Sunday, 3 August 2014

Phyllis Masters Fights Guns….With Boobies..!

…when my friend Lola and I decided on Saturday that enough is enough with the kind of people who take out their guns for play dates, I have to admit that it was my first time actually seeing that particular kind of people ... in person.
Oh, the condescension just drips from the page…
In person, and while I was topless.
Jeez, the things you see when you haven’t got your gu…

Oh. Right.
After all those gun-rights advocates brandished their weapons at Chipotle and Target this spring, everyone knows it's legal to openly carry around your firearms in Texas. Not many folks know that it's also legal for women to go topless in the state's capital city. But I did: in the late '80s, I took part in a lot of performance art that included nudity, so I was familiar with baring my breasts in public.
Ah, I can only imagine the horrors inflicted on us by ‘performance art that includes nudity’.

Of course, I don’t have to imagine, since David Thompson so mercilessly collates archive footage for our delectation!
Now, unlike the wave of people who advocate for their second amendment rights by waving around their guns, I don't normally go shopping without my shirt on – it's a matter of basic respect for others. But since these ammo-sexuals feel it necessary to exercise their right to take a gun out for a date, Lola and I decided to exercise our own.
Don’t you two have knitting patterns to exchange, or something?
We arrived at the parking garage for Austin's capitol building a little before noon on Saturday, and as soon as we walked near the open-carry fetishists with our signs aloft and our breasts bared, the open-carry activists started to argue with us – and, of course, insult our appearance.
Errr, well, yes.

Let’s face it ladies, it’s not a pretty sight, is it? Not so much ‘gerrem off for the lads!’ as ‘oh gawd, put ‘em away!’.
… at one point in a gelato shop, two of the men we were protesting told us that we were a disgrace to our race. That just fueled my fire: "What race is that?", I asked. "The gun-fetish race? "
Which I suppose makes you from the tit-fetish race?
We plan to march with the open-carry gang on the last Saturday of every month – and hopefully some more people will join us.
So…gerontophiliacs and masochists know where to go!


ivan said...

Maybe the two idiots should join the march. All they would need to do is wear a shoulder holster (it might help prevent the sag).

Tim Almond said...

The thing that's always struck me as a wonder of the United States is that you have so much choice.

You want to live somewhere that turns a blind eye to smoking weed? Or somewhere that thinks gays are satan's little helpers? Or that bans smoking in bars? Or allows legal whoring? Well, you can find somewhere for you.

Don't like open carry laws? FFS leave Texas then. Plenty of states out there to choose from that have far stricter gun control laws.

Trevor said...

' friend Lola...'

Off-topic, but my first thought was that's not the name on the original birth certificate. Ivor Hymenenvy III has a nice ring to it (or probably through it, by now).

Anonymous said...

If she last aired them in the eighties, they're either very small or she's tripping over them by now. NO!

Ian Hills said...

Perhaps these tit-baring women make a beeline for gun-toting men because they're frightened of attracting rapists.

DavefromTacoma said...

Warning. Do not look at the picture if you've not eaten yet.

What's the old saying: the people who want to get naked in public are the last people you want to see naked.

Robert the Biker said...

Anonymous Trevor said...
' friend Lola...'

I asked her her name and in a dark brown voice she said Lola
L O L A, Lola

I wonder if they broke into a little dance step.... :)

JuliaM said...

"(it might help prevent the sag)"


"Don't like open carry laws? FFS leave Texas then."

She's probably happy in Austin. It's...not really Texas.

"What's the old saying: the people who want to get naked in public are the last people you want to see naked."

Spot on!