Oh, Marvellous!

He's an avid cyclist, known for taking swipes at bad drivers. But Jeremy Vine admits his three-point turns aren't always up to scratch - with one scrape costing him £1,000 in damages.

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha !  

The TV and radio presenter scratched a Land Rover while doing the manoeuvre in a car park.The 60-year-old, who courts controversy online with his videos of dodgy drivers, claimed it was 'microscopic', adding that 'oversized SUVs' have ruined the atmosphere in the Devon village where he bumped the Landrover.

The scratch probably only cost £50 to buff out - the rest was an asshole surcharge!  

And Hopefully, You've Learned A Lesson...

An experienced magistrate has been given a warning for misconduct after making a 'racist' comment on WhatsApp during a discussion about Winston Churchill. Derek Muhammad JP made the comment in a private message group during an 'intellectual discussion about the complex legacy of Winston Churchill and the colonial history of Britain'.

Oh ho ho. How I love to see people hoist on their own petard...

But, another member of the group complained it was 'racially prejudiced' and left them in a state of 'distress'.

Deploying the ultimate weapon of the once-great British judicial system: 'I'm offended!'

Bedfordshire-based Mr Muhammad, who has been a magistrate for almost 20 years, denied the comment was racist and claimed it had actually been a 'criticism of colonial exploitation'. He added that he could not be prejudiced against people 'with whom he shares ancestry'. But, despite his protestations, Mr Muhammad has now been given formal advice for misconduct.

I wonder if at any time throughout this process he had second thoughts on the wisdom of becoming part of such a captured enterprise as the modern judicial system. I do hope so. 

This Was Inevitable, And Police, You Only Have Yourselves To Blame....

Police are investigating after a dog died following a park attack in Cardiff.

Oh? That makes a change, usually the lazy bastards are all 'nah mate, dog on dog, nothing to do with us!'. Even when the uncontrolled mutt is a serial killer:

 Bur wait! This isn't as you might imagine:

The dog is believed to have been injured by a "sharp implement" in the incident, which happened at playing fields near the St Mellons Tesco on Saturday evening (August 30).

Not a dog killing another dog then. It didn't get the chance, the owner came prepared to defend his pet, as I and others have said is going to happen sooner or later... 

A Staffordshire bull terrier was being walked sometime between 9pm and 10pm when it became involved in a fight with another dog who was being walked by an unknown man. During the incident, the Staffordshire bull terrier suffered a head injury, which police said was possibly caused by a sharp implement.The dog was taken to the vet but was put to sleep due to the severity of the injuries.

Which if the Staffie owner had control over his mutt wouldn't have happened, but now the police who have failed to deal with dog on dog crime in the past are outraged that someone's done the job for them, and are huntimg this man down with the fervour they usually show for people who tweet that trans women are men...

South Wales Police and the RSPCA are investigating the full circumstances of the incident, and are appealing for any witnesses to come forward. Officers are also asking for the owner of the other dog to come forward

I hope he takes the time to lawyer up, and if arrested, goes 'no comment'. 

Does Exactly What It Says On The Tin...

A top transgender surgeon is being sued by two patients who claim their operations left them with deformed genitals.

Eh? Isn't that exactly what all such operations do? 

Cetrulo, a renowned plastic surgeon who performed the first successful penis transplant in the United States in 2016, worked at MGH's Transgender Health Program.The lawsuits claim that Cetrulo's 'delayed abdominal phalloplasty' operations on both patients were 'untested and experimental' procedures that resulted in severe complications. According to the court filings, a delayed abdominal phalloplasty is a staged procedure that uses skin from the abdomen to construct a penis. One patient from New Mexico who traveled to Boston for the surgery claimed the operation left him with a 'severely deformed, scarred, and nonfunctional structure that was intended to serve as phallus.'

Yes, and? What exactly were you expecting, madam? A fully functioning member? Surely not? 

'While we cannot comment on ongoing litigation, our priority remains delivering safe, high-quality care,' a spokesperson from Mass General Brigham, the healthcare system the oversees MGH, told the Daily Mail.

No. your priority remains charging fortunes to surgically mutilate mentally ill people, having forsaken your Hippocratic Oath long, long ago. 

"People used to think if they were affiliated with Hezbollah but not fighters, they were effectively safe."

There's an old saying, chum - lie down with dogs and you'll get up with fleas.

"But this changes everything. The pager attacks happened in areas where you thought they could never happen – Christian areas, for example. But Hezbollah are everywhere in Lebanon and you can't know who is who."

