no end to this woman's hypocrisy and self-centredness? I'm sitting in France right now, having a wonderful time. I find the French friendly and helpful, but that may be because I treat their culture with respect and always try to speak French whenever I have dealings with people. I would suggest that Yaz puts away her prejudices and tries to do the same: she may be pleasantly surprised.

Incidentally, I am staying in Normandy, and the supermarkets and street markets are full of white, black, Asian, Muslim and all sorts of people. No-one spitting at anyone so far. Perhaps Yaz just sees what she wants to see.

Antisthenes said...

Don't bother the weather is lousy over here. The French are nice enough, but don't tell them your English say you are Scottish. Besides when ever you need anything from the local shop it is nearly always closed, unless you go the touristy areas where the prices are sky high.

Anyway bonnes vacances.

PS I know you think the comments I leave on your blog are rubbish but at least you do not delete them. You may not agree with what I say ....

Snowolf said...

No. It's just her. She'd make a nun spit in her face.

Robert Edwards said...

Is there no beginning to the talents of this wretched, professional moaner?

So you fear that they may think you Algerian, do ya, Yaz? Well, what on earth is wrong with that?

Suggestion to Richard Branson:

Offer Yaz the first space tourist ticket - only please make sure it's one way...

SBC said...

Yaz, it's nothing personal,the French despise everyone...especially the French. Ask a Parisian sometime what he thinks of his Landsman.

Actually on second thoughts Yaz, it probably IS personal. As Snowolf says, I'd slap you too.

*gallic shrug of shoulders, rolls eyes heavenwards "Yaz,Ta mere suce des bites en enfer !"

Bucko said...

When she's gone, is there any way to keep her gone?

Richard - I just phoned France and told them you're Albanian :-)

Curmudgeon said...

There are plenty of Vietnamese restaurants in France, which arguably are half-way between Indian and Chinese. I once had curried frogs' legs in one :-)

PT Barnum said...

Way to go, YAB, with getting your attack in first before those vile French have a chance. She's just invented offence seeking tourism.

SBC said...

"She's just invented offence seeking tourism."

My thoughts exactly. No doubt her article in September's Guardian will be entitled "Non, pas 'Pied Noir' Je suis a Brit!"

Jim Enfous said...

Let's hope she gets the brown end of the stick again and la belle France can safely be declared a Yaz free zone.

"that sense of pride in being British"....... matched only by the sense of shame in the rest of us that we have the same passport issuer.

Vile woman.

Yawnz said...

"put aside my frightful prejudices"

See, I knew she would do it eventually. Even if only for two weeks, it's a start.

Uncle Badger said...

Um... couldn't we report that article as constituting 'racist hate speech'?

What's sauce for the goose after all....

Bandit 1 said...

Eesh. So just to make sure I have it right: one woman squawks when your baby touches her scarf, and every French person is automatically a tosser.

Nope, I can't understand that logic.

Greencoat said...

The French have gone up in my estimation.

As for 'Blighty' - Ali Baba and her crowd have got plans for it...

Captain Haddock said...

Whattock-Hunt !

blueknight said...

Dear Grim Reaper,
If you take Yaz, we will have Amy Winehouse

English Viking said...

Yaz is not British. How can she be, she's brown?

Imagine if I called her an 'African bat'.

What if I referred to her homeland as a place of blight?

'"Rightful prejudices"? Oh, I see. It's OK for dagoes to dislike whites, but visa-versa?

I don't really like Pakis, is that "rightful"?

Please, no, really, PLEASE - piss of back to Uganda, you fat, ugly witch.

JuliaM said...

" Is there no end to this woman's hypocrisy and self-centredness?"

Doesn't look like it!

"...but at least you do not delete them. "

I don't think I've ever deleted anything, except spam!

"It's just her. She'd make a nun spit in her face."


"When she's gone, is there any way to keep her gone?"

Ooooh, if only!

JuliaM said...

"..couldn't we report that article as constituting 'racist hate speech'?

What's sauce for the goose after all...."

It would serve her right. I notice it wasn't opened up for comment...

"The French have gone up in my estimation."

Mine too!

Mick Turatian said...

If the six month old baby in your arms can touch the scarf of the person next to you, you are standing far too close to that person.

Pickpockets often operate like this.