Abedi, who conspired with his brother Salman over the bomb attack in 2017, entered a not guilty plea to assaulting Paul Edwards at Belmarsh prison in south-east London.
He also denied a charge of assaulting a second member of staff named Nick Barnett, during the 15-minute hearing.
You'd think this would be a bit difficult, given the plethora of recording devices in prisons, wouldn't you? Well, read on!
Asked to enter a plea to the first charge on Thursday, Abedi, wearing a black, green and white zip-up jacket and with his hair grown out, told Westminster Magistrates' Court: 'I did assault that filthy pig, but I don't see any harm in doing that.'
Appearing on his 24th birthday via video link from HMP Frankland in County Durham, he added: 'This is my plea.'
Truly, a man who represents himself has a fool for a client!
Asked to enter a plea on the second charge, Abedi said: 'Same as before. I don't see any wrongdoing.'
Chief magistrate Paul Goldspring formally recorded not guilty pleas.
Wait, what? Why are we even wasting time and taxpayer money on this?!