When they go 'boom!' you soon find out. And then all your terrorist-supporting journalist friends start crying about it on social media:  

We are gazing into the portal of a dystopian future, where anyone on earth can be killed with the flick of a switch.

Consider how further technological advances could mean anyone could be immediately located and killed. It would become impossible to resist anyone with that power https://t.co/8KV4pWoenj

— Owen Jones (@owenjonesjourno) September 17, 2024

'Anyone can be killed' squeals little Owen. Conveniently forgetting that to put yourself in the electronic crosshairs, you have to launch an unprovoked attack on Israeli civilians. 

"And Now We Go Over To Lord Of The Flies High For A Report..."

Striking teachers who walked out of a Kent academy in a row with authorities over pupil behaviour have been slammed by some locals who say they're 'bowing down' to the anti-social children they're supposed to be teaching.

I'm not normally in favour of strikes, but it must feel to these teachers as if they genuinely have no other recourse... 

The troubled school was rated inadequate by Ofsted in August 2022 due to concerns over 'bullying, racism, homophobia, vandalism and pupils' understanding of sexual consent'.

Around 20 staff formed a picket line between 7.30am and 10am today holding up placards including some saying: 'I Come to work to teach not to be abused'and 'NOT ready, not respectful not safe.'

The school, which is one of only two on the Isle, has denied repeated calls for 10-day suspensions to be handed out to students if they abuse teachers.

Then they can't really be surprised when their workers take matters into their own hands, can they? 

Deb, a nurse who moved to the Isle two years ago, ... disagreed with the strikes and says that teachers should get back to work.

'The discipline is down to the law as far as I am concerned. Just as we have to bow down to our patients, they have to bow down to their pupils.'

Anyone aware of the NHS 'bowing down' to anybody? Anyone? Bueller? 

'I'm really old fashioned. It doesn't matter what school a child is in - if they want to learn they will learn.'

'There's always been issues with pupils. And unfortunately, the issue starts with a lot of the teachers are frightened of the parents because they can be very challenging.'

If the parents are 'challenging', you can imagine how the children behave... 

The trainee, who has been there for 18 months, said: 'Students verbally abuse teachers – arguments about phones are constant as well as the use of the iPads which we loan them. 'I've seen a chair thrown at a teacher. I've seen a gang of four students chase a teacher into the staff room.

'Those who criticise us striking are wrong – regardless of what the children have said or what they've done we still go back every day and give them a clean slate.

'But if we have an incident in class and we need a student removed and we send a call out, no one comes. That's 20 minutes of learning time lost in a 50 minute session'.

Those children who are, like Deb insists, 'there to learn' are being let down. Why does no-one consider that? 

Ms Kahan and her family live in a large detached house on the same road as the Minster-on-Sea site – and have had to deal with students kicking down their fences four times since she has lived there. The multi-generational family have been left to shell out hundreds of pounds to replace the panels which stands next to a busy bus stop.

She said: 'Me and my husband have come out to speak to them so many times. These things are expensive, we've had to fix it four or five times.

'But they just give it back to us. They 100 per cent need to be disciplined more'.

Yes, they certainly do, but it appears no-one wants to, so nothing will change. 

No Professional Courtesy For Bloodsuckers?

Oh dear, how sad, never mind...

And in other pest-related news:

A flea-infested courtroom has halted the murder trial of a man who was strangled to death in his own home for a year.

The trial had already been going on for a month when the tiny biters invaded the space and the jury has had to be discharged.

Horrible creatures that prey on the weak are everywhere these days, it seems. 

Six men are accused of murdering Ian Staves, 44, after he was found dead in his own home in September 2022.

Prosecutors claim he had been strangled by men planning to steal drugs from him at his home in Wooton, near Hull.

The court heard that the self-employed car sprayer - who lived next door to his mother - was a drug user who was being investigated by police. Half a kilogram of cocaine and a cannabis grow were found during a raid of his house.

See what I mean? 

Pointless Deploying The 'He's Just Being Friendly' Lie...

 ...when we've all seen the video. But then that's typical of the owners of these things. It's a toss up who has the higher IQ:

The owner of an out-of-control dog that attacked a police horse and left it with multiple injuries has insisted his pet is 'friendly' and was just 'intimidated' by the larger animal.

The chaotic scenes saw officers screaming for the dog to be put on a lead as members of the public intervened, with one man using a long stick to try to get the animal away from Urbane.

Which upset the owner. Yes, unbelievably. 

