Nine in 10 British teenagers do not eat enough vegetables, a Government-funded study suggests.
Not 10 out of 10? Must do better, teenagers! You've a reputation to uphold...
The research also found only 30 per cent of youngsters aged between 11 and 15 ate 100g of fruit, the equivalent of a fresh apple a day.
Maybe they've taken heed of how bad fruit is for your teeth? Speaking of teeth...
The British research comes as Danish experts published a separate study saying that dentists should check children's body mass index (BMI) when they go for check-ups in order to better track and combat childhood obesity.
You can tell this originated from Denmark and not Britain, where it's increasingly harder to get to see a dentist for treatment, never mind a checkup!
Also, have I ever seen a set of scales in my dentist's office? Reader, I don't believe I have...
Study lead, Dr Ankita Gupta, said: 'This study suggests adolescents in the West Midlands are consuming diets which are neither healthy nor sustainable.'
Wait, what? What's 'sustainability' got to do with whether or not youngsters are porkers?
The researchers were aiming to assess if children were eating a 'planetary health diet' that is both healthy for them and sustainable for the planet.
We have to eat less to save the planet? What the hell are we saving it for, if not us? What does the crank suggest?
She also claims it is better for the planet with the reduction in meat consumption using less water and land and producing fewer greenhouse gases.
Ah. We've seen this argument before. It's nonsense. But it seems to be spreading. It's no longer a hidden agenda, it's right out in the open.