Saturday 29 October 2011

Colonel Blimp In The Golf Club With The Cutting Remark!

It’s like a surreal game of ‘Cluedo’!
A retired Army Colonel is locked in a bitter dispute with one of London's top golf clubs over its lack of disabled access.
A lack which – it transpires – is not actually through a callous disregard for the welfare of the disabled:
The saga began when Col Cuthbert-Brown tried to invite a friend David Loftus, a former soldier, to a reception following the Great River Race at the golf club last month. But he was told the 300-year-old building had no lifts to help wheelchair-bound people up its ancient flight of steps.
A manager at the golf club told Col Cuthbert-Brown that English Heritage prevents him from making changes to the stunning Grade 1-listed club in Richmond Park.
And rather than leave it at that, he actually offered to assist the man! The heartless fiend!
He apologised and offered to provide extra members of staff to carry Mr Loftus up and down the stairs.
That strangely didn’t satisfy the Colonel who, rather than direct his fire at the right target (English Heritage’s byzantine processes for agreeing changes to listed building), chose instead to launch a barrage at the club.
But the colonel, who is now in charge of the Royal Military School of Music in Twickenham, was livid at what he perceived to be a lack of support for his friend and reported the golf club to Richmond council for an alleged breach of equality laws.
/facepalm

With targeting skills like that, I'm surprised to hear he isn't a US colonel...

For once, though, he met stiffer opposition than he must have previously been used to in the 101st Woodwind Division:
When the club's general manager John Maguire discovered the referral, he sent Col Cuthbert-Brown a withering email.

"Many thanks for officially complaining to the council re disabled access to Richmond golf club. It proves my suspicion of just how sad a character you must actually be," he wrote. "It must be bitterly disappointing for you to discover that the council cannot take any formal action as we have done nothing wrong.

"If/when we get permission from English Heritage... we will be able to offer disabled access to any disabled guests who visit us."

Referring to the Colonel's current position at the music college, he signed off with the line: "I suggest you stick to playing the triangle, as it's more suited to your personality."
*doffs cap*

That, Mr Maguire, is a letter of pure genius! I salute you.

Naturally, when contacted by the newspapers, he was just as forthright:
Mr Maguire said: "This is nothing to do with disabled access or Richmond golf club. It is to do with a military officer who has had people buttering him up all his life and who has got the a*** because I spoke to him in the way I did. If he can't take a joke then more fool him."
I do so very much like the cut of Mr Maguire’s jib.

10 comments:

Longrider said...

What a pleasant surprise. Someone with a spine at last.

Roue le Jour said...

And when you can say that to a minority or female officer, I shall duly applaud.

SBC said...

"(English Heritage’s byzantine processes for agreeing changes to listed building)"

It isn't just Eng Her but local councils too, that have insane rules about Disabled Access.

One of my kids is wheelchair bound Spaz so I'm more than a little interested in the subject and I once asked the owner of local corner shop (100 year old+ building with sweeping stone steps to the narrow door) what he had against the crippled and old.

His reply was that he'd wanted to build a ramp to the door but the council's Health and Safety rules would have meant it would have cost him about ₤30 k to build and he would have had to lose his front garden too.

He was threatened with the sort of fine only given to those terrorists who allow smoking on their premises and time in the public stocks if he went ahead and put in an 'unapproved' ramp.

Curmudgeon said...

AIUI there is in any case a "reasonableness" test for making adjustments for disabled access.

Anonymous said...

Get poor little Jody down there.If he's not to busy saving the planet somewhere else.
Jaded

A K Haart said...

"I do so very much like the cut of Mr Maguire’s jib."

So do I. Love the title - sounds as if the colonel has form too.

James Higham said...

Yes, he really did fire from all barrels - most heartening.

Martin said...

'Stick to playing the triangle'!

Love it!

JuliaM said...

"What a pleasant surprise. Someone with a spine at last."

Exactly! I await the inevitable PR-related climbdown with some trepidation, though.

"And when you can say that to a minority or female officer, I shall duly applaud."

Hmm, good point...

"It isn't just Eng Her but local councils too, that have insane rules about Disabled Access."

Ones they can happily break when they want to show off their brand spanking new road layout...

"AIUI there is in any case a "reasonableness" test for making adjustments for disabled access."

There is indeed.

JuliaM said...

"Yes, he really did fire from all barrels - most heartening."

:D

The most fire Colonel Blowhard has ever been under, I expect...