...owner Hakan Niyazi, who is in his twenties, said his pet Coco was intimidated and felt threatened, telling the Sun: 'She's so friendly. With any human she's so good. I don't know why it happened.' He also accused the have-a-go-hero witness who used a long stick to keep the dog at bay of being 'rude', adding: 'I was so angry at the time. He said I didn't do nothing. I tried.

'I reciprocate energy. If you're rude to me I will be rude back to you. He was angry. He was swearing, being rude. I was trying my hardest.'

Oh, please! Everyone who can see that video (and that's the whole connected world) can see you standing there doing nothing. Why do these people lie so incompetently? 

A sign in the window of the brother's ground floor flat, which backs on to the Hertford Union Canal, warns passers-by: 'Beware. Wild animal Inside.

Maybe it refers to the owner and his equally deadbeat brother?

A Metropolitan Police spokesman said: 'On Wednesday 22 March a dog was seized in Victoria Park, Tower Hamlets, after it attacked a police horse.

'The horse required stitches and is expected to return to duty following its recovery.

'The dog remains in police kennels and officers are in contact with its owner.

'No arrests have been made. Enquiries continue.'

What more enquiries are needed? Maybe if you'd acted on previous reports about this animal, you wouldn't have an injured horse right now. But then, that's happened before, hasn't it?

H/T: DAD via email 

It's Time To Play 'Guess The Breed'!

Collie? Unlikely as they were both young.

German shepherd? Hmm, could be...

Ah. Of course. Yet it looks like a nice house, in a fairly nice area. Why would normal people want creatures like these? Still, at least it wasn't some random child or person in the street this time. 

South Yorkshire Police says two dogs have been seized and removed from the property...

Why weren't they immediatly shot at the scene? Surely your armed cops have had time to go to the range and practice a bit by now? 

The force said neither are considered 'banned breeds' under the Dangerous Dogs Act 1991.

It's time we either stopped considering breed alone, and decided on size, temperament and reputation, or extended that list a hell of a lot... 

H/T: IanJ via email

My Sympathy Is Limited...

Nurses are being banned from drinking water because senior managers wrongly believe it poses an infection risk.

A survey of nurses found almost four in 10 had been forbidden by senior managers from drinking while working in areas like wards.

*shrugs* Crazy rules in hospitals? It's not the first time, is it? It's just the target this time isn't the patients... 

The main reason for nurses not being allowed water, or having their bottles thrown away in their station, is the age-old belief it is against 'infection control policies'.

But no such guidance exists, NHS bosses confirmed today, despite the same issues cropping up every heatwave.

There is no proof drinking water from bottles or cups poses an infection risk.

Well, there's often no proof for whatever the idiots in the NHS top ranks dream up, and I'm afraid it's pretty hard to have one iota of sympathy for people who happily enforce them against the people in their 'care' when it suits. 

One nurse told Nursing Notes, which carried out the poll: 'It seems a bit hypocritical. 'We are told to encourage our patients to stay hydrated, but matron comes around and throws away our water bottles from the nurses' station.'

Did you whine about the 'diet, you unhealthy proles!' advice the NHS dishes out while your colleagues waddled around the wards like ambulatory blimps? No? 

Then why should anyone listen to you now? 

"...it's 'not something that I feel I have to speak about publicly'..."

Goodness me! Has Lewis Hamilton finally run out of things to pontificate about?

The world Formula One champion has disowned his team Mercedes' sponsorship deal with Kingspan, which made combustible insulation for the tower block – but the firm's logo was still emblazoned on his car during the race.

Hamilton initially refused to answer questions on the matter at a press conference ahead of the race in Jeddah saying it was 'not something that I feel I have to speak about publicly'.

But for once, the journalists did their job: 

But when pushed he said: 'It was news to me when I heard this week.

'We know there has been a huge outcry and an amazing amount of support by people in the community.

'It is really nothing to do with me and I know Toto (Wolff, the team principal) is sorting it. Unfortunately my name is associated with it because it has been on my car, but whether that remains the same, we will see.'

Now, personally, I couldn't care less. It's another case of cancel culture, that I should be hoping fails. But isn't it nice to see Hamilton squirm, for once?  

"O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!"

The High Court today issued a warrant for the arrest of a prominent solicitor after she failed to attend a hearing to answer allegations of contempt of court.

You'll never guess who it is...! 

The SRA, which earlier this month obtained an injunction to stop Khan ‘unlawfully’ acting as a lawyer through JFP, alleged Khan was in contempt of court by failing to comply with two High Court orders requiring her to deliver up client files.

