- If a four year old wakes hungry at midnight, the thing to do is offer them a packet of crisps.
- It's quite normal to have two of your three dogs turn on a third and kill it. No action need be taken.
- If you have a heavily-pregnant bitch as one of those three (Ooops! Two!) dogs, it's best to
keep her confined so she delivers safelylet her run around loose to be killed by a car.
- If one of your absolutely-not-bred-for-fighting-dogs goes nuts and mauls to death your four year old nephew (he of the nightly gourmet meal of crisps), no-one will think it odd that you pen the sort of mawkish sentimental tripe that would have a seasoned Hallmark Card buyer vomiting uncontrollably as a 'tribute' at the funeral.