Sunday 2 September 2012

”Words of advice were issued to the informant...”

…but clearly, they didn’t work:
A police officer visited Thameside Junior and Infant school, in Manor Road, and informed bemused staff he was investigating a sighting of a big cat on the premises that morning.
The sighting had been reported at 8am by builder Graham Bowers, 61, from Grays, who said the cat, sitting on the school bins sunning itself, was about three foot long from nose to tail.
The school know the ‘big cat’ well.
Head teacher Christine Pumfrey, who was in the school at the time, said they were not concerned, after the panic about a lioness on the loose in Clacton on Sunday night turned out to caused by a large domestic cat.
She said: “A very nice police officer turned up at the school and explained they’d had reports of a lion on the premises.
“We weren’t worried because we knew the sighting in Clacton had turned out to be nothing.
“The officer was very calm and professional, and told us he had been involved in the Clacton search.
“He did a search of the school grounds and found a normal domestic cat, it was definitely not a lion.
“We know the cat in question, it’s always around the school and is no bigger than a normal cat.
Essex Police – for once, perhaps as a result of the embarrassing Clacton debacle – were a little waspish:
A spokesman for Essex Police said: “We were contacted at 8am on Tuesday following reports that a large cat had been spotted in Cherry Tree Close in Grays.
“Officers arrived and found a large domestic cat. “Words of advice were issued to the informant.”
Does that put an end to it? No. Of course not. This is Grays, remember?
The man who reported a lion sighting to police in Grays on Tuesday remains convinced what he saw was not a domestic cat.
Graham Bowers, 61, was with five other men in Cherry Tree Close, when he made the call to police. They all believe the cat they saw was a mountain lion or a cougar, and police, who Mr Bowers said arrived an hour after his call, did not catch a glimpse of it, and decided it must have been a large domestic cat after finding one in Thameside Junior School’s grounds.
Yeeees. Your photo (in that article) is about as convincing as the last one. Which is to say, not at all...
Mr Bowers said: “There were five grown men watching this cat, including my nephew and my brother.
We’re not stupid (Ed: I’ll admit, I lost it big time in the office, reading this bit…), we were flabbergasted at the size of this cat. “We believe it was a mountain lion or a cougar, it was too big to be a normal cat.
“It is dangerous, and could eat a small child.”
Probably. It’d take it a month, mind you…
“After the first officer had gone, an armed police unit came down, and one of the officers said he had been involved in the search for the lion in Clacton.
“They showed us a picture of a normal domestic cat and said how big they can get.
We’re not thick (Ed: Yup, that did it too…), it wasn’t what we saw.
“I thought the police were really inefficient, I was really angry.”
I think they’re inefficient too. They should have shot you, and raised Gray’s collective IQ by a couple of points…
Mr Bowers said the picture was taken on his camera phone, and believes if he can get better camera with a zoom and find the cat again, it will reveal the truth.
Maybe it’ll show Elvis in the background too?


Anonymous said...

I suggest he votes for a Police Commissioner who will take Lion sightings more seriously. Oh and one that will get the police efficient at dealing with Lion sightings.

It's not much to ask. How can we have trust in the Police and Schools when they can only find domestic cat's instead of Lions?

I have lost faith in the Police, and i bet if they did find a Lion, the Judge wouldn't send it to prison. Just get a slap on the paw and assigned a probation worker. This country !!!!!

Woman on a Raft said...

Holy schmoley, what are they feeding the moggies out there? Try riding a broomstick with one of those sitting next to you and you'd be sputtering along the ground and crashing in to the potting shed.

That's probably what the one in the picture is looking down at. Ungrateful beasts; all they worry about is whether you'll be able to get up and open another tin of Whiskas.

Trevor said...

I'm often in Grays. A lion (which would feel quite at home there nowadays) would be one of the less alarming things to be seen.

Anonymous said...

Once it was confirmed it was not a Lion, the Buffaloes and the Masons denied it was anything to do with them, and pointed in the direction of the Round Table!

JuliaM said...

"I suggest he votes for a Police Commissioner who will take Lion sightings more seriously."


"Holy schmoley, what are they feeding the moggies out there?"

Essex is like Texas. Everything's bigger.

"A lion (which would feel quite at home there nowadays)..."

Wouldn't it just! Might not feel safe without the rest of the pride, though.

"Once it was confirmed it was not a Lion, the Buffaloes and the Masons denied it was anything to do with them..."


Anonymous said...

A fantastic article and great posting and comments. Laughed out loud! The police really are a laughing stock these days. So unnecessary but they have been emasculated from within and by successive govts. Why are people so ready to believe there are large cats roaming free anywhere near towns let alone the countryside.

Anonymous said...

Probably as they have evolved from a Force to a Service. A fear of saying 'no' to people because they are judged on public satisfaction.

I'm sure i remember reading a case where a crocodile was found at large in this country, dumped by an owner. Because there are so many irresponsible people i suppose the police have to take a report seriously until they have investigated.