Khan sought an adjournment of today’s committal hearing, claiming that she needed ‘emergency elective surgery’ – which Mr Justice Fancourt said was ‘a contradiction in terms’.

I get the feeling the judge is not disposed to give her the benefit of the doubt here... 

She also said that she needed legal representation, although the SRA’s barrister Rupert Allen said Khan had previously been ‘categorical’ in saying she could represent herself.

Heh!  

The judge said he had formed the view that ‘she will not voluntarily attend the court based on everything I have seen of her over the last month’. Fancourt said that the ‘only sensible option’ open to him was to issue a bench warrant, not backed for bail, to ‘have her arrested and brought to the court’. ‘It means she will be found and arrested and brought to the court,’ he added.

I bet every eye in every force is peeled, don't you, Reader? 

The court heard that the committal hearing may be heard on Friday, if Khan can be found and brought to the court.

Wow! Better order in another pantechnicon of popcorn... 

H/T: InspGadget via Twitter

Racism - It's Not Just Something Done To Black People, Afua...

A few days ago, approximately one hour before I was due to give a keynote speech to a large public sector organisation, I received some last-minute instructions. Please refrain from using controversial or politicised language, the network of black staff who had invited me in asked. They were genuinely scared that I would get them into trouble and draw “unwanted negative attention to the detriment of our members”. The offending phrases they feared I might use included “white privilege”, “critical race theory” and – the absolute killer – “Black Lives Matter”.

Good. They clearly showed more sense than you. To Afua, of course, this was another excuse for OUTRAGE! 

As the level of consciousness about how racism can be inflicted upon black people grows – and I think in the past year it has – I find myself noticing more and more that we have internalised a system of racism in our anticipation of how white people will respond to our blackness.

Yes, in Afua's mind, racism is never something black people do to other ra...

Oh. 

Whoops!

This week, for example, a black art curator I follow on Instagram posted that, in all instances where she is the only black person at the table, she must be paid more than her counterparts.

“I consider this to be a tax for the violence of isolation, and the additional educational labour that I have to do,” she explained.

So you follow only chippy racists and grifters, Afua? 

This month I was targeted in the rightwing press for having the audacity to accept an invitation to speak with the Home Office. Since this government department has by its own admission failed monumentally in its treatment of black British people, I thought speaking about anti-racism might be helpful. Apparently it was in fact “a hostile tirade”.

Gosh, just imagine... 

Fighting Back...

Lisa Keogh, 29, was investigated by Abertay University in Dundee after classmates complained that she made 'inappropriate comments' during a seminar which 'could be construed as discriminatory'.

What awful thing did she say? Simply biological fact: women have vaginas.

But after a two-month probe, which took place while the mother of two underwent her final year exams this year, the university's disciplinary board decided not to uphold the misconduct charge against her after finding there was no evidence that she had discriminated against anyone.

And - at last! - she's not content to leave it there. She's taking the fight back to the wokesters. 

In a series of tweets today, the mature student announced that she is now seeking compensation from Abertay University for the 'stress caused at the most crucial part of my university career'.

MailOnline can also reveal that Miss Keogh's legal team, MML Legal Dundee, believe that the university is in breach of the Equality Act 2010 by pursuing her for 'expressing her gender critical beliefs'.

Delicious! 

‘I had been under the impression that criticism of politicians was allowed in a democracy.’

I know how you feel, sweetie. 

I'd been under the impression that Cambridge academics were learned people worthy of respect, not chippy little racists who scream like stuck pigs when the methods they employ are used against them...

Last night Professor Gopal (Ed: yes, this one!) appealed to Michelle Donelan, the universities minister, saying her free speech had been curtailed. The request appeared to reference the Government’s new free speech bill, which will stop ‘no- platforming’ at universities.

She asked the minister on Twitter: ‘I’ve had a routine speaking engagement cancelled at short notice following pressure from a partisan campaign group. I know and deeply believe you to care about such gross infringements of academic freedom. Please help?’

Oh boy, and there's a HGV shortage too...

 I think this needs to be on permanent duty...

The wonder isn't, of course, that's she's been hastily disinvited; it's that she was invited in the first place, since she's notorious and has been for years...

Or perhaps to the civil servant who put her name forward, that was the whole point?

Vibrant, Enriching Diversity!

A man had his hand cut off after being attacked with his own machete by angry vigilantes, according to locals.

