Well, She’s Participating In Drink All Right…

…so maybe that wasn’t the best name for the programme?

Bolton Magistrates’ Court heard how Edwards had been involved in a “drink participation programme” since April, 2013, but had started drinking again in December last year.

I lol’d.

Rahil Khan, defending, said she had lapsed as her support officer from Urban Outreach had been away at the time.

You mean without a government-paid minder with her 24/7, she goes off the rails? Well, gosh, that seems like such a great use of taxpayer money, doesn’t it?

In pleading guilty to being drunk in charge of a child under seven, Edwards also breached a 12-month conditional discharge, imposed in December for stealing a £15 watch from TK Maxx.

Magistrates sentenced her to 12 month community orders for both offences, to run concurrently.

It seems Edwards and Rahil are quite the double act:

Michelle Edwards, aged 37, became abusive to staff on March 5 while getting a bandage changed for a wound.

Steve Woodman, prosecuting at Bolton Magistrates Court, said security staff were asked to escort Edwards from the hospital at about 4.45pm because of her behaviour.

Mr Woodman said: “While walking though A&E, where there were a number of children. She spat in the face of Stephen Coleman, a security guard.

She told a police officer ‘I’m going to give it to you too’.”

Lovely! But wait, who’s this riding to her rescue?

Rahil Khan, defending, said: “It is most unfortunate. She is somebody who suffers from hepatitis C.

“What she does tell me is that you can’t contract the condition through saliva. I hope sincerely that is so and so does Ms Edwards.”

Might you have checked, Rahil, maybe with someone medically qualified? No? Above your pay grade? Ah, well…

He said Edwards suffers from depression. He said she has been “overwhelmed by her personal position” .

I fail to see what she has to get depressed about. It certainly isn’t the harsh lash of the state’s enforcement arm, after all..

Edwards admitted common assault. She was sentenced to a 12-week jail term, suspended for 12 months.

She must also comply with a 12-week curfew between 7pm and 7am and was ordered to pay £400 compensation to Mr Coleman.

I wonder where she’s going to get that £400..?