Because every day, when I think I've seen the most outrageous thing, something else will trump it:
A town is planning to ban street drinking to stop parents consuming alcohol outside a primary school.Now, I have no doubt that these are scummy parents. In fact, when I saw the word 'Doncaster', a certain image flashed in my mind of the sort of 'community' we might be talking about.
Mothers and fathers have been seen swigging from cans and bottles as they drop their children off in the morning.
And we saw what passes for a 'community' in Doncaster itself in the Edlington case.
So, I have no doubt that a policy of 'nuke it from orbit, it's the only way to be sure' would do wonders. But we can't do that.
And though we may disapprove of their habits, unless they are drunk in charge of children or cars - in which case, it'd be a matter for the police - it's not the business of the school. And certainly not the business of the school to go about soliciting bans on law-abiding people.
Why are they up in arms?
Teachers say it is undermining their efforts as they try to spell out the dangers of alcohol to the pupils at Doncaster Road Primary in Barnsley, South Yorkshire.What?!
When did the three 'R's become the four 'R's (reading, writing, 'rithmatic and responsible alcohol intake)? Has the school taught them all it could with regard to the first three R's then?
A glance at the Ofsted report shows it to be a veritable paradise of happy singing moppets, out of all proportion to the Hogarthian hell described here.
So, something somewhere is deeply fishy...
Some parents have been seen drinking as they walk their children to school as early as 8.30am.So, in the unlikely event you fancied a beer in the park, tough luck.
Now, Barnsley's Central Neighbourhood Team is trying to ban public drinking on the streets and parks that surround the school.
And who do they get to speak to the newspaper? A headteacher? Senior staff?
Nope. A nosewiper:
Support worker Lisa Hutton said: 'On many occasions I have had to ask parents or carers not to bring alcohol on to the school premises.Look, love, stick to something you are qualified to speak about, like how to get bubblegum out of hair or the best way to photocopy double sided.
'This has resulted in alcohol being left on the roadside or on the school wall.
'Some parents or carers collect their children from school and wait for them at the school gates.
'On some occasions I have seen them with alcohol in their hands.
'This makes it increasingly difficult for us to educate the children of the dangers of alcohol as children are assuming it is okay to drink alcohol excessively and that it is appropriate to drink alcohol on the streets.'
When you are an adult, sometimes it is appropriate to drink on the street. And these parents may be setting a bad example, but you make me want to open a can of Diamond White and swig it on the doorstep of my local primary school just to prove I can...
Arthur Mitchell, chairman of the school's governors and the local residents association said: 'I have seen kids being dropped off and picked up from school with adults drinking from cans.Please!
'It is both dads and mums. We have been aware of the situation for some time.
'We welcome the proposed ban both for the sake of the school and the local residents.
'Our biggest concern is how the police will implement it but we hope it is a success.
'Quite a few of the parents around here seem to like a tipple in the morning. I think it keeps them going for the day.
'I have seen them drinking from cans as early as 8.30am outside the school and then again in the afternoon as they pick up their kids.
'I'm sure most parents would be staggered by this but 85 per cent of our pupils come from the immediate catchment area which is classed as an area of deprivation.
If it really was 'an area of deprivation', do you think these parents would have the money to buy alcohol? The only aspect of poverty here is poverty of the spirit...
Needless to say, the police are eager to see a new law they can abuse the next time they see two young people enjoying a shandy in the park:
Sgt Keith Baird of the Safer Neighbour Team said: 'The order would allow police to tackle the problem. It will make street drinking illegal. People won't be able to do it.'If people are committing anti-social behaviour in the street, arrest them for that. Why do you need a new law?
Officers surveyed 230 residents in the area and 200 of them said the streets were being blighted by problems with drinkers.Which are all crimes, are they not?
Other issues included under-age drinking, people urinating in streets and alleyways, late-night noise, damage to vehicles and property and litter.
So, why are the police not doing anything about them? Why yet another illiberal ban on everyone in order to crack down on people who are either breaking existing laws, or not doing anything illegal, but just something the Righteous don't like to see?
Check out the 'Daily Fail' comments too. I'm too depressed to go further than half-way down, but I don't see many people saying 'Hang on a minute...'. Do you? And those that are saying that are red flagged.
Truly, we get the government we deserve...
Update: Looks like one more cop wanted to see his name in the papers endorsing his view of society:
Det Insp Mark Spooner, of Barnsley's Central Safer Neighbourhood Team, said they had been getting reports of drinking in the streets around the school and also of parents drinking whilst waiting to pick up their children.We, the public, will decide what is and isn't acceptable, and we will elect people that pass laws against it accordingly.
He said: "In my view that's clearly not acceptable. It's not acceptable in a modern society and we will put a stop to it."
Your view doesn't count, except insofar as you too have a vote. If it is illegal, get on and arrest them. If it isn't, keep your mouth shut and get on with your job.