No, not South Africa, Dhaka or Rio De Janeiro, this is Khan's London. 

A councillor wrote on Facebook that locals had cornered a man who had reportedly brought a machete to the scene. He wrote: “Yeah...you don’t mess with the people of Tower Hamlets.

“On a more serious note: Armed with machetes, this group has allegedly targeted innocent people in that area a few times. Locals decided to take matters into their own hands. “Nobody should ever condone vigilantism like this but it should also be a lesson for people who carry knives: your weapon can easily be turned against you.”

Locals..? Have the Pearly Kings started a vigilante group?

 Ah! The new locals...

A nearby shop owner said police closed off the street very quickly and he had heard from customers the man’s hand was cut off. Drill rapper Ak6ix7even said people had released “fake news” of him being involved in the attack after a photo emerged of him being arrested.

Good old London. So much better for having new blood, even if it is mostly on the streets, I suppose... 

Err, Yes, And..?

via GIPHY

You Lay Down With Dogs, Surely You Should Expect Fleas?

Seattle Mayor Jenny Durkan expressed outrage after Black Lives Matter protesters...

Wait, what? I thought this mad bitch was all in favour?

...showed up at her home Sunday afternoon, despite her previous support and defense of the "CHOP" encampment.

Ah! Yes, it's different when it's you in jeopardy, eh?

Durkan released a statement expressing her anger at the protest. She was especially upset that Seattle City Council member Kshama Sawant had joined the protesters at her home.

"Mayor Durkan and her family are in the state program to keep their address confidential because of the death threats mostly related to her work as Seattle's U.S. Attorney under President Obama. Instead of working to make true change, Councilmember Sawant continues to choose political stunts," read the statement from her office."

Fancy that! A politician doing politics! Why, the very nerve!

"Tonight she did so without regard for the safety of the Mayor and her family. The Mayor was not even home — she was working at City Hall. Seattle can and should peacefully demonstrate but should not put families and children at risk," the statement concluded."

Perhaps you should defend your own home, Jenny my sweet. Like other people have to do, with those icky guns....

The Reformed Are Always The Most Passionate...

Smokers, most of all. And now we can add former progressives:

In order to maintain the fantasy that our sex is unconnected to our bodies, the truth must be bent and beaten in the fire of academic language. That is why trans activists talk about sex being ‘assigned at birth’ – an abuse of language, if ever I heard one. Is the sex of a newborn ‘assigned’ by a capricious midwife? Of course not. Rather it is observed and recorded as a matter of fact.

‘Assigned’ is one of the more successful hijackings of English achieved by gender ideologues, yet you will hear it parroted across many organisations from the NHS to the BBC – the sort of institution where you really would expect people to know better.

Says which transgressor against progressive orthodoxy? Why, none other than Graham Linehan, former darling of the BBC crowd, for his portrayal of organised religion in 'Father Ted'. And enthusiastic supporter of right-on causes like abortion rights and the removal of Page 3.

Who unfortunately thought that granted him immunity from the identity politics crowd.

Until he made the mistake of declaring biological reality existed and was immutable. And the mob turned on him, as of course, mobs are wont to do...

I’m worried we’re entering an era of pre-chewed, prissy art that offends no one. But it’s not comedy writers who are the victims of all this: it is women who are the real casualties.

Gender ideology is a disaster for women. They are expected to make room for men in their changing rooms and their safe spaces. They are being robbed of the language to describe their reality by unintelligible academic ‘gender experts’, by teenagers encouraging each other online, by parents who are profoundly mistaken, and by well-meaning people who, confused by the ever-changing terminology, still believe they are defending what used to be called transsexuals. All these forces working together are, whether they know it or not, providing a smokescreen for fetishists, conmen and misogynists to pursue their own agenda.

In years to come, we will look back at this scandal, at the ruined bodies, the confused crime statistics, the weakening of safeguarding and the rollback of women’s rights and wonder how it was left to go on for so long.

Because those institutions you sneer at were taught, by progressives, to genuflect to the 'offended', of course, under pain of boycott, legal action and campaign. By people like you.

It's your petard. Enjoy it.

Hunted, Harried, Chased To Exhaustion...

...there should be a law against it!

It all started with a Tweet...

Where's our Royal-warranted animal protection charity, then? Gone to ground?

Tally ho! *blows horn*

Don't you feel any sympathy for the poor quarry, desperate to escape?

One by one, the earths are stopped...

And finally, the prey is brought to bay, panting, exhausted, bloodied. It's such a terribly cruel sport, isn't it?