OMG! PAEDOGEDDON BOOGIEMAN!

Parents of pupils at Scargill Junior School in Rainham, east London, said the mistake was only discovered when their children brought the scripts home to read, the London Evening Standard reported.

One of the characters in the musical Lights, Camera, Action! is a school caretaker called Jim Fixit, who is “ready for any challenge”. The character reads out letters from children requesting help, in the manner of Savile on the long-running TV show Jim’ll Fix It, on which youngsters wrote in with requests to have their wishes granted.

Can I get a massive overreaction? Reader, I can!

After the blunder was revealed, the school sent out a text message to all parents. It said: “URGENT MESSAGE. We would like to RECALL all of the year 6 play scripts as soon as possible.”

The play was subsequently axed and the scripts are due to be destroyed.

Are you sure you don’t want to burn the stage down and salt the earth too? Can’t be too careful, after all.

The play was last performed four years ago, before the truth about Savile emerged.

Has it? Has it really?

And…you’d think the school had other, more serious, things to fret over, wouldn’t you?

A 10-year-old boy was removed from his school classroom after carrying a knife in his bag and apparently threatening to stab another child. Worried parents of pupils at Scargill Junior School in Mungo Road, Rainham, were told by text message they could make an appointment to speak to the headteacher following the shocking incident, which happened one month after teacher Ann Maguire was stabbed to death in a Leeds classroom.

But I’m sure that’s just a minor issue, compared to the possibility of catching paedo-cooties from a play…