Andrew William Birch, 29, lured wedding guest James Marshall back to his home and repeatedly hit him over the head with a pickaxe as he slept.Isn’t that the best man’s job, in his speech? No wonder he was miffed!
Birch, who had been the best man at his brother Nick's wedding, claimed Mr Marshall, 20, had made disrespectful comments to the groom in a joke.
Birch, who has been labelled a "danger" by the Probation Service, pleaded guilty at Hull Crown Court to causing grievous bodily harm with intent.And what did he get, for this premeditated attack?
The Honorary Recorder of Hull and the East Riding, Judge Michael Mettyear, sentenced Birch to four years in prison.Well, quite!
Judge Mettyear said: "It is difficult to know what caused you to act in the way that you did. It seems some sort of deranged, drunken thoughts were going through your mind."
Judge Mettyear told Birch if he was ever violent again, he would get a life sentence.Which is strange, because – of course – he’s been violent before:
Birch has previous convictions for burglary and affray and once assaulted a woman in his house with a knife.*sigh*