Blimey, Yaz, Want Some Cheese To Go With That Whine?

Every time I think Yaz has outdone herself, she goes one better:

Pictures of Kate Middleton appear daily on the front pages. Last week, she showcased clothes costing £12,000. Didn't she look lovely? She smiled and waved too – such an exhausting job, who would want it?

Listen to her pour bile into her syndicated newspaper column. Such an exhausting job, who’d want it?

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (what do these titles mean? Is a duke higher than a prince? Who bloody cares?) are preparing to visit Canada and the US for their first official overseas tour starting 30 June. Expect a flood of images, nauseating sycophancy, endless smiles and airhead fashionista commentaries.

Sounds rather like Obama’s inauguration, or his recent visit to the UK. Did you rail against those at the time, Yaz?

And the people are lapping it all up, like hungry cats round a cream bowl. The downturn? Economic hard times? Cuts and public sector strikes? All the people need are the diverting accounts of the undeserving rich to get by. Only the really curmudgeonly or perfidious Commies would say otherwise.

Errr, well, you said it, love!

Those of us who can't stand the circus are made to feel treacherous outsiders – a cold place to be.

Another thing that makes you feel like an outsider, Yaz? Is there anything, at this point, that doesn’t?

After the euphoria of the wedding, the phenomenal success of The King's Speech, the honeyed tributes to rude Prince Philip on his 90th birthday, I feel almost defeated. We republicans are losing the battle.

Awwww, shame. The majority ignores you on something else…

In our flawed democracy, some are born to lord it over us, even if they are stupid, unattractive (in all senses), immoral, badly behaved, drunk, spoilt, adulterous, callous and irresponsible. Examples can be provided for all of these within the present lot of royals.

And the present (and past) crop of MPs too. What’s your point?

The point though is that even if they are perfect, they were handed status and wealth at birth and that is wrong.

The eternal socialist belief; ‘If I can’t be wealthy, then no-one else can!’

But, alas this country's not for turning. A cunningly managed restoration of popularity has ensured the future of the monarchy.

Ooooh, how that grates, eh, Yaz?

Charles will be King; then William. Kate, the millionaires' daughter, will beget an heir and they will live happily ever after. And the people will happily pay for them. There is never going to be a royals expenses row.

Well, no. And for a damned good reason...

Britain is barely recovering from economic depths it reached last year. More than 100,000 disabled children will no longer receive extra money to help them cope; many families are already living below the poverty line and more will join them as new rules are passed. Kate, meanwhile, wears a gown costing nearly £5,000 to raise money for charity. A fat donation without the costly extravaganza would have done more good and appeared less self-serving.

It doesn’t matter, you see, to the progressives, how something actually affects things, only how it appears.

Why aren't people more angry? They were with expense-claiming MPs who do long hours and put themselves up for tortuous elections.

Ah, well, you see, Yaz, thousands of tourists don’t flock to the UK each year to look at the private houses of MPs, or to witness Parliament passing laws.

They do, however, come for the pomp and pageantry of the Royal family. The monarchy brings in more money than it consumes, and so is a benefit, not a drag on the economy.

The furious brigade will send off missives about how I have no right to criticise "their" Queen. Let them remember she was my Queen when I was born under the imperial sun.

*sigh*

Here, though, most of the people consent to the most blatant symbol of inequality and celebrate it. Kate has given them more reason and the jubilee next year gives them another boost.

I wonder if she was in actual tears of disappointed rage when she wrote this, or if it’s just how it reads..?