“Mind how you go, Tracie, Kylie, Sherisse and Chlamydia…”

Police in one of Britain's busiest seaside resorts have come up with a novel approach to get drunken women home safely - by giving them flip flops.

Police are handing out the footwear to help drunken ladettes get home uninjured after spotting a number of women staggering home in unsuitable shoes.

I’m sorry…? It’s now the job of the police to prevent drunken sluts from falling over in the street when they’ve drunk too much?

Inspector Adrian Leisk said the 'flip-slops' with the 'Know Your Code' alcohol message printed will be handed out to clubbers.

The flip slops will be available from a safe bus which has operated in the resort town for several years, offering help and sanctuary to youngsters in trouble.

These aren’t ‘youngsters in trouble’ – they know what they are doing. They aren’t likely to read the alcohol message in the dim light of hungover dawn and say ‘Wow! I didn’t realise that the 18 Bacardi Breezers I necked last night was the reason I fell over and puked in Darren’s Ford Escort…”.

Insp Leisk said the scheme was just one of a number of measures designed to keep people safe.

'Sometimes people get drunk and you see them carrying footwear which is inappropriate,' he said.

'The emphasis is on providing replacement footwear for people to get home in, should they find their high heels uncomfortable, inappropriate or soiled.'

Your tax money at work – providing more ‘appropriate’ footwear for people who have drunk themselves into insensibility.

And I hate to correct one of the fashion police, but the heels aren't inappropriate when they go into the club, are they, Insp Leisk? But when they come out, there's some magical transformation process that's taken place that renders them 'inappropriate'. Wonder what? It's almost as if it isn't the heels per se, but something that happens in the nightclub. It's a puzzle, for sure...

The footwear will be paid for by £30,000 worth of funding secured from the Home Office by Safer Communities Torbay.

Correction: the footwear will be paid for by the taxpayer. The Home Office isn’t a private company, it doesn’t have any money of its own…

And the flip-slop move has already been given the thumbs up by Torbay's clubbers.

Danielle Bolton, 19, from Torquay, said 'I think it's a great idea and I would wear them 100 per cent. My heels hurt me at the end of the night, so I tend to take them off.

Fellow clubber Leanne Thomas, 21, said: 'I go out clubbing at the harbourside most weekends and I usually walk home bare footed because my heels hurt. I think it's a great idea'.

Of course you do! That way, you can spend as much of your own money on getting plastered as you wish, and someone else pays to protect you from the consequences of your own actions! What’s not to like…?

Our new generation, ladies and gentlemen. And our public services. Don’t they make you proud?

Update: On the other hand, perhaps if police had handed this drunken, violent slut some flip-flops, perhaps Mr Garvan wouldn't have had his face sliced open, and the magistrates wouldn't have had to sentence her to...well, nothing at all, really.

Oh, well...