Lee Friend-Huggett, 33, of London Road, Croydon, appeared at Croydon Magistrates' Court on Monday, charged with the theft of a vibrator from Ann Summers, in the town centre.Err...
The prosecution said: "Mr Friend-Huggett went to Ann Summers with his girlfriend when he proceeded to the vibrator section of the store. He then put a vibrator up his jumper and left the shop with no intention to pay for it.
"He was arrested and told police he wasn't at Ann Summers at the time and was, instead, at a drug rehabilitation programme.
"He then insisted that it was not him that was in the shop, but his twin brother."What a complete dildo!
But wait! He wasn't finished:
Friend-Huggett, however, pleaded guilty to the offence on Monday.
His defence explained: "The reason he committed this offence is because he and his girlfriend were not receiving their benefits at the time and they have no money.
"His girlfriend is nine weeks pregnant and this crime was not drug-motivated."I think we'll draw a discreet veil over it there...
The word for these sort of people is unemployable.
That's the mess we are in thanks to decades of LibLabCon brand socialism.
His barrister must be amazingly public-spirited; why else would someone capable of conducting this case with a straight face choose to do legal aid work for these idiots rather than cleaning up on the professional poker circuit?
I'd love to have heard the conversation when the tealeaf was confronted:
"Have you been pilfering dildoes or are you just pleased to see me?"
They have no money? So dildoes were the first item on the list to nick. They have too much time on their hands.
What a dick!
Clearly they were short of cash and hungry, so he decided to steal a rabbit.
"The word for these sort of people is unemployable."
Then..what DO we do with them?
"... rather than cleaning up on the professional poker circuit?"
Heh! Good point. I wonder if they run courses for it? ;)
"Clearly they were short of cash and hungry, so he decided to steal a rabbit."
"He then put a vibrator up his jumper..."
Mmmmmm he's clearly never owned a copy of The Joy of Sex then?
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